Flee the Night (36 page)
Except maybe Micah wasn’t ready for her then. Maybe God had His own work to do in him. And in her. Neither, perhaps, had been ready for the life God wanted for them.
This life. That thought quickened her heart as they unlocked the paddock and loosed the horses. Sugah ran in a circle, her age betrayed in her gait.
“I was thinking, however, that God hasn’t changed my calling. I am still supposed to live out Micah 6:8. Only maybe He’s changed the how.” Micah braced his arms against the rail, watching the horses. “I’m thinking about asking the others if they want to make our rescue team official. Perhaps go freelance.”
Lacey studied him. He wore such vulnerability on his face; she realized he’d just opened up his heart for her to get a good look at his dreams. Just like he had on that hot Saturday so many summers ago. “I love that idea,” she said.
Nearly as much as I love you.
He smiled slowly, and like warm honey it filled her every pore. He held out his hand. “I think we have a party to attend?”
Sarah was sitting on a lounge chair on the flagstone patio, Emily on her lap, waging a thumb war, when they climbed up the steps. “Mommy!” Emily bounced off Sarah and ran to Lacey. Lacey swung her up, and Emily wrapped her legs and arms around her.
This 200 percent sold-out affection her daughter gave her with nary a blink still took some getting used to. Lacey tucked her head against Emily’s downy hair and inhaled.
“Andee’s helping your brother set the table,” Conner said, gesturing with his spatula. “Dannette just called. Said she was sorry she couldn’t make it. But she sent her congratulations and says for you to e-mail her with a full description of your ring.” He rolled his eyes before he turned back to the burgers, which spit and sizzled.
Lacey put Emily down, who turned and took Micah’s hand. He glanced at her and at Lacey, a smile tipping his mouth.
Lacey smiled back, then lifted her hand and stared again at the carat diamond-and-ruby setting Micah had taken from her old engagement ring and turned into his own creation. It seemed somehow fitting that John be in the symbol of her new life. Not only would Emily always have her father’s blood running through her veins, even if she took the name Micah, but God had used John to show Lacey the meaning of mercy. John had been a part of her life that she’d had to live in order to discover the fullness of God’s love. At least she decided to look at it that way.
“Oh,” Conner said, turning the burgers, “that guy Hillman called.”
Lacey frowned, looked at Conner, then back to Micah. “What did he want?”
“Dunno. Said to call him back. He left a number.”
Lacey swallowed hard. She’d blamed Frank Hillman for murdering her husband, for tracking her for years, for kidnapping Emily. And he’d been innocent. In fact, the NSA had analyzed Micah’s statement, then detained, question, and locked up Roland Berg. NSA Director Morgenstern had pulled her aside and revealed the extent of Berg’s terrorism. Evidently, she hadn’t been the only one stalked by Roland Berg. He’d killed CIA agents, sold industrial secrets he’d been sworn to protect, and extorted money from expats working around the globe. The CIA had strong suspicions that Berg might even be linked to the upper levels of Hayata, Shavik’s terrorist group.
She’d also been correct about Hillman’s daughter’s death being a revenge killing. She had no doubt that Micah had saved Emily’s life by tackling Berg and his North Korean accomplice. Nor did she doubt for a millisecond that Berg would have killed Micah and her as soon as he grabbed Ex-6. Once she pieced together time and circumstance, it hadn’t been hard to realize that Berg’s motivation in keeping Micah away wasn’t to stop him from interfering … but rather because Berg knew if Micah aligned with Lacey he might use his stubbornness and high-level political relationships to dig to the truth. Micah might, in fact, have discovered that Berg had engineered the double cross in Kazakhstan and covered it up by calling in Micah’s commando team.
Micah had saved her life in so many ways, but most of all he refused to let her flee the secrets of her dark night.
He had looked downright resplendent the day of Berg’s hearing, dressed for the last time in his dress blues. She’d waited for him outside Morgenstern’s office at Langley. As Micah pulled her into his arms and kissed her right there in front of everyone who had heard the stories of the spy who murdered her husband, he swept from her heart the last vestiges of doubt and fear that they couldn’t start over.
Micah may have thought he was supposed to bring her to justice … but God had sent Micah to set her free.
That fact came fully to breast a week later when Janie brought Emily to the farm. Home. Forever.
“I’ll call Hillman,” Lacey said and started for the kitchen. Micah touched her arm, gave her a sympathetic look. “It’s the least I can do,” she said.
She stole a French fry from the pan on the stove, picked up the number, and greeted Andee as she passed through to her bedroom. Sam had graciously allowed her to move into the house until her wedding. She closed the door behind her and sat on her bed, still amazed that she could walk into a room without looking over her shoulder and jumping at every sound.
She dialed Hillman’s number.
“Hello?”
With a halting voice, she identified herself. Then quietly she apologized for suspecting him of murder. She had acted just like Micah, believing something without proof, wanting to place blame to assuage her grief. “I’m so sorry,” she said, trying to keep her voice steady.
“No, it’s me who should apologize. If I’d had the courage to tell the CIA what had happened, maybe you wouldn’t have been blamed for your husband’s death. Maybe Roland Berg wouldn’t have had the opportunity to terrorize another family.” His voice, with the slightest Southern accent, broke.
“You can’t live with what-ifs, Mr. Hillman,” Lacey said. “But you can live with hope. I’ve found that Jesus offers us second chances. More than that, He offers us new life. And … peace.”
His silence told her that he still wrestled with remorse, the same emotion that had held her prisoner for so long.
“Jesus opens prison doors. He heals and restores. I’ll be praying for you, Mr. Hillman.”
“I’m glad you’re okay, Lacey,” he said.
The dial tone droned in her ear. Lacey took a deep breath, feeling sorrow line her throat. She understood the urge to cling to grief, to regret, despite the fact that it gnawed away at a person’s soul. She set the phone in the cradle.
“Everything okay?” Micah stood in her doorway. Emily was in his arms, hers around his neck.
Lacey smiled. “One day at a time, right?”
He nodded, a slow smile on his face. “I love you, you know.”
She padded over to him, put her arms around them both. He felt powerful, so very capable of helping her heal, despite the scars from his cancer. He put an arm around her and pulled her tight.
“I know,” she whispered.
“Emily and I have a question.”
“Yes?” Lacey ran her fingers down her daughter’s chubby cheek. They’d put Emily into counseling, and over the past month, her nightmares had lessened. Lacey believed that in time they’d vanish completely. Especially in the embrace of Micah’s love.
Emily gave a saucy, six-year-old grin. “Can … Daddy take me riding?”
Daddy?
Lacey glanced at Micah, saw his widened eyes, the fear and hope on his beautiful, rugged face. “What did you call me?” he asked, a soft catch in his voice.
Emily giggled. “I never had a daddy.”
Lacey fought the urge to argue that point, but the delight, the raw hope on her little girl’s face obliterated words. What was it about children that enabled them to wear their heart on the outside of their bodies without fear? Lacey touched her daughter’s shoulder, aching to protect her.
It wasn’t necessary.
“I’ll be your daddy,” Micah said, his eyes glistening.
Lacey felt her own fill.
“Can we go, Mommy, please?” Emily clasped her little hands together and, all dramatics, leaned down as if begging.
“Lunch is almost ready,” Lacey said and quickly swiped away her tears.
“It’ll be quick.” Micah bounced Emily up to sit on his shoulders. “I promise.” The look of joy on his face made her want to give him the moon and stars.
“Not too quick.” Lacey held up a warning finger.
Micah laughed. “Okay, not too quick.” He grabbed Emily’s ankles as he turned away. “Have you ever been on a horse before?”
Leaning against the doorjamb, Lacey watched them go, her heart feeling like it might burst.
“No,” Emily said. “Don’t let me fall, okay?”
Micah’s voice faded out. “I won’t, honey. Daddy won’t let you fall. I promise.”
Lacey smiled.
Jim Micah always kept his promises.
SECOND CHANCES. A fresh start. New beginnings.
These words fragranced my mind as our family began a new life in America this past year. We built our first house, started attending new schools and a new church. Suddenly we had a clean slate, free from the expectations and boundaries that had defined our lives as missionaries.
It was during these first steps that I came across Isaiah 61. It’s the same passage Jesus Christ quotes in Luke 4:18-19. “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”
Isaiah 61 continues with: “To bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.”
These verses intrigued me. Probably because leaving Russia felt in many ways like walking out of a dungeon. Yes, we’d loved ministry there. Yes, I’d chosen that life. But Russia can be a dark, oppressive place, where you have to search for light and hope. More than that, I felt boxed in by expectations, unable to envision a different future. As we settled into our new community, I felt able to take a free, full breath for the first time in years. Slowly the fear and tension began to slough off me, and I saw a change taking place in my heart and my countenance.
I began to dig through Isaiah 61, to study the meanings of the words, and salvation took on new shades. I’ve been a Christian for over two decades, but seeing from a new viewpoint the depth of the transformation Christ has performed in my life through the years overwhelmed me. You see, I’d been a girl longing to change my world. In doing so, however, I found myself in my own sort of “prison.”
Christ, however, is about changing me,
through
my world, as well as His Word. And in bringing me home, He’s opened a new chapter of understanding who He is. God cares not only for the lost masses, but for the needs of Susan May Warren and her family.
In many ways, I am walking free for the first time. It makes me long to become that “planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.”
Lacey is a woman who wanted to change her world. Because of that, she chose a man who embodied adventure. She found out that life wasn’t the world she had dreamed of, despite the fact that God had used it to mold her into the woman she would someday be. Sadly, Lacey felt she’d walked so far away from God, there was no return. More than that, she felt imprisoned by her choices.
We often create prisons for ourselves through high expectations, idealism, even the belief that God can’t—or shouldn’t—redeem our poor choices.
The good news is that Christ came to set us free. He’s the author of fresh starts, and He changes us from the inside out—our situation, our attitudes, even our appearance. Complete transformation.
The more I think about it, the more it takes my breath away.
They cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
(Psalm 107:13-15).
Thank you for reading
Flee the Night
. I look forward to sharing other Team Hope adventures with you. Most of all, I pray that you would find a fresh start today with the Savior who’s come to set you free.
In His grace,
