Flicker (13 page)

              “I just...” She finally broke his gaze, more comfortable looking at the carpet as she tried to explain. “No one else let me off the hook for this-- not really. My parents, deep down, blame me for the fact that we had to move. They don't want to, but they do. None of my old friends ever tried to find me-- they're happier that I'm gone. If everyone else blames me, how can I not do the same? They can't all be wrong.”

              “They can be, Elise, and frankly, they are. You can stop blaming yourself because you're smarter than they are, and you know more. But more than that, you're an entirely different species than the majority of them. They aren't going to understand you.”

              She looked up at him hesitantly. “Am I a different species from my parents?”

              Alex relaxed just a bit at the change of subject, though Elise could still detect traces of simmering fury deep inside him. “No, you aren't. Vampirism is a genetic trait-- it requires at least one vampire parent to pass on. In your case, both of your parents are latent.” She cast him a quizzical glance, and he shrugged nonchalantly. “After I walked you home the first time, I hung around long enough to see them both. Again, little one, I've had a long time to master these sorts of things. I can tell our kind when I feel them.”

              Elise didn't completely break contact with him, but she eased a few inches away from him so she could study him properly. He seemed to understand that she needed a moment to process, and waited quietly. Her head was spinning. She had found out more than she had hoped to about him, never mind about herself, and telling her story... She still felt wrung out by the experience. But Alex had believed her, accepting everything she'd told him without question. His anger, unlike her father's, hadn't made her feel even more violated-- he listened to her. He wanted to help her heal, and she had the impression he would follow her lead on how that needed to happen. She felt like he was the first person who was truly on her side.

              And then he had opened up about himself, his world. He had answered all of her questions kindly, without mocking her or making her feel stupid. She wasn't naive enough to think that he didn't want anything from her in return for his kindness and openness, but she was beginning to believe that whatever he wanted wouldn't hurt her. She was stunned to find that her first instinct was to trust him, when she hadn't trusted anyone for so long. Gone were the days when his burning eyes and unbreakable grip had scared her-- now he truly made her feel safe.

              So, with these groundbreaking revelations and new-found sureties fresh in mind, she cast back to what they had been talking about before her most recent breakdown. Casting a sly glance up into his eyes, she smirked.

              “So, you can make me melt into a little puddle of lust with your Jedi mind powers?” She teased.

              His face was somber as he replied, glad that she had internalized their weighty conversation and been willing to continue it, but understanding that her light, flirtatious question had serious undertones. “I could,” he replied seriously. “And I won't ask you to trust that I won't. But as you and I are of the same species, the problem for me is that my doing so would be a double-edged sword. As I open myself to influence you, I also open myself to anything you're projecting. Anything I make you feel, I also feel from you, which in turn is transferred back to you-- this feedback loop is something that makes gatherings of our kind very interesting. Casual lust becomes an orgy, an argument becomes a bloodbath-- it's why, with very few exceptions, we tend to stay away from each other. Every emotion is magnified, multiplied-- and there's not much we can do about it, really.

              “It happened earlier, too, when we were both so calm. I nudged you into relaxing just a bit-- no, don't look at me like that.” For Elise had cast a scathing glare at him, furious at the idea that he had manipulated her while she was so vulnerable. But he held up a hand to quiet her, and she decided that she ought to let him explain. “It's not something I can help-- our abilities are so closely tied into our emotions that if I had closed off my wish to calm you, I would have closed myself off from any ability to empathize. I got the impression you wouldn't appreciate a cold, unfeeling reception of your tale. But once you started to relax, you projected your own peace, and I was so open to you that I started to calm down, as well, which in turn calmed you more, which relaxed me-- you see where this is going. And the more we exchanged energy and emotion, the more closely we were tied, as we saw when you started finishing my sentences. And, if I'm not mistaken, you knew what I was feeling even when I didn't say anything.”

              She stared at him for a moment, absorbing everything he'd said. Then, quite suddenly, she blushed as she realized an implication in his words. “So in bed...”

              He laughed. “Yes, in bed things can get quite... intense. I'm sure you've had some hint about that already.” She blushed even more fiercely, and he chuckled. Suddenly playful, he reached out to tweak her nose. “Have I told you lately that you're adorable?”

              She raised an eyebrow, smiling wryly. “I don't get that one very often.”

              “Well, it's true,” he said decisively.

              Impulsively, she reached out to him. She hadn't had the courage before to just touch him casually, but after the intensity of their interactions, she felt more stupid not touching him. As her fingers neared him, she noticed Alex go very still, as if he didn't want to do anything that might discourage her. Taking heart from his care, she gently stroked down his arm, her fingers playing over the back of his hand. It was electric, the feeling of freedom that came from casually reaching out to another person without fear. Alex stayed frozen for a few moments, but she got the impression-- she realized belatedly that he was probably open to her, allowing her to feel his emotions-- that keeping still under her touch was too difficult. He wanted to touch her, too, to wrap his arms around her and bury his face in her hair and run his hands over--

              In a flash, he grabbed her hand, his fingers twining with hers, holding her hand still. He grinned at her a little sheepishly. “See what I mean about the magnification?”

              Elise was breathing just a little quickly, her eyes a bit too wide. She nodded, then giggled. “So...” she trailed off, imagining the possibilities of exploring the magnification effect in greater detail. Then she realized that he could probably see at least glimpses of what she was thinking, and her eyes grew huge. Her face went beet red as she looked slowly up at him; he was very clearly struggling not to laugh.

              “I guess there's a little bit of a learning curve...” she said in a tiny voice.

              That was apparently the last straw for Alex-- he burst out laughing. Even without his emotional influence, she would have smiled in response-- his laugh was full, joyous, and it transformed his face from handsome to heartbreaking. His eyes sparkled as he looked down at her, and he cupped her face gently in his hand. “Don't worry, little one; you'll get the hang of it.”

              She suddenly got the impression that as amused as he was with their exchanges, he was also more than a little puzzled by the raw power of the energy they were trading. His mind played rapidly over old books and conversations, hinting at something deeper that he had heard about from others but never quite believed. She felt like she was trailing behind the speed of his thoughts, his true meaning just slightly out of her grasp. He felt her curiosity and his expression became less exuberant and more serene. “I guess there's a learning curve for me, too,” he said ruefully.

              “What were you thinking about, just now?” She asked, troubled after such a close connection that she couldn't read him now.

              His smile was small, and a little sad, and for the life of her she couldn't tell why. “After so much sharing at one time, allow me a few mysteries for next time, will you?”

              He was shutting her out again, she realized, feeling suddenly very cold and alone. “Will there be a next time?” She asked quietly. He must have heard the emotion in her voice, because he reached out and pulled her back into his arms.

              “Oh, little girl, don't be afraid. That was your first real exchange with a person in a very long time, and with another of your own kind, no less; I understand you don't want to let go. But...” He sighed. “I'm unsure. What I had been thinking of... it's rumors, only-- old wives' tales. I don't feel comfortable speaking on such things without more certainty. Please don't think less of me?” Elise caught the quiet pleading under his unease, and realized he was opening back up to her. She settled into his arms and shushed to him.

              “Shh, I know-- it's okay. I guess I forgot that this is probably more than you've opened up to anyone in a long time, too. So... look, just promise me you won't just leave me after this? With... energy, I mean. We were so close, it was like being two parts of the same person... I understand, we definitely can't do that all the time. But... we can do it again?” She stumbled through the question hesitantly, hating how weak she sounded but too afraid not to ask.

              He smiled down at her. “Of course. And I'll teach you, too-- I can teach you so much. So next time, I won't be emoting all over you.” Abruptly, Elise got the impression that he had been defusing all of their intimate situations before they went too far for exactly that reason-- he didn't want her too influenced by his mind, if they were going to take their relationship to such lengths. She couldn't possibly put into words the realization, or her gratitude for it, so she looked up into his eyes, trying for the first time to project her emotions into him.

              Alex's eyes widened and he sucked in a tight breath through his teeth, his arms tensing around her. She allowed herself a small, proud smirk, her eyebrows raised. Apparently, it had worked. Wanting to continue their playful banter, she widened her smirk in to a grin. “I'd like that a lot,” she said.

              Alex answered her grin with his predator’s smile, and she shivered at the sight of it. He tightened his arms around her, abruptly heating the mood once more. “But meanwhile, I've got you helpless, and I think I might take advantage of that,” he growled in her ear.

              Elise squeaked, but tried her best to hold her mind separate from his, however that worked. “Oh, no, you don't!” She cried, pushing away from him playfully. He obligingly opened his arms, and she sprang to her feet. “If you're not going to be emotional with me, then none of that! Jeez, you're such a guy!” She grinned as she snatched a pillow off the chair and chucked it at him.

              Alex sat like a statue as the pillow thumped into the amused smirk on his face. “Well, then, what do you want to do?”

              She shook out her skirts, then started combing her hair back with her fingers, twisting it up into a quick, sleek bun. “I'm stealing your kitchen and making some peanut butter and jelly. Vampires do have peanut butter and jelly in their houses, right? You want one?”

              “My goodness, I had no idea you were so culinarily inclined.” He was still smirking as he stood and straightened his slightly rumpled t-shirt and jeans.

              “What can I say? I'm talented. ” She laughed as she started down the hall, trusting that he would be behind her.

              As the sun sank toward the horizon, Alex walked her home. To his credit, Elise thought, he decided not to comment when she shyly slipped her hand into his. For a few minutes, they walked in comfortable silence, Elise enjoying the cool autumn air and Alex enjoying her serenity. Then she turned to him, and felt a brief brush of his amused exasperation as he prepared for another barrage of questions. She smiled at him.

              “Only one, really, I promise,” she said in response to his thought, and watched his mouth open for a moment in surprise, then relax into a grin.

              “It has been many, many years since I spent time in open contact with another of our kind,” he said softly, gazing down at her fondly. “I've forgotten what it feels like.”

              “Well,” she laughed. “Now you know how I've felt since we met. You drove me crazy with your mind-reading thing.”

              He chuckled, too. “So what's this question of yours?”

              Elise sobered, looking up at him levelly. “You didn't tell me about yourself-- and about me-- because I made an offhanded joke playing truth or dare,” she said slowly, musing aloud. “I'm assuming this is the answer I was asking for after lunch the other day-- and no, don't worry, we'll talk about that another time-- but this was a pretty convoluted way to go about telling me. For that matter, for someone who's usually pretty careful not to push me too far, persistently questioning me about sex and then quite suddenly getting extremely up close and personal is a little unusual. Why? What were you up to?”

              Again to his credit, Alex didn't try to play dumb. Instead, he stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, pulling her to a halt beside him so he could return her stare. “If you want me to admit that I deliberately pushed you into breaking down, yes, I did. I'm not sorry, either, so I'll save you asking for an apology.” He wasn't rude in his declaration, just blunt, and Elise found that as annoyed as she was at the habitual manipulation, she was still grateful for his honesty. He sighed slightly and continued. “I've suspected since I first saw you that you're one of us, have known for sure since last week. But at the same time, you didn't feel like any other herbivore I'd ever met-- but you were very clearly not a carnivore. I've been reasonably sure since Wednesday’s lunch that you're an omnivore, but as I said, they're extremely rare-- so much so that I almost talked myself out of believing it. So I wanted to tell you about our kind anyway-- those of us who are older and more practiced frequently take on the 'teacher' role when we find ourselves drawn to a latent. But I needed to be sure about you before I could. I couldn't give you inaccurate information-- I just couldn't-- so I needed to be certain; beyond that, I knew you were hiding something that was blocking your energy. I needed to break through that in order to make you really aware.”