First to Dance (31 page)

Ayita leaned forward and kissed the screen. “Goodbye
Dakarai,” she said. “Goodbye, Adonia.”

Then she got up from her seat and boarded the spaceship. She sat down, strapped herself in, and pressed, “Launch.”

17

The
sight of her leaving tore through the sky, but Dakarai didn’t know its significance, and when he saw the spaceship getting smaller until it disappeared among the stars, he didn’t know what it was.

He continued his day like any other, but when he
lay down to sleep that night he felt that something was missing.  He didn’t know, because he didn’t remember, but he had felt this way every night trying to sleep for the past few months.  Now that he was home, the feeling was even stronger. Something was missing. Frustrated, he got up and walked away from the square-topped tree he called home, and toward the lake.  Watching the reflection on the water he could see the moon and the stars, and there was something else there, but when he looked up to the sky, it was gone.  He frowned and kneeled down until he could reach the water with his hand to splash the image away.

As the ripples in the water receded and the image was again clear,
Dakarai stood and returned to his table-top tree.  He lay down and observed everything around him, paying close attention to the sights and sounds of the forest.  Then, he noticed something peculiar, something different about the trunk of this tree.  He looked more closely; scratched into the bark was a name.  Ayita.  He traced the markings with his fingertips and quietly said her name.  “Ayita.”

I don’t know how to swim
, Dakarai.

I’ll teach you.

I’ve never danced with someone else before.

Dance with me.

I wanted to go to Earth, but my spaceship crashed here instead. I’m kind of glad, though, because I got to meet you.

Forgive me if I forget you.

I will.

Forgive me if I forget.

I will.

Forgive me.

I will.

He gradually remembered what she looked like. He
could see her face now. She looked familiar and unfamiliar at the same time.

H
ello Dakarai.

Do I know you?

Yes…we were friends over the summer.

She looked
sad, then she looked angry, and then she was gone.

Dakarai
realized and he remembered.  He pounded his fist to the ground and whispered, “I’m sorry.”  Dakarai closed his eyes for a moment, then they shot open and he turned his head toward the path through the forest.  He jumped up and ran along it until he came to the lake on the other side.

You saved my life,
Dakarai. I was drowning and you pulled me from the water.

I love you
, Dakarai.

I love you, Ayita.

Looking straight ahead, he could see the cluster of trees where everyone else slept, and turning to the left, he saw the lone tree where Ayita lived.  He ran toward it and when he saw that there was indeed someone sleeping under that tree he smiled wide and ran a little faster.  But the closer he got, the more apparent it was that the body lying under that tree did not belong to Ayita.  Dakarai slowed down and squinted his eyes to see who was sleeping there, but the person’s back was to him and he could not tell.  He walked up to the sleeping body and leaned down, grabbing the person’s shoulder and shaking him until he woke.  The man rolled over to his other side and looked up at Dakarai.  Dakarai recognized the face, but he didn’t know the name.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

The man yawned.  “Ziyad,” he said.

Dakarai
nodded.  “Ziyad, I need your help.  I need to find Ayita.”

Ziyad
squinted his eyes.  “What?” He almost laughed.

“Where is Ayita?”

Ziyad sat up and stretched.  “She left.”

“
Where?
  I need to find her.”

“
Dakarai, she’s gone.”

“What do you mean
gone?
”
Don’t tell me that you mean what I think you mean.

“I mean she isn’t here.  You can search all you like, but you aren’t going to find her.”

“So tell me where to look.”

“
Dakarai, why don’t you just go back to bed?  You aren’t going to remember any of this in the morning anyway.”

Dakarai
grabbed Ziyad by his shirt and lifted him to his feet.  “Tell me where she went!”

Ziyad
swung his arm up to the sky and told him what he feared.  “Out there!  Okay?”  He pushed Dakarai away and stepped back.  “She’s out there.”

Dakarai’s
breathing was heavier and he closed his eyes.  “All right,” he said, “okay.”  He opened his eyes and looked up.  “How do I get out there?”

“You’re joking, right?”

“Why would I be?”

“Because you
can’t
be serious.  Even if I did send you out there to find her, you’d wake up on a spaceship with no idea why you’re there.  And
that
doesn’t even matter because by tomorrow you’ll have forgotten all of this.”

“I will
not
forget!”

“You will,
Dakarai.”

“I remember now,” he said.  “I remember her.”

“And you think you will tomorrow?”

“I don’t know.  But I want to.
How do I follow her?”

“
Dakarai, be realistic.  By now, who knows how far she’s gone?  It’s a three-month trip to Earth.  By that time do you really expect to remember why you’re even out there or where you‘re going?”

“I can write it down.  I can read it every time I wake up until I
find her.”

“You don’t keep a journal,” he said.  “I thought reading
journals didn’t help you.”

“It doesn’t.”

“Then how do you expect to-”

“-I don’t know!” he said.  “I don’t know.  But I have to find her.”

“It’s too late right now to do anything, really.  The spaceships are three days away and everyone else is asleep.”

“What does it matter that they’re asleep?  We should leave
right now
.”

“It matters because I wouldn’t want to wake them, or to worry
them when we’re gone without reason.”

“We have reason.”

“Yes, well…never mind.”

“We leave now.  You can explain later.”

“Dakarai, it’s the middle of the night and I need sleep.”

“I need to find Ayita.  What’s wrong?  Don’t you want to help me?”

Ziyad said nothing.

“You know
what; I’ll just figure it out on my own.”  Dakarai started walking in the direction of their winter homes while Ziyad stood and watched him.  He thought about what Ayita said to him, that Dakarai distracted her from finding what she really wanted, which was Earth.  She was hurt by what happened with Kesi, but in the end she found it to be a good thing, because it reminded her of what she really left her home for. 

But she loved him.  And he loved her.  She
wouldn’t admit it, but she left because she felt forgotten.  Not because of Earth, or she would have left at the start of the winter.  Now she was remembered.

Ziyad
walked down to where everyone else was sleeping and he found the place where he normally slept, where his wooden chest was.  He opened it, and at the bottom, underneath all the blankets and the clothes, was his journal.  It was a new journal.  One he’d started the week before Ayita left.  Ziyad tore out all the pages he wrote on, those with his feelings toward Ayita and this whole situation, and he shredded them to bits.  The rest of the notebook was empty pages.  He tore one out and wrote a note on it to Panya, then left it by her side.  He filled a bag with food and started running toward Dakarai.

When at last he caught up, he stopped, caught his breath, handed
Dakarai the journal and said, “I’ll help you.”

Dakarai
smiled and they continued walking at a quick pace.  “It takes three days,” he said, “because
everyone
is moving and we need to allow for that and all that is moved; we can make it in two.”  He pushed forward and made Ziyad keep his pace though they were both getting to be quite tired.  Dakarai ignored his fatigue and wrote in the notebook as they walked so that he might remember.  At last he allowed for a rest, but when he awoke the next day he was quite startled and confused.  “What’s going on?” he asked, and he questioned why Ziyad was the only other person there.  “Were we left behind on the journey home?”

Ziyad
shook his head, and at first he thought he could take this opportunity to just go home and let Dakarai forget again. But then he thought that would be selfish and that he’d been selfish enough in this matter. If Dakarai forgot again, it wouldn’t be because of him. “You’re looking for Ayita,” he told him.

“Ayita…”
Dakarai mumbled the name to himself a few times with a blank face.  Then, out of nowhere it seemed his face lit up.

“Do you remember?”
Ziyad asked, surprised.

“I think so!” he said.  “Where is she?”

They started walking again and Ziyad explained more as they did.  The more Dakarai remembered, the faster he walked, and by the end of the second day they arrived.  Dakarai was obviously very tired but he refused to go to sleep and he wasn’t letting Ziyad get any either.  “I want to be out there,” he said, pointing, “before I fall asleep, or I will forget tomorrow and perhaps not believe you.  If I wake up in the sky I will have no choice but to remember.”

Ziyad
took him inside and they studied the spaceships together. Ayita left her instructions on the pillow, as she’d promised, and according to the journal, everything was ready. Ziyad read Ayita’s instructions and explained them to Dakarai, then he handed him the instructions to read for himself.

“Why did she leave these here?” he asked.

“In case I ever decided to leave.”

“Oh.” 
Dakarai stepped inside the spaceship, studying the area in which he would be living for the coming months.

Ziyad
sighed.

“Do you want to leave
, too?  You can come with me; you can help me remember.”

“No,”
Ziyad said.  “I belong here.  You belong out there, with her.”  He helped Dakarai find the space where food for the journey was stored and together they figured out how the spaceship would work when he was ready to leave.

“So I guess, all that’s left is for me to strap myself in and go.”

“Yes.”  Ziyad yawned and walked out of the spaceship, sitting down against a wall and half-asleep.

“Please
stay awake a while longer.  Help me write down more things about Ayita. I need help remembering.”

Dakarai
sat next to him and started writing in the journal every thought that came to him about Ayita: her words, her worries, her loves, her touch.  When he looked over at him, he saw that Ziyad’s eyes were closed.  Dakarai yawned and was very close to falling asleep as well, but he forced himself to stay awake.  He took a deep breath and closed the journal, looking up at the spaceship that would take him to her.  He stood, shaking, and walked back to it.  Ziyad blinked his eyes open and asked, “Are you leaving now?”

Dakarai
nodded.  He noticed a hint of sadness on Ziyad’s face.  “Is something wrong?” Dakarai asked.

“No,”
Ziyad told him.  He looked away and the hint of a smile was there.  He nodded and said, “No, everything is as it should be.”

Ziyad
moved into the bedroom to sleep and the spaceship closed with Dakarai inside.  He strapped himself into the machine and pressed ‘Launch.’  The roof opened up and Dakarai looked up at the night sky. He was going there. It was dark out and he could see the two stars the spaceship would aim for.  “You’ll fly between those two stars,” Ziyad had said when they were outside.  “You should be able to see them for most of the journey because they’re very far off.  Between there you’ll find Earth and Ayita.”

It was a peculiar and frightening experience as the
spaceship shook violently, lifting off the ground, and then shooting upward into the sky.

I wonder
, he thought,
if I could go fast enough to see her in front of me.

Once he got used to the feel of the s
paceship he lost the will to stay awake any longer.  Dakarai took the journal and wrote in large letters on the front cover: “Remember BEFORE you read.”  Then he lay down on the floor and closed his eyes.