For Better or Worse (15 page)

“I was talking about Ernesto and his actions.
What he and Valentina did won’t only affect the adults in that triangle—Emilio
will be affected, too.”

“Is that all you meant? It was the way you said
it.”

Her eyes opened. “The way I said what? We were
talking about your brother.”

Her defensive tone convinced him there was
something else amiss. He paused in massaging her feet. “That’s how the
conversation started, but you weren’t talking about him when you said that.”

“What else could I be referring to?” Agitated,
she sat up and removed her feet from his lap.

“Cass,” he started, choosing his words
carefully, “I know how hard it was for you to lose your parents.”

She’d been very young when her parents died.
Her father and his mistress had died in a plane crash. It had come as a
surprise to the family because he had supposedly ended the relationship with
the other woman. Within months of her father’s death, her mother died. He could
never get her to talk about it, even though it was obvious how much it had
affected her.

“Let’s not talk about this right now.” She
focused on the movie playing on the television.

“We have to talk about it. We’ve never talked
about it. You know as well as I do this irrational distrust you have of me and
our relationship comes from what you saw happen between your parents.”

She sprang from the sofa, but she wasn’t fast
enough to escape the clamp of his hand around her wrist. “Let go.”

“Babe, I want to understand what’s going on
with you. Talk to me.”

“Stop. Leave me alone.” Despair filled her
voice. She tugged and twisted, her reaction so over the top he wanted to
attribute it to typical Cassidy behavior, but even for her it seemed strange.
“Leave me alone!” The high-pitched scream surprised him, and he released her.

With a suddenness that took him aback, she
clutched at her chest.

“Cass?”

She took two deep breaths and then staggered
like a drunk. Before he could catch her, she collapsed to the floor.

“
Cass!
”

In a panic, Antonio dropped to his knees beside
her and reached to pull her close. She shook her head vigorously, pushing him
away. Her breath came in rapid, shallow spurts. 

“Hold on, Cass. I’m calling nine-one-one.” He
jumped to his feet, but she stopped him by clutching his boxers. She shook her
head again and held up her forefinger, indicating he should wait.

Antonio picked up the cordless phone anyway,
not sure what was going on, but certain he couldn’t risk anything happening to
her.

Still on the floor, she sat back against the
sofa. Her breathing gradually slowed to a normal rate. 

“What just happened?” Antonio asked. He’d never
seen her suffer an attack like this.

“It’s rare, but I’ve had attacks over the
years. I learned to do breathing exercises so they don’t overwhelm me.”

“Are they panic attacks?” Antonio lowered to
the floor beside her. He wanted to hold her, but was almost afraid to. She
looked so fragile, and he felt so helpless.

“It’s similar, but not the same. When I’m
really stressed, I hyperventilate, but I’m okay. Give me a minute.”

“I think we should go to the doctor.”

“I’m fine.” She placed a hand on his leg to
reassure him.

“You scared the hell out of me.” He covered her
hand and controlled the urge to squeeze it, choosing instead to rub her skin in
a soothing manner. His heart rate slowed to normal, but the ball of fear in his
gut remained. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

“Don’t be sorry. You’re right. We should talk
about what happened to my parents.” She shivered.

“Not if it upsets you. Let’s watch the movie.”

“No, I want to,” she whispered. She picked up
the remote and set the volume on mute. “I . . . um . . . did something when I
was a child. I kept a secret—a big one—when I was little.” Her voice hitched at
the end, and he couldn’t stand to hear the pain in her voice.

“Babe, you don’t have to do this.”

“I do. I have to because . . . I . . . um . . .
I’ve never told anyone, and it’s been eating at me all these years.” The entire
time her voice quivered with the burden of her thoughts. She blinked rapidly to
fight back the tears. “I could’ve done something, but I didn’t.”

“You don’t have to do this.” He looked steadily
into her eyes, which were now filled with shame and guilt.

“I saw them.” He almost didn’t hear the words
because she spoke in such a low voice. 

“Who?”

“My father and Derrick’s mother.” She
swallowed. “My father asked me not to say anything, and I didn’t. I-I kept his
cheating a secret. Then he died, and then my mother died. It’s my fault,
Antonio. It’s my fault my parents are dead.”

Chapter Fourteen

Seven-year-old Cassidy was a daddy’s girl. As
the youngest and only daughter, her father spoiled her, much to his wife’s
dismay. Anything Cassidy wanted, she received, and in return, her father could
do no wrong in her eyes. 

Tall, attractive, and successful, Roarke
Hawthorne Sr. never met a stranger, and his gregarious personality attracted
people to him—both men and women. His daughter was no less immune to his charm
than anyone else, and it helped that whenever they spent time together, he let
her have sweets and other foods prohibited by her mother.

One sunny afternoon, Roarke Sr. picked her up
from school. They took the long way home like they always did, and she
chattered away in the backseat, sipping on a thirty-two-ounce cup of grape
soda—her favorite.

Her father explained they had to make a quick
stop so he could see a friend, but it wouldn’t be long. It wasn’t the first
time he’d had to stop to see a friend. Used to it, she nodded obediently when
he parked in the shade and reminded her to stay in the car and keep the doors
locked until he came back.

Cassidy sipped her drink and colored to pass
the time, but today her father stayed longer than usual. She knew because she
completed four pages in her coloring book instead of two, and he still hadn’t
returned. 

Even worse, now she had to use the bathroom.
Her father had gone into a store across the street. She thought about going to
find him, but he’d made her promise to stay in the car. She would do it, too,
except she had to go so bad, and she decided her father would be more upset if
she peed on herself than if she left the car to use the bathroom.

She unstrapped the seat belt and opened the
door. Looking both ways like she was taught, she ran across the street when it cleared.
Inside the store, all kinds of items that could be used to decorate a house
lined the walls and spilled onto the floor. Furniture, lamps, linens, and rugs
covered every piece of available space. Two people conversed as a salesperson
rang up a purchase.

On more than one occasion, it had been drilled
into her that she shouldn’t talk to strangers, so Cassidy walked slowly through
the store, peeking down the aisles in search of her father. She finally saw him
at the back, in a corner, on an aisle filled with large vases.

She decided to surprise him. Grinning, she
scampered down the adjoining aisle and tiptoed to the end. That’s when she
heard the voices. Her father wasn’t alone.

Peering around the corner, she saw him in an
embrace with a woman. Her white skin contrasted against his ebony complexion.
Her father touched the woman’s cheek and kissed her on the lips. They spoke in
hushed whispers with their heads close together.

“. . . patient . . . best I can . . .”

“. . . too hard . . . miss you . . .”

“. . . go away together. I’ll plan something
soon . . . know . . . love you . . .”

She only heard snippets, but the conversation
didn’t sound right. Confused, Cassidy stood frozen. Why was her father being so
affectionate with this stranger? He was never like that with her mother. She
heard her parents arguing all the time in the bedroom next to hers.

On more than one occasion, she caught her
mother crying in the kitchen or out in the backyard. One time she’d yelled at
her father and told him she didn’t deserve to be treated this way. Was this why
her parents couldn’t get along?

“Daddy?”

With a shocked gasp, the adults pulled apart.

“Cassidy, I told you to stay in the car.” The
harshness in her father’s voice surprised her.

“I have to pee.”

The woman’s face became stark white and filled
with worry. “Roarke . . .”

“It’s okay. I’ll handle this.” He squeezed her
arm, their gazes lingering on each other before he took Cassidy’s hand. “Come
along.”

Cassidy turned to look at the woman one more
time, but she was already gone.

After she used the bathroom in the store, her
father took her to the car, but he didn’t drive off right away. Cassidy sat
with her hands clasped in her lap in the backseat. Her father was no longer in
a good mood, and it made her sad. She should have stayed in the car. She hoped
he didn’t punish her.

“Princess, I need you to do me a favor. That
lady is one of Daddy’s friends, but Mommy doesn’t like her, and so I have to
keep it a secret, or Mommy won’t let us be friends anymore. I don’t like
keeping secrets from Mommy, but I don’t want her to get upset. Do you want Mommy
to get upset?”

Cassidy shook her head.

“Good girl. I’m going to need your help keeping
this a secret. It’ll be just between you and me, okay?”

“But-But you kissed that lady.”

His face hardened, and Cassidy grew afraid. Her
stomach was upset, and the flash of anger distressed her further.

“Goddammit, Cassidy, I need you to listen to
me.”

She drew in a surprised breath when her father
said the bad word.

“Promise me you won’t say anything. It’s very
important because if you tell anyone about what you saw today, your mommy will
become very unhappy, and we might get a divorce. You know what a divorce is,
don’t you? Remember your friend down the street? Her parents divorced, and she
and her mother stayed in the house, but her father and brother moved far away.
That’s what will happen if your mother finds out about my friend. I’ll have to
move very far away, and I’ll have to take Junior and Matthew with me. Is that
what you want?”

“N-No. I don’t want you to leave, Daddy. I
don’t want our family to break up.” Tears rolled down her cheeks.

“Then we’ll keep our little secret, okay?”

She nodded, anxious to keep him happy and save
her family.

His face softened, and he brushed away her tears.
“Don’t cry, princess. You know Daddy loves you, don’t you?”

She nodded again.

“Do you love Daddy?”

Her head bounced up and down with vigor this
time.

“Good girl. Do as I say, okay?”

As young as she was, she’d known something
wasn’t right, but she was too afraid and believed every word her father said.
She never told anyone what she saw. Over the next few weeks, they made more
stops in the afternoon. She stayed obediently in the car, and she never saw the
woman again. After each time, her father bought a bouquet of flowers for her
mother and gave Cassidy one out of the bunch. Cassidy was proud she’d been able
to keep the secret just like a grown-up would, but her happiness was
short-lived.

Her father boarded a plane one day, and they
never saw him again because it crashed, killing everyone on board. She learned
her father had been on the plane with another woman. Cassidy guessed it was the
woman she saw at the store that day. By the names she overhead family members call
her, it was clear the relationship between them was more than friendly.

Within two months, her mother passed away, and
by accident, she learned the reason why. She and Matthew sneaked downstairs to
eavesdrop on Roarke Jr. and the adults in the kitchen. One of her aunts banged
pots and pans in anger while she talked.

“You know why she died, don’t you? He killed
her, just as sure as if he’d stopped her heart himself.”

“Calm down, or you’ll give yourself a heart
attack, too,” someone said.

“If she’d known he was still seeing that woman,
this wouldn’t have happened. He shouldn’t have been on that plane. His
unexpected death and the shock of finding out he was still seeing that woman—that’s
what killed her. She died of a broken heart.”

Murmurs of agreement and “you right” filled the
room.

“My sister was a good person. She forgave him,
even after he had a child with that woman. Took him back and cussed me out when
I told her she shouldn’t have. She didn’t deserve to be lied to and made a fool
of. No one does.”  

If she’d known he was still seeing that woman,
this wouldn’t have happened. He shouldn’t have been on that plane . . . that’s
what killed her.