Flesh Failure (9 page)

“Were they mean to you?”

He nodded, speaking more slurred words I couldn't understand.

“I guess at least you know who you are,” I said. “You may have a rare disease but you know who your parents are and where you're from. Me…I'm derived from someone's nightmare.”

One of the nurses leaned over Joseph. “I'm afraid Mr. Merrick needs to go to his tests now.”

“Goodbye,” I said to him. I think he said goodbye back to me.

It moved me, seeing him like that. All wrapped up in a wheelchair, the nurses attending to him, his eagerness to speak though I couldn't understand him. But it gave me hope in an odd way that if I wanted to succumb to man's desires, I would have a home for the rest of my life.

A few days after that incident, Dr. Rueben told me over dinner one night that the Elephant Man had been very impressed with me and wondered if I would consider entertaining him with my presence one afternoon.

“What did you say?”

“Well, the news wasn't given to me by him so I can't allow such a meeting to take place.”

“Why not?”

“Well, certainly, you have no interest in the Elephant Man? What kind of life would you live with a beast such as him? You're not such a monster. Scars and foul odour, most certainly, but not truly a monster as he is with his growing deformities.”

“I would like to sit with the Elephant Man one day. I'm not saying I want to be his wife, I just would be interested in a conversation, perhaps with his nursemaid handy to interpret for me.”

“Out of the question. He will grow attached to you and then what will happen? No, the Elephant Man is lonely and searching for a mate. He thinks because you're disfigured that you will love him. He doesn't know that you have no unsightly tumors that grow for no reason.”

“Very well.” I didn't want to argue anymore and resumed eating my dinner. Dr. Rueben was getting on my nerves. I was beginning to wonder when our tour would begin.

I woke one morning with a terrible headache. I squinted my eyes open but I was in total darkness. My face itched and I yearned to scratch it but my arms were fastened down. Every limb was secured. It was impossible to move more than an inch or two from side to side.

The darkness was so black. Familiar wails from the lunatic asylum penetrated the walls. I had been too careless, too trusting. I had been a fool not to kill the doctor the minute I recognized him.

The idea of it angered me and I thrashed and flailed. The bindings began to tear. I laughed and screamed, thrashing harder and faster until at last I was free. I sat up on the bed but needed to figure out where I was, what dangers might be lurking in the room.

I reached around the bed and there was a table beside it. Just as I hoped, a gaslight. I turned the knob and before long, a flame filled the glass.

Shadows stretched long against the walls. Tripping and dancing, I sought my bearings. It was a tiny room. There was a door with a handle. I leaped from the bed and hurried to the door. It wasn't locked.

I laughed as I retrieved the lantern and opened the door more. When I peeked out into the hallway, I presumed it was nighttime. There was no one around to be seen or heard. Except for the wailing from the lunatic asylum, there wasn't any noise in the experimental wing.

I smiled as I walked down the hallway. No one was anywhere. With every step I grew braver until I broke into a run, careful not to jostle the lantern. My steps were long and smooth as I raced down the familiar hallway. I was going to first go to his office and steal what I could. Of course his office was locked when I arrived, but I kicked the door open. I held up the lantern and searched his desk for items of importance. I filled a sack with silver, several pounds that had been wrapped in a silk handkerchief, and several surgical knives.

There was a shadow at the end of the hallway. Not a figment of my imagination. I ran over to it, and saw a terrible sight. I held up the lantern, staring at the face of what was neither man nor woman but very wide eyes, a large flat nose and mouth that appeared twice the width of a regular mouth. The creature reached up at me, and its hands were not hands at all. They were claws, as though a giant monster from the seas was growing from her arms. It was indeed a “her” I fathomed as tiny shriveled breasts bounced against her boney chest. I could barely contain a scream as I stepped back from her. She realized I was going to be of no harm to her and in fact likely registered that I was just as hideous. I was barely clothed and my face must have been a nightmare in the lantern light.

She stood up and shrieked at me. Her cries were like painful shards of glass shattering in my ears. Her wails echoed through the hallways and I wondered if she wasn't sending out some kind of alarm. Her awful cries woke many of the inmates and they screamed and banged at the doors of their cells.

I ran towards another maze of hallways. The creature continued to shriek but didn't follow me. I finally thought I had the door. As I reached for the door handle, someone jumped on me, teeth gnashing, pulling at my hair. I pried the person from me, another odd-looking thing. This one retreated on fours to look at me while I growled back at it. She walked on paws yet had a human head. The legs were long like an animal's and bent backwards. It was a woman as her torso reveals rather large breasts underneath a torn hospital gown. I stared at her.

“What do you want?” I asked.

She said nothing. I began to walk away when it tackled me again. This time, I fought back. I grabbed the creature with my hands, trying to pull her snarling, flailing blows from me. I found the pulse in her neck and sank my teeth in. The flesh felt delicious as the warmth of blood flooded my mouth. The animal still fought me and my feast was short- lived. Although mortally wounded, she still managed to bite me several times on the arm. I flung her down and then pushed my foot on her throat. She squirmed and yowled but I stepped down harder, crushing her.

As if to pay tribute to her fellow freak's death, the first
creature
lurched from the shadows and attacked me once more. I toppled to the ground, pinning her with a knee. I held my hand under her snarling, overlong jaw and lifted her head. I ripped out her throat, taking several hunks at a time, swallowing some and spitting out others. The creature screamed and fought, hands reaching to gather up the ripped bits of flesh as I tore at the legs. Blood was slick on the floor and we rolled and slid, her long nails scratching me. At last, her swipes were weaker and soon she stopped. She lay still in a pool of blood as I limped over to retrieve the lantern.

I gathered up my wares and proceeded on my way. I hoped that there were no more incidents on my way from the hospital. The blood of the deformities or perhaps “experiments” merged with mine and gave me a new boost of energy.

Now that I was coated in blood, I had to somehow wash it off.

I knew that there were baths. Maybe if I could get over to the lunatic asylum, I could blend in enough to find a way to bathe.

I shuffled down the halls, following the screams. I reached double doors and then another set. At first, I was worried they would be locked, but they weren't.

I crept through the halls, fearful that any sound might set off one of the patients, yet they wailed and moaned without knowledge of my existence.

As I turned another hallway, I encountered several patients. Many of them wandered the halls freely, in trances of some sort. I watched in wonderment as one of them seemed to be sleeping, yet her eyes were wide open as she walked slowly, staring straight ahead until she walked into a wall. Instead of registering pain or waking, up she continued to walk until she was gone from the illumination of my lantern.

Flashes of faces passed me as I wandered half-naked and reeking of fresh blood, my spoils clanking in the bag. One young lady stopped to stare at me and ran a hand down my blood-soaked chest. She drew her hand away, staring at the blood. She laughed and ran her tongue along her fingers, savouring the blood as a child might savour a sweet. She skipped away singing into the darkness.

I continued on, peering into hallways, hoping for a basin of water somewhere so that I could make my escape, my ears ringing with sudden howls and screams that penetrated the silence in between.

At last, I found a washing room. I was elated to find the tub still filled with water. No doubt filthy from whoever bathed last but I didn't care. Blood needed to be cleaned from this body.

I sank into the tub, blood rising above me in bubbles, mixing with whatever soaps and muck was already in there. The water was cold but it didn't matter to me. I hadn't realized how exhausted I'd been.

A few minutes passed while I dozed, then the lantern light was out. I woke in time to see one of the inmates limping down the hallway, the lamp swinging carelessly from his fingers. Unlike the hallway in the research wing, this one had gaslights mounted into the walls, high beyond any patient's reach. I presumed they stayed lit constantly as they glowed with a low flame. I wished the flame to be higher so that I could see further in front of me.

I scampered out of the basin, looking for something to wrap myself in. Finding nothing, I ran naked and wet down the hall. I slipped and slid, using the momentum of water and blood to enhance my speed instead of falling. The gaslights gave him away. Even with the slippery stones hindering my purchase, I was able to close in on him by skating across the floors. Too soon my feet dried off but my perseverance proved triumphant. I caught the thief.

I grabbed him by his shirt and lifted him high. I plucked the lamp from his fingers and then flung him against the wall. He cried out once as he hit with a thud and then slid down, leaving a bloodstain. Several other patients who had begun to gather from the commotion looked over at his crumpled body and then at me. I waited for one of them to start a revolt but none came. I turned from them and resumed my bath. I brought a cleaner jug of water and used a nearby cloth to rinse off the residue of the scummy water.

At last I was cleaner than I'd been in some time. Relieved, I looked around the small room for anything to wear and found nothing. There had to be a place where they stored the gowns. I wandered the hall further and found another room where washing seemed to be done. There were empty buckets but there were also many gowns folded in stacks. I helped myself to several until I crafted an outfit that covered me from head to toe. I might have looked like a foreign princess in my mummy-bandaged, tiered attire with puffed-out bustle and half skirt.

I tore up one robe and fastened a headpiece with a flap that hung down and hid my nose and chin.

I created pouches that blended into the folds of the dress to hide the stolen contraband. The many layers made me look like a large, wide box.

I didn't mind, as long as I could escape.

When I returned to the halls, I must have blended in better with the patients. As I made my way through the restless ones, I wasn't questioned or cajoled this time. I was simply let through, the others stepping aside as if I were some kind of royalty.

It must have been the outfit, I surmised. I certainly hadn't instilled that level of respect before that point.

Actually getting out of the hospital took more patience. Various stairwells led to dead ends, locked doors, more locked doors. Finally, I reached a door far from the insane wing that wasn't as strong and thick as the others. Rattling it would only draw attention. My attempt had to be swift. The hall was narrow but provided me enough room to get a good run and jump at the door. I kicked it, the sound loud and resounding. It even seemed like the distant screams of the lunatics quieted for a moment. The lock was loosened.

The dent in the door would alert the staff in the morning, but in the meantime, I was able to pick the lock and pry myself out.

I returned to Whitechapel and secured a room with the money I made pawning a couple pieces of the stolen contraband. I devised a plan. First, I wanted my new clothes that had been tailored especially for me. I could go liberate them while he was at work.

I stood in the doorway of the Elephant Man exhibit. I watched for Dr. Rueben to enter the hospital and then I proceeded to run over to his home. No doubt his day would be spent roaming the halls of the hospital searching for me. I brought with me several large sacks and wasn't afraid of being seen as we were known to be together.

It was easy to climb into his back window and I wandered through his home, helping myself to loose change and knickknacks. I took a few of my favourite dresses, hoping I'd be able to return for the others one day, as well as toiletries, the beautiful rose water and other niceties. I also liberated my money that I had hidden under a loose floorboard.

When I was finished delivering my wares to my new abode, I set to work dividing the items up and dispersing them in hidden areas around the room. I looked at the glinting knives. I wondered how sharp they were. Two of the knives opened when you clicked a button, the other two were long knives. They were all silver handled and quite lovely to look at; a surgeon's delight, no doubt.

I wondered if these were the very tools he used on me when he sliced and diced each body part from one to another. Did he even care what he had done? Did he wonder about the families of the people whose graves were robbed? Even if he didn't illegally liberate the parts, the decision to sell a loved one's remains must be unbearable.

The silver glinted and I lay back on the bed, taking the knives with me. I imagined how easy it would be to glide that knife across a lady's throat, how neatly it would slice the flesh without the slightest tug.

I imagined the power the Ripper felt when he slit open the soft flesh of those ladies, letting the blood spill between his fingers before releasing her to the ground. Or what about the bodies that were relieved of their female organs, nicely displayed for viewing and more puzzling, the cases where the organs were taken. The various papers had so many conflicting stories and the word of mouth was even worse. I only knew that the strength the weight of that knife epitomized and how I longed to use it on my maker and Dr. Rueben.