For Love And Honor (4 page)

He opened her curving fingers, pressing them
flat over his heart, and she could sense its steady beating. She
looked up at him with troubled eyes, wishing she could feel for him
just a small part of the dangerous emotion that flamed in her for
Alain. How had she come to this torment within a mere instant of
seeing Alain and in such opposition to what she ought to feel? How
could her heart be so divided and she yet live?

As she stared up at Crispin, seeing him while
not seeing him at all, he bent his head and touched his lips to
hers. His mouth was warm, soft, tender against her own. It was a
pleasant kiss, the kiss of a dear friend or a close cousin, or even
a brother. Straightening again, Crispin smiled at her. Still she
stared at him, unable to speak.

“Have I shocked you?” he asked. “I’m sorry if
I did, but there is no harm in a man kissing his betrothed. And you
are more lovely than I dared to hope.”

“No, my lord,” she whispered, leaving him to
decide, whether she meant that she was not shocked, or if she saw
no harm in what he had just done.

“Are you going hunting or not?” demanded
Radulf, coming up to them with Baird right behind him. “Either way,
the kissing is best left until your wedding night.”

Joanna could feel the color flooding her
face. For a moment she had forgotten what Crispin would do to her
once they were wed. For a short time she had let herself consider
him as just a pleasant young man, with whom she could be friends.
After her father’s words she could no longer look at Crispin.

“
I
wil
l change my gown,” she muttered and, lift
ing her heavy skirts, she ran up the steps
to the privacy of her tiny room.

Later, when they were mounted and making
their way through the forest surrounding Banningford Castle,
Crispin approached her again. But this time Alain and Piers were
with him.

“I’d like you to know my dearest friends as I
do,” Crispin said. “I’d have you love them too.”

Joanna could not answer him. A tense and
drawn-out silence followed Crispin’s well meant but distressing
words, until Piers spoke.

“We are easy enough to love, Lady Joanna,”
Piers informed her. “We are the most delightful fellows you are
ever likely to meet.”

Hearing the humor in his voice, she chanced
looking directly at him. She found in his eyes and his face such an
expression of understanding and warm admiration that she was able
to relax a little despite Alain’s presence.

“I feel certain I will soon consider both of
you as brothers,” she replied. Then, deliberately and with a touch
of arrogance learned from years of watching her father, she
included Alain in her haughty regard.

“
Any man
would be deeply blessed to be related to you, Lady Joanna,” Alain
said, nearly destroying her composure with the implication, clear
to her if not to his companions, that
brother
was not the relationship he had
in mind.

“The horns are sounding,” Piers said, his
dark eyes showing sympathy when they rested on Joanna’s face.
“Alain, let us join the hunt. Crispin, you’ll bring your lady along
with you?”

“I will, in a moment.” Crispin put out one
hand to Joanna’s reins, holding her horse in its place. “You two go
on. I’d speak with my lady alone.”

When the others had disappeared into the
screen of trees and underbrush Crispin moved his horse closer to
Joanna, his hands still on her horse’s reins.

“I’m glad that you like them both,” he said.
“You please me well, Joanna. I think in time you and I will grow to
care deeply for each other.”

“I pray it may be so,” she said fervently. “I
would love you, and you alone, my lord.”

“
If you
have no objection, I would like to kiss you again,” he said. “I
have no wish to offend you, but I would not have you come to me all
unfamiliar with a man’s touch. I think it would be a good idea to
begin gradually, for I doubt if yo
u have ever been kissed
before this day.”

“That’s true, my lord. I have been well
guarded.” Hoping to erase the image of Alain’s handsome face that
lingered still in her mind, she looked at Crispin’s well-shaped,
sensitive mouth. “I wish with all my heart that you would kiss me
again. If you wish, you may put your arms around me too.”

He must have felt how violently she trembled,
for she thought she would fall off her horse from the quaking of
her slender frame. His arms were a source of strength and comfort
to her, holding her firmly in her saddle. Once again his mouth was
gentle on hers, stirring in her no terrifying desires but only
peace and calm and a blessed sense that he would take care of her
and keep her safe from feelings she ought not to have. She could
rely on Crispin. His mouth pressed a little more firmly on hers,
and under that pressure her lips parted. His breath was fresh and
warm.

When the
kiss ended she put up one hand to touch his face, noticing the
contrast between the smooth ski
n of his upper cheeks and the
rough
ness of his chin, where a
golden stubble grew. With one finger she brushed his lips, then,
hearing him catch his breath, she withdrew her hand.

“
I’m
sorry. That was too forward of me, but I wanted to touch you,” she
co
nfessed.

“You are so innocent,” he said. “My dearest
lady, I am very happy. I hope you are too.”

“Oh, yes, my lord,” she responded. “I know
now that my father chose the best and most honorable of men for me.
I will be proud to be your wife.”

“Too much pride is sinful,” he cautioned,
“but I believe I understand what you mean, and I thank you for the
compliment. And now I think we should ride on and join the others,
or your father will think I have been misusing you.”

Joanna
went with him, firmly
convinced that
after such a tender interlude she could not
possibly think of any other man. She stayed close by Crispin’s side
throughout the hunt. She was grateful to him when he urged her away
from the site of the kill, where Baird stood proudly with his long
hunting knife and his clothes bloodstained, grinning up at the
mounted Baron Radulf, who called out his hearty approval. On the
way home from the hunt Crispin rode next to Joanna in such a way
that over the combined bulk of him and his horse she could not see
the slaughtered animals being carried along to the castle to be
dressed and cooked for the next midday feast.

She was content to sit with Crispin at the
light evening meal of cold meats, bread, and cheeses while he once
again refuted her father’s claims that he ought to remain at
Haughston and forget his planned journey. She scarcely heard her
father’s words, but sat with her right hand nestled into the crook
of Crispin’s elbow, with his hand over hers. She was beginning to
like the sensation of his warm flesh in contact with her own.

Ignoring
the games the younger guests were playing in the open square edged
by the banquet tables, or the dancing that came later, or even the
late-evening entertainment of the minstrel whom Rohaise had hired
to sing of love and high adventure, Joanna remained with Crispin.
She studied his features while he conversed with Radulf and Father
Ambrose. Her future husband was so large-boned that she feared he
might easily become corpulent as he grew older. She would see to it
that he avoided such a fate by gently urging him not to eat or
drink too much, as Rohaise did with her father. Joanna suspected
that she would be more successful with Crispin than Rohaise was
with Radulf. Crispin was a milder man than Radulf; he w
ould
be kinder to
his wife than
Radulf was. She would make Crispin happy; she would go with him
anywhere and would order his household exactly as he wanted. When
he turned in his seat to smile at her, his light blue eyes warm,
she smiled back and for just an instant rested her cheek upon his
shoulder, while in her sweet, youthful ignorance she imagined
spending a long and contented future with him.

And when, with her father’s permission,
Crispin conducted her to her chamber door at evening’s end, and
tilted her chin upward, she responded to his gentle good-night kiss
with genuine tenderness. Nor did she flinch when he allowed his
hand to drift downward so that it skimmed over her shoulder and
came to rest briefly on her breast. She felt nothing but a faint
embarrassment, quickly squelched when she reminded herself that he
had the right to touch her in any way he wanted. He did not take
unfair advantage of that right, nor did he force himself upon her
in any way. He merely opened her chamber door, saw her safely
inside, and, after murmuring a hasty good night, closed her door
again and went away. He left behind him a girl so confused and
bewildered by her own emotions and by her reactions to two
different men that she could not move, but stood trembling and
dry-eyed for a long time before she found the strength to remove
her gown and crawl into bed.

At midmorning on the day before the wedding,
the men directly concerned discussed the final terms of the
marriage contract. At the time the meeting seemed no very important
matter since the details of Joanna’s dowry and the manner in which
the future children of Crispin and Joanna would eventually inherit
Radulf’s lands had already been settled.

“
I have
no doubt that there will soon be strife
in England,” Radulf said to Crispin and Father
Ambrose, having taken them into the lord’s chamber to speak with
them in private, while Baird stood guard outside the door to keep
any intruders away. “We all know that in warfare young men are the
ones most likely to be seriously wounded or killed. Crispin, I
suggest that in the event of your early death I be made guardian of
your minor children and administrator of your lands in their
behalf. I want this written into the marriage contract so it will
have the
force of law behind it.”

“Uncle Ambrose is my closest kin, and he has
been a fine guardian of my interests,” Crispin said with a warm
look at the priest who was listening intently to this conversation.
“I have assumed that he would take up the guardianship of my
children if it should become necessary.”

“
I do not
question Father Ambrose’s worthiness,” Radulf hastened to say. “He
has done his duty by you once, and done it well. But let us be
honest; he’s an older man than I am and therefore less likely to
live until your children come of age. Furthermore, he plans to
leave England for some years. Whereas I am younger, a proven
administrator of my own lands and castle, well able to defend
Haughston with force if it becomes necessary. And I will be
right
here at Banning
ford.”

“Then Alain is my next nearest relative to
Ambrose.” Crispin responded to Radulf’s eager intensity with the
measured thoughtfulness that was characteristic of him. “Alain is
young and vigorous. He would make a good guardian for my
children.”

“It is but a distant connection,” Radulf
scoffed. “You and Alain had the same great-grandfather, which will
make him only a cousin to your children, while I will be their
grandfather and they the direct heirs of my own lands. And, Alain
lives far north of here, but my lands border yours, so I would be
nearby to keep a watchful eye on them. Indeed, should ill fortune
befall you, I would take your children into my household, to live
with me until they are old enough to be on their own.”

“
What
you say is true, and it’s kind of you to
think of this.” Crispin
appeared to be considering Radulf’s arguments most
seriously.

“
I could
do no less for my own flesh and blood.” Radulf replied to Crispin’s
comment with a frank and open attitude. “Who cou
ld be more
concerned for my own
grandchildren’s welfare than I myself?”

“
Though
we have King Henry’s agreement about the inheritance of the lands
in question,” said Father Ambrose, “who is to say what will happen
once he is dead? Radulf, you are right; a strong hand will be
needed to protect Crispin’s children, not only in the event of his
death, but should he be away for a long time fighting, which could
easily happen. Allow me to make a suggestion: Let us have an
agreement that in the event of Crispin’s death or extended absence,
Radulf will be guardian of any minor grandchildren and their lands.
In return, should Radulf die first, Crispin will take direct
control of
his
lands with the understanding that they will be passed on to
Radulf’s grandchi
ldren when they come of age,
in the manner already written into the
contract. What say you to that, Radulf?”

Radulf considered the proposition, hesitating
for only a few moments.

“Agreed,” he said.

“I’ll tell the clerks,” said Ambrose.
“They’ll write out this new clause and we can read it over this
evening. I think this was a fine idea, Radulf, a good way to
protect your grandchildren.”

“I have tried to think of everything,” Radulf
replied.

Later, Crispin told Piers about the new
arrangement.

“I don’t understand,” Piers said, frowning in
perplexity. “Radulf is the older, so it’s more likely that he will
die before you.”

“He honestly believes there will be a war
when the king dies, and that I’ll be fighting in it,” Crispin
replied. “Anyway, it’s only a precaution, and Uncle Ambrose agreed
to what Radulf suggested, and even added to it.”

“There is more to it than that, I’m sure,”
Piers insisted.

“Well, I don’t think Radulf likes Alain
much,” Crispin said. “Perhaps he had it in his mind to cut out
Alain as a possible guardian of my children. But, you know, his
reasoning was good. It is better, I think, to have a grandfather
who is a near neighbor to watch over the young ones than a cousin
who must live far away in order to tend to his own
responsibilities. Ambrose saw the sense in Radulf’s idea, as well
as I did.”