Flawless (18 page)

“I—”

“It's okay,” he says, holding up his hands to stop me. “I'm cool with that. I know you'd never hurt Kristen by betraying her that way. Honestly, I'd still like you to give me another shot.”

“I don't know,” I say, shell-shocked. Part of me wonders why he'd even bother with me if he knows I'm into Rock. The other part of me wonders how I've missed Jay watching me for years. I mean, it would have been nice to know he was interested.

“I've been trying to figure you out for years, Sarah. I've finally gathered enough courage to ask you out, and you won't even give me a chance. What does that say about you?”

His words swim through my head.

Looking at him, I shake my head, then drop into the seat of my car. “You're a nice guy, Jay. But you don't have a clue what you're talking about.”

Jay shoves his hands in his pockets. “Think about it, Sarah. Just think about it.”

I slam the car door shut and start the engine without saying good-bye.

Then I watch Jay walk to his car, shoulders hunched, eyes on his feet.

And I can't shake the feeling in the pit of my stomach where his words have landed.

Could he actually be right about me?

The best part of beauty is that which
no picture can express.

—SIR FRANCIS BACON

Chapter Seventeen

Instead of heading home to obsess over Jay's parting words, I run through Sonic for the biggest Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper they sell, then head for Kristen's house. Rock's truck is parked in the driveway, but it doesn't stop me from jogging up the sidewalk. I realize, of course, that being around Rock is probably not in my best mental interest, but I have to talk to Kristen about Jay.

I pause at the door, stopping myself from barging in like normal. I definitely don't want to witness those two half-dressed on the living room floor. Instead, I ring the doorbell and wait.

When the door swings open, it's Rock on the other side, looking like an honest-to-God, sexy-as-hell dream come true.

“Hey, you!” he says, obviously surprised to see me. “Come on in.”

Against my better judgment, I follow him inside, wondering where Kristen is.

He walks toward the kitchen, totally at home. I guess I should have realized Rock was spending a lot of time at Kristen's house, but I'd never let my mind go there. There's no denying it now. A shot of pure, torturous envy races through me; my heartbeat thumps in my ears.

“Kristen's just whipping up something for us to snack on,” he says, entering the kitchen. The words flow from his mouth like it's the most natural thing on earth for Kristen to cook. But I know what a disaster she is in the kitchen.

I stop short when I see her cramming a huge wad of bread into the toaster, plastic cheese wrappers strewn across the counter. She glances at me over her shoulder, a look of horror in her eyes.

“Hey,” I say slowly, trying to figure out how to salvage her snack without totally outing her. “Need some help?”

She nods, then returns her attention to the abused toaster.

I face Rock with an apologetic smile, desperate to get him out of the kitchen. “Would you mind getting my backpack out of the car for me? I totally forgot it.”

“Sure thing,” he says, shooting me a breath-stopping wink and sending my heart straight into my throat.

As soon as he's out of the house, I unplug the toaster and dig out the bread. “Why in God's name are you massacring this defenseless bread?”

“He was hungry,” she says, like that explains the two slices of Texas toast and slab of cheese she'd been forcing into the toaster.

“So you thought you'd burn the house down?”

“I was trying to make him a grilled cheese,” she whines, dropping onto the stool in defeat. “This is exhausting.”

“It's okay,” I say, tossing the mess into the trash. “I'll take over. Just relax.”

Kristen grabs my Sonic cup and takes a swallow. “Heaven in a cup,” she says, taking several more deep draws on the straw.

Knowing Kristen's kitchen almost as well as my own, I grab a skillet from the cabinet, the loaf of Texas toast from the pantry, and butter and cheese from the fridge.

The door slams closed, but Kristen doesn't look up. She keeps her lips on the straw and sucks the drink in big gulps. “Here you go,” Rock says, putting my nearly empty backpack on the counter.

“Thanks,” I answer, keeping my eyes on the food in front of me.

“You taking over kitchen duty?” Rock asks me.

“What can I say? Cooking's my passion.”

“Why'd you come over? Everything okay?” Kristen asks, getting herself back into the conversation.

“Do I need a reason?” I reply, eyes still on the skillet, my back to Kristen and Rock.

“You don't
need
a reason, but you almost always have one.”

I nod. “Something really weird happened after school today.”

“What?” Kristen asks.

“Jay was waiting for me by my car.”

Rock lets out a little half grunt. “Why would he do
that
?”

“Hel-
lo
,” Kristen sings. “He's totally hot for Sarah. Can't you tell by the way he looks at her? I swear, Sarah, that boy's got it bad for you.”

“After the brush-off you gave him at lunch, I'm surprised he had the guts to face you again,” Rock says, eyes narrowed.

“That's what I was hoping,” I say, redirecting my attention to the skillet to flip the trio of grilled sandwiches.

“I swear, as long as I live, I will never understand you,” Kristen says, shaking her head like a disappointed teacher. “You don't know a good thing when you've got it.”

Without answering, I slide the spatula under the buttery sandwiches and place them on a bright blue platter. I cut them into quarters and set them on the bar so we can all reach them.

“So, anyway,” I say after putting the plate between the three of us, “he said some things that really made me think.”

Rock pops one whole quarter sandwich into his mouth and gives me a thumbs-up.

“Like what?” Kristen asks, grabbing a sandwich and taking a healthy bite. I, on the other hand, only manage to pick at the crust of one of the sandwiches. My conversation with Jay has my stomach in knots.

But watching Rock with his elbows on the table, attention focused entirely on what I'm saying, I realize I can't come right out and ask Kristen what I'd intended. The last thing I want to do is point out more of my faults with him standing right in front of me.

I shake my head. “Never mind.”

Kristen slaps her hands on the counter. “Would you please just tell me already?”

Of course she won't drop it. “It was nothing,” I hedge.

“Come on, Sarah,” Rock says. “It's just us.”

When I look up, Kristen and Rock are sitting side by side, but not touching. Both of them are watching me way too closely, letting me know there's no way I'm getting out of this. “It was just something he said.”

“Which was …,” Kristen leads.

“Stupid, really. That's what it was.”

“Am I going to have to pull this out of you, word by word?” she asks. “Because you know I will.”

Rock leans back in his stool, arms folded across his chest. The look on his face is very overprotective, like a big brother would have. And I guess I should think it's sweet he wants to protect me, but the heat spreading across my chest is anything but sisterly love.

“For starters, he
claims
he's had some sort of crush on me since we started high school.”

“I knew it!” Kristen squeals.

“Calm down,” I grumble. “First of all, you most certainly did
not
know it. If you had, you would've been pushing me to go out with him for years. Secondly, I'd bet anything he's just saying that. There's no way Jay, or any guy for that matter, has been eyeballing me for four years. How could I not notice that?”

Kristen pouts from her seat, angry I haven't jumped on the “Jay for Boyfriend” campaign.

Rock leans forward, stretching his arms across the counter that separates us. “How can you possibly think a guy wouldn't jump at the chance to go out with you?”

I narrow my eyes at him. “History.”

Kristen speaks quietly, eyes on the counter. “You really haven't given anyone a chance.”

The sandwich I'd been holding drops onto the plate. Of all the things I expected Kristen to say, that wasn't it. “Come again?”

“Think about it,” she says.

“I've thought about it plenty.” When I hear how defensive my voice sounds, I cringe.

Rock raises an eyebrow at me, as if he has a clue what it's like to be teased his entire life about something he can't control.

“What did you say when he told you that?” Kristen asks, finally meeting my eyes again.

“I didn't have time to say much of anything,” I say. “He jumped right into his second beef with me, rambling on about how I push people away, but that's just more lunacy. I mean, sure, there are people I totally avoid, but that's only because they've given me grief over my nose.”

Kristen doesn't say anything, just looks at me.

“He also asked me out again,” I say.

“Again?” Rock asks.

Smiling, Kristen laughs. “That's because he really likes you. What did you say?”

“No, of course.”

“You should be careful, Sarah,” Kristen says. “You can only say no so many times before he'll quit asking.”

Rock puts his brown eyes on me. “Is that what you want, Sarah?”

Staring at Rock, I want to scream out how much I want him and only him. I want to tell him that no one will ever come close to measuring up now that I've met him. That I've poured my heart into the Facebook and e-mail messages and how can he not see that it's me? But I wisely keep those words tucked safely inside my throbbing head.

I ignore him, facing Kristen instead. “
You
never answered
my
question. Do I push people away?”

Kristen's smile falls. “The answer's complicated,” she says.

My heart stutters when I realize she isn't going to disagree with Jay. “So you think I
do
push people away? Do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds?”

Kristen leans across the counter to get closer to me. “No one knows you better than I do, right?”

I nod in answer; there's absolutely no one who knows me better than Kristen.

“Well, I think Jay might have a teeny tiny point,” she says, fingers held up with a minuscule space between them.

“And what would that point be?”

“Look, it's not your fault. It's human nature to protect yourself from getting hurt. But you know as well as I do that Jay Thomas isn't out to break your heart.”

“Come on, Kristen. Think about it. It's not like guys are burning up the cell-phone satellites calling me every night, so how could I possibly push them away?”

“But you've spent years putting up a wall to keep people from hurting you. You can be so defensive. Maybe it's intimidating.”

Part of me is completely proud of that statement (not that I believe it's entirely true). After all the wisecracks about my monstrous nose, I think it's only fair that they're a tad bit intimidated by me. The best defense is a strong offense, right? Didn't someone famous say that?

“I wish you knew how amazing you are,” Kristen says quietly.

I smile, so thankful I have her.

Rock pulls himself forward and rests his tan arms on the counter between us. “So the question stands.”

“What question?” I ask, lost.

“Do you want Jay to quit asking you out?”

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. I try to picture myself with Jay, and it's not an entirely unpleasant sight. We're both blond, attractive, and have great smiles. Even so, I just can't force the image to come together in a convincing way.

When I close my eyes, there's only one guy.

Slowly opening my eyes, I look at Rock. I'd give anything to know what he's thinking. Or maybe not. I definitely don't need to hear how much he pities me.

I nod my head, then pull my eyes from Rock, afraid I might jump over the counter and start kissing him as if I have a right to. “Yeah. I want Jay to quit asking me out.”

“Omigod,” Kristen says, fully exasperated. “Ron White's right. You can't fix stupid.”

“Ron White?” Rock asks, shaking his head like he's just woken up from a dream.

“Please tell me you know who he is. He's one of the comedians from Blue Collar Comedy. Tell me you've heard of him.” Kristen's got one hand on her hip, disbelieving.

“Oh yeah. Sure,” he mumbles.

I put the plate in the dishwasher along with the skillet and spatula. “Don't forget that's in there,” I tell Kristen.

“You're leaving?” she whines. You'd think she wasn't sitting here with the hottest guy to ever walk through her front door.

“Yeah, I shouldn't have barged in.” I smile at Kristen, then at Rock. “You kids have fun.”

Before I can grab my backpack, Rock lifts it from the counter and puts it on his shoulder. “I'll help you out,” he says.

“Thanks,” I say, reaching for my backpack. “But I've been lugging that thing around for years. I can manage.”

“Don't bother arguing with him,” Kristen says, slurping the last of my drink. “He's totally hardwired to be a gentleman.”

I shrug. “See you in the morning, Kris.”

“Okay,” she says with a sad smile, like she's about to face judgment from God himself. If Rock weren't standing six inches from me, I'd drill her about it. The only thing she should be feeling right now is pure joy. She's beautiful and has Rock in her back pocket. What could possibly be wrong?

Rock puts his hand on my back and guides me from the kitchen, keeping me from asking Kristen what's bothering her. But I don't fight him and promise myself I'll call her later tonight.

Once outside, Rock walks next to me with a lazy comfort and ease that's about as charming as it gets. I swear, the guy doesn't have a single insecure bone in his body.

He opens the back door to my car and drops the backpack on the seat. “So,” he says.

“Guess I'll see you tomorrow,” I say, wondering why the air around us has suddenly become thick, making it hard to breathe.

He leans closer to me, eyes on mine. “Sure you're okay?” he asks.

“Why wouldn't I be?” I practically whisper. Honest to God, his face is a foot from mine and I'm struck positively stupid.

“You seemed pretty upset about Jay,” he says, eyes still fastened on mine in that completely unnerving way he has. If I didn't know any better, I'd think the guy could see every thought racing through my mind.

I shake my head. “I'm fine. Thanks, though. And thanks for the help with my bag.” Which, I realize, I never used. Thank God he never asked why I needed it.

“Sarah—” Rock says, then stops.