Flash Flood (21 page)

If they died this night, did it make any difference? Except he’d push her away. But Deidre would say that sharing the burden was supposed to lighten the load. “I need to explain the situation about Anna and my responsibility to her. I accepted her care a long time ago.” She hesitated. Her head pounded.

“I remember in college you worked to help take care of her,” he said.

“There’s more to my commitment than the love I feel for her. It’s—it’s my fault she’s mentally challenged.”

Curiosity, woven with sadness, deepened around his eyes.

“Anna was born as normal and alive as we are. She and I used to chatter like a couple of little chipmunks.” Alina closed her eyes. “We played and got into all kinds of trouble until we were three, when she had an accident.”

“You don’t have to tell me this unless you want to,” he said. “My days of pushing you into situations are over.”

“But I must. It’s why I broke our engagement.” He squeezed her lightly, and she relished the affection, knowing in a few moments he’d be repulsed. “When Anna and I were three years old, Mom took us to a department store in Columbus. I wanted to play among the ladies’ dresses. I liked hiding my face in the folds of the skirts, but Mom insisted we stay right by her side. I saw a round rack of ladies’ robes and wanted to run across the aisle. I whispered to Anna to follow me.” She took a deep breath. “I slipped away, but Anna hesitated. When she decided to join me, a mirror fell from the ceiling on top of her.”

Ryan’s hold did not waver. “And you blame yourself for her accident? Hasn’t anyone ever told you it was the store’s neglect?” Indignation laced his words.

“Mom didn’t see it quite that way. She said
I
coerced Anna to follow me. If I had listened to her and behaved, Anna wouldn’t have suffered all these years. From then on, Mom blamed me for Anna’s handicap. I hadn’t obeyed, and God punished me by letting Anna get hurt. Mom never let me forget and reinforced the punishment by saying that I had to take care of my sister until the day I died.”

“That isn’t fair! She had no right to saddle you with unwarranted responsibility.” He said nothing for a few moments. “Now I understand the animosity between you and your mother. Whenever I heard her criticize you, I wanted to demand why. Maybe I should have.” He gently massaged her arm. “Surely you don’t believe Anna’s accident was your fault.”

She tilted her head. “Yes … and no. I disobeyed my mother, but I repented of my sin. God forgave me, but I don’t think Mom ever did. She went to her grave claiming I was responsible for Anna’s handicap. There are no relatives alive who visit Anna, and Dad died while we were very young. My point is that I can’t ever ask anyone to take me into their life—and Anna, too—especially with what I did.”

“That’s why you broke our engagement?”

She nodded. “Mom said I shouldn’t burden you with my problems. She said if I didn’t end the relationship, she’d tell you the truth.”

“And you believed her?” His voice rose. “What about how I felt?”

She pulled away from his stiffened body. The anger she’d feared seeing in him all along now surfaced. “I’m sorry, but I love Anna. Caring for her is not a duty or an obligation; it’s a joy.”

“I’m not upset about your love for her, nor your desire to make sure she’s taken care of properly. I admire your commitment to Anna.”

Confusion clouded her logic. “What do you mean?”

“I expected her to be a part of our lives one day. I’m angry because you believed your mother. She had no right to judge how I felt about the matter any more than she had a right to judge you as responsible for the accident.” A crack of thunder shook the building. She shuddered, and he took her hand. “Alina, I’ve never stopped loving you.”

Alina froze, paralyzed by what she’d heard. Ryan’s words whisked away the years of doubt and misery that had almost consumed her life. Afraid to move or utter a sound for fear he’d deny his love for her, she struggled for the right words.

“Why, at the point when it looks like our lives are to be swept away, must we finally learn the truth?” she asked. “I’ve never stopped loving you either.”

He rested his head atop hers. “God has been dealing with misunderstandings and two stubborn people.”

“And I’m the worst. You always gave unselfishly to me.”

“Not always. At times I manipulated you. I thought you believed the rumors about me and Jenny.”

“The cheerleader who needed help with her French? Never gave it a thought once you explained. You told me about tutoring her, and I trusted you.” She lifted her face to him. “Ryan, we’ve wasted years that we could have been together.”

“We have these moments, for as long as God allows.” He paused. “I think we needed this time apart to grow in the Lord.”

“I used to be afraid of God, because all I knew about Him was what I heard my mother say. Fear and repulsion confronted me every time someone mentioned His name. When I realized His heart was full of love for me, I embraced His love like a child running into the arms of a father.”

“I turned to God when my life no longer made any sense.”

His ardent gaze swept over her face. Even in the dim light, the warmth in his blue eyes penetrated her soul. He lowered his head and kissed her lightly, brushing his lips across hers in featherlike softness.

“Do you mind?” he asked.

“Please do. I’ve waited a long time.”

His kiss became a promise fulfilled. The years vanished along with the hurt and the sadness. His love soothed her doubt and regret like a gentle balm. Bittersweet emotions caused tears to flow unchecked over her cheeks. She didn’t care. If the waters overtook them this very instant, she’d die knowing the truth had sweetened the moment.

“Alina, tonight you’ve given me a taste of heaven. God is so very good.”

Suddenly the ironic circumstance of their meeting held clarity. She swiped at her tears. “God also has a sense of humor. Not only did He put us back together, but look how He got my attention. We had to work side by side in a job transition that I despised, and then you had to inform me of not having a job at the end of three months. The only reason I stayed this afternoon when Fred sent everyone else home was to give you a bad time—to prove I was committed to Flash.”

“I suspected your tactics. Selfish me wanted you alone in the hope that something from the past might be rekindled. I failed to consider the weather would turn out like this.”

A beep interrupted him.

“My cell phone,” she said. “It needs to be recharged—like my poor heart.”

He kissed her cheek. “I have my phone off. Every so often I turn it on to see if I can use it.”

She picked up a flashlight and aimed it at the stairway. “Look. The water is seeping over the top.”

Saturday, 3:45 a.m
.

Ryan hated the thought of a slow death, and he intended to fight it all the way. “We’ll go higher as the water rises. I’ll get a few things to take with us.”

“I want to help.”

“What about the lump on your head?”

“I’m fine.”

When she started to get up, he reached under her arm and righted her. He then watched her to make sure she didn’t topple over. “Give yourself a few minutes before you attempt anything.”

Alina made her way to the items brought from the break room and pulled out a plastic garbage bag. She proceeded to put some of the foodstuff inside, along with extra batteries and a first aid kit. Her sideways glance at the staircase stabbed at Ryan’s heart.
She can’t swim, and she’s petrified of electrical storms. Lord, please deliver us
.

“I’ll take those.” He took the bag and led Alina to the stairwell. She seemed strangely quiet, not her usual manner of handling stress. “It’s less than three hours ‘til dawn. We’ll make it.”

“Thanks. Of course we will.”

Once she sat on a step, he opened the access door leading to the roof and pushed up to see the outside. The wind blew water across the roof and into his face. The light sticks looked to take flight at any moment, and the temperature had dropped since he’d checked earlier. They’d be shivering before long. He counted about six feet before they needed to move onto the roof. Every foot bought time. The old cliché about it being the darkest just before dawn rolled across his mind. They were in a war zone, and the enemy might not have had grenades and high-powered rifles, but it had the advantage. He refused to give up. He had faith and a God who answered prayers.

But what if death came before sunrise? All of his ponderings started and ended with the same question. He remembered the apostle Paul and his conviction that living was good but dying and being with Jesus were even better. Ryan felt the same way, but that didn’t mean he and Alina planned to take a dive into the first floor.

Am I ready to meet Him?
While he sat on the steps, the faces of all those he treasured drifted through his mind—along with what he should have done differently. His parents were in their late fifties, healthy, traveling, and active in church. How often did he call or visit? And his sister in Oregon and his little brother attending Ohio State? Holidays and birthdays didn’t cut it. While traveling, Ryan often hadn’t bothered to look for a place to worship on Sundays—he could have sacrificed and been more involved no matter where he was.
I could have shown others Jesus in me. God, if You will only get us out of this mess, I’ll—

Ryan startled. He refused to make a bargain with God. If he and Alina survived, he committed to making changes. How sad that a catastrophe had to bring him to reflections about himself. Alina’s voice broke into his ponderings.

“What is it?” he asked.

“The water’s here.”

Saturday, 4:15 a.m
.

Alina leaned against Ryan’s shoulder while they shared a coat and a sweatshirt. She tried not to shiver. He’d always been one to “fix” things when she’d been uncomfortable, and he had plenty to concern himself with now—without any more problems. She recalled a time just before she broke up with Ryan when he’d found her crying. Alina couldn’t tell him how her mother had berated her for considering marriage.

“I can’t help you if you won’t tell me what upset you,” he’d said. “It’s my mother. We had a disagreement.” He’d frowned. “Anything I can do?”

“No. This is a difference of opinion.” And her mother had won. Two weeks later, Alina broke their engagement.

In the dark and seated on the fourth step with their heads nearly touching the access door, she slipped her hand into his. A candle offered a faint light as it burned near the base of the wick, sending a halo effect on the step beneath them.

“I’m being philosophical here,” she said, pointing to the candle. “But I’m thinking this small circle of light is like our legacy.”

“And what will we leave behind?”

She half-laughed. “Nothing earth-shattering for me. I wanted to make a difference in the world, especially after I became a Christian. I thought of taking mission trips or sponsoring orphans overseas. All I’ve ever done is volunteer in the nursery at church.”

“You took care of babies?”

“Yes, I did, Mr. Erikson.” She lifted her chin and forced a smile. “Why are you so surprised?”

“Not surprised. Pleased. And I’m sure those parents appreciated it. So you’ve left a fine legacy. Me, that’s another story. I have a fistful of regrets when it comes to my family. I’ve always been too busy to give them my time. Earlier I was thinking about what I wish I’d done differently. I almost did the barter thing with God. You know, ‘I’ll do this if You’ll rescue us.’ As soon as the thought entered my mind, I realized how that mind-set lowers God to human level.”

“You are a fine man, Ryan. Always have been, and you gave so much of yourself in our relationship. When we’re rescued, I pray I never forget how precious life is and how important every human is to God. I want my legacy to give God a smile. He knows my weaknesses. I could have been less sarcastic and more courteous to others. I could have taken time to understand people like James.” A picture of James rolled across her mind—his anger, his interest in the things of God, and his little daughter’s illness.

“He’s a hard man to understand, and I hope God is able to get through to him.”

“He made life miserable for you, didn’t he? You never said a word.”

Ryan shrugged. “Doesn’t really matter. I want to believe that by not blaming him, I made a difference.”

“He’s searching.”

“True, like all of us.”

She squeezed his hand. “If given the opportunity, I will strive to make a difference.”

“Do I fit into those aspirations?” She smiled. “Do you want to?”

“For as long as God allows.”

“Sounds like you have serious plans.”

“Just listen to my plans and give me your opinion. I see a cloudless day in June, after the Flash/Neon transition. The sun is shining warm, birds are singing, and flowers are blooming everywhere. A limo pulls up in front of your red-brick church. The driver exits and opens the door for you. And you, Miss Alina, are dressed in white and carrying red and white roses. You walk up the steps to the church entrance. You pause for a moment and listen to the organ play one of your favorite songs.”