Following Your Heart (30 page)

Menno leaned back on the hay bale, watching the sunlight dancing on the barn windows. “I agree with James,” he finally said. “And I also agree with him on another point.”

“
Yah
, what is that?” Deacon Ray asked. “About her being better than our people by putting aside her own happiness? But how can we judge such a thing, Menno? Our people have their faults, and we are just men after all. But all the years we put into the training and right upbringing of our children cannot be thrown away as nothing. It has to count.”

“It does,” Menno said. “Though that's not what I meant to agree with. I don't wish to interfere with anything between you and James. Nor am I trying to say James is right in his affection for Teresa. That is, if he has any.”

“Then what are you saying?”

“It was the part about not being free of past sins ourselves,” Menno said. “You know that neither of us have done as we ought in our younger years.”

Deacon Ray spat out his straw stem. “I know,” he said. “It's hard to live right in the big cities. That's why I thank
Da Hah
often that our young people no longer have to serve the country in such a manner. We have been blessed that the current government requires no service time at all. Who would have thought that day would ever come? And I dread a time when it might be required of us again. You know how many young men we lost to the world during those years.”

“The flesh of man is weak,” Menno said. “Mine must have been among the weakest of them all.”

“There is no sense in pointing fingers now,” Deacon Ray said. “I drove an
Englisha
automobile a few times. And that without a driver's license. But both of us came back to the community, and for that we can thank
Da Hah
's mercy in preserving us.”

“I agree,” Menno said. “But it leaves us still guilty.”

“
Yah
,” Deacon Ray said, “but it has been forgiven.”

Menno cleared his throat. “You asked what I think. Truth is, I think we need to allow Teresa's baptism without requiring her to marry Yost. And since they have started a relationship already, she can continue it if they wish, but on her own free will and not because we require it.”

Deacon Ray drew in a deep breath. “So now I see where you're going, Menno. Is this why you have come over? Are you asking me to change what has already been decided by the ministry?”

“I'm not trying to do anything, Ray. I'm simply saying what needs to be said. This thing with Teresa is getting out of hand. Would it not be wiser to adjust while we still can?”

“You're still thinking of our time in the world, aren't you?” Deacon Ray asked. “I have made my sins right with the church. No one could ask for more than that.”

“I'm only asking that you consider in the light of what we've been through ourselves, if Teresa should not be allowed to join the church without any requirements that she marry Yost. And look at us. We had the benefit of godly parents, the love of the community, and still the world pulled hard on our hearts. What must it have been like for a young
Englisha
girl who had none of that?”

“You know that Bishop Henry will not appreciate this. Even if I would consider it,” Deacon Ray said.

“But it is the right thing to do,” Menno said, his voice low. “The girl needs to know that she can join the church without being forced into a marriage. It may save much trouble for her and Yost later.”

Deacon Ray stroked his beard. After a few silent moments, he spoke. “I will speak with Bishop Henry on Sunday. If the girl does not give us any other cause for trouble, I do not see why she cannot be allowed to marry Yost on her own free will.”

“And if she chooses not to?” Menno asked.

“Well, it certainly won't be James who will seek her hand,” Deacon Ray said. “I will see to that. But I do agree that if the girl has proven herself sufficiently, we can accept her into the community without the marriage requirement. That was Yost's idea anyway. I want you to know that. And James will forget about the matter once the girl is no longer under pressure. Once he sees she's free from the requirement to marry Yost, that'll be the end of it for him, I'm sure. As for Yost, he will not give up so easily. He will still hold her to her word to marry him. I heard they've already spoken at length at your house.”

“Yost did come over,” Menno said, getting to his feet. “And perhaps you will be proved right.”

“So it is decided,” Deacon Ray said, managing a smile. “If Bishop Henry and the other ministers agree, then that is how it will be.”

“I have plowing to do,” Menno said, opening the barn door. “I had better get back to work.”

“Here comes James now,” Deacon Ray said. “If all goes well, we'll have the field ready for planting in a few days.”

Menno untied Toby and climbed into the buggy. He waved to James, who was riding in on his lathered horse. James looked at him with a curious expression as he waved back. Menno had forgotten to ask Deacon Ray about the hired hand, but that would have to wait. The more important matter had been taken care of. Teresa would be free to make up her own mind about Yost. Deacon Ray might have eventually come to this conclusion on his own, but it hadn't hurt to help him along. And it did feel better now that he was doing something to help Teresa. Menno slapped the reins as the buggy rattled southward on the dirt road.

S
usan left the bread dough on the kitchen table and looked out the living room window. There was no sign of
Daett
yet, so he must be having a long talk with Deacon Ray. Was that a
gut
sign? Not likely. James must have told his side of the story, and Deacon Ray no doubt was laying down the law. If things went really badly, Teresa would not be allowed to continue attending instruction classes. That would be a blow she would not easily recover from.

“Stop pacing back and forth,”
Mamm
commanded. “
Daett
will be home when he's home.”

“Did he say anything more this morning about Teresa?” Susan asked.

“He's troubled like I am,”
Mamm
said. “But I suppose Deacon Ray is just as troubled with James involved now. So we have to trust
Da Hah
to work this out for us.”

“I'm sorry this whole thing has happened,” Susan said.

Mamm
sighed. “It's not entirely your fault, but perhaps you see now what happens when one goes out gallivanting into the
Englisha
world.”

Susan pressed her lips together as she returned to the table and kneaded hard on the bread dough. Telling
Mamm
what she had been thinking would only make things worse, but if Teresa had to leave she planned to go with her to Asbury Park.

“I hope you won't be holding this against the ministers if they decide things differently from what we'd like,”
Mamm
said, as if she were reading Susan's thoughts. “Remember, they have the whole weight of the community's well-being on their shoulders.”

“I don't think I'll ever understand,” Susan said. “But I will try to trust, even when I can't see my way through.”

“Listen to me, Susan,”
Mamm
said, turning to face her. “I know you like Teresa, and so do I. But it's not easy keeping a holy life in this world of ours. Look at what's out there. You should know better than many. You've been there. And there are our young people to think about. Our ministers can't ignore that.”

“There's got to be some way,” Susan said. “It's simply not right to make Teresa go back.”

Mamm
sighed again. “I don't know that she's going back, Susan. And you don't either.”

Susan stepped back from the bread dough, which now lay fully kneaded on the kitchen table. Little pieces of white flour and dough hung from Susan's hands. She wiped her hands on her apron.

Mamm
looked up from the kitchen sink as buggy wheels crunched into the graveled driveway. Susan made a move toward the washroom door, but
Mamm
shook her head.

“Let
Daett
come in when he wishes and explain things to us,”
Mamm
said. “Sometimes hard things need to be thought about for a long time before they are spoken.”

“Please,
Mamm
! I've got to know!” Susan begged.

The outside washroom door slammed before
Mamm
could answer, and Susan stepped forward to pull open the door. Teresa came in, meeting Susan's eyes with her own. She gripped the empty wash hamper in her hand.

“Whew! Three loads of laundry washed and hung out. I thought I would never get it all done,” Teresa said. “And did you notice that your dad is back?”

“I know.” Susan turned to her
mamm
. “Can she come with me, please?”

“Go, you two! Teresa, go with Susan and hear what
Daett
has to say,”
Mamm
said, waving with her hand.

Susan gripped Teresa's arm until they reached the barn. Letting go, Susan pulled the door open, stepped inside, and waited until Teresa entered before closing the door. The odor of horses and hay rushed over her. In the dim light, her
daett
's figure appeared by the stalls. He was carrying Toby's bridle in his hand. He threw it over a wooden hook on the wall before approaching the girls.

“We thought we would come out to see what news you brought,” Susan said.

“I don't have much to say right now,” Menno said. “Deacon Ray and I had a
gut
talk.”

“Is that all?” Susan asked. “How did he receive your explanation?”

“Please tell me, Mr. Hostetler,” Teresa said. “I want to know. Even if it is bad news.”

“It's not bad news, Teresa,” Menno said, leaning against the planks of the stall. “We had a long talk, and Deacon Ray is as concerned as I am. I'm not sure how everything will turn out, but Deacon Ray is going to speak with Bishop Henry about changing some things.”

“Like what?” Teresa asked. “You said it wasn't bad news.”

Menno smiled. “
Nee
, Teresa, it's not bad news. Deacon Ray agrees that you should not be forced to marry anyone you don't wish to. Of course, you still can marry Yost if you desire to, but we might have jumped to conclusions too quickly by forcing you to marry as soon as you are baptized. I'm sorry about that, but perhaps it's not too late. The ministry can still change things if they so choose. That is, if you want them to.”

“I don't understand,” Teresa managed. “What is being changed?”

“You might be able to get baptized without having to marry Yost Byler,” Susan said.

“Is that what you mean?” Teresa asked Menno.

“
Yah
,” Menno said. “If you keep the
Ordnung
and listen to the instructions like everyone else, I don't think any of the ministers will object to you joining the church without marrying Yost.”

“What if I want to marry Yost?” Teresa asked. “We are promised to each other.”

“Then it can be done
after
your baptism, like any other couple considering marriage,” Menno said. “And I will give you a place to have the wedding, like I do for my own daughters.”

“Oh, Mr. Hostetler!” Teresa said, her voice breaking. “You're so wonderful. But you really don't have to. I can get married any old place.”

“Daett
!” Susan said, her face the picture of relief. “This is such a turn of events. What brought it about? Deacon Ray rarely changes his mind about anything, and I can't imagine he would have given in to James.”

Menno shook his head. “We talked things over, and he didn't change his mind about James and Teresa. And I didn't try to change that. I only wanted to make sure Teresa's name stayed pure and to get this unjust marriage requirement removed. No one should have to marry because they want to join the community. And I believe Deacon Ray now understands that Teresa is really trying to be part of us, and that her heart is in the right place.”