For His Pleasure: The Boxed Set, Books 1-6 (For His Pleasure, For His Taking, For His Keeping, For His Honor, For His Trust, For His Forever) (21 page)

Edward laughed. “Red’s always been this way. Sometimes you can be working on a two hundred thousand dollar contract and he doesn’t want to hear a peep about it. Other times, you’re doing some pro bono work for a local supermarket and he’s totally involved in every last piece of the thing.”

“That’s…” She shook her head. “I don’t know what that is.”

Edward smiled sympathetically. “Also, I just want to say that you don’t have to do this if you’re uncomfortable. Red didn’t specifically ask for you to come.” At the last sentence, his expression turned serious.

“He didn’t?”

“No. I’m sure he’d be fine either way.”

Now she was more confused than ever. She’d assumed that Red had specifically requested her presence, that this little presentation about the file structure changes was just a ruse for him to see her.

She took a deep breath and let it out. “Of course I’ll go. I’m the one working on the changes, so it would be silly not to.”

“Okay, then. See you in a few. I’ll swing by.”

Edward left and went back to his office, and Nicole went to the bathroom, where she freshened up. She was dressed in tight white slacks, dark red heels, and a blue blouse with a plunging neckline. Last week she hadn’t been herself, and some of her outfits had suffered. Luckily, today she’d worn one of her best and was feeling more confident as a result.

Nicole found she was getting butterflies. Incredibly, she wanted to see Red again.

Despite everything that had happened last week, the time apart had given her time to really think about things. Red hadn’t contacted her, hadn’t sent a text or email, nothing. Red had done none of those things, and for all she knew, was glad to be rid of her.

She was sweating as Edward swung by her desk and told her it was time to go up for the presentation. On the elevator ride, he studied her closely. “Don’t be nervous,” he said. “Red’s going to grill me at least as much as he does you.”

“I’m not worried about that.” She smiled briefly and it was enough to tell Edward that it was everything else she was worried about.

The elevator came to a halt and they made their way to the office. The door was ajar and she could see Red behind his desk—instantly her heart ached for him. He was wearing a dark blue suit and vest with a purple tie. He looked perfect, magnificent, as always—like a movie superhero ready to jump from his office and climb buildings, fight evil villains.

It occurred to her that Red would fight and kill and even die for her, and she’d discarded him as easily as a child leaves its toys when they’re no longer new and exciting.

When they entered, Red looked up and his eyes momentarily locked on hers with that same burst of intensity she remembered. Her breath stopped in her chest.

It felt like minutes but in reality she knew it had only been a second or two at most.

“Morning, Red,” Edward said, crossing to the seats near his desk.

“Good morning, both of you,” Red replied as if nothing was wrong, standing up to greet them.

Nicole smiled and muttered a good morning, but it barely escaped her lips. As usual, she was a child in front of him—nervous, without armor.

This was the first time she’d been in his office with someone else here, though.

It felt different. And Red had prepared for the two of them. He’d pulled up two chairs next to one another.

Once they’d all sat down, Red put his hand under his chin and looked at both of them. “So…reorganization of the creative group’s network folders. How is it coming?”

Edward turned to Nicole. “Nicole?”

She looked down at her hands, which were shaking but in her lap so nobody would notice but her. “They’re going well. It’s going well, sir.”

Sir. Uh-oh. That was their private language, and she’d fallen back to it without thinking. Red didn’t appear to care at all. “Details?” he said, leaning forward.

She launched into a very elaborate and dull description of how she was changing the way every project and account was set up on the network, and although at first it would be confusing for those who were used to the old ways, it was going to be much more efficient in the long run.

“Sounds wonderful,” Red said, after thinking for a bit. “Great. That will be all.”

Edward smiled and stood up. He made some small talk about a client who had only just recently agreed to give Jameson International a big chunk of business for the upcoming year. Red said that it was a great win for the whole company, thanked Edward for all of his hard work.

“We’ll chat later today or tomorrow about Germany,” Red told him pointedly, and Edward nodded as he made for the door.

Nicole couldn’t believe it was over so quickly. She’d expected something more—

some kind of overture towards her. But he’d virtually ignored her, treated her like nothing more than a stranger. It was worse than she’d expected, the pain she felt. She could hardly breathe.

As they were about to get on the elevator again, she told Edward she needed to go back and ask Red something.

“Are you sure?” Edward said, as the doors prepared to close.

“Yes, I need to—check on a thing…” she rambled.

His eyes narrowed. “I’m not so certain it’s a good idea, Nicole.”

“Sorry, I need to just…take care…of one little…” She didn’t even finish her thought before jumping out and walking briskly back to the office as the elevator doors shut and Edward went back downstairs.

She got to Red’s office door and opened it without even knocking, and when she did, Red was almost right at the door himself. He was putting on a light trench coat, and when he saw her, his brows knit with fury. “What are you doing?”

“I need to talk to you.”

“I’m busy,” he said.

“Please, Red.”

His eyes focused on her intently, but she saw no love there—just impatience.

“What?”

“I think we should talk about what happened at your house.”

“My house,” he smirked. “How quickly the pronouns change around here.”

“It was never our house,” she told him.

“Obviously.” He began buttoning his coat. “Look, this has been really pleasant, but I have a lunch meeting and I don’t want to be late for it.”

“I know I hurt you,” she said. “And I’m sorry about that. But you frightened me, Red. I didn’t understand—I still don’t understand why you acted like you did the other night.”

He flipped up his collar with a brisk, hostile motion. “What do you want from me now, Nicole? I gave you my heart and that clearly wasn’t enough. So what’s next?”

She gulped. “I—I—just want to talk. I miss talking to you.”

His eyes were thunderous. “You left.”

“I had to go. It was too much. When I heard you breaking all of those dishes and glasses, I thought we were being robbed. I thought you’d been hurt or killed.”

For the first time, she saw a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes as he contemplated what she was telling him. “Robbed?”

“Yes. I’d been asleep in the movie room. And I woke up to the sound of breaking glass and screaming. Do you know what that was like for me?”

His shoulders slumped a little, his face sagged just enough to make him appear older than he usually did. For the first time, she saw wrinkles on his forehead. “I didn’t realize you thought you were in danger.”

“And then, when I got to the dining room, you looked completely insane. You were half-naked, glass and broken dishes everywhere, your feet were cut and bleeding. I thought maybe you were going to hurt me.”

Red’s head drooped as she said the words. He put a hand over his face and turned toward the window. “Christ, Nicole. I had no damn idea that you thought those things.”

“Why would it surprise you?” she said. “I don’t know you all that well, and the first night at your house you behave like a crazy person.”

“I was a crazy person.” He laughed and put his hands in his pockets. “I was in the study for hours and then I went looking for you, couldn’t find you anywhere. I thought you’d left and I just went berserk.”

“But you wanted me to leave—you pushed me to go be by myself!” She said, coming further into the room. “Why’d you do it? Why did you treat me that way?”

The tears were in her eyes again as she asked.

He turned around and looked at her and now she saw his eyes were red-rimmed also. “Fuck.” His nostrils flared and his breathing grew shallow. He bit his lip as if to stop himself from breaking down. “I—I don’t think I can do this. I don’t think…” he shook his head and waved her away.

She watched him, believing at any moment he’d start to talk again. But he didn’t.

Instead, he merely shook his head over and over and waved her towards the door.

“Red,” she said. “Please, can we talk about it?”

He ushered her to the door, not able to look at her or say anything, but he made it clear he wanted her to go.

She stepped out of his office and he shut the door.

Nicole stood with her cheek close to the door, wondering if he was doing the same from the other side. She knew that Red wanted her still, just as she wanted him.

But for some reason she couldn’t fathom, he was unable to truly be with her. He couldn’t even talk about why, about the demons that seemed to haunt him.

***

Weeks passed.

Somehow time went by. Nicole couldn’t grasp the way minutes became hours became days, but it happened and the next thing she knew, it had been nearly a month since she had seen or spoken to Red Jameson.

Life had regained some sort of normalcy. Work was fine, and she had returned to assisting Remi for the most part, although Edward appreciated her so much that he still forced Remi to let Nicole do tasks for him now and again.

She was collecting a steady paycheck for the first time, which was lovely, although each one reminded her of Red—he signed all of them. The first time she’d looked at his signature she’d almost burst into tears, which would have been very awkward for her coworkers.

Occasionally she checked The Rag and googled Red’s name to see if there’d been any stories about their broken engagement, but nobody had picked up on it as of yet.

Finally, enough time had gone by and she knew it had to be done.

“I’m going to tell my parents,” Nicole said to Danielle one Sunday morning over bagels and coffee, sitting at a little table outside their favorite café. The umbrella overhead cast them in shadow as they sat together and talked.

Danielle’s eyes widened. “Are you really going to tell them about breaking it off with Red?”

“Yeah.” Nicole took a bite of her everything bagel. It was tasty and good, and when she had a sip of coffee to wash it down, she could almost convince herself she felt okay about what she had to do.

“I don’t know, Nicole,” her roommate said uncertainly, ripping off a piece of her chocolate croissant and chewing it slowly. “What if you and Red get back together?”

“It’s been a month and we haven’t even spoken.”

“True.” Danielle stared at her plate.

“I’d have thought you’d be pushing me to tell them,” Nicole said.

“Because I called your parents?”

“Ummm…yeah.” Nicole grinned at her.

Danielle sighed. “I guess I just see how sad you are since the two of you split up.”

Nicole was surprised. “Really?” She fiddled with her coffee cup absentmindedly.

“I didn’t think I was giving off a super gloomy vibe or anything.”

“You’re not that obvious about it, but I can tell. You’re not the same.” Danielle ripped another piece from her croissant and thought about it. “I think you’re really unhappy.”

Now it was Nicole’s turn to stop and consider what Danielle was telling her. She’d been keeping busy and trying her best not to really think about her life or her deeper emotions. But when she did occasionally stop and take stock of things, there was an instant lump in her stomach, a rush of sadness, grief really, that took hold and didn’t want to let go.

“Okay, so maybe I am sad. But it’s natural to be sad when you break up with someone, isn’t it?”

Danielle nodded. “Yeah, of course it is.” She squinted a little as the sun moved into view. “I just wonder if maybe the two of you have unfinished business.”

Nicole shook her head definitively. “We don’t.”

“Okay, if you say so.”

“Danielle!” Nicole flipped her hair in frustration. “You’re supposed to be the friend who keeps telling me to forget about my ex and move on.”

“I know, I know.”

“Anyway, I am moving on. I need closure and telling my folks is part of it.”

Danielle just raised her eyebrows and stuffed another piece of croissant in her mouth without further comment.

After breakfast, Nicole called home and told her parents she wanted to visit them.

She’d take the train to Syracuse from Penn Station and return back to New York the next day. Her father sounded surprised.

“What’s the occasion?” he asked.

“Oh, just missing you guys.”

She decided it was important to do this in person, not over the phone. It would be difficult but then she could really start to pick up the pieces and get back to her life. Right now she felt stuck in place, as if the cord between her and Red hadn’t truly been severed yet.

She would need to miss work on Monday, but she hadn’t ever called in sick or anything. Tomorrow she would call and tell Remi she’d had to go home in order to deal with a family issue, and that she’d be back on Tuesday.

A little later that morning she took the subway out to Penn Station, then the Amtrak train all the way to Syracuse, where her father was waiting in his blue pickup truck.

Getting inside his truck, she smelled the familiar scents of grease and motor oil, rusty metal. As a mechanic, her dad’s hands were rough and usually had black stains around his fingernails.

He lit a cigarette and rolled down his window as they drove.

“I thought you quit,” she said, as he waved smoke toward the window.

“I did.”

“And then what happened?” she asked.

“Quit for almost eight months and then I watched the Mets blow an eight run lead in the ninth inning against the Orioles.” He made a face as if it still hurt him to this day.

“After that I felt like I was owed a cigarette.”