Five Ways to Fall (17 page)

“Later tonight. He likes it in there.” Ben yanks a blue tarp off an object hidden beneath and all concerns about Ben’s peculiar dad disappear at the sight of thick-treaded tires and red-and-yellow roll bars.

“Yes, I’ll marry you,” I blurt out, heading straight for the driver’s seat of the dune buggy.

“Whoa . . .” A thick arm ropes around my waist to hold me back, pulling me tight against him. “You think I’m going to just hand you the keys to this? It’s fast.”

“I’m sure it is!” I feel my eyes light up once again. While other little girls were waiting in line to spin in the teacups at the fair, I was the little brat crashing my go-cart around the track. I was never your typical girl. I don’t know how many times I came home with grass stains on my clothes and mud in my hair.

“I don’t know that I trust you. You’re liable to take out half the grove and kill us.”

“I’m a very responsible driver!”

“Is that what you told the cops when you got busted for drag racing?”

“It wasn’t drag racing and no charges were
ever
laid!” I throw back.

“That’s not what Mason said,” he counters.

How Mason would . . .
“Dammit!” Lina must have told him.
Change of plan.
I roll my body around and press myself against him.

A bark of laughter interrupts my very obvious attempts at seduction. “Oh, hell, I’m an idiot but I’m not falling for that.” He spins me around and gives my ass a hard slap before he climbs into the driver’s side of the dune buggy, moving fluidly for a man with such a large, tall frame. “Get in.”

I do so but not without a grumble, mentally planning the steps of the distraction and siege.

“You’d better hold on. This thing is old and jumpy.” He cranks the engine and a low, throaty rumble escapes as it comes to life, my entire core vibrating with the seat. It lurches as Ben throws it into first gear, chugging and jolting slightly before leaping forward through the tall grass.

Ben steers us down a sandy trail with a sea of trees and then shifts into second and then third gear, the rush of the acceleration exhilarating. It’s too loud to talk and so I happily settle in as the trees whizz by and the sand kicks up a cloud dust behind us, the bumps along the path jarring my head this way and that. I don’t care. We continue down past that path and to another one, and another, until I’m sure we’re in an orange grove maze. I don’t know how Ben knows where he’s going.

We must be half a mile away from the house when Ben takes another sharp right turn that would have thrown me right into his chest if not for the seat belt cutting into my neck. He pulls over a crest and suddenly we’re overlooking a sea of trees and other properties and, beyond that, far in the distance, blue water.

“Wow,” escapes my mouth as I stare out at the mesmerizing view, no longer paying attention to the path Ben drives along, until he pulls up in a sandy spot next to a yellow farm truck, its tire flat and a giant rust hole eating into the side panel. Ben kills the engine and we climb out.

“Incredible, isn’t it?” I hear him say, and I can feel his eyes on me as I just stand there, staring out at the view. Wandering over to the closest tree, he gently grasps at the small green sphere hanging from it. “You should see this place in spring, with all of these navel orange trees in bloom and the air filled with this flowery-honey smell. It’s something else.” Glancing over his shoulder, he must see my smirk because he quickly adds, “And don’t make fun of me for saying that until you actually see it. And smell it.”

“It does sound pretty,” I admit, still a bit in awe that a place like this exists so close to my home. “You know a lot about citrus farming?”

Sliding his hands into his jeans casually, he turns and saunters back. “I grew up here and we helped my mama, so, yeah, I know enough.” Kicking at the tufts of grass trying in vain to take root among the sand, he explains, “My granddaddy used to say this place is the perfect storm for growing. The soil, the sunshine, and warm nights, and being by the ocean—all of it together makes this the best citrus farming country.”

Ben picks up a stick from nearby and slowly circles the old truck, slamming the wood against the metal and poking around the tires, watching the ground around it. “Mama’s got eighty-six acres of trees; mostly grapefruit and navel oranges. Some tangerines. The season starts in October and runs through until May. There’s no warehousing, no cold storage. The orders come in, we pick them, and then we send them to the packagers. Simple. I’m here most weekends during the season, helping. It cuts labor costs.”

Of course he is. For whatever else he is, Ben is a very good son to Wilma and, while I may have teased him about being a mama’s boy, seeing this side of him is endearing.

Tossing the stick to the side, he mutters more to himself, “Huh. Normally I get at least one rattler in here.”

I shudder as Ben drops the tailgate. It lets out a loud creak in protest; I’m surprised it hasn’t seized shut, as everything else about the truck is so old and decrepit. “This used to be my granddaddy’s.” He settles down on it and then holds his hands to beckon me forward. I relent, letting him grab me by the waist and lift me up next to him as if I weigh nothing at all. “Jake and I used to spend all day racing around out here, and then we’d sneak out of our rooms and hang out all night with friends, drinking under the stars. Those were the good ol’ days.” Ben leans back until he’s lying in the truck bed with his legs dangling over the edge. He nestles his head within his arms, the move pulling his shirt up just enough to expose a strip of hard flesh above his belt line. I don’t know when the hell Ben has time to work out, but he must still be doing it a lot. Maybe
I
should make more of an effort, given that he’s acting like he’s genuinely desperate to see me naked again.

But why am I thinking about impressing Ben? I’m so far from ready for another relationship and, when I
am
ready, it definitely won’t be with someone like him. What I’d get from Ben would be exactly what I was looking for in Cancún.

Something easy. Fun. Harmless. With an end date and no expectations.

“Do you see your brothers and sister a lot?” I ask, trying to distract myself from those thoughts as I eye his torso, his shirt strained against its curves.

“Nah, which is crazy, considering how close we were growing up. There’s only seven years between Josh and me. Jake and I are eleven months apart. He’s out in Mississippi working in the casinos. I talk to him every once in a while but I haven’t seen him in . . .” His brow bunches up in thought. “Three years now, I think?”

Is that normal? I have to think that it’s not, especially after meeting Ben’s mom. I’d think getting the family together would be a priority for her. “And the others?”

“Elsie moved out to San Diego for college and never came back. We talk on the phone once a month or so.” I catch a hint of regret in his tone when he admits that. “Rob and Josh are both living in Chicago. I haven’t seen them in years, but they send pictures of their kids.”

“That’s weird, isn’t it? I mean,” I look over my shoulder in the direction of the house, though I can’t see it from where we are, “I’d think your mom would be big on family holidays together.” I’m guessing Christmas with Wilma would be a just like in the movies, the house smelling of gingerbread and decorated in mistletoe.

“Yeah, it used to be a big deal around here,” he says with a sigh, and I feel a hand casually graze my back. “A lot of shit has gone down here, with my dad. No one comes around much anymore.” I feel like Ben has more to say but he leaves it at that.

“Not even to see your mom?”

“She went to California a couple of years ago to see Elsie. And she went to Chicago for a weekend to see Rob this past Easter. She ended up having a minor heart attack while she was there. A fluke really, but it’s a good thing it wasn’t out here, all alone.” Ben closes his eyes. “Everyone misses her, but not enough to come back here.”

“Why? What happened?” I know I’m prying, but this is Ben. If he doesn’t want to tell me, he’ll find a way around it.

“Just . . . family drama. My dad’s an asshole and he doesn’t treat my mama well. He used to treat her
really
bad. You know, cheating on her and stuff. Now he’s just an old, pathetic drunk who hates the world.” Ben heaves a sigh. “I hate drama. I stay far away from it.”

“Switzerland.”

“Yup, you got it. Switzerland,” he murmurs, seemingly peaceful with his eyes closed. But there’s not a hint of a smile touching his lips and that’s rare for Ben. It makes me think he may actually be sad. “What about you?” he asks. “Brothers? Sisters? Besides Mason, of course.”

“Nope.” Annabelle said she didn’t want to ruin her body any more than she already had, having me.

“What’s with you two, anyway? I can’t tell if it’s all an act or if you actually hate each other.”

“It does seem like that sometimes, doesn’t it?” I’ve often asked myself that question. “I know I drive him nuts with the way I don’t hang my jacket up and how I leave coffee stains on the counter. I’m not sure if that’s just him being a neat freak or what.”

Ben chuckles. “Yeah, I love bugging the shit out of that guy. I go into his office and move all of his stuff around.”

“You’re the one doing that? He’s been blaming me for it for the last two weeks!” I reach out and smack the width of his bare stomach, just above his belt line. I swear, I’d believe he was waiting for it because the hand that was touching my back hooks around my side and pulls me back until I’m lying down, my head resting in the crook of his arm. He chuckles softly. “Keep your hands to yourself or I’ll tell my mama that you’re trying to sully me.”

“She won’t believe you,” I throw back, trying to squirm away. When I realize Ben’s not letting me go anywhere, I give in and nestle into the cushion of his chest. We lie in silence for a few long minutes as the sun beats down and the cicadas sing. I know a lot of people can’t stand those things, but I kind of like the melody they create.

“What about when you two were kids? Did you get along then?”

“Oh, he
definitely
hated me then,” I admit. “I remember the day we moved into Jack’s house. I had only met him a handful of times and he seemed really quiet. Stupid me—I thought things would be different. It was going to be cool to have a brother . . .” I smile at the memory of nine-year-old Mason, a scrawny kid with glasses and really messy black hair. Funny, all that’s changed is that he’s a man instead of a kid. “Jack said Mason was just mad at him for ‘replacing’ his mom—she died of a brain aneurysm a few years before that—and that’s why he was hiding in his room all the time.” I shrug, a strange sadness enveloping me as I recall the day I realized that Mason would never be like one of those older brothers you see on television, who gives bear hugs and chases all the mean kids away. “One morning when I was about eight, I decided to put all three of his Siamese fighting fish in one tank. I didn’t believe they’d actually
kill
each other. But when we came home from school and Mason went to his room, well . . . let’s just say he was down to one pet.”

“So you were one of
those
little kids.” I feel Ben’s head shake with disapproval but when I glance up, I see an amused smile.

Ducking back into his chest, I go on. “Mason was
so
mad at me that he went to school the next day and told Chase Butler, this loudmouth dickhead, that my daddy left me like a stray in a truck stop. Well, within ten seconds of walking into the cafeteria, Chase had the entire room chanting ‘Stray MacKay.’ I knew right away why. After that, I didn’t have much love for Mason either.” The nickname stuck all through middle school. Kids can be assholes.

“Huh, so that’s what he was talking about . . .” Ben murmurs. “Is it true about your dad?”

I pause, picking my words carefully. This just isn’t something I talk to with anyone and if Ben were to start teasing me about it . . . “Yeah, I guess. I mean, my dad did leave me in a diner, but I don’t remember that day being scary or bad. I just remember taking a long ride in his truck, and chasing chickens and pigs around at some farm. And laughing a lot. The way Annabelle tells the story, though, it sounds like he was this awful man and I was in grave danger. Apparently they had a fight and he took off with me in his truck, saying he was leaving her and never bringing me back. So Annabelle called the police and reported me as kidnapped. My dad already had a record—some stupid bar fight that put a guy in the hospital—so adding a kidnapping charge was bad. I’ve always believed that’s why he left me there.” I add in a softer voice, more a confirmation to myself, “That’s the only thing that makes sense.” We fall into silence as I listen to Ben’s strong heartbeat next to my ear, letting the afternoon sun bathe my skin, hoping that it’ll scare away the gloom that always creeps in when I think about my father and how he just abandoned me, like I was a cat he didn’t want anymore.

“Well, I think you have a pretty good thing going with Jack right now,” Ben finally offers, his fingers trailing up and down my arm lightly.

I smile to myself. “Yeah, he’s great.” I always knew Jack was a good person, who without a doubt truly cared about me. I think that’s why it hurt so damn much when he turned his back on me all those years ago. It’s also how I knew that what Annabelle did must have hurt him terribly. It’s why my relationship with her went even farther downhill after their divorce.

“And Mason’s a good guy. I know he can come off as kind of weird, but he’s someone you can count on. Maybe now that he’s getting laid, he’ll relax a bit.”

I groan and then cringe. “I forgot about that until now. Thanks.” I roll into Ben’s chest, inhaling the scent of him—soap, laundry detergent, and a clean sweat from this heat—as I try to block the visual suddenly plaguing me. “Do you think he was a virgin before her?”

Ben chuckles. “No, I’m pretty sure he wasn’t. I mean, I didn’t pull up a chair and watch, but I think he got his dick wet at a party our first year.”

That earns a second cringe. “Jesus, Ben! Does Wilma know you talk to girls with that mouth?”