Floyd & Mikki (Book 2): Zombie Slayers (Dawn of the Living) (5 page)

Suddenly, around a corner, there it was. A huge armored vehicle with three giant wheels on each side. Each one of the airless Apocalypse tires (made of honeycombed, high-tensile, rubberized plastic so they could never go flat) was as tall as Mikki. A short cannon stuck out of a turret at the top, and two machine guns pointed out of each side.

Floyd thought maybe he had inhaled too much swamp gas from the pit they had trudged through, but Mikki was ecstatic. Afraid of attracting some unknown crowd of creepers in the area, neither made a sound. They just stared at the vehicle, stared at each other, then stared back at the vehicle again. They could almost hear an angel choir singing.

Of course, they had to find a way inside of it, figure out how to drive it, and hope it had enough gas to get them somewhere. It couldn’t get very good gas mileage, but it sure would be fun to drive. They could roll right over anything like they were in a monster truck rally.

It was parked crossways in a rather large intersection. The buildings around here were basically intact, although several had been blown to pieces or had large chunks missing from the walls. Floyd and Mikki ditched the bicycles, but halfway to the vehicle, Floyd stopped and held up a hand. He couldn’t figure out what it was, but his spider sense was tingling.

He had learned to trust his gut over the years. Maybe it was some barely audible sound or some imperceptible smell in the air, but something wasn’t right. Of course, nothing was ever right in this crazy-ass world anymore, but something was more wrong than usual. He grabbed Clyde with both hands and motioned to Mikki to do the same.

They both turned around slowly in a circle, scanning the area, all senses heightened. Eyes scanning for any sign of movement. Ears open for the slightest sound. Nostrils flaring to detect any unusual smell. Hearts pounding, and skin sweating.

There was nothing. Nothing. And yet, there was something. They both knew it. They both felt it. Instincts kicked into high gear.

In an instant, the battle was on. Three brain-eaters dropped to the street out of windows above, landing within feet of the two. Well that was a new one! And there was something else different about these guys. They were definitely zombies, as the peeling skin and rotting flesh indicated, but the gooey film dripping from their eyes and mouths was a bluish green, not white. And although they were still rotting corpses, they looked somehow…healthier (even if their skin was greenish). They wore the remnants of some kind of military urban camouflage.

Floyd and Mikki didn’t stop to take notes or make polite introductions. Within seconds, each had downed one of the creepers with a shotgun blast to the head. The third, however, let out a screaming howl unlike anything the two had ever heard before. It was more unnerving than Cement Head’s roar. It made both of them cringe, and before either could get another shot off, the thing jumped in the air and drop kicked Floyd in the chest, who went flying backward. Bonnie sent a slug that blew out the creature’s brains just before it could jump into the air again.

“What the hell was that?” Mikki asked.

“Hell if I know!” Floyd answered. “Let’s just hope there aren’t more of those around.”

“Yeah, keep hopin’! Here comes the rest of the family!”

Sure enough, five more came running from around a corner. Neither of the experienced Zombie Hunters had ever seen a human corpse move so fast. What was even more surprising was that they seemed to be moving…in formation! As soon as the pack saw Floyd and Mikki, they began echoing that grotesque scream that came from the very bowels of hell. The two took one quick look at each other, then turned and ran.

“We’re we goin’, Floyd?”

“Anywhere but here!”

The behemoth vehicle forgotten for the moment, Floyd headed for a building up the street that seemed intact, with Mikki right behind. Thankfully, the sturdy door was unlocked. He threw it open and slammed it shut as soon as she entered, mere inches ahead of the zombie warriors on her heels. They slammed face first into the closed door.

“Damn, Floyd! You owe these guys money or somethin’? They just keep comin’!”

“I know. It’s like tryin’ to quit the Church of Scientology!”

He leaned over to peek out the window. As soon as his head came into view, a huge brick slammed into the window right in front of him, sending a thousand tiny spider web cracks throughout the glass. Luckily for Floyd, it was safety glass and the window didn’t shatter. Otherwise, he’d be wearing a brick where his head shoulda been.

“Damn!” he shouted, jumping back.

“Well, thank God creepers cain’t turn a doorknob. We’re safe now.”

As if on cue, the knob turned and the door flew open, hitting her in the arm. Floyd reacted instantly, jumping into the gap and blasting away with Clyde. He vaporized the head of the first one and kicked its body backward, but the others were wearing some kind of armored helmet. He fired five more shots into their chests, blowing them backwards until they cleared the doorway. Then he slammed the door shut and threw the deadbolt. Mikki was stunned.

“Are you shittin’ me?” she screamed, as undead hands turned the knob and fists pounded on the door in vain. “Are you freakin’ shittin’ me? Since when can creepers open a damn door?”

“I don’t know. Since when do they drop out of windows and land on their feet?”

Mikki breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed, leaning her back against the door as the creepers kept pounding away. “Yeah, yeah! We hear ya knockin’ but you cain’t come in!” She lit up a cigarette, looked at Floyd and said, “Well, at least
now
we’re safe!”

Two arms burst through the door, one on either side of her, splintering the heavy wood and wrapping around Mikki’s chest, crushing her. The strength of the grip was amazing.

“Floyd! Cain’t…breathe!” she sputtered, the cigarette dropping to the floor.

Throwing Clyde on a nearby table, he swiftly drew his wakazashi and neatly sliced off each arm near the shoulder, careful not to hit Mikki. She lurched forward, gasping in gulps of air as soon as Floyd had disarmed the foe (literally).

Unfortunately, the others soon kicked in the door and jumped inside with unbridled ferocity. Mikki shot one in the head but the slug bounced off its helmet without causing any real damage. She had no time to switch mags to the anti-armor rounds, so she blew its leg off at the knee. It fell down but immediately started trying to get up using the other leg, so she blew that off as well. Floyd sent a zombie head flying with a well-aimed swing just below the bottom of the helmet. That turned out to be the armless one.
One down, four more to go.

He tried swinging at the next in line but the damn thing ducked and swung its arm back, knocking the sword out of Floyd’s hands. Floyd jumped back just in time to miss a crushing blow from its other arm. Clyde was too far away to grab, and Floyd could see his attacker was wearing chest armor, so he pulled his two front pistols and began firing away at the thing’s neck repeatedly until the head fell off and the body stumbled forward and hit the ground.

One of the Super Creepers grabbed Mikki from behind and sunk its teeth deep into her neck. Her thick collar prevented any real damage, but it hurt like a sonofabitch. She sent a slug up through its zombie chin to kill it, then fired again at the other one, but that only made it mad. It jumped at her, kicking her in the chest and sending her through the air into the back wall. She dropped Bonnie somewhere in midflight. Meanwhile, the one with no shins was crawling its way toward her as well.

Floyd dropped his two empty pistols and picked up his sword. He stabbed the crawler in the back, pinning it to the floor, then grabbed Clyde off the table, shoved the end of the barrel into its neck and pulled the trigger. The last one standing bent over and picked up Bonnie, examined it briefly, then aimed it straight at Mikki! He shoved Clyde right against the base of its brain and fired before the undead soldier could pull the trigger. The headless body slumped to the ground.

The silence was deafening.

“Damn, Floyd—”

“
Don’t
say we’re safe again!” he interrupted her.

“No shit, Sherlock!”

Mikki peeked out the broken door to see if there were any more of those things around. “Seems clear for now,” she reported. She unsnapped her collar and asked Floyd to look at her neck.

“Wow!” he said. “Your new boyfriend gave you one helluva hickey. Was it good for you, too?”

“Jealous much? You know you’re the only mindless hunk of man for me.”

“Mindless beats brainless, and you splattered his brains all over the wall. Skin wasn’t broken. It’s already turning purple, but you should be fine.”

“Damn, Floyd! I think we just jumped a whole level on this video game!”

“I reckon so, Mikki. I reckon so.”

“This ain’t right, Floyd. What the hell just happened? I don’t get it.”

“I think I do. Remember what Colonel Trowbridge said about military guys getting an injection that didn’t work? I think we just met a few of them.”

“Yeah. He said they was faster, stronger and smarter than normal creepers, but I never expected any damn Super Zombies! That damn creeper picked up my gun! And it looked like it knew how to use it!”

“We’re gonna have to step up our game. How’s the arm where the door hit you?”

“It’s pretty bruised and it’s gonna hurt like a sonofabitch for a while, but it ain’t broken. How about you? Any broken ribs?”

“Not that I know of. Can’t exactly set a broken rib, anyhow.”

“Well, you’re not coughin’ up blood, so that’s a good sign.”

“NSS.”

Floyd winked and Mikki and she laughed. It was good to laugh. They both understood that you can’t laugh when you’re dead.

“So what’s the plan?” Mikki asked.

“The plan is not to run into any of those damn Super Z’s again!”

“Now, that’s a plan I
will
follow.”

“Let’s take a look at that big truck. And pray to God there ain’t more of those things inside it.”

“I don’t think there are. If there were, they would have blown the shit out of us or stomped right over us when their buddies started that howling.”

“Good point. We probably finished the last of them in the nearby area. Probably. I’d sure feel better sitting inside an armored whatever-that-thing-is than riding down the freeway on those stupid bicycles.”

“For once, I’ll agree with you about the bikes. We’re in a world o’ shit now, Floyd.”

Mikki remembered reading
The Zombie Apocalypse Survival Handbook: How to Live with the Undead
over and over. She had pretty much memorized the whole thing, word for word, adding her own notes in the margins over the many months. It never mentioned anything like this. They needed a whole new handbook now. One that nobody had written yet.

They made their way as silently as possible back to the armored vehicle. Both were spooked as hell. They didn’t feel the presence of any more Super Z’s, but they were pretty rattled, nonetheless. Every hair on the back of their necks was standing at attention. They did not want a repeat of the last battle. For once, even Mikki was intent on avoiding a fight.

The vehicle was painted in black and gray shades of urban camouflage. There was no door on the side but an iron ladder led up to the top. They climbed to the turret and found a hatch. Floyd opened it with no problem while Mikki pointed Bonnie down into the hole. It was empty. They both breathed a sigh of relief.

Floyd dropped inside first and shut the lid, making sure it would open from the inside while Mikki waited on the roof. The hatch worked fine from the inside, as well. It might have been an overabundance of caution, but Floyd was ill-inclined to trust anything anymore. His entire world had been turned upside down – yet again!

Super Zombies in battle armor? That can turn doorknobs and use firearms? It was like trying to fight Superman without any kryptonite. Floyd was really missing Zeke’s antipersonnel Mini Uzi rounds now!

She joined him inside and they closed the hatch. She wanted to say they were certainly safe now, but couldn’t bring the words to her lips. Instead, she silently joined Floyd in inspecting every inch of the interior. Floyd took a look at the controls and couldn’t figure them out.

Mikki pulled something from a small cabinet on the inside wall and threw it down onto the console in front of Floyd. “This might help,” she said.

It was the manual!
Technical Order TO59827: Obama Tactical Assault Vehicle
. Republicans had tried to fund the project for years but Democrats kept blocking any increase in defense spending. So the Republicans started naming weapons systems after popular Democrat politicians to get funding. The Biden-class submarine was the most advanced stealth submarine in the world. Floyd leafed through it, but Mikki grabbed it out of his hands when he got to the chapter on weapons systems. She tore out the that part of the manual and handed the rest of it back to Floyd.

Now this was good reading! Mikki checked out the mini cannon in the turret and counted the remaining supply of shells. There was a lot of empty space, but seven shells remained. No doubt this is what had caused the major holes in the nearby buildings. Next she examined the four machine gun ports. Each gun had huge magazines that were much larger than any bullet she had seen before. According to the manual, the magazine didn’t just hold the cartridges, but also held the spent shell casings. That made a lot of sense, as it prevented hot spent shells from spraying all over the interior when firing.

The turret cannon was controlled from a screen on the front panel, in front of the passenger seat, but the side guns had to be operated manually. That explained the six cots on the walls, three on each side. They folded down for sleeping. There were several weapons racks, as well, but like the cots, they were all empty.

Mikki popped out one of the side gun magazines and inspected the bullets. “Hey, Floyd! These things use 9mm ammunition! These oughta fit our Uzis, dontcha think?”

She tossed him a magazine, he looked it over and agreed. “Yeah, these should do nicely. Gotta be at least 80 rounds in each of these huge mags. I’m starting to feel a lot better about our firepower now. We’ll have to test it out first, though. Don’t want a Mini Uzi blowin’ up in our faces in the middle of a firefight.”

“Yeah, that could be bad, alright.”

“How many rounds do we have?”

“Not sure. We got a ton of magazines, but I can’t tell how many are empty ‘til I look at ‘em all. I’ll get you an accurate count. You figure out how to drive this rig yet?”

“I think so. Get a load of this picture in the manual. The front and back wheels turn in opposite directions, so this thing can spin around on itself with very little room. It’s made to bust through any wall or crush anything in its way. Even mine resistant, so it can run over an IED and keep on going.”

“Well, what’re ya waitin’ for? Let’s fire this puppy up!”

Floyd held his breath and pushed the starter button. Nothing happened. All the air went out of Floyd’s balloon. He tried again. Nothing again.

“Try turnin’ the key first,” Mikki suggested, pointing to a key in the ignition.

Floyd looked back at the manual and his face turned beet red from embarrassment. He turned the key and hit the starter button again, hoping against all hope. A low but powerful hum began, but there was no real sound of an engine, since it ran on giant rechargeable batteries. A series of video screens came to life on the panel, explaining why there were no windows in the vehicle. Air ports in the ceiling all slammed shut and fans came to life to scrub and circulate the air, while maintaining a comfortable temperature. According to the manual, air ports opened automatically when the vehicle was off to prevent suffocation, although there was a manual operation to open or close them as well.

Floyd and Mikki stared at each other in wide-eyed disbelief, then simultaneously let out loud hollers of ecstatic delight.

“
Yee-haw!!!
Yeah
, baby! We got us some wheels now, Floyd! You bet yer ass, we do!” She leaned over and gave him a great big kiss on the lips. “Whadda ya say we break this thing in, Floyd?”

“Fine with me!” he replied.

Floyd was ready to throw Behemoth into drive and take it for a spin, but Mikki turned the key and the engine died. She had a wild look in her eye, and it finally dawned on him that she wanted to “break it in” in a different way. She buried her tongue in his mouth and pulled him to the floor with her. A more thorough inspection of the rest of the vehicle would have to wait.