Flora's Dare: How a Girl of Spirit Gambles All to Expand Her Vocabulary, Confront a Bouncing Boy Terror, and Try to Save Califa from a Shaky Doom (Despite Being Confined to Her Room)
Authors: Ysabeau S. Wilce
Sample Chapter from FLORA’S FURY
Copyright © 2008 by Ysabeau S. Wilce
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The Library of Congress has cataloged the print edition as follows:
Wilce, Ysabeau S.
Flora’s dare: how a girl of spirit gambles all to expand her vocabulary confront a bouncing boy terror, and try to save Califa from a shaky doom (despite being confined to her room)/Ysabeau S. Wilce.
p. cm.
Summary: Fourteen-year-old Flora Fyrdraaca fights a giant sea creature, rescues her best friend from a mass murderer, and more, all while lamenting her father’s newly strict enforcement of household rules now that he is no longer drinking.
[1. Fantasy.] I. Title.
PZ7.W6438Fl 2008
[Fic]—dc22 2007035764
ISBN 978-0-15-205427-4
eISBN 978-0-547-48779-3
v2.0712
For Jam, my favorite kind
In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare seize the fire?
What I Learned Last Term—WILLIAM BLAKE
An Essay by
Flora Nemain Fyrdraaca ov Fyrdraaca
Senior Class
Sanctuary School
City of Califa
Republic of Califa
- Do not trust banished Butlers who promise they will do your chores but are actually tricking you into giving them all your Will so that you start fading into Nothing.
- Accidentally inhaling a Gramatica Invocation really hurts and can result in very sparkly upchucking.
- The trick to forging a signature is turning the original upside down before you try to copy it.
- After a week in the bottom of an oubliette, even great heroes smell pretty bad.
- Eight-foot-tall blue praterhuman entities with razor-sharp fangs, needle-sharp mustachios, and shiny sharp tusks can actually be quite nice.
- It is easier to face your greatest enemy when you look fantastic.
- Nothing is stronger than your own Will.
O
F COURSE
, these things are not what I was
supposed
to learn last term.
When Archangel Bob gave out this assignment (and I’d like to point out it’s entirely unfair to have to do homework over the holiday break), I know he expected me to list the things I’d learned last term at Sanctuary School. And I was supposed to learn a lot. For example, in Charm and Deportment I was supposed to learn how to say no without giving offense. In Scriptive I was supposed to learn how to write beautifully in Splendiferous Script. In Dressmaking I was supposed to learn how to inset sleeves and make cartridge pleats. In Math I was supposed to learn how to calculate square roots.
Ayah, so I did learn how to read Splendiferous Script (though I never quite managed to learn how to write it—at least not legibly), but who uses Splendiferous Script anymore? Only government clerks and really old people—neither of which I am. I didn’t quite manage the rest of the lessons, but so what? If people get offended when you say no, isn’t that their problem, not yours? I don’t like cartridge pleats; they make your waist look too big, and my waist looks big enough as it is. And who needs to know how to calculate a square root? Only engineers, accountants, and gunners, none of which I plan to be.
I am going to be a ranger. And rangers do not waste their time sitting in a classroom. The greatest ranger of them all—Nyana Keegan, better known as Nini Mo—chronicled her adventures in a series of yellowback novels called Nini Mo: Coyote Queen.
(Coyote
being the slangy term for ranger, of course.) There is no yellowback called
Nini Mo Sits in Math Class,
or
Nini Mo and the Curse of the Overdue Library Book,
or
Nini Mo vs. the Term Paper on the Orthogonal Uses of Liminal Spaces in the Novels of Lucretia McWordypants.
Rangers are not bound by rules and regulations. Rangers move silently through the world, unnoticed and unknown, and yet they see everything. They are clever, cunning, and shrewd. Rangers are adept at working the magickal Current. They can cross from the Waking World to Elsewhere as easily as moving from one room to another. They follow their own Wills, not the Wills of others. They are to their own selves true. They seek out secret truths, and find that which has been hidden.
Nini Mo did not let school interfere with her education, and neither do I. To be fair, I will admit that sometimes the stuff they try to stuff down you is helpful: For example, when you are running from a hungry domicilic denizen you are pretty glad that you didn’t skip gym class. And when you have to go to your family’s worst enemy and beg for his help, it is useful to have practiced your manners in Charm and Deportment until they are perfect.
But overall, after ten years of school, I can state with authority that formal education is all about sitting and listening and repeating and reading, and doing busy work. Calculate,
If Udo has four cupcakes and you have six cupcakes, which cupcake is blue?
And,
Define the word
defenestration
and use it in a sentence. (Before you defenestrate your math book, you should open the window first.)
Write out,
I will not return my library books two weeks late ever again,
one hundred and fifty times. Maybe these things are useful in school, but they are not very helpful in Real Life.
And this I learned the hard way—in Real Life.
My Real Life education started in the middle of last term, when I accidentally found Valefor, our family’s long banished Butler, locked in the Bibliotheca Mayor. Val was pretty sad about being locked in the library, powerless to keep up our House; I was pretty sad about the decrepit state of Crackpot Hall. We struck a deal: In return for help with my chores (I know—it does sound stupid now, doesn’t it?—but I had
a lot
of chores), I would share my Anima with him—my Will, my spirit—and try to restore him. (This turned out to be Lesson One.)
To restore Val, Udo (my best friend, who also does not allow school to interfere with his education—or his fashion sense) and I had to find Valefor’s fetish, which we almost did, thanks to a handy-dandy Discernment Sigil we found in the handy-dandy magickal handbook
The Es-chatanomicon.
(Here’s Lesson Two.) But before we could restore Val to full power, I discovered that Mamma, who is the Commanding General of the Army of Califa, had captured the infamous Dainty Pirate and was going to hang him. The infamous Dainty Pirate turned out to be Boy Hansgen, the last true ranger, in disguise. Udo and I couldn’t let the last true ranger die, so we tried to rescue him. This involved a forged order of release and a deep-cover infiltration of Zoo Battery, where he was being held. (Lessons Three and Four.) We almost succeeded, but at the last minute, Boy Hansgen was snatched away from us, and killed.
This failure was crushing, horrific, excruciating, awful. But the worst was to come: I then discovered that Valefor had infected me with Anima Enervation—a dreadful magickal wasting disease of the Will. If we did not restore Valefor immediately, he would dwindle and disappear into the Abyss of Nowhere—and take me with him.
But the Restoration Sigil required a Semiote Verb—a Gramatica Word so concentrated that it could be in only one place at a time—and that Semiote Verb was kept at Bilskinir House. Ayah, Bilskinir House, the House of the Haðraaða Family, closed ever since the last Haðraaða died years ago. Closed and guarded by a fearsome Butler called Paimon, a denizen whose sharp appetite and sharper teeth were legendary for their ferocity.
We had no choice. If I was to be saved—if Valefor was to be saved—Udo and I had to get into Bilskinir House, and hope to sneak by Paimon, steal the Word, and scarper without running into any sharpness—teeth, tusks, or otherwise. Lucky for us, Bilskinir was not nearly as boo-spooky as we’d heard, and Paimon, although fearsome, was welcoming. And an excellent cook, too, which I suppose makes sense, as by their very nature domicilic denizens are domestic. (Lesson Five.) But instead of giving us the Semiote Verb, Paimon gave us really awful news. Only Mamma, the Head of the Fyrdraaca House, could restore Valefor. And Mamma was out of town. By the time she came home, it would be too late; Val and I would have vanished into the Abyss of Nowhere.
After a slight misunderstanding and an accidental side trip into Bilskinir’s past, where we met Poppy, much younger and far less crazy than he is now, Udo and I came up with a new plan. I had only one hope: Go to Lord Axacaya, the City’s greatest magickal adept—and Mamma’s greatest enemy—and beg him for help. I quivered at the thought. But,
Desperation makes you desperate,
said Nini Mo. I had no choice. (Lesson Six.)
Well, Lord Axacaya wasn’t so very helpful. In fact, he was downright mean. He pointed out the flaws in my recent behavior: that I had gone behind Mamma’s back to help Valefor in the first place, that I had no business meddling in the City’s politics by trying to rescue Boy Hansgen, and that I had lied, cheated, stolen, and forged. True, in retrospect, I
had
been quite a snapperhead, but that was no reason for Lord Axacaya to threaten my family, which he did, saying that it was Mamma and Poppy’s fault that I was so badly brought up, that it was Poppy’s fault I was gallivanting around causing trouble. The meaner Lord Axacaya was, the angrier I got. If I’d been a snapperhead, that was
my
problem—Mamma and Poppy weren’t to blame.
I exploded in rage—and my fury saved me. My anger strengthened my Will and broke the link between me and Valefor. I refused to be pushed around anymore by anyone, and that turned out to be the thing that saved me. (Lesson Seven.) And Lord Axacaya had only been baiting me, to get me to stand up for myself; once I was myself again, he was really quite gracious. I’m not sure why Mamma hates him so.
(Oh, and Lesson Eight: Don’t always believe your eyes. Udo and I had thought we had seen Lord Axacaya’s guards kill Boy Hansgen, but they had only made it look like they did. Actually, they had allowed Boy Hansgen to escape.)
