Flawed Beauty (3 page)

In the middle of taking a drink,
Jace
spit a line of water across the bar and laughed at the
comment. Turning his attention back to Tate, he said, “Don’t listen to him,
he’s just jealous. I’m in Emergency Medicine.”

Tate smirked at him. “I wouldn’t let
your female following become aware of that, or there will be a line a mile long
at the hospital. You’ll be forced to examine woman after woman,” Tate said with
a mock shudder. Tate was sure he’d
examined
more than his fair share of
women.

He grinned at her and her heart
seemed to constrict in her chest. She silently let out a shaky breath. This man
could make her forget her own self-imposed rules. Before she did something
stupid, like beg him to play doctor with her, she pushed her nearly empty glass
towards Thor and murmured to no one in particular, “Well, it’s been a long day.
I think I’ll turn in.
Goodnight, everyone.”

“Can I walk you to your car?”
Jace
asked.

“No, I have an apartment upstairs,
but thanks.”

“I think I’ll walk out with you
anyway. I agree, it’s been a long night,” he said, as cat-calls and sly
innuendos were tossed about good-naturedly.

Waving a dismissive hand at the guys
left in the bar,
Jace
followed Tate to the side exit
of the bar. Once they’d cleared the door and it’d snapped closed, Tate murmured
an awkward goodnight once more and turned towards the wooden staircase leading
to her apartment. Before she’d gone two steps,
Jace
laid a restraining hand on her arm. That same sharp zing traveled up her arm
from his contact and she tensed, but again didn’t pull away. Turning back to
him, she gave him a questioning look.

“Hey, I have a couple of tickets to
a basketball game later this week, you interested?” he asked, tucking his hands
into his front pockets. Tate wondered how many women had fallen for his
vulnerable act. Why would he even bother? He was gorgeous, talented, and
apparently successful; he’d be desired for those things alone. His almost shy
stance and dimples made him nearly irresistible. For a second – just a second –
a warm glow began to spread over her body, but immediately, she squashed it
down. Who wouldn’t be flattered at receiving attention from this amazing man? Trust
wasn’t something she gave to anyone. She’d learned a long time ago, that when
you gave even an inch to someone, before long, you were run over. She didn’t
need nor want the trouble. She’d been past that period of her life for a very
long time.

Flippantly, she said, “Interested in
what exactly?
The tickets?”

“No, that’s not what I meant…”

“I know,” she let out a long breath
and raised a hand to pull her elastic band out of her hair. “Listen, I… I don’t
think it’d be a good thing for us to see each other outside of work.”

He watched her curls bounce around
her face with intense interest before responding lightly, “Why not? I’m single…
I assume you’re single.
Right?”

“Yes, but I don’t do… the whole
dating thing. I don’t have time between work and school. And even if I did, I
wouldn’t date a guy in the band. Too risky, too much competition, too much…
well everything,” she finished on a rush.

“Fine.
Done.
I’m
out of the band. Tonight will be the end of my fledgling singing career,” he
said with a grin.

She almost faltered at his flash of
teeth. But with a quick shake of her head, and a sad smile on her lips, she
said, “I’m sorry, but I just… can’t.”

Jace
studied her with his brilliant baby
blues before giving her a sexy little smile. “This isn’t over, Tate. Thor
warned me you’d be a challenge… and I do love a good challenge. This should be
interesting.”

Before Tate understood his
intentions,
Jace
leaned forward and captured her
cheek in one palm before lightly pressing his lips against hers. She inhaled
sharply at the intoxicating allure of his touch.

He brushed his lips up to her ear
and whispered, “We could be so good together. Can’t you feel it?”

Without another word, he swung
around and headed off towards the parking lot, whistling.

Tate brought her trembling fingers
up to press them against her lips as if to keep the memory of his kiss just a
moment longer as she sank down to the sit on the step. As small as the kiss had
been, she’d felt it down to her toes – almost like lightning. She’d never felt
anything like that in her life. She felt a catch in stomach at his
demonstration of gentleness. She’d never experienced that before, either. He
was so far out of her league. She didn’t understand the rules of his game.

She tilted her head as she thought
about the first time she
remembered
being kissed – she’d been fifteen –
and the guy had been Bradley Rivers. She hadn’t understood the rules of
his
game, either – much to her travail.

Bradley Rivers had been her
chemistry lab partner at school. He’d been a nice-looking redhead, smart,
funny, and never entered her personal ‘forbidden’ territories – meaning, he
never made sly innuendos or suggestive comments. He’d asked her out and she’d
nearly turned him down, but he’d
seemed
safe enough.

He’d picked her up promptly at seven
from her foster parents’ home, had introduced himself to them – ever the proper
gentleman. He’d told them they were having dinner, along with game night, with
his parents, and wouldn’t be out late. Tate had been impressed and excited. He
must really care about her to introduce her to his parents, right?  He’d
driven them directly to his house, where he’d assured her his parents were
really out of town for the weekend. Her first feelings of unease had begun to
filter through. Not wanting to make a big deal out of it, she’d remained
silent. The minute he’d shut the door behind them, he’d led her to their game
room, which boasted a massive green-felted pool table in the middle. Okay,
she’d thought, just a friendly game of pool – still okay.

 He’d pulled her into his arms
and pressed his lips against hers as he’d slowly walked her backwards. Her
heart had been pounding so hard – weren’t all girls nervous like this when they
were kissed? Not wanting to seem un-cool, she’d kissed him back. Even when he’d
parted her lips and forced his tongue into her mouth, she’d not stopped him or
protested. This was all part of being normal.
Right?
He’d continued backwards until her hips were pressed against the pool table.
Pulling back from her and breathing heavy, he’d smiled, and she’d smiled back.

“I’ve always had this fantasy about
doing it on the pool table. What do you say? You game… so to speak,” he said,
laughing at his own pun.

She couldn’t stop the horrified
expression which had fallen over her features. Do it?
On a
pool table?
What kind of girl did he think she was? Then he’d told her
exactly what type of girl he’d thought she was.

“Come on, Tate. I know you put out.
I just want what everyone else has had – only different and better,” he’d
grinned.

She’d wiped a hand across her
trembling lips. “I… don’t do… that,” she’d stammered, embarrassed.

“Come on, I’ve seen the video.”

The blood had roared in her ears so
loudly she’d barely been able to hear herself think. She’d stared unbelievingly
into his young, fevered eyes. As she’d struggled to stop her stomach from
heaving, she’d run out the door and never allowed herself to be placed in a
position of unawareness again.

She’d learned from her earlier
mistake that she was a really bad judge of character – so she trusted no one.
But maybe Dr.
Jace
Staton
was different? No, she just couldn’t risk it again. Bad things happened when
you put yourself out there. Disappointment swelled within her as she turned and
shuffled wearily up the wooden stairs.

She’d only been asleep a couple of
hours when the nightmares began – again. They were never about the same thing,
or about any one thing. It was more a collection of horrific things all rolled
into a bad, very bad dream, a kaleidoscope of quick images, emotions, and
feelings. She felt the pressure of hands on her shoulders, pressing her down –
keeping her in her place. The place she belonged. She forced herself to the
surface, and with her heart pounding, gasped as she opened her eyes. As much as
she didn’t want to, she knew she needed to go back to see Dr. Barclay. She’d
been seeing shrinks for almost half her life. She thought by now she’d be
cured. And while a visit to them did usually lessen the nightmares, they didn’t
extinguish them.

Tate rose, turned on the light in
the adjoining bathroom, and left the door open a crack so the light would eek
into the bedroom. She shook her head, disappointed in herself. She was almost
twenty-two years old and still needed a nightlight. How pathetic.

§§§

The lack of sleep was really
beginning to take its toll on Tate. Too many late nights, followed by the
nightmares which plagued her, then having to be up early for school had her
really dragging by Wednesday. While she could always use the money, she was
happy Zeal’s wasn’t very busy. By nine o’clock, her head was pounding and so
she reached up and yanked the elastic tie out of her riotous blonde curls.
Stopping by the bar, she begged a glass of water from
Rocko
.
After popping a couple of ibuprofens, she headed back to her tables. She’d just
returned from the bar with an order when she saw
Jace
sitting in her section. She tensed and halted at the sight of him. Due to her
nightmares and lack of sleep, she was feeling a little raw and vulnerable. She
was not in a frame of mind to deal with him tonight.

He looked a little different from
the rocker she’d seen the previous weekend. Gone was the five o’clock shadow
and his hair no longer drifted across his forehead. But he was still gorgeous.
Tate felt the familiar tingle at the sight of him. She almost turned away. She
didn’t want to be his challenge. What had Thor been thinking?

She took a deep breath and headed to
his table. He was busy texting when she got to him.
“Hey,
Jace
.
Can I get you something from the bar?”

Without glancing up from his phone,
he said, “I’d like
a tonic
water with lime, please.”

Feeling very much dismissed, and
oddly hurt by it, Tate spun around and headed to the bar and got his drink.
Returning to him, wordlessly she placed the drink in front of him and turned to
go.

“Hey, wait. Sorry about that, life
as an intern means never really being away from the hospital.”

“No problem. Let me know if you need
anything else,” she said as she turned away once more.

“Wait, Tate. Hold on. Come back,
please.”

“Yes?” she said, brushing a hand
over her bleary eyes.

“Have you thought any more about
those tickets? The game is tomorrow night at eight,” he said with his endearing
grin.

The need to capitulate to his
request was almost too great. But she wasn’t ready to fall back into old
patterns. She was already having enough problems sleeping.

“Thanks, but I have to work. Have a
good time,” she said as she turned away once more. The next time she cast a
glance his way, his table was empty, except for the money to cover his tab. She
drew in a shaky breath. It was really better this way, she told herself. For
some reason, she felt like crying.

She didn’t see
Jace
again that week, and he didn’t play in the band that weekend. A small part of
her was glad, but another part she tried to ignore, liked the buzz of
excitement he brought – liked the thrill of being sought after.

§§§

The alarm clock sounded out its
annoying buzzing way too early. Tate stretched to relieve the achiness in her
muscles. Sunday morning was the worst time for her, as it was the second day
following two very late nights and very early mornings. Without giving in to
the need to sleep for just five more minutes, she jumped up and headed to the
soul-fortifying hot water of the shower – or at least mostly hot.

Her Saturday and Sunday self-defense
classes were always her biggest. While she was usually reserved and fought
shyness, self-defense was something she felt passionate about, and it showed,
as she bubbled over in her exuberance of the topic. After she’d covered all the
common-sense ways women could use to remain safe, she began on the physical
aspects. Her recommendation in the face of an attack was to do whatever was
necessary to get away: kick, scratch, spit, gouge, or bite. Anything that would
cause the attacker to pause just
long
enough.

After her two hour class, she hit
the gym. She worked her way around the weight room first,
then
hit the treadmill for a five-mile run. She plugged her ear buds into place, set
her iPod on shuffle, and pressed the start button. She started slow, but
gradually increased in speed. As much as she tried to block the images from her
mind, snapshots from her nightmares appeared in her mind. Those were followed
by images of bodies, slick with sweat, pressing her down, and her watching them
impassively, hoping –