For Better or For Worse (12 page)

Alexia

I giggled as he nibbled on
my ear, it was a good distraction from the pleasurable pain he was
inflicting on my body. The heat that our bodies were creating was
so thick in this room it felt like a sauna. I felt his sweat
rolling down my back and I ducked my head into the pillow trying to
stop my heavy panting. He locked his fingers into mine while
executing more pressure on me from behind. While he towered over me
I lay flat across the bed trying to take as much as I could stand
without passing out. “Ughh!” I moaned as he went deeper into my
insides. I bit a whole through my lip at how enjoyably rough this
was. He must have saw how strenuous this felt for me and placed
kisses on my face and neck to soothe the pain.

As we felt our climax
coming he firmly gripped my hands and placed his head between the
space between my neck and shoulder. “Oh God…I can’t…” I screamed as
the juiciest orgasm I ever had exploded inside of me and spilled
out all over my sheets. He collapsed on top of me and we rested for
a minute trying to catch our breath. I brought our enclosed hands
together and wrapped them around me as we recovered from our sexual
peak. Grant rolled over to the other side of the bed, leaving my
once warm body cold from his absence. He rested his eyes for a
moment…then it happened. That look came across his face as it
always did when he was finished with me, the look of pain, sadness,
and regret. I hated that look, I didn’t understand how he could
feel that way after the passionate sex we would have.

I knew exactly what he
would think about. I didn’t know why he still continued to play
house with his wife like everything between them was ok; obviously
that was not the case. It couldn’t be, not when he spent so much of
his time in my bed. It was more than just sex with us, it was need,
and I felt like I needed him inside me. Our relationship was like a
drug, I was addicted to this man and he was to me. Yet he refused
to drop his unnecessary baggage. He refused to admit to himself
that his marriage had run its course; there was nothing else she
could do for him, so why did he continue to stay? He couldn’t still
possible love her not after all this time. He was so frustrating, I
could never truly know how he felt.
Damn
him,
I thought. I tried to hide the anger
I felt but it would not subside. We lay there separate despite the
fact that just moments ago we were deeply intertwined inside each
other.

I couldn’t take it anymore,
I couldn’t deal with him being with me one moment, making me feel
like he wanted me then leaving me the next. I needed to know
something from him and I needed to know now. “Grant.” I whispered
while sliding over and laying on his dark wide chest, his body was
truly a work of art, so structured and masculine. I placed so many
kisses on his chocolate brown skin I thought I could taste the
sweetness. He welcomed me unto his chest coming back to the present
after being gone from within his deep thoughts. “Grant, what are we
doing?” He looked confused by my question. I lifted my head to face
him, “I mean why are you here with me?” He started laughing which
threw me off. “I didn’t hear you complaining a few minutes ago.
What’s up?” He was joking around but I was very serious, Grant saw
the worry on my face and sat up. “Alexia what’s the
problem?”

I licked my dry lips and
stared into his handsome face. “Maybe I’m curious as to why…why do
you keep coming back to me? Is this just a past time for you? Is it
just something to do?” I ducked my head down unable to look at him
anymore. “Do you feel something…anything for me?” I don’t know why
I was asking him this; maybe I just wanted to know how he feels and
where I stand with him. I never got too serious with men especially
my age. They never really knew how to handle a relationship or even
know what it was like to seriously be in one. But this was
different, this felt right. I needed to know did I mean anything to
him, something maybe? Grant looked at me as if he was trying to
decipher something inside of my eyes, I could tell he was
contemplating lying but decided against it like I knew he
would.

I knew one thing I would
get from Grant was the truth, blunt, bold, or brash it still would
be the truth. He looked away from me for a moment. “I love my
wife…But it’s no secret my marriage has hit a wall…I come to you
because…because I don’t want to fight, I don’t want to be angry or
stressed… don’t want to think about anything….I just want to be
here. You feel me?” I don’t know why but every word he was saying
had my heart beating fast. I didn’t know whether to be hurt, angry,
or indifferent. “I know this is wrong….but I want to be here. Is
that ok with you?” He placed his hands on my shoulders and looked
at me with those dark eyes. I liked those eyes and how they would
stare at me in the most intimate of times. I laid him back down
while I cuddled up on his body; he put his arms around me really
tight. He may not have realized it yet but he was mine… this man
belonged to me.

Chapter 11

I’m
leaving

Lucy

“
Girl I say throw his ass
out…show him exactly what he is going to be missing if he don’t get
his act together.” Cat preached to me. I sat at my favorite
restaurant Desire with my well known crew of friends, Catherine,
Destiny, and Alayah. I could no longer pretend that my marriage was
fine. Ever since that dreaded night of Grants company dinner, I
promised my husband that I would be there for him no matter what
and give him all the love and time that he wanted. An impossible
mission being that Grant was back to his old ways again. He avoided
me as much as possible, refused to come home until late hours, and
we hardly talked about the weather let along our marital problems.
When I gave up hosting Elites annual party I thought I would be
saving my marriage when in turn my marriage was worse off than ever
before.

The only good thing that
came out of giving up the party was I was able to reconnect with my
son. Little Greg and I spent a good majority of time together
playing games, watching Disney movies and going to the park, All
the things that every mother should do with their child. If only I
could reconnect with my husband as well. I picked over my food
while looking at Cat. “C’mon Cat I’m trying to get his attention
not a divorce.” I chuckled biting into my salad. Cat looked at me
with that
girl get it together
look
, while adjusting her peach fitted
dress. I could always count on Cat to give me the real; she was a
medium brown sista, who happened to be an accountant with Taylor
and Jones firm. Cat was known for being very attractive with a
trendy short haircut and a very curvy figure.

But ever since Todd Randall
broke off their engagement; her success rate with men had taken a
downward spiral. “Well girl this muthafucka acting like he running
things. It’s time to show him who really in charge. I bet if you
put his trifling ass back out on the street where you found him
he’ll act right then.” I could feel every sting of bitterness on
the edge of Cat’s words. I shook my head. “She is right luce, your
man is tripping playing these childish ass games, it’s time to do
something.” Destiny put in her two cents while sipping on her red
wine. “I hear you Des, but I don’t want it to come to that. I’m
doing my best to make this man happy… it’s just never good enough.”
She put a hand on my shoulder trying to soothe my sad demeanor.
“Well until he is ready to listen there’s nothing that can get
resolved, especially with him acting so absurd.” Destiny was my
oldest and dearest friend, a known counselor of mine for many
years.

She was tall, leggy, and
dark skinned with long hair and gray eyes which made her stand out
in more ways than one. She looked at me with sorrowful eyes seeing
the damage that a man could do to a woman once she gave him her
heart. Destiny always had a fear of commitment to a career, home,
and especially to men. She figured why put your all into something
and watch it shoot to hell and leave you heart broken. All these
women were brought here this day to help me find a solution on how
to deal with Grant. But I didn’t want leaving my husband to be the
only option. I looked in Alayah’s direction; her light brown pretty
eyes stared me down and said everything that her mouth didn’t.
Being my college roommate, Alayah know more about me and Grant than
anyone. And also being the outspoken woman that she was, I knew
something was on the edge of her tongue ready to slip. “You
there...” I called out to her from across the table. “Mouth all
mighty, what is on your mind?” I asked knowing that she was just a
brewing over there waiting to talk my ear off.

She shrugged and took a sip
of wine like everything was chill. “Well…”Alayah paused flinging
her long wavy brown hair behind her shoulders. “Since it’s my time
to talk. I say Grant feels neglected and instead of expressing
these feelings to you, he has chosen to do the typical male thing.
Pretend that everything is ok while showing uncaring and
inconsiderable behavior towards you. He probably desires to torture
with his cold demeanor as punishment for your actions then talk
about how he truly feels when he gets ready.” She said with the
most sincere face. I looked at her confusingly not expecting such
insight and nodded, while Cat and Des waited for her to lower the
boom. “So you’re going to show me how to get him to talk to me
right?” I looked at her waiting for more helpful information.
Alayah shook her head. “No, I’m a show you how to put that fool in
check. He got something he needs to say to you he can open his damn
mouth.”

We all burst out laughing
at our friend’s crudeness. I really should have seen that coming.
Destiny cleared her throat. “Lucy girl you have admitted your
mistakes and apologized.” “Umm…Hmm.” Alayah and Cat agreed. “You
have begged, pleaded, and showed yourself approved.” Alayah took
over. Cat held up her glass. “That’s right… And Grant has still has
chosen not to cooperate. Now you have tried to treat him like a man
but since he wants to act like a boy he shall be treated as such.
So that tells me one thing.” I glanced up at all of them, knowing
what they were going to say. “It’s time to lay down the hammer
girl.” I looked at each of their stern faces and contemplated my
decision.

I headed back to the office
and went to work. Now that the annual ball was off my hands I had a
lot more free time. I walked into the downstairs ballroom to get a
look at how things were coming together. “Ok great you guys, great,
everything is looking beautiful.” Meg told all the staff working on
the ballroom. The placed was decked out in many shades of blue,
silver snowflakes were being decorated and models were being styled
creating that whole winter theme. Everything looked so nice; this
may be the event of the year.

“
Megan, the designers for
the fall collection have brought their preview.” “Ok Patricia,
could you put them on my desk please.” “Well look who is running
things.” I strolled in complementing Meg’s work. She turned around
and smiled at me. To my surprise as well she was looking very much
bossed up. In a black blazer, stilettos, and hair pulled back
exposing her pretty face. “It’s a tough job somebody has got to do
it.” She smiled. I was so proud of her; Meg had finally stepped out
of her shell and was handling business like she should. “Well I’m
happy for you girl, at least one of us is thriving.” I slouched
down in a nearby chair. “Luce, are you regretting giving up the
party?” Meg asked pulling up a chair beside me. I looked at her and
hoped she could help me. At least guide me to the right decision
concerning Grant. “No, I don’t regret giving up the party. I wanted
to focus on my marriage and giving up the party was the only way I
could do that…just one problem.” “What?” “I need my husband to
focus with me.”

I pulled my hair out of my
face, I was so stressed out I was surprised that I wasn’t going
bald. “I don’t know Meg, ever since that dinner party he has been
on the war path and I understand he is upset but damn. I have
apologized, begged, pleaded, and everything. What more does he
want?” Meg nodded. “Honey he is probably still hurt over the whole
thing, he really wanted you to be there that night.” “But I’m here
now…I’m right in front of him willing to do anything he asks.” Meg
took a deep breath and looked at me the same way the girls had done
earlier. “Well Lucy if he is not complying with you then maybe you
need to make some changes…like a change of address.”

I stared at her wondering
is this what it has come down to…me leaving. “Hmm…” was all I could
say. Patricia, the new intern walked up to us holding documents in
her hand. She was a frail young girl with dirty brown hair and
freckles. “Excuse me Mrs. Smith?” Meg and I broke away from our
intense conversation. “Oh, yes?” I looked up at her. “Your husband
called. He said he would be late coming home tonight.” My sad face
grew stern and intense at the sound of that. “What!” The look on my
face must have startled her. She looked a tad bit fearful. “Yes,
he…uh...he said he had a lot of work to do. And that he would make
it home when he could.” “For the third time this week?” Noticing I
was getting irate in a room full of my colleagues I decided to calm
down. “I’m sorry…please forgive me. Thanks for the message.” She
nodded and quickly speed walked out of my sight.

Meg looked at me this time
more sternly. “Lucy this is getting out of hand.” She was right,
they all were right, I had enough of this. The truth is I’m at my
wits ends about my marriage, Grant refused to seriously talk to me
anymore, we have hardly spent any time together, and he would find
any reason to avoid being home. Damn, I was really trying to save
my marriage but I can’t do it by myself. I just couldn’t understand
his actions. I guess he really did want to punish me. He acts like
such a damn child. “Hello Lucy.” Megan called out breaking me from
my moment of anger. “What...” I said standing and gathering my
things. “I said what are you going to do?” She looked really
concerned for me. I recollected myself. “Yes…Um I am definitely
going to address the situation and some changes are going to be
made.” Megan rushed over to hug me before I completely lost my mind
in the work place. “That’s so good honey, I hope everything goes
well.” I embraced her back and made my way out.
Oh yeah
, I thought to myself,
some changes are definitely going to be
made.