First Watch: A Watcher Bay Adventure (6 page)

“I’m so glad you are home. You were so long away—too long.”

He caressed her arm and breathed into her ear. “I know baby. I couldn’t get back any sooner. I did try. But we had—complications.”

“I’m so glad you are back,” she repeated. “Wait, what kind of complications?”

She played with his hair, noticing silver strands that only began to hint at his forty-five years. He’d aged on this trip, which was expected. Five years was a long time, but it looked good on him.

“Technical stuff. Nothing too serious, but it took a while to deal with. Tell me what I’ve missed here.”

She sighed. She was glad he was home, but she knew her husband well enough to know when he was glossing over the so-called “complications.”

“Does this have to do with the planet you went to in Altius, Tortia? The one you were telling Enric about where time passes differently?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Tortia was pretty much the beginning of the problems we had. But we worked it out. But then there were some deaths that were unexpected. That added some challenges.” He shrugged. “I don’t really want to talk about it, okay?”

The complications were probably life-threatening. But he was home safe, so she’d give him a pass—at least for tonight. There was time to work on that. He was home now.

She loved thinking that. Every time she tried it on, her world settled in a little more snugly around her. Gunnar was home and now they could start living. Raising Enric together. Having a normal life. Maybe another baby? She wasn’t sure if she wanted another one, but at least now it was a possibility she had the luxury of considering.

Finally.

“So, how much leave do you get? And what are you going to do after it’s over? Do they already have a position in mind for you now that you are done with deep space explorations?”

His body stiffened after the last question.

“Don’t worry about it, Lev. We can talk about what’s next tomorrow. Tonight I only want to be here with you. Nowhere else.”

As much as she delighted that he wanted to be with her more than anything else, the tone in his voice made her nervous.

“Why don’t you want to talk about it, Gunnar?”

He nibbled on her neck and ran his hands over her breasts, making it very difficult for her to concentrate.

What were they talking about?

She ran her hands through his hair and kissed him, allowing herself to be distracted.

Again.

After a few moments of kissing, something broke through her reverie.

“Tell me,” she whispered into his ear between kisses. “How long? I want to know how long I get you to myself.”

“Lev, don’t be difficult. Tomorrow.” He had an edge in his voice that hadn’t been there before, but he kissed her again, this time a little rougher.

“Tell me.” Levra leaned up on her elbow and stared at him, playfully demanding an answer. “Tell me, and then I’ll kiss you,” she teased.

His eyes turned cold, and he let go of her and sat up. “You are impossible, Levra.”

Whoa. What is his problem?
Words failed her. She stared at him, speechless, watching him as he stood up and unzipped the suitcase that he’d deposited at the foot of the bed. He began unpacking, opening and closing doors with much more force than necessary.

Levra felt a dread settle in her stomach. “Gunnar. What is the problem? I was teasing you. You know, being a little flirty.”

He whirled around to face her and shouted angrily. “I don’t want flirty, Levra. I want you to let this go, for once. You never just let it be. You couldn’t leave it alone and let us have a peaceful moment.”

“Let what be?” she asked, irritated by his accusing tone. “I just wanted to know how long we had to ourselves. Why are you so defensive?”

“I’m not defensive.” He opened another drawer and began piling his laundry in. “You make everything harder than it needs to be.”

Something was off. Why would he be so defensive? It didn’t make sense. Gunnar, her Gunnar, used to be playful and fun. This guy—who was this guy?

“How long, Gunnar?”

He sighed, slamming the drawer closed.

“Two weeks, okay? Two weeks. Are you satisfied now?”

Levra’s stomach sunk. “That’s all they are giving you,” she whispered, “after five straight years? Two weeks? I thought they’d give you at least a full month.”

He set his lips in a firm line and nodded, his eyes icy and hard.

“Okay, well, that’s not so bad,” Levra started. “We will make the best of it, and then when you go back to work, it won’t be so bad. Not like you are leaving again.”

She saw the look in his eyes and suddenly knew. She knew why he was so defensive.

“You aren’t leaving again. Right, Gunnar? We agreed.
You
agreed
.
” She knew her voice was climbing and closely approaching shrill. Enric was asleep in the next room, but she felt herself rapidly losing the battle for self-control.

He said nothing, and the silence lay between them like an impassable chasm.

“You promised.” She stared into his eyes for the length of a heartbeat, and then repeated in a whisper, “You promised.”

Her emotions were a jumble. Grief and anger were fighting confusion for the upper hand.

She steeled herself, willing herself not to cry. “Tell. Me. Right. Now. Tell me, you son of a bitch.” Her voice was hard and flat. The lack of emotion in her voice scared even her.

He whirled to face her, something between impatience and uncertainty playing out in his features. “I signed up for another mission.”

“You did
what?
”

“You heard me. Abramov offered me another contract, and I took it.” His voice was acid in her ears.

“You have got to be kidding me.” Levra stood and started pacing as she spoke quietly through her gritted teeth. Enric didn’t need to wake up and hear his parents arguing when Gunnar had only been home for a few hours. “We talked about this, Gunnar. You have missed Enric’s entire life since he was three years old. His heart has been broken for five years. He has stood at the window watching the ships land every day for
five years,
you bastard. Waiting. Just waiting for you. For his daddy. And you are going to throw it all away? You are going to go back on your word and leave us again?”

She turned away from him and whispered under breath, “This can’t be happening.”

“This is my career, Levra. You have no right to tell me what I can do with it. I love my job. This is what I do. How I support our family. I’m sorry if you can’t live with the nature of my job.”

She stood frozen, staring at this stranger in front of her. Who was he? Where had Gunnar gone? The man she loved. The man who’d been such a great father to Enric for his first three years. Before he left. What happened in space that had changed all of his priorities? What turned her sweetheart into a liar?

“When? When did you agree to another contract?”

His eyes dropped to the floor, making him look guilty. Then he went back to unpacking his suitcase, turning his back on her.

“This afternoon. After we disembarked,” he mumbled.

“Oh. My. God. You aren’t serious. Today? After you got back? While your wife and your son waited for you, desperate to see you again. Missing you after five years—five years, Gunnar—and, and you. . .”

She tried to gather her thoughts, to think of something to say to this man who was breaking her heart . . . who would break her son’s heart.

“I. Hate. You. Do you hear me? I will never forgive you for this.” She pulled the blanket off the bed and threw it at him. “You sleep on the couch. Never touch me again, Gunnar. Do you understand? Never again. This is over.”

She climbed back in bed and stared at his back. He hadn’t moved since she’d started screaming. “Get some sleep, Gunnar,” she said, her voice deathly calm, “because tomorrow you break Enric’s heart. You’ll need your rest, you bastard. Now get out. Get out of my room.”

She rolled over, turning her back to him, and covered herself with the sheet that remained on the bed. She squeezed her eyes shut when the bedroom door clicked shut. His footsteps faded as he walked down the hall, and when she was sure he was gone, she opened the floodgates and sobbed into her pillow.

For Enric. For her life. For Gunnar. Everything was ruined now.

Ruined. And she would never forgive him.

CHAPTER
6

New Seattle, New Eden

October 2, 12 AA

Levra woke after a restless night’s sleep to find Gunnar sleeping on the floor next to her bed. She nearly stepped on him but saw his makeshift pallet at the last second. Her heart squeezed in her chest at the sight of him, finally back home, and she reached down to smooth back his hair. She stopped short when her next thought slammed into her like a fully loaded elevator lifter. He was leaving again. Levra clenched her fist, resisting the impulse to slug him, and then stepped over him and moved quietly to the bathroom.

Her eyes were red and puffy from crying all night. She stared into the mirror contemplating last night’s fight and the wonderful reunion the family had enjoyed yesterday. She resolved to try and work this out with her husband. He still was her husband after all. There had to be something he could do—maybe he could get out of it. She splashed her face with water, straightened her shoulders, and approached her bedroom with diplomatic intentions.

When she came out of the bathroom she found him standing over his makeshift bed, watching her walk back into the room.

Before he had a chance to speak, she spoke first, trying to keep her voice civil and calm. “Where are you going, Gunnar? And how long will you be gone this time? You owe me at least that much.”

He sighed. “I don’t know how long. And I can’t tell you where. It’s classified. But I can tell you it’s here on New Eden. Not another space mission. Levra, what can I do to make this up to you? I’m sorry. I finished my debriefing yesterday, and I felt a little lost without a plan for the future. I guess I needed to feel productive. But you are right. We agreed and then I went back on our agreement. I’m sorry,” he repeated.

She crossed her hands over her chest. Her icy heart began to thaw a little bit. She wanted to forgive him, wanted things to go back the way they were. She was having a hard time remembering what her marriage had looked like five years ago. And she couldn’t put his betrayal out of her mind. “Nothing. There is nothing you can do. You agreed to leave us again without the decency of consulting me.”

He stepped toward her, and she took a step back, allowing him to get no closer to her. She knew she would melt if he touched her. But she wanted to be mad right now. She wasn’t ready to gloss over this. “Don’t touch me, Gunnar. I meant what I said last night.”

He held up his hands in surrender. “Okay. I won’t touch you, but listen to me. Just hear me out? Let me fix this. I screwed up. I know it. There must be something I can do to make this right?”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh, now you want to talk? I don’t think so. The time for talking is passed. You should have thought of these sorts of details before you signed up again and sentenced our family to more lonely years without you.”

She continued her tirade. “If we are here when you return from whatever this next mission is, it will only be because of Enric. But honestly, he barely knows you anyway. There is no real reason to wait for you. Not now. You’ve taken our hope. There is nothing you can do to give back our life together.”

She took a deep breath, not liking where her words were taking them. Is this what she wanted? She was hurting and angry, but was she prepared to leave him?

Levra took a shallow, shaky breath and plunged into deeper water.

“If you want to fix it, then you need to stay here. With us. I can’t think of another way. I can’t go on this way, married to a ghost.”

“You know the rules, Lev. I can’t get out of it.”

And then she made up her mind, convinced she really had no options.

“Goodbye, Gunnar. You don’t need to spend your two weeks’ leave with us. We’ve been fine for five years. I think we can manage without you. I’m going to Dwyr for the day and taking Enric. I don’t want you to be here when we get back. He doesn’t need to see you. It will break his heart so much more when you leave again. I don’t even know why you bothered coming back.”

“That’s not fair, Levra. What can I do? There has to be something? Please.”

“There is nothing. When you say goodbye this time, it will be for the last time.”

She turned to leave, and he reached out and grabbed her arm. “Wait. What if we don’t have to say goodbye?”

She stopped, her mouth open. “But you already committed. How can you get out of it now? You said you couldn’t.” Still, she dared to hope. “Do you really think you can get out of it?”

He shook his head, and her hopes crash-landed again. “I can’t. But what if you and Enric can come with me? This mission is on-planet. There’s a chance I can get a green light on bringing the family. When I agreed to lead the mission, I pushed strongly for permission for my family to come along. Both of you.”