Fook (16 page)

Jason watched as a couple with two young
children, in the booth behind Derek, lifted their gaze skyward at
the off color remark.

“Mommy, I want a corn dog,” the youngest of
the two boys suddenly announced from the other booth, causing both
parents to look Jason’s way.

Awkwardly, Jason mouthed, “sorry,” as the
parents returned their attention to performing damage control.

“All I’m trying to say is that you need to
let go,” Derek continued his lecture. “Stop being so uptight with
your constant need to control each and every aspect of life. I
think you’ll find all social interactions much more fulfilling, not
just the ones with the taco vendors.”

“Jesus!,” the mother in the other booth
responded. Again Jason mouthed an apology, though no one looked his
way to receive it. The mother, though offended, kept her back to
Derek and instead appeared to be complaining to her husband for him
to do something about the situation. Based on the timid, beaten
down expression on his face, Jason assumed they were safe.

“I need to be more spontaneous?” Jason
returned his attention Derek’s way.

“God yes.”

“I need to just let go and do something
wild.”

“Well I don’t think I said wild but, yes, I
guess.”

“Okay. I can do that.”

“Good, now let’s eat,” Derek sighed, glad to
shift his attention away from Jason’s shortcomings and onto the
menu before him.

“Excuse me!” Jason suddenly called out.
“Excuse me, miss!”

Derek looked up to see Jason waving at
someone behind him. Moments later an attractive young girl wearing
black dress pants, an eye matching, hazel colored top and holding a
long white cloth of sorts, stopped at their table. She just stared
at Jason confused as he appeared suddenly nervous to place his
order.

“Can I help you?” the girl finally spoke
with a bit of an attitude.

Closing his eyes, Jason whispered,
“spontaneous,” before reopening them and asking. “So, who’s a guy
gotta fuck to get some God damned service around here!?”

The café fell silent, other than the sound
of utensils dropping to their plates. Derek too, sat stunned at
what he’d just heard.

“Excuse me?!” the girl replied.

As if shocked himself by what he’d just
heard come out of his own mouth, Jason began melting into the
brown, vinyl bench. Derek, along with the rest of the restaurant’s
patrons, turned their attention to the girl.

“One, I don’t work here,” the girl addressed
Jason with a more appropriate, hushed tone, her voice dripping with
venom. “Two, if I did, I wouldn’t...how did you so eloquently put
it...oh yes...fuck your scrawny ass if my life depended on it.”

Derek just stared at the girl as she leaned
closer to Jason with each biting word, forcing Jason even further
into his seat.

“Get some fucking manors, prick,” she ended
the verbal assault as she took a step back and made a b-line for
the exit.

Jason remained two inches tall in his seat
as the smile on Derek’s face grew.

“That was awesome,” Derek announced. “I
think I’m in love.” Excited by the encounter, he leapt from his
seat, to follow the rapidly departing girl.

Jason remained motionless in his seat as the
rest of the customers began clapping.

“Will there be anything else? sir,” their
real
waitress approached the table, addressing Jason in a
condescending tone that suggested he leave as well.

Fumbling for his wallet, Jason pulled out a
five to pay for the sodas and quickly scampered for the door.

*****

“Hey, wait! Ma’am!” Derek shouted as he crashed
through the café doors and spotted the annoyed girl hurrying down
the sidewalk.

“Ma’am?” the girl stopped in her tracks.
“First you insult me, and now you’re calling me old!,” she turned,
surprised to see Derek without his obnoxious friend.

“Whoa, whoa,” Derek slowed his approach,
afraid that the hot headed girl might actually take a swing at him
or pull a can of pepper spray from her purse.

“I’m sorry. I thought you were…” She
finished her sentence with a hand gesture back toward the
restaurant.

“I know. I’m not,” Derek spoke as he finally
caught up to the now motionless girl. “I’m his friend.”

“Yeah, I saw you at the table. You should
get better friends.”

“He’s a work in progress,” he joked, but got
no response other than a stare that suggested that her next
statement might be on the lines of, “so, what do you want?”. “I
mean, he’s actually a really nice guy...probably too nice at times,
which is why he said that.”

“He’s too nice, so he verbally assaulted a
complete stranger...makes sense to me. Listen, I’ve gotta go,” the
girl announced as she started to turn and leave.

“No, what I mean is...”

Delaying her departure, she waited for an
explanation.

“I guess…I sort of told him to say it.”

“Then I guess you’re just as big a pig as
your friend is. Good bye.” She turn and continued down the
sidewalk.

Following, “I didn’t exactly tell him to say
anything, especially to you. I was simply suggesting that he might
have better luck with women if he were more…spontaneous and not so
uptight all the time.”

The girl stopped. “I don’t think he
understood.”

“No, clearly not,” Derek shook his head in
agreement.

She continued walking.

Derek continued to follow. “He really is a
nice guy though. Like I said, he’s just not good with women...or
should I say, he’s terrible with women.”

The girl stopped again. “Why do I feel this
conversation’s leading to you asking me something?”

Caught off guard by the girl’s perceptive
and upfront approach, “I...I mean...listen, I can tell that you’re
in a hurry.”

“You think?”

“Feisty, this one is,” Derek thought. “May I
ask why?”

“Because my water broke and I’m on my way to
the hospital.”

Sarcastic as well, but just to make sure he
hadn’t overlooked something he quickly glanced at the girl’s
stomach...baby free.

“Why would I tell you where I’m going? So
you can follow me and kill me?”

“Well, I’ve already been following you,”
Derek spoke with a grin. The look he received apparently didn’t see
the humor in the comment as the girl once again began walking.
“Wait! I’m sorry. It was a bad joke.”

The girl stopped again.

“Trust me, I’m not a serial killer.”

“Sounds like something a serial killer would
say.”

Derek wanted to smile at the girl’s wit but,
figuring that he’d pushed his luck enough already, he maintained a
straight face. “Just humor me. What’s the big hurry?”

Reluctantly, “Well, if you must know, I have
class in…,” she checked her watch, “...twenty-five minutes, and I
have to run to the store on campus now to pick up a new coat, since
I can’t go home to get my other one without fearing that you’ll
show up at my door in the middle of the night.” She held up the
white coat that she’d been holding in the restaurant. A large pink
stain covered a large portion of the crumpled article of
clothing.

“Are you pre-med?” Derek guessed.

“Pharmacology major actually. I have a lab
and Mr. Malone requires that each and every student be dressed the
part,” she sarcastically ranted before realizing what she was
doing. “Sorry, but I really do have to go. Either way, home or
store, will take me at least twenty minutes, leaving me only five
to make the fifteen minute walk to class. So, either way I’m
screwed.”

“What if I could ensure that you got your
coat and got to class on time?”

“What, are you going to teleport me or
something?” she joked.

“No, of course not,” Derek laughed at how
close she actually was.

“Then how are you going to do that?”

“I can have a new coat to this very spot in
less than five minutes,” Derek confidently proclaimed.

“Oh really,” she laughed.

“Don’t laugh. I’m dead serious. If I’m not
placing the coat in your hand within five minutes from the time I
leave I’ll—”

“—You’ll streak through Lilly’s dinner,” the
girl interjected.

“Lilly’s Dinner?” Derek paused as he turned
to look back at the restaurant from which they’d just come. Until
that moment, he hadn’t noticed that the Irish pub he’d come to know
as ‘The Belligerent Leprechaun’ had previously been a colorful,
peace and love establishment in the nineties. “Okay.”

“Really?” the girl questioned Derek’s quick
acceptance of her terms. “No backing out. A deal’s a deal.”

“A deal’s a deal,” Derek agreed. “I mean, we
haven’t even gone out on a date and you’re already trying to get my
clothes off, but really, how could you resist,” he joked as he
looked himself up and down.

“I knew that this was all just a creative
way of asking me out. And, you really shouldn’t be too full of
yourself,” she flirted.

“Ouch, but no. It’s not about me. It’s my
friend.”

“You want me to go out with the asshole?”
her newly flirtatious demeanor returned to that of contempt.

“Remember, not an asshole. Nerdy, awkward,
uptight, boring—”

“—I thought you were his friend.”

“Listen, like I said, he really isn’t a bad
guy and it would really mean a lot if you just went out on one,
full
date with him.”

“Full?”

“I mean don’t ditch him by climbing out a
bathroom window or by having one of your friends make up some lame
excuse so you can cut the date short.”

“Has that happened?”

“More than once,” Derek confirmed with a
nod. “He just needs a good experience with a beautiful woman to get
him on the right track.”

Smiling at the compliment, “I’m not sleeping
with him though.”

“Oh God no. I wouldn’t want you to. That
might kill him,” Derek joked. “Just one PG date.”

“Alright. That seems fair enough, especially
since I don’t think you can pull it off with only three and a half
minutes left,” she looked at her watch again.

“Three and a half minutes? I said five from
the time I left.”

“I’m just joking.”

“No, no. I can do it,” he assured as he
turned to head back toward the restaurant. “Just wait right
there!”

She motioned to the spot where she
stood.

“Right there!” he reconfirmed before
stopping at the realization that, “I don’t know your name!”

“What!”

“Your name!”

“Sarah!”

“Nice to meet you, Sarah! I’m Derek! Right
there!”

She smiled as he turned and disappeared into
the crowd of people on the sidewalk.

*****

“Where were you!?” Jason shouted as he spotted Derek
walking quickly towards him.

“Come on. We need to get out of site,” Derek
insisted as he grabbed hold of Jason’s arm.

“Out of site? Of who? What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything. She thinks I’m
hurrying off to get her another coat,” Derek quickly explained as
he dragged Jason along.

“Get who a coat? It’s eighty degrees out
here. Who needs a coat?”

“Not that kind of coat. A lab coat. You
know, like the ones doctors...or pharmacists wear.”

Pulling back on Derek’s persistent guidance,
Jason stopped them in their tracks. “From the beginning. Who are we
talking about?”

“Sarah,” Derek answered before realizing
that Jason had no idea who he was referring to. “The girl from the
restaurant.”

“The girl I insulted?” Jason asked
shocked.

“Yes. Her name is Sarah and she’s very
nice.”

“I don’t doubt that, seeing that I was the
asshole back there, but what were you doing talking to her? I came
out of the café and when I didn’t see you, I picked a direction
that I thought you might have gone. Apparently I picked wrong. What
were you talking to her about?”

“You, actually,” Derek answered with a grin
as he glanced back in Sarah’s direction. From what he could see
through the moving sea of bodies, she was still waiting and still
watching to see where he was going. “We need to keep moving,” he
insisted as he grabbed hold of Jason’s arm again.

Jason didn’t fight.

“We need to get out of view. I told her that
I would get her a new coat for her lab class.”

“That’s nice. Why?” Jason asked nervously as
Derek pulled him around the corner of the building, stopping just
out of Sarah’s line of sight. “You can’t sleep with her,
Derek.”

“Yes, yes. I understand,” Derek assured him.
“I’m doing this for you.”

“You don’t need to apologize on my
behalf.”

“I’m not doing it as an apology. I’m doing
it to get you a date,” Derek explained.

“With her? I don’t want to go out with
her.”

“Why?”

“Well, for starters, my first and only words
to her were to imply that I wanted to sleep with her for a
cheeseburger and some fries.

“Oh, it’s fine. She’s over that,” Derek
dismissed Jason’s concerns.

“Oh, okay. Well that’s good to hear,” Jason
sarcastically breathed a sigh of relief. “Are you nuts? How could
she be over it? You’re good, but your not that good.”

Derek just stood there with a confident
grin.

“Are you?”

“Listen Jason, I talked you up to her and
told her that you weren’t a complete ass.”

“Oh, well, I guess it’s better that I’m just
a bit of an ass.”

“Actually, it is,” Derek replied. “But
anyway, I made a bet with her that I could get her a brand new lab
coat and deliver it in less than five minutes. And if I did, she
agreed to go on a date with you.”

“I can’t go on a date with her. What if we
somehow screw up the future?”

“It’s just one date,” Derek assured his
nervous friend.

“What if she falls for me. I can’t have a
relationship with someone from the past and we definitely can’t
tell her about the machine.”