Flirting With Magick (23 page)

Fiji.
"My old place - Mum and Dad's." Why didn't I just say Fiji?

"Oh, um I heard what happened. I'm sorry." Of course he would
know. Dianne probably told Troy. "I just wanted to see if you were okay."

"Thanks." I answered, too late to hide the inflection of defense in my voice. "I'm fine."

"I'm not trying to step in or anything. I'm ringing as a friend." Josh
had obviously caught my guarded tone.

"I have enough friends, Josh," I replied, then softened my tone, "Bu
t thank you."

"Are you near a landline? Can I call you at your mum and dad's?"

"
Okay. I'm not there now, but it would be nice to chat I guess. You'v
e still got the number?" Why was I doing this?

"Yes, I'll ring you tonight."

"Okay."

I hung up and thought of why I should stay single. Yes, it was
definitely easier. No, I didn’t need a boyfriend. But I supposed havi
ng another friend wouldn’t hurt.

Moon Phase: Waning

On small pieces of paper, write down words that represent your
hurt and anger, allowing yourself to feel each as they are written down
.

Burn each of them in a fireproof container, and feel yourself lettin
g go of the feelings as the words are extinguished.

Allow yourself to draw in positive feelings of love as the anger and h
urt dissipate.

Thank the universe for its help.

JOSH’S INITIAL PHONE CALL
to my childhood home while I was there had both comforted and unsettled me. A part of me longed for
his familiar and comforting presence, while my more sensible side w
as
still untrusting and suspicious of him
—
both his motives, and whet
her
he was likely to draw me into a false sense of security and piss off again.

The comforting smell of vanilla and jasmine greeted me as I unlocked
the door to my flat. As much as I enjoyed the break, I ended up thinking
too much. I realised how much I did miss Josh. I had to admit I ad
ored
our phone conversations the past week. My wounds had slowly hea
led
but had been reopened by Sean and Scott in the last few months. Josh
was becoming the easy way out
—
the ‘better the devil you know’
compromise. Our conversations were easy. We had a lot of history to cover; anecdotes and memories could be shared rather than told, and
there was a warm comfort in phrases beginning with ‘Remember
when....’
Like when we first met:

It was at Dianne and Troy's work Christmas Party. That sounded weird, but they were actually going out at the time. It’s funny when I think of it now. Of course it wasn’t as though they were completely besotted with each other, or that it was the romance of the century. It
lasted about a month, if that, before they realised they actually preferred
being friends. Anyway, Di and Troy were about two weeks into their
relationship at the time. As it was usual to bring a partner, they decide
d
to make it more fun by still bringing a friend each, rather than just
taking each other. I was already a friend of Troy’s due to being Di's
regular Christmas Party date (at least up until Simon came along) and
even moreso then; as he was spending a lot of time at the home I shared with Di. Josh had recently returned to Melbourne after a couple of years
working overseas. I'd heard about him from Troy in the old ‘My friend
Josh blah blah blah…’ stories, but nothing had really piqued my interest
in him.

Dianne and I got ready together at our flat, the two of us squashed
next to each other in a bathroom roughly the size of your average
wardrobe, trying to each get the best of the single bulb light as we
applied our makeup and styled our hair. I was still in awe that she an
d Troy were going out. They had always gotten along brilliantly, but in
more of a jokey, platonic way. "I had no idea you were even interested
in him," I had said in between hairdryer blasts.

"I actually wasn't," she confessed, crinkling her face as hairspray
was blasted somewhere around the vicinity of her head. She explained
that they had gone out for what had been usual drinks after work one
Friday evening and ended up in bed at Troy's house. "The next morn
ing
I just looked at him for the first time as more than a friend.” She misted
makeup setting spray onto her perfected porcelain skin and gave her
look a final
once-over. “It's nothing serious
; we're just having a good time
."

"
So what's he like in bed?" I asked, out of curiosity. Troy was very
cute with his deep dimples, dark eyes, and a smile that lit up his wh
ole face, but it was hard to picture him in the throes of passion.

Di fixed me with a stern look, and for a moment, I thought she was
about to tell me it was none of my business, which in all honesty wo
uld have completely floored me.

"Do you seriously think I would have asked him out if he was shit?"

Troy and Josh were waiting outside the restaurant when we arrived
. After kissing Di, Troy embraced me in a bear hug, lifting me up high
above the ground
—
he was so tall
—
before allowing me to lay eyes
properly on Josh. The first things I observed were his ridiculously long
lashes framing his intense hazel eyes. His handshake was firm, and he
appeared to study me closely as I politely said hello. I noticed he nodded
at me rather than smiled, but his demeanour was otherwise friendly.

"
He seems nice," I said to Di when she and I excused ourselves for
a gossip in the bathroom after the first course. "He's not talking much
though. I think he's joined the Jemma fan club; she seems to have wo
n him over."

"
You think?” Di screwed up her nose. “Nah, she only acts like that
around guys who aren't interested in her. Likes the challenge I guess."

Josh was alone when I joined him back at the table. He sipped lightly
on his beer before speaking. "I can't believe we haven't met before no
w."

"I guess it would be a bit hard with you overseas and all." He looked up suddenly, and I realised I had inadvertently sounded sarcastic. "How
long were you away? Where did you go?" I asked hurriedly in an atte
mpt to smooth it over.

He laughed for the first time that evening. It was even the first time
I had seen him smile, and I liked the way his eyes crinkled do
wnwards so his irises seemed almost nonexistent.

"You're right, you know. I had just been thinking that you seem so tight with Troy and Di. It would almost be natural for us to know each other well, too."

Was he flirting with me?

He continued, "Anyway, would you have dinner with me sometime?"

Shocked by his brashness and the fact that he had asked me out, I had taken some time to answer.

"It's okay, you don't have to." He blurted out quickly. I then realised
his swift questioning was due to nerves.

"I'd love to," I answered before he could write it off completely.

***

Our first date was at an Italian restaurant in the city. I had stupid
ly
been watching my weight so ordered Spaghetti Marinara, even though
I
was dying for something with cream in it, then carelessly flicked napoli
sauce all over my face and shirt. Josh politely pretended not to notice as I wiped myself with my napkin, the tomato settling cozily into the
front of my pastel top, while trying to keep up conversation. Than
kfully
this wasn't difficult, as our initial awkwardness was absent. The surroun
ding diners—the couple arguing at the table beside us, the raucous fiftieth birthday party with the overweight gentlemen who were constantly rubbing their bottoms on the back of my head as they squeezed past
to use the bathroom or speak to the management, soon went unnoticed
by us as we sat immersed in conversation.

As our dinner ended and we became further unaware of those aroun
d
us,
Josh leaned
in, pulled me towards him, and kissed me. From somewhere
nearby, I heard someone cough and say "your bill".

“I’ll get this,” I whispered, grabbing the folder before he could
make a move towards it.

“Can I see you again?” He had asked in between kisses at my
front door.

"When?" I asked breathlessly.

"All the time."

And that was the beginning of three long years.

***

I did a quick tidy up of my house and was annoyed to discover that
I needed to replace a fuse on my stove.

The deep purple spine of the spell book beckoned me as I sat down
, and I pulled it out, just intending to browse through the pages while
I relaxed with a cup of tea
—
except for the 'love' chapter. Stupid spell.
Maybe I did mess it up by picturing Josh in my head while I was doing
it. Perhaps I got the ingredients wrong. The piece of paper was still in
the top drawer of my bedside table.

When I fetched it, I thought of Kate downstairs, who would most
likely have Nathan with her. I guessed it really did work for her inste
ad. Good for Kate.
That can be my little gift to her.
Instead of tossing it out, I unfolded it and quickly slipped it between two of the pages in the
'love' chapter
—
just in case throwing it away might ruin things for her.

I flipped to the 'Abundance' chapter which hosted a myriad of
magick spells to attract money. My salary was modest and allowed me
to easily pay rent, buy food, and a few small luxuries. But anything
big, such as a holiday, or even fixing my car again, wasn't as affordable
.
Surely it wouldn't hurt to give one spell a go; besides, it seemed I had
done pretty well with the career spell, and this was related. Maybe I just sucked at the love ones. Maybe I should get a lotto ticket.

I got out a candle fresh from the packet, carved a dollar sign into
it with a skewer, and placed it in a new candle-holder which bore a
pentagram; a five pointed star within a circle. I created an imaginary
circle and visualised myself spending money, mainly on shoes and
handbags, but hey, whatever worked. I also envisioned having lots in
the bank and always having enough for emergencies.

By the time I opened my eyes and finished, the room was darker as the sun had begun to set, bathing my flat in yellow and giving the room a sepia quality. A shiver ran through me as a dog barked a few
houses down, and then there was nothing but the low mumble of car
s
in the distance. The shrill tone of the phone shattered the strange silence.

“Have dinner with me tonight,” said Josh through the line. It was
on the demanding side of suggestion rather than a question, but I decided
to just go with it. I had no plans and was too tired go out after my long
drive home and concentrating on the spell, let alone the busted stove
thwarting any cooking attempts anyway. Still, I couldn’t let Josh ma
ke all the rules, and here was a newly tidied house to enjoy.

“That would be fine.” I replied. If we could be friends we had to start somewhere. “Can you please grab some takeaway on your way
over here?” It struck me how quickly I had switched back into my old
mode with him; I had made it sound as though he was out for the da
y
and I was asking him to bring home a meal, as had often happened whe
n we were together.

He paused for a second, no doubt working out the implications of joining me on my turf rather than neutral ground as we had done since our break up, then simply said, "Okay".

He looked relaxed when I open my door to him, and I felt the same
. We were two old friends, ex-lovers, renewing what could be a lovely friendship. That was all this was, and all I wanted it to be. Josh was
comfortable, familiar, someone with whom I had shared laughter,
conversation and tears. He knew my family history; he knew
my
histor
y
and understood my little quirks. Whilst unpacking the food, he got
out a spoon for each dish, rather than expecting we use the same one repeatedly throughout—something that he knew drove me nuts.

Our conversations, whilst lengthy and animated, were devoid of
intimacy, and halfway through the second course I could feel the energy
in the room shift as our lively banter turned to relationships. Josh
maintained that he had been single whilst living in Sydney as, of cou
rse,
his leaving was purely career based. He had returned to his old employer
in Melbourne as the new sports reporter.

"Was it just the guy from work you were seeing?" he asked.

I nodded. He knew about Sean, and there was no point mentioning
Scott. That one hadn't technically been a relationship, and my sex life post Josh was none of his business. Besides, the operative word was ‘
seeing’ not ‘shagging’. Josh’s face darkened when he mentioned Sean
,
and I had to admit it was rather heartening to see that he was jealous
. All that time we were dating, he was calling the shots, and now I had the upper hand. Well I wasn’t naïve, trusting little Abigail anymore.
If Josh wanted back into my life, he had to work for it; he had to
prove himself.