Fool School (33 page)

"And Duncan's dreams had taken his thoughts far from
Scotland," I go on relentlessly. "Indeed in his mind, he was
already gone from there. And when Duncan took his girl's hand in
his and declared that he was leaving Scotland to join King Arthur
at the Round Table, she believed he would leave forever."

"What she dedna ken," Malcolm picks up, "was that,
buried in his dreamer's heart, was true love for her. He believed
that she understood hem, understood that he knew what was rumored
of hem in town by his kin, that he was no hard worker, that he was
useless to the town, a lump, a worthless theng. He believed she
knew his worth, that he meant to prove himself, that she would wait
for hem. But in her heart, she felt nothing but his rejection, and
vowed to heal her newly-broken heart with a new man."

"And Duncan Donalvane took an ax and trimmed a long
tree of its branches, tied the flag to it, mounted the horse his
girl had purchased for him, with no saddle, for neither could
afford one, and rode south past Hadrian's wall into England. He
asked his way to Camelodenum and came to King Arthur's company,
where a Christmas court was being held.

"It was the custom then for Arthur and Guinevere and
the famous knights to wait for some great event to happen before
beginning the feast, for in those days great events could be
counted on to happen at any great gathering. Long tables were laden
with fine victual," I continue, "and two great boars were baked
with apples and forest berries, and there were sufficient in
attendance that the boars would be picked clean once the feast had
finished. But for now, they were waiting for a great story."

Malcolm: "It was into such an array of Christ's-Mass
cheer that poor saddleless Duncan rode, his tree-trunk lance
weighing his weak shoulder down, the flag flapping foolishly, and
when he rode his scrawny pony--" Malcolm and I share a look--"ento
the crowd surrounding the Round Table and the feast tables, the
mirth and laughter at his piddling poor penniless appearance was
considerable." We both recall Weatherford's lesson on the
importance of alliteration.

Me: "Duncan declared before the assembled audience
that it was in his heart to become a noble knight and to prove his
worth. He spoke fairly to the crowd, saying that he was nothing but
a poor Scotsman with no particular skill, but that he believed in
love, a pure love that came from Christ, and that he wanted to
serve beside King Arthur."

"It was with merriment," Malcolm picks up, "that
Arthur rose from his seat and bade Duncan come forward. 'Es there
nae of my knights would take this one on as a squire and teach hem
the ways of knighting? For though his cloth and horse be but poor,
I feel hem to be blessed before God, and a man possessed of the
Holy Spirit.' "

I have to pee really bad, but I can't stop or even
hesitate. "It was Cadoc the monk who rose and spake that Duncan
could serve him as a knight." I really have to pee. "And Arthur
asked the assembled guests--" Oooo, it's bad--"whether this would
be so, the first Scot in King Arthur's Round Table take it Malcolm"
and I run down the road until I find some opportune and unguarded
bushes and remove the switch circle and relieve myself. I sprint
back. It's lucky I'm a man, I think.

". . . the monastery was bathed in such light that it
seemed hem that all of the angels of heaven were descended upon
hem, and before Duncan the clouds parted and a vision et came to
hem," Malcolm says.

"It was a vision of a castle upon an island in the
sky," I pick up. I remember how we discussed that there should be a
clever vision, and I remember Perille's dream. "There below the
castle lay the land of Strathclyde, from whither Duncan had come,
and as the vision, um, neared, a series of clouds led up to the
foot of the castle as a set of stairs. And from the castle's roof
rose an image of a key, bedizened with pictures of scenes of the
Bible, and a voice came and spake that this was the Key to Heaven,
if only Duncan could find it."

"Cadoc knelt," says Malcolm, and I find the crowd is
gathering in earnest now, "and declared dutifully to the, em, monks
assembled that he was due to depart with Duncan Donalvane to
Strathclyde, to pursue the vision."

"Because of the state of war between the Angles and
the Scots," I say, "the monks girded themselves with armor, and
Cadoc chose for Duncan a breastplate of English iron--" Malcolm
gives me a grin--"and a pair of better-quality greaves, and a
helmet cap of iron, and a mantle of the colors of Cadoc's house,
but Malcolm--I mean, Duncan--placed his flag of Scotland beneath
the mantle, so that the red and the yellow draped out the
back."

"Et was many days the knight and squire and canons
rode, girt as they were, past the Wall and ento the fair and
snell-cold land of Strathclyde, and beyond, through the great city
of Glasgow, up the mountains of the Highlands, and beyond, as far
as any man may go without a ship to take him farther."

"Good," I whisper to Malcolm. He grins again.

"And at the langest, farthest point, at the northern
shore, Duncan dismounted, knelt and prayed. And from the shore rose
a stair of clouds, and from those clouds a rain and mist fell, and
at the top was an island floating in the air above the sea. And
atop the island, a castle."

"Cadoc led the way to the castle," I say, "his horse
picking its way cautiously up the Raining Stair, requiring urging
at every step. But Duncan's horse climbed without hesitation."

"And at the top, a drawbridge lowered to meet them,
and behind stood a great bold knight dressed in blue," says
Malcolm.

"A plume of blue stretched from his helm. Pauldrons
painted purpur perused his--"

"Not
perused
," Malcolm hisses. "P--pre--ferget
it."

"His shoulders," I say, stumbling. "A blue hauberk,
blue helm, blue halters on his horse."

"Good," Malcolm whispers.

"And the blue knight left his visor down, so none
could see his face."

Malcolm picks it up: "The blue knight spoke thusly:
'For what purpose have ye come? Know ye what land this castle
overlooks?' "

He waits for me to come up with something, but I'm as
stumped as the audience. What land does the castle overlook? It
can't be something too obvious . . .

Malcolm takes a breath and goes on: "Cadoc spake, and
in ringing tones remarked that et was the castle in which the Key
to Heaven resided. To which declaration the blue knight spread his
arms and laughed mightily in good humor. And he said Cadoc knew
naught of the truth of the matter."

Now I can add: "Up strode the canons on foot, and the
three knelt and the first said it was the castle of the Kingdom of
Heaven. Again the blue knight laughed and remarked that this was
more to the spirit of the matter, but was still not the correct
answer. The second canon spake and declared that the castle
overlooked the land of the Scots, and this drove the blue knight to
rage--"

Malcolm leans over and hisses that this was the
answer he'd planned on giving Duncan, and I shake and say I have
other plans.

"And the blue knight declared that this was far from
the best answer. The third canon spoke of the rain and the ocean
and said that it was the Castle of the Ocean, and that this was the
cause of the blue color of the knight's array. The blue knight
declared that this was closer to wisdom than any of the other
guesses, but was not yet the whole of the matter."

"Duncan dismounted," says Malcolm, and I wonder
whether he's guessed my intention. "And knelt, and said that this
castle was the work of Christ, and that it overlooked all of the
Isle of Britannia, from the northmost of Shetland to the southmost
of Wight, from the shores of Swansea to the bay of York, and et was
the castle of God's hand on Earth, ruling over this island where
all men may live side by side without hatred, but with only love
for every man. And the blue knight raised a hand in friendship to
Duncan, and said he had hit the heart of et."

That's actually a little better than what I had
planned to say. I'm lucky to be Malcolm's man, he's wise.

I say: "Cadoc rode up to face the blue knight, and
asked if he wouldn't remove his helm, but he would not. And Cadoc
asked in what way the Key to Heaven could be obtained, as it was
shewn him in the vision. And the blue knight said they must
joust.

"Cadoc first dismounted and, with the three canons
before him, knelt and prayed for God to guide his hand to the Key
to Heaven for the glory of King Arthur. Then he mounted, and Duncan
his squire lifted up the lance and shield, and the blue knight was
eke all prepared, and in the courtyard of the floating castle they
tilted. The boy squire Duncan covered his ears in preparation for a
great crash of splintered lances, but it never came. Instead Cadoc
rode through the blue knight as if he were nothing but mist."

The crowd reacts. We're affecting them.

Malcolm: "Four times Cadoc telted, and three times
again, but not once did he connect with the blue knight. But again
and again the form of the blue knight stood, silhouetted before the
walls of the floating castle, and each time he became mist as Cadoc
passed, and he was found elsewhere in the courtyard."

"In the end," I pick up, "Cadoc threw down his lance
and threw down his shield and dismounted and declared that
something was out of place, that no man may turn to mist when
struck, that if the blue knight had the Key to Heaven, that he must
reveal it, so that it could be fought for evenly."

I'm still talking, I have it all figured out, when
Malcolm breaks in and throws everything to sixes and sevens: "And
the blue knight lifted the lance, tilted at Cadoc, broke through
his shield and straight through his heart."

Gasps from the audience. Nobody was expecting it,
least of all me, because Cadoc isn't known to die in the Arthurian
romances, he's expected to--well, he's not a thoroughly developed
character perhaps, but nobody's ever heard of Cadoc dying.

I recover and begin inventing: "The blue knight
dismounted, and Duncan ran to Cadoc's side and found his last
breath departing him. In fury and tears Duncan charged the blue
knight and threw fists at him, but though he could make contact,
none of his blows were strong enough to sting the knight. In all
his strongest voices Duncan demanded that the blue knight explain
himself. And the blue knight said that he would."

I gear up for a big speech. I'll have to make this
good.

" 'In this world,' quoth the blue knight, 'we are
awash in opportunities to spend ourselves in hatred and violence.
When the strong meet the meek, it is the strong who take, and the
meek who lose.' "

" 'But,' " Malcolm jumps in, " 'this is contrary to
the word of Christ, who taught us that the meek will gain in the
next life. That is, for us to be meek in this life, is not the same
as being defenseless. It's, ehm, it's--' "

He's flailing a little here. I rush in.

" 'It's the role of the knight to defend the meek in
this life--' "

"
Yes
!" says Malcolm.

" 'That the meek might attain their promised, um,
promises in the next life. For a knight to lower his arms in the
face of a foe, leaving more-meek men maundering for mercy, this is
nothing but base cowardice and poor judgment, and no knight of the
Round Table in the service of God may display such traits. For the
defenders of the meek to lower their guard in the face of an
unknown enemy--' " I imagine this will resonate with those older
people who remember the Viking incursions and the base conduct of
old King Æthelred, who often surrendered, " 'is to condemn the meek
who need protection.' "

" 'For the knight,' " says Malcolm, " 'es the servant
of God, and in a world of danger and difference, it is en the will
of God that we move toward harmony. Thus must those who fight, the
king and his knights and barons, keep ready for battle at all
times, and in doing so discourage their enemies from the temptation
of forays and pillages. May those men who strive, the farmers, and
those who worship, the priests, keep faith and attend Mass, that
the protection of the king and his knights not be in vain. Let
kings not pay the kingdom's wealth to invaders, but instead stand
ready to meet them in force. In this way, overseen from this
castle, the land of Britannia and all its people may be maintained
as a place of free travel and peace until the return of God's
kingdom on earth. For there is no one of the small kingdoms of this
land who lays claim to God's love exclusively, but the whole of the
island, for God has separated it from the rest of Christendom as a
bastion of, of--' "

" 'Of--um--' " I say. We're stuck, and we're
exhausted, and--

" 'A bastion of hope upon Earth, that through
knightly prowess and chivalric virtue, the Holy Word may be
maintained for all time.' "

I didn't say that. Neither did Malcolm.

Nuncle. He's finished our speech.

But we haven't finished our story, and I feel
strongly that we should do so.

"Duncan declared that he understood the blue knight's
meaning, that the base attack on a defenseless knight must be met
in combat. Taking his tree-trunk lance, he mounted Cadoc's horse
and struck at the blue knight. Once again the knight became mist
each time the lance met his shield. Duncan Donalvane found there
was no value in charging, so he placed himself between the blue
knight and the three canons and maintained his defense until at
last the blue knight had no choice but to charge in his turn, and
coursed across the courtyard. And though he had no shield, nor a
proper lance, nor any of the fine things a knight is expected to
have, still Duncan held his ground and defended the canons to the
best of his meager skill. Cadoc's horse, a well-trained destrier,
dug his hooves into the courtyard floor, and as the blue knight and
the Scottish squire met, a great sound was heard, a sound that
shook the very fathoms of the sea below them, and Duncan felt
himself as he were a cloud, and through the cold mists of Scotland,
he descended to land by way of the Raining Stair, and in his hand
was the Key to Heaven."