For Better or Worse (Book 2 in the Forgiving Hearts Trilogy) (18 page)

She turned her hand over and linked her fingers through his. “Does your love for me have no end?”

“If so, I haven’t found it yet.”

The waiter arrived with their food before she could think of anything to say in reply. Once they were alone again, the moment was lost.

As she passed him the basket of warm bread, she said, “Tell me about Sophia.”

A smile lit his face. “She’s sweet, affectionate and tender-hearted. Her innocent view of life helps keep me grounded. I can honestly say that I’ve learned as much from her as she has from me.”

“It couldn’t have been easy being a single parent.”

“The hardest times were when she was sick. Fortunately, I had Colton and Laurel.”

“Do they have any children?”

“A daughter - Amanda is eight years old. She’s like an older sister to Sophia.”

“Is she the dark-haired girl riding the pony with Sophia in that picture on the refrigerator?”

He nodded. “That was taken at Amanda’s birthday party last month.” Jackson started to chuckle. “The next day I caught Sophia trying to ride Freya.”

“Oh, no! What happened?”

“She learned the difference between dogs and horses.”

“You love her very much, don’t you?”

“Being her father is the most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to me. I would never have had that without you.”

“You don’t know that for sure, Jackson. You might have married someone else if I hadn’t crashed into your life.”

“I didn’t want anyone else.”

For the rest of the meal, he refused to discuss anything serious. He was in the middle of a story about his one and only street race when Hannah interrupted him.

“You drove a Mustang. It had those sporty rims and racing stripes. You were always working on it.”

Another memory back. He should keep her talking.
“I couldn’t play sports, so I worked on cars. I probably shouldn’t admit this, but I used to dream about kissing you in that car.”

Hannah’s glance fell to her plate. “I’d like you to kiss me sometime. If you want to, I mean. Not right now, of course, but some other time. When we’re at home.” She grabbed her glass and took a drink. “I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have said that.”

His eyes danced with amusement. “You’re adorable when you blush.”

“You’re the only person who can make me do it. Not even Mitchell could.” For a second, she looked shocked at what she’d said. Then her eyes took on a faraway look. “He teased me about it. I threw something at him - a pillow, I think. It was after he’d taken me to dinner.” Her eyes closed as if in pain.

“What is it?”

“We had a terrible fight,” she whispered. “I don’t remember what it was about, but he slammed out the door.”

“I know it hurts to remember unpleasant things, but this is good, Hannah. Should we celebrate your progress with dessert?”

“I wish I could, but I’m stuffed.”

He pointed to her half-empty plate. “It’s nice to see you eating again.”

“I’ve gained three pounds since I came home.”

“You need about twenty more.”

“You prefer women with some meat on their bones, huh?”

Jackson grinned as he signaled for the bill. “I’ve said too much already.”

  * * * *

Hannah woke to the sound of water running. Jackson must be taking a shower in the hall bathroom. Her mind replayed the events of the previous night. After their return home from the restaurant, Jackson had challenged her to a game of Monopoly. He hadn’t seemed too concerned about winning. Half the time she had to remind him it was his turn. When she did, this look would come over his face, like a little boy caught with his hands in the cookie jar.

After they read the Bible, he walked her to her room in the same way a man would walk a date to her front door. What she saw in his eyes had sent her hopes soaring. She waited, certain he would kiss her. Instead, he brought her fingers to his lips and wished her a quiet ‘goodnight’. As she watched him walk away, tears pricked her eyes.

The conflict within him had been palpable, but in the end, he hadn’t been able to bring himself to kiss her. It seemed there were some obstacles that couldn’t be overcome.

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts.

“Hannah,” Jackson called in a low voice. “Are you awake?”

“Barely. You can come in.”

He walked through the door, an infectious smile pulling at his lips. “Let’s go get donuts.”

“You’re determined to fatten me up.”

“Not true; I just like donuts. How soon can you be ready?”

“Give me a half hour.”

“I’ll be out in the garage.”

The drive to the donut shop took less than ten minutes. Jackson parked the truck and came around to open her door. As she stepped on the sidewalk, she glanced through the glass windows.

“Look at that line. These donuts must be good.”

“They’re the best,” Jackson said as he followed her inside. “I can personally recommend the custard and chocolate glazed ones.”

Hannah hardly heard him. She was staring fixedly at the woman behind the register.
Why did she seem so familiar?
Images flashed through her mind, but she couldn’t make sense of them. She still hadn’t figured it out when they reached the counter.

“Hannah!” The woman exclaimed. “We wondered what happened to you.”

“Do you know me?”

“My husband hired you. You worked one day and then we never saw you again.”

“When was this?” Jackson asked.

“About two weeks ago.”

“Hannah was involved in a car accident, and she’s been having trouble remembering things.”

“Oh, you poor thing. I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you’ll be back to your normal self soon.”

“Thank you,” Hannah replied in a low voice.

Jackson could feel her trembling. He put his arm around her and drew her close to his side. “We shouldn’t stand here holding up the line. Did you want to try the custard donuts I told you about?”

She looked up at him, her face pale. “That sounds good.”

“We’ll take four custard, two chocolate glazed and two large coffees,” he told Connie.

“That’ll be seven-fifty.”

He handed her the money and collected the tray of food. “Let’s sit by the window.” Like someone in a daze, Hannah followed him to the table and sat down. He glanced at her in concern. “Should we go?”

“I’ll be okay.”

“Drink that,” he said as he handed her a cup. “You look like you need it.”

She managed to get down a few sips. “I knew when I walked in that I’d been here before, but I didn’t realize it had been so recently. Then when Connie said I worked here, it all came back. I was on my way here when I had the accident.”

“You remember the accident?”

She shook her head. “I remember leaving the hotel.”

Jackson nodded as he slid the plate of donuts into the middle of the table. “That would be the Best Western. The manager called me while you were in the hospital. I picked up your luggage.”

Hannah absently bit into a donut. “I had only been in the area a few days. Something happened; something kept me at the hotel.” She sighed. “It’s gone. Again. My memories are like trying to catch a bubble. The minute I get close, they float away and disappear.”

“Well, we know more now than we did fifteen minutes ago.”

“But we still don’t know why I was here.”

“We’re getting close. Now, take that frown off your face and eat your donuts.”

She laughed weakly. “Does anything faze you?”

He shrugged. “Not when I have the opportunity to consume this amount of sugar.”

Chapter Ten

Jackson pointed to the couch in the living room. “Have a seat. I’ll be right back.” When he returned, he was holding a purse. “This was found with you at the accident. I should have given it to you before, but I felt you’d had enough thrown at you. Anyway, while you’re looking through it, I’ll go call our daughter.”

Hannah took it from him. “Did I have a phone?”

“It’s in the front pocket. I’ll go ahead and apologize for invading your privacy. I was blindsided by your sudden appearance. I thought your phone might help me figure things out.”

“You don’t have to apologize. You had every right to go through my things.”

“That may be true, but it didn’t make it any easier to do it. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

After he left, Hannah dumped the contents of her purse on the coffee table. Then she turned on her phone and went through her wallet. There must be a couple thousand dollars here.
Why was she carrying so much money?
She flipped open the other side. There was her airline ticket. She’d flown from New York to Atlanta.

“So let’s examine this logically,” she said under her breath. “I brought a ton of clothes and a wad of cash. I was either going on a long vacation, or I was doing another disappearing act.” Grabbing the phone, she scrolled through the messages. A few minutes later Jackson strolled back into the room.

“Is Sophia okay?” Hannah asked.

“She’s having a blast. Laurel is teaching her and Amanda how to bake bread.”

“I can’t wait to see her.”

“I’ll be picking her up tomorrow afternoon. Any luck with your purse?”

Hannah shook her head. “You know, these texts are pathetic. Mitchell all but accuses me of stealing from him and then in the next sentence begs me to come back to New York. I really want to believe that I was leaving him. It doesn’t speak to my motives, but it makes me feel better about myself.” She frowned suddenly. “I knew there was a reason I didn’t like him when he came to see me in the hospital.”

“Let’s be fair, Hannah. He’d just found out what happened to you.”

“Why are you defending him?” she asked.

Jackson bit his lip. “I’m not defending him as much as I’m trying to remain impartial.”

“Do you think he’d do the same for you?”

“It doesn’t matter whether he would or not. I have to answer to God for
my
actions.”

Hannah gathered the few items from the table and put them back in her purse. “Just as I do for mine, and I have no intention of making the same mistakes again.”

* * * *

Jackson opened the door and watched as Sophia ran into the house. The look on her face when she saw her mother brought tears to his eyes.

“Hello, Sophia.”

Sophia went to stand next to Hannah. “You
are
my mommy; you look just like your pictures.”

“Yes, I’m your mommy, sweetheart.”

Sophia peered at her closely and then turned to Jackson who was waiting in the foyer. “Mommy is beautiful, isn’t she?”

“Yes, she is. She’s as lovely as the first time I saw her.”

Sophia turned back to Hannah and tentatively touched her arm. “Your skin is soft like mine. Daddy’s arms have dark hair all over them.” She stopped and giggled. “Sometimes when he kisses me, his face is scratchy.”

Hannah’s eyes met Jackson’s, and they both started to laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Sophia asked.

“Nothing, pumpkin,” Jackson replied. “I’m going to check on Freya.”

Hannah looked as if she wanted him to stay, but he knew the best way for her and Sophia to get to know each other was without him around. When he came back inside, he heard voices coming from Sophia’s room. A smile crossed his face as he listened to his daughter’s high-pitched voice asking questions followed by the lower tones of Hannah.

Was this really happening?
Jackson hardly dared believe it. Any minute he expected to wake up and find that nothing had changed.
He walked around the kitchen somewhat aimlessly before coming to stand in front of the window.
How long would he have this time?
This was the question that hovered over him like a menacing shadow. Until Hannah remembered all the events that brought her to St. Simons and got closure on her feelings for Mitchell, they were caught in the middle of an increasingly awkward situation.

He leaned against the counter and closed his eyes. “I need You, Lord, more than ever. With each passing day, it’s gets harder for me to stay away from Hannah. I’ve loved her for as long as I can remember. Help me to be strong and to wait on You.” 

A little hand touched his arm. “Are you sleepy, Daddy?”

Jackson’s eyes flew open. “No, I was talking to Jesus.”

“Were you thanking Him for sending Mommy back?”

He crouched down beside her. “No, but that’s what I should have been doing.”

“Could you do it later? I’m really hungry.”

“After all those waffles I saw you eating at Miss Laurel’s house? Hmm. You must be growing again.”

Sophia pulled him over to the wall to look at the pencil marks visible on the door frame. “Am I taller than last time you measured me? Am I, Daddy?”

“I can’t tell with you moving around like that. Stand still, pumpkin.” Jackson bent down and nodded. “You’re this much taller,” he said, showing her the distance with his fingers. “If I don’t quit feeding you, you’re going to be taller than me.”

Sophia laughed loudly and looked at Hannah. “Wouldn’t that be funny if I grew taller than Daddy?”

“Yes, it would.”

“What do starving little girls eat for a snack?” Jackson asked.

“Peanut butter and honey sandwiches,” Sophia answered quickly.

“Sounds like a winner to me. I’ll start making them while you wash your hands.”

“Okay, Daddy, but could you please hurry? My stomach is making growling sounds.”

After Sophia left the kitchen, Hannah came over to where he stood. “You’ve done a wonderful job with her.”

“I’ve done my best, but I’ve also made plenty of mistakes,” he said as he cut the crusts off the bread. “She needs a woman’s perspective on things, and that’s something I can’t give her.”

“You’ve given her everything else, Jackson.”

* * * *

After dinner, Sophia asked Hannah to help her take a bath. The sound of their laughter reached Jackson in the kitchen. He’d never seen Sophia so happy. She hadn’t stopped talking all day. He wondered how they’d ever get her to go to sleep.

After he finished loading the dishwasher and took care of Freya, he followed the sound of Hannah’s voice. He found them on the bed in Hannah’s room. Sophia was lying against her mother, her eyes heavy with sleep. His steps halted as he took in the picture they made.
He’d never seen anything so beautiful.

Hannah closed the book and leaned down to kiss Sophia’s head. Then she looked at Jackson, and he saw the tears in her eyes.

“Can you carry her to bed?” Hannah whispered.

Not able to speak for the lump in his throat, he nodded and swung Sophia into his arms. He tucked her in, turned on the nightlight, and quietly left the room. Hannah met him in the hallway, and they walked together into the kitchen.

“You go back to work tomorrow. How will Sophia get to school?”

“I’ll drop her off, and Laurel will pick her up and bring her home.”

“What time do we get up?”

“I get up at six-thirty. I’ll wake you when I get Sophia.”

She threw him a shocked glance. “I’ll get up when you do. What do you want for breakfast?”

“I usually have bacon and eggs.”

“What about Sophia?”

“She prefers cereal and toast with grape jelly.”

Hannah took his hand and brought it to her cheek. “I’ll miss you tomorrow.”

His smile was gentle as his fingers cupped her face. “I’ll miss you, too.” His eyes fell to her lips and he sighed deeply. “I need to get my clothes ready.”

“Can I help you?”

“Sure. You can watch me iron shirts.”

“Or
you
could watch
me
iron shirts.”

That would be torture.
“It’s best that I do the ironing. My hands need something to do.” He laughed as her cheeks went pink. “I guess I should have phrased that differently.”

“Actually, it’s nice to hear things like that.”

“There’s more that I could say and do, but it’s not the right time. I don’t want half measures. If you come to me, it will be because you love me and want to be my wife.” When she would have spoken, he put a finger on her lips. “Don’t say it now, please. It will only make it worse if you realize later that you spoke too soon. Let me go get my shirts.”

As he walked away, Hannah whispered, “I wonder if he’ll ever believe me.”

* * * *

A week later, Hannah was mopping the kitchen floor when the doorbell rang. Her heart almost stopped when she looked through the spyglass and saw Mitchell. The mop in her hand fell to the floor as a surge of panic swept over her.
This is what she’d been waiting on, so why was she so scared? Mitchell had to be faced; her future depended on it. And it was better that she do it alone, without Jackson.

The doorbell rang again, reminding her that she needed to make a decision.
If she didn’t take care of this now, he’d keep coming back.
“Lord, please give me the right words to say to end this thing once and for all.”

She picked up the mop and propped it against the wall. Then she slowly opened the door. “Hello, Mitchell.”

“You remember me,” he said with a grin.

“Sort of. It would have been better to let me know you were coming.”

“Well, since I’m here, can I come in?”

“Sure, but if you’ll excuse me for a minute, I need to let Jackson know.”

“You never needed to before. Are you afraid to see me alone?”

“I’ve kept enough secrets from him. I don’t intend to keep any more. Have a seat. I’ll be right back.”

Hannah walked swiftly down the hall into her room and grabbed the phone off the dresser. Jackson answered on the second ring.

“I was just thinking about you,” he said softly.

He sounded so happy. She hated that what she had to tell him would change that. “Jackson, Mitchell is here.”

There was a moment of dreadful silence and then, “I’m coming home.”

“You don’t need to do that. This is something I need to take care of. And, Jackson, please trust me. I know I haven’t given you any reason to, but please do it.”

“It’s not you that I don’t trust.”

Did that mean he trusted her?
A knot formed in her throat. “I have to do this alone; it’s important to me. Mitchell is my problem.”

Another longer pause. “Then that’s the way we’ll do it. Call me if you need me.”

When she came back into the room, Mitchell was holding a picture of Sophia. It took everything she had not to snatch it out of his hands.

“She looks like you,” he said.

Hannah ignored this. If he’d cared at all about Sophia, he wouldn’t have allowed another man to raise her. “Why are you here?”

“I came to see if you’d come to your senses. I couldn’t take you to New York when you didn’t know who I was.”

She looked at him curiously. “I’m not entirely sure now. I remember some things about you, but there are gaps in my memory.”

“I’ll be glad to fill them in for you. You and I have been together on and off since high school. For the last two years, we’ve been living in New York. Our apartment overlooks Central Park. We spend the weekends in a cabin on a lake in Connecticut.”

“That’s all very interesting, but why did I leave?”

“You got this insane idea in your head that I was cheating on you.”

“Were you?”

Mitchell took a step closer. “I’ve never cheated on you. I love you.”

As her eyes searched his, partial scenes and snatches of conversations flitted through her mind. “There was more to it than that.” She hesitated. “Something happened to me. I didn’t want to be with you anymore.” He tried to take her hand, but she pulled away.

“That’s not true. Jackson told you that,” he accused.

She shook her head. “Jackson hasn’t told me anything about my life with you. How could he? He knows nothing about it.”

Mitchell crossed his arms, a mocking smile on his face. “You wouldn’t know the difference either way. I knew it was a mistake to leave. He’s had you to himself for ten days. He appears to have put that time to good use, filling your head with lies.”

“Jackson doesn’t lie to get what he wants, Mitchell. He’s not like you and me. He’s good and decent.”

“He’s really done a number on you, hasn’t he? Has he reminded you
why
you married him? It was because I wouldn’t marry you. Then you
left
him to come back to me. Isn’t that enough proof for you? It’s obvious who you love, and who you want to be with.”