Flawbulous (13 page)

“Of course not.” As Angel responded, she couldn't help but think of all the times Duke had cheated and betrayed her trust.

“Then you have nothing to worry about. To tell you the truth, I wish I was more like you. I'm kind of like Sullivan in that regard. I don't put anything past anyone. I probably would've been on that woman's doorstep, trying to find out what happened, the minute I heard about the charges. Then again, I've been burned, so I'm a little more suspicious than you. As long as you believe him, that's all that really matters. And you do believe him, don't you?”

Desdemona's words started to take hold and plant seeds of doubt. Angel shivered and hugged her body. “It's getting kind of cold out here. I'm going back in,” she said, unable to definitively answer Desdemona's question one way or the other.

“You're a pastor, but that doesn't give you the right to
play God!”

 

–
Sullivan Webb

 

“Thank you for coming over,” said Sullivan, offering Desdemona a seat beneath the sun on the terrace outside her bedroom. “And you came bearing gifts!”

“Wine is always the perfect gift.” Desdemona poured Sullivan a glass of wine and extended it to her. “When all else fails, it rarely disappoints. I'm glad I was able to come.”

“You're the only one I felt like I could talk to.” Sullivan took a sip from the glass. “They just don't understand me.”

“Who? Your friends?”

She sighed. “My friends . . . my husband.”

Desdemona poured a glass for herself. “Unfortunately, we're a part of a sorority no one ever hopes to be initiated into. Your friends don't know what it's like to lose a child, Sullivan. We do. We know the pain and the emptiness that come along with it. We know what it's like to rack your brain for hours, trying to figure out what went wrong or what could've been done differently. We've been to hell and back. They haven't.”

Sullivan nodded in agreement and swallowed another mouthful. “They think I should just get over it and move on. They want me ‘back to normal,' whatever that means. What they don't get is that
this
is it.
This
is my new normal. Nothing will ever go back to being the way it was before I lost Christian.”

Desdemona refilled Sullivan's glass. “It's pretty quiet around here. Where's your husband and your little girl?”

“Charity is on a playdate with Lawson's stepson. She and Garrett took them to Gingerbread Village. Charles is over at the church, of course.”

“And he left you here alone to grieve?” Desdemona shook her head. “Men can be so selfish sometimes, even the good ones.”

“Charles isn't like that. In fact, he's probably the most selfless person I know.”

“I'm sure he doesn't mean to be selfish, Sullivan, but you're his wife. You're falling apart, and you need him. He's the one who should be here comforting you, not me.”

“No, you've got Charles all wrong. He's a wonderful husband to me and a doting father to Charity. Right now, he's just—”

“Busy?” queried Desdemona. “Preoccupied? Got a lot on his plate? Sasha's father and I have our differences, but he was there for me when our daughter died. I don't think I could've made it without him. He was my rock. If a no-account bastard like Ricky Harris knows how to be there for me, there's no justification for a man of God like Charles not to be there for you.”

“It's not that simple, Desdemona.”

“It
is
that simple, Sullivan. Don't make excuses for him just because you're married to the guy.”

“You make him sound like a deadbeat, but nothing could be further from the truth. Charles is the best man I know. He's kind, considerate, loving. At this very moment, he's at the church, supporting the seniors at their annual holiday brunch.”

“So the seniors at church take precedence over his family?” Desdemona asked in disbelief. “I'm sorry, Sullivan, but I can't pretend this is okay. Your husband's top priority should be you and your daughter.”

“We are!” argued Sullivan.

“Just not today, right?” Before Sullivan could respond, Desdemona stopped herself. “You know what? I shouldn't have said anything. I was way out of line. I apologize.”

Sullivan was quiet a moment. Her mood became pensive. “No, it's okay. You . . . you brought up a valid point.”

“Look, Sullivan, I'm not trying to stir up trouble between you and your husband.”

“You're not. In fact, I think you're right. Charles
should
be here. I guess I'm so used to him putting the church before me and our family that I've just accepted it.”

“You shouldn't have to do that. He vowed to forsake all others for you, including the church.”

Sullivan nodded. “You know, I've always felt like I was in competition with Mount Zion Ministries for Charles's time and attention. It's been an issue since the beginning of our relationship.”

“If it means anything, I think you're handling it remarkably well.”

“Actually, I've handled it quite terribly. A few years ago, I had an affair, and it nearly ruined our marriage. I fully accept my responsibility in all that, but I don't think it would've happened if I felt wanted and appreciated at home.”

“That's how it usually is. Men cheat just because it's there and because they can. Women, however, stray because they're missing something at home.”

“I was definitely missing something. In a lot of ways, I still am, I guess.”

“Yeah, you're missing your husband, on top of having to face every parent's nightmare. You lost your son. I'm sure it doesn't help that your husband had a hand in that.”

“No, it doesn't.”

“Has he even acknowledged what he did? I mean, Christian might still be alive if he had chosen differently.”

“He keeps rationalizing, saying that he did what he thought was best and that he wanted to save me, but how can he not know that I would've wanted to save my son instead?”

“It really makes you question how well your husband knows you. And for him to do that—to be the kind of person who'd endanger the life of his child—it's got to make you question how well you know him too.”

 

 

Later that afternoon Charles found Sullivan in Christian's half-decorated Noah's Ark themed nursery, staring out the window.

“Some more flowers were just delivered,” he told her. “They're from some of my family members up north.”

“That's nice,” she responded drily.

“Charity still with Lawson and Simon?”

Sullivan nodded. “They should be back around eight, but Lawson asked if Charity could sleep over. Apparently, the kids are having a blast.”

“That's good. I'm glad she's having a good time. How about you and me doing the same? You know, it's been a while since I've taken my lovely wife out. How about we take one of those dinner cruises you like?”

Sullivan turned her nose up at the idea. “A dinner cruise in November?”

“Yes, if that dinner cruise is in Aruba!” He strode up behind his wife and wrapped his arms around her. “Why don't we get Charity first thing in the morning and take off for a few days to get away from this sadness for a while? I think a change of scenery would do us a world of good.”

“Do you really think a day at the beach is gonna make me forget that my son died three weeks ago?”

“No, but it's important for us to remember that there's still plenty to be thankful for. Christian will always be in our hearts, but it's time to start the healing process.”

“What you really mean is that it's time to move on, don't you?”

“I think it's time to honor our son's memory by embracing life, not focusing on death. We still have each other, and we still have Charity. We've got a good life, Sullivan. We can't lose sight of that. I think staying here, especially in this room, will only keep reminding you of what we lost.”

“This room is all I have left of my child. Being in here makes me feel closer to him.”

“But I don't think that's healthy. That's why . . .” Charles took a deep breath. “That's why I'm calling some people out to come and redo this whole room.”

Sullivan whipped her head around to face him. “What?”

“Sweetheart, we can't leave this room set up for a baby who's never coming home. I was thinking of fixing it up as a studio for you so you can start back doing your artwork. I think it'll be good for you to start painting again.”

“How many coats of paint do you think it'll take to cover up losing our child? Why are you so bound and determined to pretend like Christian never happened?” Sullivan shook her head. “This room is staying just like it is, Charles. Stop trying to erase our son.”

“That's not what I'm doing. I don't want to erase him. I want to save
you.
”

“You mean like you did after the accident? You're a pastor, but that doesn't give you the right to play God! You didn't have to let them take my baby. You could've saved him!”

“Then I would've lost you.”

“
And?
I would've laid down my life for the life of my son. You know that!” Sullivan dropped her head. “Charles, there are only two things in my life that I'm good at—screwing up and being a mother. Giving life to those children gave me purpose. You didn't take just Christian. You took the only part of me that's worth something.”

“Sullivan, God created you for a higher purpose than just popping out babies. There's a special call for your life. That's the gift that God gives to all of us. If you needed Christian in order to fulfill God's purpose for your life, God never would've allowed him to die.”

“I guess we'll never know which one of us is right, will we? You made sure of that when you put your wishes ahead of Christian's needs.”

“You keep blaming me for our son dying. Do you know how that makes me feel? I loved him too!”

“You didn't love him enough, Charles.” Sullivan wiped her eyes. “Every time I look at you, I'm reminded of that. You didn't put him first. You never put your family first.”

“I put God first, Sullivan, but you're a close second. Charity is right behind you. How can you question that?”

“How can you stand there and say you put us first when I have to compete with the church for the least bit of attention from you? Yeah, you may want to believe that you prioritize us, but that church is your wife, Charles, not me. Frankly, I don't know how much longer I can stay in this kind of marriage.”

“Everything I've ever done has been for you! All I've asked for in return is your love and respect. I don't always get it, but that's all I've ever asked for you.”

Charles fell silent. No words passed between them for several minutes. At long last, Charles said, “I can't make you stay, Sullivan.”

“What?”

“Maybe you're right. Sweetheart . . . I'm tired. I love you. Sometimes, I believe I love you more than I love myself, but there's only so much I can do to make you love me enough to stay in this with me and fight for our marriage and our family. I haven't thrown your mistakes in your face, and I never will. We've all fallen short. However, your actions speak volumes, Sullivan, and they don't always communicate that you're as vested in this relationship as I am. And, quite honestly, I need a wife who's going to fight as hard for me as I'm going to fight for her. I can't be in this by myself. I don't want you to leave. God knows I don't! But this time, I won't stop you.”

Defeated and exhausted by Sullivan, Charles made his way to the door.

Sullivan stopped him. “Charles . . .” She reached out for Charles's hand but let it fall by his side. She had no idea what she was going to say. His words were jarring. Never had Charles been willing to walk away from their marriage without a fight, not even after her affair with Vaughn went viral or when Charity's paternity was in question. This time, with Christian's death and Sullivan's verbal attacks, perhaps he'd had enough. She wondered if they both had.

Charles said one last thing to her before leaving. “I'm having the room done over next week, Sullivan. If you don't like it, you don't have to stay.”

“I think we have two very different definitions of what
constitutes fun.”

 

–
Kina Battle

 

“There it is! Isn't she a beauty?” asked Elvin in awe.

Kina's frightened eyes zoomed upward to the top of the Spin Cycle, a ninety-foot roller coaster that zipped into the air, spinning the riders through multiple loops before descending back to earth. “And you want me to get on that thing?” she asked incredulously.

“Heck, yeah! I've been waiting to hop on that train since we got here!”

Kina backed away from him. “How about I just stand here and watch? I'll keep my feet on the ground and offer moral support. I sort of have this thing about staying alive.”

Elvin chuckled. “Kina Anne, you ain't even lived till you've ridden on one of these babies! Come on!”

Kina protested nonstop as Elvin dragged her to the front of the line. Elvin had stayed true to his promise to take her to the fair and had kept a smile on Kina's face while they trekked through the fairgrounds, tossing rings on bottles and shooting at balloons, trying to win one of the pelicans that Kina had coveted since she was a child. Kina had even allowed herself to be subjected to the humiliation of the “Guess My Weight” game for the chance to win one, but there wasn't a stuffed pelican in the world big enough to make her happy about going through the Spin Cycle.

“Don't worry. It'll be fun,” promised Elvin as Kina was strapped in.

“I think we have two very different definitions of what constitutes fun,” said Kina, her heart pounding as the engine on the ride revved up. The roller coaster then zipped through the air, tossing them across the seat.

“Help me, Jesus!” cried Kina, digging her nails into Elvin's arm.

Elvin released a hearty laugh. “Open your eyes, Kina! I got you.”

Kina shook her head, keeping her lids tightly shut. “I don't want you! I want Jesus!” After another minute of stomach flipping and heart dropping, the ordeal finally came to a halt.

Elvin peeled Kina's fingers off of him. “All right, it's over. You can breathe now.”

“Oh, God! Oh, God!” panted Kina, clutching her pounding heart as Elvin helped her off the ride.

“Here. Grab my hand.” He lifted her out of the seat. “You know I wasn't going to let anything happen to you, right?”

Kina exhaled, thrilled to be back on solid ground. “I did feel rather safe . . .” She stopped herself from adding, “In your arms.”

“Taking care of you and Kenny is my pleasure. You're my family.”

“Thank you.”

“You want something to eat?” asked Elvin as they passed a food stand.

“I'd love a candy apple, but I'm afraid it'll turn into tossed cookies if I eat it right now.”

Elvin laughed. “One day you're going to look back on this day and thank me.”

“That day will be a day a long time from now!”

“Sometimes, you've got to step out of that comfort zone and try something new. You might be surprised by what you find.” He elbowed her. “Admit it. You know you liked riding on that thing.”

“Okay, it wasn't
terrible,
” conceded Kina, sitting down on a nearby bench. “The important thing is that I survived.”

He sat down too. “I think you've proven to everybody what a survivor you really are. I admire you, Kina. You won that weight-loss competition and weren't afraid to compete in front of the whole world. You've been doing an outstanding job taking care of your son, and you survived E'Bell. I want to say again how sorry I am that we didn't believe you about being abused like that.”

“It's okay. I should've spoken up sooner. If I had, maybe E'Bell could've gotten some help and would still be alive today. I'd give anything for my son not to have to carry the guilt of killing his father.”

“He shouldn't feel bad about that. He was protecting his mother. Many people would consider him a hero.”

“I'm one of them.”

Elvin took Kina by the hand. “I want you to know that we didn't raise him to be that way. I never raised a hand to his mother, and I never would to any woman. Don't think he got that from me.”

“I know he didn't. You're a kind, gentle man. I know you wouldn't hurt me. I mean, I—I know you wouldn't hurt any woman in a violent way,” she stammered.

He caressed her hand. “I would never hurt you, either.”

Kina cleared her throat and eased her hand away from him. “You know what? I think I'm ready for that candy apple.”

Elvin sensed she was uncomfortable and patted her on the hand. “Coming right up.”

Kina was relieved when he left. Her heart and mind were racing. She felt something she had no business feeling for her late husband's father.

“Snap out of it, Kina,” she scolded herself out loud. “He's literally old enough to be your father! Heck, he's a grandfather and E'Bell's dad, and he's . . .” She sighed. “So sweet and sexy!”

Elvin came back with her candy apple. “I got the biggest one they had.”

She happily received it and ripped the plastic covering off of it. “Thank you. Candy apples are the sole reason I even bother coming to the fair.” She bit into it.

“Yeah, I'm a huge fan of them myself.”

Kina extended it to him. “Have some.”

“You're making it look so good over there, I think I will.” Their fingers touched as Elvin leaned in to bite the apple. He stared at her intently. “It's better than I thought it would be.”

They both bit into the apple at the same time, their lips almost brushing against each other.

“Sorry about that,” Kina apologized quickly.

Elvin shook his head. “I'm not.”

Then he pulled Kina in for a kiss. Instead of pushing him away, she found herself kissing him back.

It was better than any pelican and candy apple put together.