Fixer-Upper (Spinning Hills Romance 3) (25 page)

He stood behind her now and looked over her shoulder. “I love it. I’ll never get rid of it.”

Marissa’s heart filled with happiness, quickly punctured with sharp pangs of sorrow. She swallowed hard and didn’t turn around. They’d both said too much that morning. He’d decided it was time to give up. She’d chosen the worst possible time to finally acknowledge the truth. “I took pictures of everyone holding the tile they chose. I’ll forward them to you.”

“I’d appreciate it. I appreciate all you’ve done.”

“Can I take a look around?”

“Sure. I’ll be outside, rinsing out some paintbrushes.”

Marissa nodded, knowing he didn’t want to be alone with her, and that she should be quick and leave. She walked around, trying to remain indifferent, but unable to do so.

The walls in the main living area were a buttery beige and the trim and doors a creamy white. It looked clean and warm, while the tiled kitchen countertops both brightened the entire space, and tied everything together. The glass bits and pieces sparkled, the bright tile made the home look happy, and the warmer pieces blended well with the walls and trim. The bedrooms and bathroom were painted a soft pale green, and the trim a brighter white. They looked cool, fresh, and inviting. Her breath caught. It was perfect.

She grabbed her bag, suddenly realizing it was time to leave. Her phone lay in an outer pocket and Marissa knew Brian and others must’ve called and texted many times but her battery was dead. Well, everyone knew where she’d been.

She walked to her car and turned around. The sun hung low in the pink- and purple-streaked horizon, casting a warm light on the swaying grass, the tall trees, and the rustling leaves. She loved how solid and cheerful the red metal roof looked over the hearty little house, as if it were both protecting it and letting it be. For a moment she wished for rain so she could listen to the soothing pitter-patter against it.

Johnny had given up on them. Now it was Marissa’s turn to fight. It would be painful and complicated. So many people would be disappointed in her, and the attention in town would be excruciating.

And it could all be too late.

When she got home, Brian was waiting for her. He took her hands in his and scrubbed away some of the thin set that had caked onto her fingers. “Doubt that will all come off by tomorrow. What time do you leave?”

“We leave at dawn.”

Brian nodded, but he didn’t look at her. She studied him. Her love for him was real, but it didn’t run deep. It ran comfortably. It always had. It didn’t make her feel exhilarated and alive.

How stupid could she have been? What would she do? He was a proud man. Everything she was feeling would humiliate him. “Brian . . . we need to talk.”

Brian released a sigh, but tightened his hold on her hands. “Before you say anything, give it some time and thought, okay? I feel it, too. Like everything has slowly been tearing us apart, and you’re ready to let go. But I’m not. I’m not ready to give up on us. Think about it. This distance between us, and all the work we’ve been putting into moving here and getting ready for our next step . . . it’s bound to take its toll.”

Marissa didn’t know what the right thing to do was. There was no one she could ask. The people she trusted most would say the same thing Brian was saying. To think. To give it time. They didn’t know her heart or her mind. It was finally time for her to learn to trust them both. “I know, but it’s more than that, Brian.”

He sighed. “You’re about to leave. Don’t do this now.”

“But the engagement party . . .” Panic clogged her throat at the thought of Brian, their friends, his parents, her family, and she couldn’t say anything more.

“It’s at Huffy’s. It’s informal. We’ll have time when you get back to sort everything out. Now, get some sleep and promise me you’ll think things through. We at least owe each other that.”

 

Johnny woke up and got ready before first light. He’d be driving the rented truck carrying all the props, and he had to go pick it up. Two days, one night, and over one thousand two hundred miles of road.

He met up with the kids at the school, where the charter bus was waiting, half an hour later. The morning had dawned cloudy and gloomy, with rain hovering on the horizon, but it didn’t affect the kids’ moods in the least. Their enthusiasm was a tangible, living, breathing entity that touched everyone around them, and the morning felt bright because of it.

Even driving behind them, Johnny was caught up in their fun. They’d wave at everyone who passed by, nag the driver to honk at other buses, and make ridiculous faces at Johnny, who made a game of trying to keep a straight face. Once in a while, someone would make him roll his eyes or laugh.

Marissa sat in the front of the bus, Mrs. Simmons in the middle, and Amy in the back. So he was able to keep Marissa a bus length away. He only saw her during rest stops, and those were chaotic and noisy enough to keep them from speaking.

As the miles took them farther from their hometown, the mood turned mellow. Those interested in the changing landscape couldn’t tear their eyes away. Those only dreaming of their destination took naps. Johnny watched them from behind the bus. Soon, evening would be upon them, and they’d be roused into fun again when they reached the hotel.

“I already feel sorry for the other guests.” Amy cringed as the kids got off the bus, whooping and asking about food and their rooms.

Marissa held up two large paper bags. Johnny and the other chaperones peeked inside and saw little bags of cookies tied with a ribbon. “I baked them sugar cookies and typed up a little note, explaining and apologizing in advance for any excessive noise. You can help me leave them at their doors,” she said to Amy, who raised both eyebrows.

“You baked enough cookies for an entire hotel full of guests?” Mrs. Simmons looked at her as if she was a lost cause.

“Only for our floor and the one below it,” Marissa said defensively. “It was no big deal.”

 

Marissa asked to sit in the front of the bus the next day again. They were supposed to switch out, but she knew she’d be too tempted to keep looking back to make sure Johnny was still behind them and wide awake if she sat farther back. It was ridiculous. He was a grown man, he had a GPS, and he could very well follow a large bus full of rowdy kids and stay awake, but she kept sneaking looks to see if the big orange and white truck was still in view.

The always beautiful, always changing views, and the endless questions and occasional petty arguments between the kids helped her keep her mind off her personal life and the future that awaited her back home. All she had was here and now, and here and now was noisy, fun, and new. She’d never made it farther west than Indiana, and she couldn’t wait to see the Rockies. Mrs. Simmons came up with some games and contests about state trivia, throwing some social studies, history, and geography into the learning experience. Some of the kids enjoyed it, while others let them know, in no uncertain terms, that they would
not
be fooled or manipulated into learning anything else that summer.

When the Rockies came into view, they all stared in awe. Some of the kids were inspired to share stories about the natural wonders in their own home countries. It was a beautiful moment. And it was ruined by a phone call Marissa couldn’t ignore.

Don Stands from the Marconi and McNeely Foundation had finally deigned to return her messages.

Marissa sank down in her seat and kept her voice low. She was still so angry. But what Don had to say left her stone-cold and unable to say anything but a terse, “Thank you. I understand.” A moment after she hung up, she retched into the first bag she could find. The leftover cookies were ruined. Amy, Mrs. Simmons, and some of the kids rushed to her side.

A chorus of questions—“What’s wrong?” “Should we stop?” “What happened?” “Is she sick?”—surrounded her.

“Don’t stop,” was all she could say. A bunch of kids milling around the side of a highway would be her worst nightmare.

 

Johnny watched as the kids rushed to the front of the bus. Something was up. He hit a button on his smartphone and said, “Call Marissa,” without thinking. Marissa didn’t answer. He tried Amy and Mrs. Simmons, but they didn’t answer, either.

He did his best to keep calm, knowing the bus would stop or turn off at an exit ramp if there was a real emergency. Minutes passed, the bus kept rolling, and kids began filing back into their seats. Johnny relaxed his grip on the steering wheel, but he remained vigilant.

Finally, Amy called him back and said she was worried because Marissa had retched minutes after receiving a phone call, but that Marissa wouldn’t share what had made her so upset. She was trying to cover it up now, but Amy knew something was up. The only thing Marissa would say was that nothing truly bad had happened.

Johnny clenched his jaw, wishing they were closer to their destination. Would Marissa talk to him? What news could Marissa have gotten to make her feel
physically
sick? The miles stretched out before him.

 

Hours later, Marissa hopped off the bus, breathed in the fresh, fragrant mountain air, stretched, and looked around. The fair was being held in an expansive, modern campground at the foot of the Rockies, and it was one of the most breathtaking scenes she’d ever seen. Snow-peaked mountains provided the backdrop to gigantic evergreens, a crystalline lake, deep green foliage, and a huge stage, where she guessed the kids would perform.

Despite her heavy heart, she felt true happiness when she saw the looks on the kids’ faces. Everywhere they looked, there was a treat. An ice cream and coffee stand, an outdoor movie theater, a lake where kids were swimming, hayrides, hiking trails, and even a petting zoo.

Large cabins lined the perimeter of the grounds, and both open-air and screened-in gazebos dotted the middle, along with picnic tables and benches. Marissa was relieved to see plenty of adults wearing bright orange T-shirts identifying them as guides.

The kids walked around the parking area, stretching their legs and talking excitedly, as Amy went to get them registered. Johnny came up to her, but she moved away. There were too many feelings ripping at her insides. She felt an overwhelming need to talk to him, but she had no idea where to start, and it wasn’t the right time.

Brian was the person she needed to talk to the most. As soon as the kids were settled for the night, she’d make the call.

I
t was ten at night. Marissa was sitting on a lonely bench behind the girls’ cabin. Brian’s phone was ringing. Marissa’s stomach was churning. She was mad. She was sad. There hadn’t been time to plan what she would say, but it didn’t matter. If the accusations she’d been holding in didn’t find an outlet soon, she’d burst.

“Hey, babe,” he answered, his voice soft and loving. It made her despair even more.

“How could you?” she choked out.

“What? What are you talking about?” he asked, sounding alert and alarmed.

“It was you. Don’t even try to deny it. Don’t pretend. I know it was you.”

A short, heavy sigh sounded over the receiver. “You’re speaking in riddles. Can you just tell me what you’re talking about?”

“If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then you’re an even bigger jerk than I could have ever imagined. How many things have you done that would make me this angry? What else don’t I know about?” She fought to keep her voice lowered to an angry whisper.

“There’s nothing else!”

Finally, they were getting somewhere. Finally, she could send him to hell, with no remorse and no regrets. Except she knew that wasn’t true. Despite what he’d done, her insides were twisted into knots over the thought of causing him pain. It was bound to happen, but not like this, not with this much hurt and anger on her side. “Why? Why did you do it? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You wouldn’t have understood. You’ll never understand. But that’s my job, Marissa. To make sure my clients don’t mess up.”

“You didn’t even see fit to tell me Marconi and McNeely
were
your clients! The moment I opened my mouth and said they’d likely be funding the trip, you should’ve told me your doubts. Instead, you planned and plotted behind my back, and nearly sabotaged everything so many people had worked so hard for.” Marissa shot up off the bench and began pacing. Tears streamed down her face.

“I know, I know. You’re right, and I’m sorry. I’ve been sorry from the start! But I didn’t know how to tell you because I knew you wouldn’t understand. You don’t see the world the way other people see it. You say politics stays outside the door at school, but it doesn’t work that way in the business world. You don’t know the immigration status of half those kids, Marissa, but you know it’s questionable. If word got out that a major pharmaceutical company was funding a trip for a bunch of kids who are here illegally, a major public relations storm would ensue. It’s my job to protect them against that.”

“A ‘bunch of kids’? Is that how you see them? I don’t know their legal status, Brian, and neither do you! It’s beside the point here. Marconi and McNeely were once immigrants themselves. That’s why they started a fund to promote cultural awareness. But you managed to convince some CEO—who likely has nothing to do with the company’s founders—that making these kids’ dreams come true would make the company look bad.”

“It could! It’s your job to teach them, Marissa. I get that, and I don’t care about their status myself. But it’s my job to protect my clients from public relations disasters. Why can’t
you
get
that?
”

The shock of the betrayal gutted her all over again. It felt as if she’d never get over it. “How could I, when you never said a thing? You listened to me talk about their anticipation and excitement, knowing they might not get to go, but you didn’t even give me fair warning. Who does that?” she demanded.

“I knew they’d get to go. I knew you and Johnny would find a way, and if you didn’t, I was going to make the donation myself.”

Marissa felt her outrage skyrocket. How could he? How could he mock Johnny for not thinking things through, and then count on him to help her save the day? How could he let Johnny foot the bill with a clear conscience, and then not even help out at Johnny’s house, or donate anything at all himself?

But she didn’t have to ask; she knew the answer. He didn’t have a clear conscience, but he was too immature to realize it. It was why he’d been so understanding about every little thing the last few weeks, and why he’d been so mad at Johnny. Guilt. “Forget it. I don’t want to hear anything else. We’re over. Cancel the engagement party, cancel the house or lease it yourself, and cancel everything we’d planned with the wedding coordinator I never wanted. Cancel it all.”

“Calm down. That doesn’t make sense. Wait till you get back and we’ve talked things through.”

“No! I will not talk things through. It’s over. It has been for a while and we both knew it. But we wouldn’t have survived this anyway. I can’t believe you can’t see that. Cancel all the immediate things, Brian. I’m over a thousand miles away and you owe me that much.”

“Fine. But when you get back, we need to talk. You can’t just end things over the phone. We’re not twelve.”

“Fine,” Marissa ground out. She pressed the
end
button and threw her phone to the ground before she was tempted to waste her breath saying anything else. She sat down, head in her hands, and began to sob.

Not long after, the sound of footsteps and familiar voices mumbling, whispering, and muttering surrounded her. Marissa didn’t look up. It was clear they’d heard. Had she been yelling? She couldn’t remember. She shook her head and let the sound of her kids’ much-improved English wash over her and soothe her disturbed soul. When they began taking turns hugging her, she looked up so they could see her watery smile and know she’d be okay, as she hugged them back.

“I’ll be okay. I’m so sorry.”

Mrs. Simmons shook her head. “You have nothing to apologize to us for.”

 

Johnny stayed back and let the kids console Marissa. Her distressed voice had carried to the cabin, though what she was saying hadn’t been clear. Johnny had run out to make sure she was okay, and there was nothing he could do to keep the boys inside once they feared Marissa was in some sort of trouble. They’d rounded the corner in time to hear what Brian had done, and Marissa’s shock over it. After that, Johnny herded them back enough so they couldn’t hear what else was said. Marissa deserved and needed privacy. But the moment she’d gone silent, the kids had rushed back out.

He met Amy’s eyes and guessed something similar had happened at their cabin.

Johnny couldn’t remember ever feeling as livid as he felt in that moment in his entire life. His anger over the way his mom treated Dan was close, but it was always intermingled with despair and disappointment, and his own need to make things better for Dan. But what he was feeling now was pure, untainted rage. He could feel it burn through his veins.

If Brian was in front of him at that moment, he’d beat him to a pulp, his degree in school psychology be damned. Right now, he wanted to punch the cabin wall, but he wouldn’t do that in front of the kids. For some crazy reason, he was also mad at Marty, for not seeing Brian for who he was, and for not warning Marissa away from him. Self-preservation, Marty had called it. Johnny kicked at the ground.

A few of the kids started expressing how they felt about Brian in colorful terms, but Marissa promptly intervened. “Please, don’t. It only makes me feel worse. I wish you hadn’t heard what you heard. I should’ve controlled my voice, or at least chosen another spot. But don’t hate Brian. Good people sometimes get mixed up and do bad things. I think you all know that. It doesn’t excuse it, and we’re all rightfully angry, but it won’t do any of us any good to become insulting.”

Or to wish we could beat them to a pulp. Johnny sighed. She was such a teacher. But she was right. “And hate can be like a poison,” Johnny added, knowing they probably all hated Brian at the moment. “Don’t let someone else’s actions poison you, okay? Look around you. We’re here. And tomorrow, you get to show everyone what you’ve got.”

“That your pep talk?” Javier grinned.

Johnny cut him a look. “What, it’s not good enough for you?”

“Kinda lame,” Isaac agreed.

The kids laughed, and a ghost of a smile tugged at Marissa’s lips.

Isaac stood on a bench. “Tomorrow we’ll eat ice cream for breakfast, do the hayride thing, dance our butts off, and swim in the lake,” he commanded, punching his fist in the air.

A chorus of enthusiastic agreements rent the air, and Mrs. Simmons and Amy shushed them. “Not if we get kicked out. Now, let’s go back to our cabins and get some sleep.”

Veronica turned to Marissa. “Is Mr. Brian on Facebook or Twitter?” she asked, a gleam in her eye.

“No!” both Marissa and Johnny shouted.

“Please, everyone, not a word of this on the Internet.”

A less-enthusiastic chorus of okays and all rights followed, as the kids reluctantly shuffled back to their cabins.

Javier’s speech proved to be prophetic. The kids began the next day with a bang and they never slowed down. Between organized activities, all ten finalists performed their plays and musicals, and Marissa and Amy were able to fully appreciate for the first time just how much their kids had learned and grown. They knew they were biased, but it was impossible not to feel their kids were hands down the best.

Marissa, Johnny, and Amy had encouraged even the shiest kids to own their parts and command the stage, and it had been as good for them as it had been for the kids who wanted the spotlight on them. There was a lesson there.

Keeping up with the kids the rest of the day was enough to drive any logical thought out of a normal person’s head, but Marissa wasn’t feeling normal. She’d been exerting mind-over-heart control for too long. The moment she allowed her thoughts and feelings free rein, she felt more present, more alive, and more afraid than she’d felt in a long time.

Thinking and feeling freely was scary in many ways, but watching the kids run joyful and free helped. Right now, they were having a splash war in the lake with kids from other schools.

One thing had become as clear as the lake reflecting the bright sun above. She loved Johnny, loved him like she’d never loved or would love anyone ever. Nothing anyone said would matter. If he still cared for her, she was his, forever.

They would care enough for one another to keep themselves from doing anything too crazy. That’s what she hadn’t understood until that past weekend. That the tenderhearted nuttiness that made everyone else worry about them would be the very thing that would help them keep one another safe.

Brian would be hurt. It pained her. She felt a deep pang in her chest every time she thought of him. He’d been unimaginably selfish, but she’d been equally blind. Maybe a veil would lift for him, too. But it was time for her to take center stage in her own life for a little while. It wouldn’t be easy.