Fledge (29 page)

I put my head down on my knees and we are quiet for a while. "I lied, Lucan. In the testimony. That AI is not inert, Layla was wrong. She told me what to do when I was under the drugs."

He looks over to me, sad. "I know, Junco."

"And I was praying to the Fallen Archer up in that Fledge Church, and she asked me if I wanted to make the sacrifice, and I said yes."

He nods again. "Yes, I saw some of that as well."

"Saw it how?"

He taps his head. "In my brain, one of my special talents."

"Oh, you know, Isec says he's a precog."

"Is he? Isn't life cruel? He needs to be a telepath to live, yet his genetics give him precognition, which does him absolutely no good because he must be a true-blood Aves to control it."

"Yeah, life is a total bitch." We swing in silence for a few seconds. "What's the High Order?"

I look up and watch his face crinkle. "Who told you about them?"

"No one, but Ash mentioned it when he was telling me about the Fallen Archer myth. He said he wasn't allowed to talk to me about them. I had to ask you."

His eyes sweep over to mine. "Everyone has a boss, Junco. Even me."

"That's it?"

He laughs. "That's it for now. Do you want me to tell you what to do with the AI?"

"Can I do anything? Or am I just stuck with it?"

He takes a moment to think. "Yes, you can make choices, but only you can decide which one is best. I can tell you to ignore her, take her advice, or refuse to do so. But in the end it doesn't matter. I do not think she can make fate shift."

"Well, shit. It sucks to be us, right? But oh fucking well. That's who we are. So, I guess the only thing left to do is finish it off, Lucan. When we get to the end, we'll revisit all this and see where we stand."

He smiles. "You can stay here tonight if you want. Sleep in your new room."

I take in a sharp breath. "I better not. No offense, but I should probably go home with everyone else until I can think a few things through."

"Would you like a bit of advice?"

"Absolutely," I say, looking up at him.

"Take your time, Junco. Think about what you really want. Last week you could not picture yourself living here and being happy, yet today I think you'll agree that has changed."

"Yeah, you're right."

"Ashur is a very good man."

I look up into his eyes to see if they are judging me. But they're not, they are kind and sad. "I know, Lucan."

He changes the subject so fast I almost feel dizzy. "Your piano playing was impeccable, even with missing fingers. Do you find that odd?"

I look down at my left hand. "Yes. It's funny, ya know, when it happened Tier took me back to the cavern and I woke up later all freaked out about it. But right before I passed out again he said,
You'll never miss them, Junco. I promise you, you'll never even know they're gone
."

I smile and look up at Lucan. "And he was right. I never think about them. Ever. And I never miss them when I'm doing anything, not even when I'm climbing a wall or fighting or playing piano. It has no effect on me."

Lucan stands up and takes my hand. "Take the day off tomorrow, no training for anyone. Just do something fun."

I nod and he lets go of my hand and disappears.

I avoid Ashur for the rest of the night, but I watch him from across the room as he talks to Annun or one of the other pledges that he must think of as worthy. I sit at the table and play poker with the guys and let Braun distract me with his jokes filled with sexual innuendo.

At the end of the night I slouch against Tessen in the flyer on the way home and begin the process of making choices.

I can't sleep. Everything is somehow off balance and my mind refuses to let any of it go. I want to be with Ashur and forget everything else. Forget Tier and the last battle, and the Seven Siblings, and the myths.

I swing my feet out and walk over to the mast and before I can even think about what I'm doing, my wings are carrying me up to her. I land hard outside the huge wooden door after a dozen or more minutes of frantic flying and then go inside. The vestibule smells sweet with some kind of incense, which means other pledges have been in here recently. It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one drawn to her and her questions.

I pull open the second door, half expecting someone else to be inside, but it's empty. I walk up to the altar and stand in front of the offering. My eyes begin at the feet and trace down every inch of her writhing and twisting body until I get to her throat. I kneel down and sit back on my butt as I look at her half-outstretched wings. One falls to the side, bent at the elbow, the tip stretching outward. The other looks as if it is desperately trying to stay tucked up next to her back, but if the moment were released, it too would drop out.

I peer under her head to see her face. Her mouth, hidden unless you're underneath her, is open in a scream, her eyes wide.

"What do you want from me?"

"What do you have to give?"

I stand up and turn around. "Annun, what the fuck – you scared the shit out of me!"

"Sorry, I saw you come up here and I needed to make my visit anyway, so–"

"What will you do in here, Annun? I'm not quite sure what the purpose is besides convincing yourself that you're worthy."

"It's not to convince myself I'm worthy, Junco. It's to convince her. She chooses, not us."

"But she's not real. Is she?"

He smiles. "It's faith, right? If you believe, she's real. If you don't, she isn't."

"OK."

"Do you believe, Junco?"

"In her?" I pause and look back at the icon. "I already have a God, Annun. I'm just a bit infatuated with her persona at the moment."

"Has the Fledge changed you? I barely know you, so it's hard to tell if you've changed from the first fight."

I shrug. "Of course, yeah."

"I only ask because I don't even recognize myself anymore."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

He shakes his head. "Bad, I think. Killing all those people–"

"Yeah, that has changed me. My scroll is so long now, I'll never fit through the strait gate."

He looks at me funny. "Huh?"

"Nothing. I just mean, I've done a lot of bad things, way before I ever came to the avian world, and the only way to get past it is to push it down. Put it away. Only bring it out when you need it, Annun. That's the only way to get up in the morning."

"Sounds risky."

I huff out a laugh. "It definitely is, but it gets you through, right? To the next step. We're at the end now. We're done. Lucan says we have to take advantage of our last day, no training or nothing. And I agree, push this shit down and enjoy each other for one more day. Then whatever happens at the last fight, we'll at least have something good to counter the bad."

"You're for sure getting through, Junco."

"Yeah, I know that, Annun – but do you see my friends? Your friends are for sure getting through with you. So you're light-years ahead of me in that department. And the really ironic part is that all along Ashur warned me not to get attached to the weak ones. He warned me, but I thought I could save them."

I let out a huge sigh and shake my head. "It would be a lot easier if they were already dead." I look up at him, meet his eyes. "Because I'd have that shit locked down already, and be on the other side of death. That's the best place to be, ya know? On the other side of death."

"So, that's it? You can just turn it on and off like that? Forget about stuff and move on?"

I shrug.

"That's pretty impressive, Junco, really, I envy you. But it also makes you a little bit insane."

I laugh. "You should have seen me on Earth, Annun. I was beyond insane."

"So if Tier dies? If Ashur were to die? You'd turn that off too."

I look over at the syrinx and breathe, letting a few seconds pass before answering. "You bet, Annun." I look back up to his face, meet his eyes. "You fucking bet I would."

He shrugs. "You're the perfect fucking warrior then, right? Do what they tell you and then say more, please."

He's judging me now, but I don't even feel it. It's already turned off. "Annun, I was born the perfect fucking warrior, I never asked for it. They made me this way. If I were to let it go, what would I be then?"

His voice stays soft. "Just Junco, maybe?"

"And who the fuck is Junco except one small girl from Earth whose only worth is tied up with how accurately she can hit a target in the head from four thousand yards away?"

He watches my face for a moment. "I've heard she does a pretty mean flip on horseback. And she plays the piano so well it makes you want to cry."

I feel my chest heave and turn away, the tears filling up my eyes.

He walks over to me and puts his hand on my shoulder. "Sorry, Junco. I'm sorry. I'm no different. In fact, I'm much worse. You didn't choose to be here, but I did. I did. I left my safe life with the politicos to come here knowing full well if I made it I'd have this blood on my hands. At least you can say they made you what you are. I made myself this way. I wanted this."

I shake my head and look down at the syrinx and whisper, "I'll let you in on a secret, Annun. Since we're sharing. I like who I am and what I can do." I look up at him. "I do. I'd like to think that given the chance, I'd choose to be someone else. Someone kind and loving. Maybe a mother. But I think the odds of me actually doing that in an honest-to-God real situation are almost zero."

"I like it too, Junco. That's why we're both here in the church telling the syrinx we're OK with what it took to get here. And she should mark us worthy because we want to be here. We're not sorry we made it. We're proud. And when the last battle comes, we'll do what we have to because it's these shitty fucking moments that will show what we're made of. What kind of warriors we really are and what we have to offer. How much of ourselves we're really willing to sacrifice to hold it all together."

I stay silent for a few moments as I let his words sink into my memory. "They're gonna give you the command, I bet. Make you a captain."

"If they do, it'll only be because you're already taken."

"I'd follow you, Annun." I look up at him. "I would."

He smiles. "I'd definitely follow you, Junco. Just say the word and I'm there."

This is what Isten meant when he said the Fledge makes the team. I can feel it, how bonded I am to this guy I barely know. This stranger who will stick it out with me in my darkest moments and give me the words I need to hear so badly it makes my chest ache. I want to tell him, but I just smile instead. He grabs me by the shoulder and turns me around so we can walk out of the church together. Then we jump off the ledge and go back to the dorm to sleep away our midnight confessions.

Chapter Thirty-One

I wake to the whine of plasma rifles charging against my head and I lie still.

"Junco, please open your eyes and make no other movement until instructed to do so."

I open them. There are seven Aves warriors, not my team, and another man who looks a lot like Lucan, but who is definitely not, standing around my bed. The fair man smiles at me.

I wait.

"I am Rache, the Archer of Justice. We require your testimony today and when I instruct you to do so, you will get up, shower, dress, and come back out for transport over to the Justice habitat for the proceedings."

"Yes, sir."

"You may get up."

All seven warriors follow me to the showers and train their rifles on my head as I clean up and dress. I exit and am offered some type of food, which I refuse. Rache is waiting by the door and we take the stairs down the three flights to the ground floor. I watch the mods frantically talking on coms as I pass by the windows and I know they are speaking to the 039 or Lucan.

There is a large transport flyer waiting in the space where I usually puff on my cigars. As we approach, the doors open and I am ushered inside and take a seat in the middle, surrounded on all sides by plasma rifles on target.

Rache takes a seat opposite me and smiles.

I raise my eyebrow at him.

"This went better than expected."

"Really?" I say calmly. "You thought I'd, what? Kill you with my SEAR because you want to ask me questions?"

He sniffs and straightens his back. "Junco, you have an unprecedented wild side. We cannot be too careful."

"Huh." I stare at his blue eyes. "Well, good luck if Moju comes back. If you think I'm wild, I can't wait to see how you treat my brother."

"There's no need to be spiteful, Junco."

I shrug. "You're the one with the weapons trained on my head, Rache. If you're so afraid of me, why not just let the 039 bring me over to Justice? Or Lucan?"

"Because I wanted to meet you."