For His Pleasure: The Boxed Set, Books 1-6 (For His Pleasure, For His Taking, For His Keeping, For His Honor, For His Trust, For His Forever) (52 page)

The thought of having a child was terrifying and exhilarating all at once, and it made every detail of the morning feel crisp and somehow more real than anything had ever felt before.

Nicole’s senses were alive and thrumming, her body was full of energy. She thought about Red and smiled like a girl having her very first crush.

It was almost as if their bond was so strong now that nobody could compete with it—their love was everything and it eclipsed the rest of the world.

After eating her crepe, Nicole went onto the veranda and sat with her laptop, looking at possible wedding venues. Last night, while lying together in bed, kissing and laughing and talking, they’d both agreed that the wedding date should be soon—probably within the next two months.

Nicole didn’t want to be showing very much at her wedding. Already, she could imagine the various headlines that would appear in the tabloids when the story broke that she was pregnant.

But she was learning to let go of her need to control the story, to let go of caring what a bunch of random people she didn’t even know thought about her life and her relationship with Red. In fact, Nicole wasn’t sure she even cared what her own mother thought, let alone the readers of a tabloid newspaper.

She was pregnant and she was engaged, and very soon, she would also be married.

And being married sooner rather than later was about taking that final step with one another. Nicole couldn’t wait to declare her love for Red and to watch his eyes as he said the words back to her.

Invite the tabloids in! She wanted to shout. Who cares what they write anymore?

Nicole was certain that she and Red were forever, and the last thing she’d spend time worrying about from now on was whether the stupid Internet had published some new rumor about their relationship status.

But how quickly an amazing, perfect day could suddenly turn on a dime. Because as Nicole sat on the veranda perusing wedding venues, she became aware that something was troubling her.

It was strange how she subtly had become aware that her stomach was upset. At first, she’d barely even noticed the discomfort, but then she’d gotten a few cramps that came and went.

Still fixated on her laptop screen and trying to figure out what kind of locale she wanted for her wedding day—Nicole could hardly be bothered to think about the growing unease in her belly.

When it got bad enough for her to put the laptop aside, Nicole wondered if maybe she’d eaten a bad crepe. Or maybe she’d had a bad reaction to it. They said that sometimes when you were pregnant, you craved certain foods but other foods could suddenly make you feel sick, too.

Another bout of cramps wracked her stomach and she grimaced. It was really starting to hurt.

Nicole got up and went to the bathroom to see if she needed to move her bowels.

When she sat down, nothing much happened. She had broken out into a light sweat and her breathing was coming faster.

She almost felt feverish.

After a time, she peed and gave up on anything else happening. Nicole took a few squares of toilet paper and wiped, then looked at the toilet paper.

There was blood on the toilet paper.

It was as though the wind had been knocked out of her.

Maybe I’m just spotting, she thought, her heart hammering out a quickened pace in her chest now.

She sat for a little while longer and wiped again and again. There was more blood.

Her cramps were coming back again, redoubling in force, almost making her want to curl up into a ball on the floor.

Calm down, relax. Don’t get yourself worked up, she told herself. The worst thing she could do now was to get overanxious and make whatever was happening worse.

The blood coming out of her now was beyond spotting, she knew that. It was as if she were getting her period.

Nicole found a pad under the sink and put it in her panties, left the bathroom and tried Red’s cell phone. He didn’t pick up. Of course not, he was playing tennis.

Yet another cramp ran through her guts.

She forced back a sob and tried his phone again. The courts were far enough away that she didn’t want to try and walk there. Instead, Nicole went to the security phone and called the front gate.

A man answered. “Jeremy Lyons, sir. How can I be of service?”

“Jeremy, this is Nicole Masters, Red’s fiancé.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Red’s at the tennis courts and I need you to go and tell him to come back to the house immediately, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am. Is everything all right? Are you hurt?”

Am I hurt? She wondered. She didn’t know how to answer that. “Just tell him to come back immediately, it’s important.”

Nicole got off the line and went out front to wait. She could feel herself dripping down there, knew that she was still bleeding. Her forehead was slick with sweat, and she was terribly frightened now.

After what seemed like hours—but in truth had probably been just a few minutes—

Red came driving up the private way and pulled up next to her.

His face was stricken, she’d never seen him look as afraid as he did when he saw her. “Nicole! What happened?” he climbed out of the car and ran to where she was sitting, her legs pulled up against her as she tried to will the cramps away.

“I’m—something’s wrong. I need to go to the hospital.”

“What is it?”

“I started having cramps and now I’m bleeding. It’s like I’m having my period but it’s different. Something’s wrong.”

“Come on, I’ll start driving us to the hospital now and make a few calls. I know a top OB/GYN who should be able to see us immediately.”

He helped Nicole to the passenger side of the car and then he ran and got in the driver’s side. The car screeched as he pulled away from the house and shot off towards the main road.

The lead got put back in his foot sooner than either of us thought it would be, Nicole thought, and something about it made her want to cry.

Red was driving with controlled urgency. He put his Bluetooth earpiece on and immediately was on the phone with someone powerful. She could tell by the way Red said things that it was someone who could get them seen right away.

“She needs to be looked at right now,” Red said into his headset. “I’ll have her there in under fifteen minutes, but I want Dr. Rosen, unless she’s not available for some reason. If not, please get me the next best available person. Okay?”

He looked over at her and tried to smile.

“I’m okay,” she whispered, not feeling in the least okay. But she could tell he was frightened too, and she wanted to somehow reassure him.

The baby will be fine, she told herself.

They arrived at Yale-New Haven Hospital a short while after that, and Red escorted her in and made another phone call.

Minutes later, the doctor herself came and met them. “I’m Dr. Rosen,” she said to Nicole. “Are you okay to walk? We can use a wheelchair if you’re uncomfortable.”

“No, I’m okay to walk,” Nicole said.

Dr. Rosen put her immediately at ease with her calm demeanor. She took them to the fourth floor, the obstetrics wing of the hospital, asking questions while they went.

“How long have you been cramping?” Dr. Rosen asked.

“Maybe an hour or so,” Nicole said.

“And bleeding? Is it light spotting or—“

“No. It’s heavy, like a period.”

They arrived at one of the examination rooms and Dr. Rosen inquired about the pregnancy tests Nicole had taken to determine she was, in fact, pregnant.

“Could it somehow have been a false positive?” Nicole asked her.

“That’s very rare, especially since you took more than one test. You’re not taking hCG supplements or anything, are you?”

“I didn’t even know that existed,” Nicole said, trying to laugh at the absurdity of it all.

“Yeah, it’s a new diet fad and it can cause issues with elevating a woman’s hCG

artificially,” she said.

Dr. Rosen excused herself and asked Nicole to get into a hospital gown. Red stood there, his arms folded, trying to look less nervous than he was, while Nicole changed.

When she was done changing, she sat on the table and the two of them looked at one another.

“What if something’s happened to the baby?” she asked.

“I know it’s going to be fine,” he said, but she could see the deep concern in his eyes.

“And if it’s not?”

“Then we’ll get through it together, right?”

“Yeah.” She nodded, not feeling any better. He came over and gripped her hand.

A few minutes later, Dr. Rosen came back inside and told Nicole to lie on the examination table and put her feet on the stirrups. “I’m just going to do a brief pelvic exam,” she said, smiling. “Try not to worry, okay?”

“Okay.” Nicole tried to smile again. This time she completely failed.

“You might feel some pressure or a little bit of discomfort—just tell me if you feel any pain, all right Nicole?”

“Yes.”

Red was watching with tremendous attention, but keeping very still and quiet. She met his gaze and tried to just think of him protecting her.

He won’t let anything bad happen to me, she thought.

Dr. Rosen gently touched Nicole’s bare stomach and pressed against it, feeling around the entire belly area. “Everything feel okay so far—any tender or painful areas?”

she asked.

“Nope. Everything’s just fine.”

Well, that was a lie—but maybe she could manifest okay-ness if she could just act the part.

“Good.” Dr. Rosen used the speculum to continue the exam. “There is some blood,” she said. “However, the cervix looks as it should.”

Red continued to look into her eyes and reassure her with his presence.

“I’m just going to look a little more, here,” Dr. Rosen explained. “The vaginal walls are consistent with a pregnancy,” she said. “Now normally I’d have you do a blood test to make sure, but given the nature of your situation—I think it might be best to do a transvaginal sonogram. That will provide the quickest answer to our questions.”

“How will that work?” Red asked.

“I have the ultrasound machine right here,” Dr. Rosen said, pulling back her stool to talk to them. “We can do it immediately.”

Red looked to Nicole. “Are you okay with that?”

“I just want to make sure the baby’s healthy.”

Dr. Rosen explained the procedure, her calm, kind voice partially allowing Nicole to remain upbeat.

Maybe everything’s fine. Maybe she’ll tell me that this is all totally natural and normal, and that our baby is healthy. The doctor asked her if she’d like to proceed with the ultrasound.

“Yes,” Nicole said, nodding.

Dr. Rosen moved the monitor so that she could clearly see the screen, and then she took out a probe, rolled a condom over it, and applied some lubricant to it.

Nicole began to shake now. She had just a terrible, awful feeling about what was happening.

“Are you all right, Nicole?” Dr. Rosen asked.

Nicole nodded. She looked to Red and he came over to hold her hand during the procedure.

“Just let me know if you experience any discomfort. Take some deep relaxing breaths if you need to.”

When Dr. Rosen inserted the probe, Nicole did feel pressure, however there wasn’t any pain and she had total confidence in Dr. Rosen’s abilities. Mostly she was just frightened because she knew what they were going to find.

“Okay, I do see the fetus,” Dr. Rosen said, as she moved the probe slowly from side to side. “I’m getting a picture and now I’m just trying to locate the heartbeat.”

A long time went by.

Dr. Rosen’s face was a study of pure concentration, staring at the monitor. Ever since she’d said she was trying to find the baby’s heartbeat, she hadn’t said another word.

The seconds continued to tick by, and Nicole felt her eyes well up with tears.

“It’s okay, Nicole,” Red said, but his voice was choked up.

Dr. Rosen began to talk, but there was a loud ringing in Nicole’s ears and she couldn’t really hear what the woman was saying to her. Nicole wasn’t listening anymore.

All she knew was that her unborn child didn’t have a heartbeat.

For His Trust (For His Pleasure, Book 5)

By Kelly Favor

© 2012 All Rights Reserved

It had been three days.

Three days since everything had changed and Nicole’s entire world had gone dark.

No, not completely dark, because she still had Red. But it was a gray film over everything, and she was stuck in the gray. It was like her legs were filled with lead, every step she took was achy and sapped her energy.

She was lying in bed mostly, needing to be taken care of, and Red was doing just that. Maybe he wished that he could lie in bed all day and have someone take care of him.

Surely he had as much to be sad about as she did. In the space of just a month he’d lost the business he’d spent his life building from the ground up, and then he’d lost his unborn child.

Losing your baby was painful—but not even having the chance to really know your baby or hold your baby was also painful.

The doctor couldn’t tell them whether it was a girl or boy—it was far too early in the pregnancy for that. Nicole wanted to know—she wanted to be able to grieve, and somehow it felt like knowing the gender of the baby would help that process.

Recently, she began to feel somehow that the baby had been a girl. Nicole didn’t know where the conviction arose from, but she decided to go with it just the same.

Secretly, she named the girl Renee and made an internal promise not to forget her. Sure, she’d been just seven weeks old—but she’d still been alive and Nicole felt it was important to remember her no matter what.

Nicole had also been told it might take weeks for her body to expel the fetus—

“expel,” as if the baby had been somehow bad and needed punishment—but she’d actually done it yesterday.

It had happened when she’d gotten another severe bout of cramps in the afternoon and gone to the bathroom. She’d seen the gray fetal sac and everything, and it had been horrible and deeply sad, and yet seeing it had brought some closure too.

So now the physical part was over. There was no more baby, there was nothing more to come—just this emptiness, this gray air that Nicole found herself walking through and talking through and seeing through.