Following Trouble (9 page)

“Is that what the call was about?”
We hadn’t had a chance to talk about it, but I hadn’t forgotten that morning’s phone call.

“Yeah.”
That tightening of his jaw was back, the dark look in his eyes. I didn’t blame him for being angry. Catherine had hurt him, had cheated on him, had left him, and now she wanted half of what he’d made with Trouble.

The waitress came over to fill our water and bring the check. Rob handed her a credit card and asked for a box for the rest of my Pad Thai. I smiled. He knew me so well already. I could never finish it and always took it home so I could take it to work the next day for lunch.

“So she wants half your assets?” I winced at the thought. How much was that? Did I even want to know?

“She wants half my
damned soul,” he murmured, looking up at the waitress when she returned with a Styrofoam container and his credit card.

“It can’t be that bad.”

“Trust me.” He snorted, slipping his card back into his wallet. “She’s got me by the…
technicals.
”

Our eyes met and we both cracked up, remembering Mikhala’s mistake. Then Rob got a text and dug his phone out of his pocket, making a face.

“Speak of the devil.” He sighed, shaking his head and slipping his phone back into his jeans. “Hey, hurry up with that, we’re gonna be late.”

“Well I can’t leave it,” I protested, grinning as put the rest of my Thai food into the
Styrofoam container. “My taste bugs love this stuff.”

Our eyes met and we both burst out laughing again.

“You look great.” I leaned in and kissed Katie’s cheek.

She took my hand and squeezed it as we sat at a white plastic patio table on mismatched chairs. It was a gorgeous spring day, leaning far over toward summer. Rob sat beside me, draping an arm over the back of my chair.

“Hey Katie,” he said, giving her a brief, one-handed wave. “How you doing?”

“Better than I was the last time you saw me, that’s for sure.” Katie tucked her long blond hair behind her ears, her pale cheeks slightly red. She wasn’t wearing any makeup at all and she looked tired—she had dark circles—but her eyes were bright. She looked okay.

“How is it here?” I asked. We’d only started being allowed to talk on the phone the week before. She’d finally finished with detox and had started individual and group therapy. She had told me she was busy all the time, either in therapy or doing assignments afterward. They did a lot of journaling, a lot of talking.

“It’s horrible.” She made a face. “Painful. Awful… and amazing.”

“That’s what Tyler said.” Rob laughed. “Except for the amazing part. And his facility is, uh… a little more posh than yours.”

“Thank you, by the way.” Katie leaned her elbows on the patio table. “My COBRA insurance ran out last month. I never could have afforded this. And without it… I’d probably be dead by now.”

“It wa
s the least I could do, Katie,” Rob said softly, his hand massaging my shoulder. “I’m just glad you’re taking full advantage of it”

“It only works if you work it, right?”
She gave him a rueful smile.

“One day at a time.”

I looked between them, feeling like something was going over my head. I understood addiction on a rational level, but I had no personal experience. Unless you counted Rob as my personal addiction—and I wasn’t giving him up!

“So…
” Katie traced the lines on the table. “How’s Tyler?”

“He’s out
,” Rob replied. “Getting ready to go on tour.”

“Clean?”

“For now.” He nodded.

“Please don’t let him pick up again, Rob.”
Katie lifted her head and her eyes were shiny, wet .She said she loved him, said she’d fallen for him as hard as I’d fallen for Rob. If that was true, the pain she was in had to be excruciating. I couldn’t even imagine.

“Yo
u know I can’t promise anything,” he said softly. “It’s his disease, not mine.”

“I know. I just…”
She lowered her head again, tracing those straight lines. “I love him.”

“I know.” Rob squeezed my shoulder, as if he comfort Katie by proxy.

“I just want the best for him.” One of Katie’s tears fell onto the table, beading and magnifying the scratches on its worn surface. “I want him to be happy.”

“Well, I had to practically put him in chains to keep from flying to Michigan, so I think the feeling is mutual.”

“I can’t.” She sniffed, wiping her cheeks with the backs of her hands. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen Katie cry. She was impulsive, a little crazy, but never overly emotional. Not like this. “Not… not yet.”

“No, not yet,” Rob agreed.

“I wish I could come with you.” Katie smiled at me, putting on a more Katie-face, a face I was used to, and it suddenly occurred to me that maybe the Katie-face I saw most of the time wasn’t really Katie at all. “Are you going on tour?”

“Ummm… I don’t know.”
I glanced over at Rob. “I have to check with my doctor. We have an appointment today.”

“How are
you
doing?” Definitely more Katie-like now, as if every word away from the talk of Tyler and her addiction helped add layers to some shell she wore. “Still throwing up all the time?”

“No, thank God.”
I found myself more comfortable talking like this, with the Katie I knew, although I wasn’t so sure that was a good thing. It said something about me too, I was sure. “I’m feeling good, actually. Starting to show a little.”

I lifted my shirt, running a hand over the little baby bump there.
Katie’s eyes widened and she smiled, reaching out, impulsive as ever, to touch it. It wasn’t much, really—I could still hide it, cover it with loose-fitting clothing.

“Can you feel it yet?”
she asked, rubbing her hand back and forth under my navel. “Can I feel it?”

“
I can,” I said. “But no one else can yet. It’s too light. It’s like… little butterflies.”

“Like that feeling you get just before a concert starts?”
she asked, sitting back in her chair and giving me a knowing look.

I laughed. “Yeah, kind of like that.”

“Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?”

“We’ll found out today, I hope.”
I smiled over at Rob. I’d hardly been able to sleep last night, between the anticipation of seeing Katie and the idea that Rob would be with me when we found out the gender.

“I can’t believe you’re going to have a baby.”
Katie shook her head, incredulous.

“I can’t either.”
It was more of a reality now than it had been in the beginning, but I was still getting used to the idea.

“Of course, I can’t believe
I got addicted to heroin.” She laughed, shaking her head. “We’ve come a long way, baby.”

“Don’t beat yourself up,” I said, putting a hand on her arm and squeezing.

“You either.” She took my hand and laced her fingers through mine. “Have you told your parents?”

“Not yet.”
Damnit, she knew me so well. It was the thing I dreaded most. “I was kind of hoping Rob would be… free…”

“Ughhh that’s not over yet?”
She made a face, squeezing my hand.

“It’s complicated,” Rob said, his words making me wince. Complicated sucked.

“Isn’t everything?” Katie sighed, looking at him for a moment before changing the subject. “My parents have been great… Surprisingly great. My mom came to visit yesterday. And Dad is coming tomorrow. Flying all the way from California.”

“And
you’ll be out by this weekend,” I reminded her. “You have to be going stir crazy here, ready to get back home?”

“Yeah, well…” She let go of my hand, sitting back in her chair and crossing her arms over her chest. “I…
I’m actually a little scared to be out there on my own. I don’t have anything anymore. I’m about to be evicted from my apartment because I don’t have a job. I can’t…”

“You won’t be on your own.”
I gave Rob an “I told you so” look. Now I was even more determined to stay home. It was only three weeks. I’d survived during that first separation from Rob. I could survive this one. Katie was worth the sacrifice.

“
You’ll be on tour, Bree.” Katie shook her head and sighed.

“Actually, I wa
nted to talk to you about that,” Rob chimed in. “I have a plan.”

I gave him a sharp look.

Katie laughed. “An evil plan?”

“Well, I have to admit, it’s not completely altruistic.”
He grinned. “But I think it will be a win-win for everyone.”

“So what’s your evil plan?”
she asked.

“I want you to
stay at Sabrina’s with Sarah,” he announced. I gaped at him but Katie frowned, head cocked, considering.

“Sarah?”

“You guys can be roommates for a while,” he told her, selling the idea, and not just to her, I knew. He was selling it to me too. “Just until you’re settled. Until you’ve got a job and you’re going to regular meetings. Until you’ve built up your support system.”

“I’m
her support system,” I countered. My best friend needed me, now more than ever. I couldn’t abandon her to some stranger—even as kind as Sarah had been—not when she didn’t have anyone else.

“
I think Katie has to do this,” Rob said, looking across the table and meeting her eyes.

“He’s right, Bree. I do.” Katie nodded slowly.

“But…” I didn’t even know what to say in protest.

“Look, I love you, Bree.” Katie smiled, nudging me with her knee. “But I have to stop relying on you to be the sensible one. I have to learn to be sensible too.”

I stared at her, not saying anything. I knew what she was saying—that I’d enabled her somehow. But how?

“I’ve always been the wild, crazy one.” She sighed. “I get you into trouble—and you get me out of it.”

Well, that was true enough. That had been true since we’d met. We complemented each other that way.

“But I can’t always count on you to get me out of trouble.”

“Yes you can!”

“And you can’t always count on me to push you into going after the things you really want.”

Understanding came slowly, a dawning, and I sat back in my chair, unable to speak. I felt responsible for Katie, for what had happened with Tyler, for her getting mixed up in it. I always felt responsible for Katie. And Katie… she was my wild side. I lived vicariously through her. She did push me, often, into doing things, and I let her. Things like hooking up with a rock star—which was something I had wanted but would have been too afraid, on my own, to pursue. I wouldn’t have Rob without Katie, it was true.

But it was more than that. I felt responsible for Katie when she got in trouble—but Katie served to absolve me of responsibility for myself. Whatever “crazy” actions I took weren’t my fault, after all. Whenever we did something wild together, if it ended badly, I could always blame Katie for getting
me into “trouble.”

“Katie…” I sat, stunned by this new revelation about her, about me. “I’m sorry.”

“You get why I need to do this?” She leaned in toward me, taking my hands, pressing her forehead to mine. “Why
you
need to do this too?”

I closed my eyes, nodding, knowing what she meant. She needed to bail herself out this time
without me. And me—whatever wild and crazy thing I did, like continuing my relationship with a married man and following him to the ends of the earth while carrying his child—I needed to take responsibility for my own choices. They were mine, and mine alone. I couldn’t blame them on my wild, crazy friend anymore.

I felt Rob’s hand on my shoulder, a silent support.

“I love you, Bree.” She rubbed her nose against mine, giving me a smile.

“I love you too.” I put my arms around her and we hugged, long and hard, both of us crying and laughing at the same time.

“So that’s settled then?” Rob smiled as we parted. “You can stay at Sabrina’s with Sarah while Sabrina goes on tour with me?”

“Hey, we still have to talk to my doctor,” I reminded him.

He laughed, shaking his head. “Pending doctor approval, of course.”

“Hey, you guys want to see my room?”
Katie stood, pushing her chair back and reaching for my hand.

We took a walk aro
und the grounds, which were quite nice. The place used to be an old monastery, so many of the offices and all of the residences were former cells, singular, quiet, most of them devoid of windows. The residents put things up on their walls, posters, sayings, most of them twelve-step, things like: “What Other People Think of Me is None of My Business” and “The Road to Resentment is Paved with Expectation.”

“I made t
his.” Katie showed me a charm bracelet, blushing a little when she said, “During craft time. I know, it sounds all kindergarten, but it’s really very Zen.”

“It’s pretty,” I said, holding it up to the light.
The stone was a purple heart.

“It’s supposed to protect you.” She put her hand over mine, closing my fist around the charm. “
I thought you could take it on tour.”

I looked at her for a moment, realizing what a switch that was.

Katie, protecting me.

“Thank you,” I managed.

They announced visiting hours were over via the loudspeakers.

“Do you want us to come again?” I asked as she walked us out toward the parking lot. “B
efore we come get you this weekend?”

“No
.” Katie hugged me and I squeezed her tight. I didn’t want to let go. “I’ll see you then.”

“We love you.”
I sniffed, watching Rob put his arms around her, seeing Katie hold tight to him for a moment.

“We do,” he
said, kissing her cheek.

Katie smiled, a new sort of smile I hadn’t seen before.

“I know.”

* * * *

Dr. Goodman’s office was always overflowing with very obviously pregnant women but I never really noticed them too much when I was going to her for other things, like birth control exams or pap smears. Now I noticed. I looked at all the women in various stages of pregnancy, some with cantaloupes, others basketballs, some even beach balls, their shirts stretched over their baby bumps.

Today I wasn’t baby bump watching though, because everyone kept looking at me. Or, really, they were looking at Rob. He wore his magic sunglasses and a Detroit Tiger’s cap he’d picked up at the mall, but they weren’t really working. There was a very pregnant young girl in the corner—I swear she couldn’t have been fifteen—whispering to a woman that was likely her mother and they kept looking over at us. I was sure she’d recognized Rob and I was making mental bets on how long it would take her to approach him.