First Sight (40 page)

“Christ, you’re pessimistic. I think they really love each other. Why don’t we suspend judgment till September, as Timmie is? If he doesn’t come back then, maybe I’ll give you some leeway on your position. But even then, September is just a guess for him. Maybe he won’t make it back into her life until November or December or January. But I think he’ll be back. I’d bet my life on it. All my instincts tell me he’s a good guy.”

“You’re just sticking up for your own sex. Believe me, he’s not coming back.”

“A thousand bucks says he is,” David said with a smoldering look, as Jade looked at him with hard eyes.

“You’re on,” she said. “I need a new Chanel bag. What’s our deadline?”

“October first. Let’s give him thirty days slippage.”

“September first.”

“You’re tough. And what happens if he comes back after and I was right?”

“I’ll lend you my purse.” She knew he was straight, and they both laughed.

“You drive a hard bargain. I say you sell the purse, and buy me some new golf clubs.”

“All right, all right, if he comes back after September first, I’ll take you out to an expensive dinner.”

“You’re on.” They shook hands on it as Timmie walked in. She was going to Santa Barbara for the Fourth of July weekend the next day and didn’t look enthused about it. She didn’t look enthused about anything these days, and she was being more short-tempered than usual, although they knew that Jean-Charles was still calling her every day. She was always happy for a few minutes after he called her, and she put up a good front for him, and then her spirits plummeted again. Jade had rarely seen her as down, and David worried about her. They both did.

“What are you two up to?” She had seen them shake hands on their bet, and knew they were up to some kind of mischief. Jade was in good spirits these days. Her romance with the architect was blooming. And David was going out with three new women he had met on the Internet. She thought they were both silly, but whatever worked. They were young, and deserved to have some fun. All she could focus on these days was her baby, although no one knew about it.

“Nothing.” They both answered her in unison. “We just made a bet about whether or not David would score with the girl he just met on Match.com.”

“You two are disgusting.” She smiled. “The poor girl. Imagine if she knew that all she is is fodder for a bet. Do I want to know how much?”

David shook his head and laughed. “No, you don’t.” He handed her some reports, and she went back to her office. She was keeping to herself these days. In great part, because she didn’t want to have to listen to Jade say “I told you so.” And in any case, Jean-Charles was still being loving, and calling every day as he had promised. His wife was very sick, his kids were monumentally upset, and they still had a date for September 1, to meet at the Eiffel Tower. It was all she had to hold on to at the moment. It wasn’t much, but it was all she had. And he had no suspicions about the baby. There was no reason why he would.

The only comment he had made was that he almost always woke her up now when he called her at midnight, when he called at nine
A.M.
Paris time from his office. When he had called her before at that hour, she was always working, or reading. Now she was almost always asleep. And he was worried that she might be depressed and sleeping more. It never occurred to him that it was because she was pregnant.

They still talked for hours on the phone, and shared what was happening in their lives. She told him about work, the things she did, the weekends in Malibu. She told him about everything but their baby, who was quietly growing inside her, a tribute to their love for each other. And it saddened her beyond belief when she thought sometimes, in her darkest hours, that he might never even know about their child. She was still determined not to tell him if he stayed with his wife. She only wanted him to know about the baby if he came back to her. If not, it was her responsibility and not his problem. She had no desire to be a burden to him, or to appear pathetic. She didn’t want him out of pity, responsibility, or concern. She only wanted him as he had come to her in the first place, as they had conceived this child, out of the deepest love for each other. She wanted nothing less than that from him.

Her weekend in Santa Barbara was predictably boring, and for the rest of July, she worked, went to Malibu, and spent time with the children at St. Cecilia’s. She felt faint there one day, on a particularly hot, airless, smoggy afternoon, and Sister Anne said she was worried about her.

“I’m fine. Just working too hard, as always.” Timmie brushed off her concerns, and they chatted for a little while. The wise old nun saw through Timmie’s front of ease and bravado. She knew something was wrong these days, and hoped that if Timmie needed to, she would talk to her about it, and encouraged her to do so. Timmie gave her a warm hug as she left with tears in her eyes. The nuns were taking all the children to Tahoe for two weeks, on a camping trip, and they had invited Timmie to come along, but she’d declined. She was tired, and camping with them for two weeks was more than she could handle at the moment. She said she might come up for a weekend, and did on the first weekend in August. Sister Anne was thrilled that she had come, and all the children cheered when she got out of her car and they saw her.

“I’m so glad you decided to join us,” Sister Anne said, and gave her a warm hug. They had set up tents, and the children loved it, and all the nuns were there. The house in L.A. was locked up, alarmed, and empty.

“I haven’t camped in years,” Timmie said ruefully. “I’m not even sure I want to.” She was the first to admit that she had gotten very spoiled over the years and liked her life that way.

“You’ll love it!” Sister Anne reassured her. And she was right.

They had campfires every night, roasted marshmallows, and made s’mores, which Timmie proved to be an expert at, she had made them in the orphanage herself as a child. She went fishing with them, went on nature walks and hikes, ran in terror from a bear that lumbered by and never bothered them again. And finally, after swearing she never would, she dove into the lake with them on the last day. Predictably, it was as freezing cold as she had feared, but she had a wonderful time with them, and taught one of the children to swim, the little boy who had refused to speak when he arrived, and now never stopped talking. She taught them all songs at night around the campfire. And she was happy and breathless as she got out of the lake and wrapped herself in a towel. She noticed that Sister Anne was watching her with a warm smile. Her eyes met Timmie’s, and the two women exchanged a peaceful, loving look.

She didn’t say anything to Timmie until later that night, when the other nuns were putting the children to bed, despite arguments and protests. They had had a ball at the lake, and loved staying up late at night to tell ghost stories, which they were about to do now in their tents, scaring each other to death.

The two women sat side by side at the fire, as Timmie roasted one more stick of marshmallows and offered them to Sister Anne. She always enjoyed talking to her, and had enjoyed the time she had just spent with them. She was sorry to be leaving in the morning, but they were already busy in her office, preparing the October shows, even though they were still more than two months away. This was always a busy time for them.

“I’m glad you came up to join us, Timmie,” Sister Anne said quietly. “You’re an enormous blessing for these children. Not just because of what you do for them, but because of what you demonstrate to them. You show them that even if you had a hard beginning yourself, you’ve managed to have a wonderful life.”

It didn’t feel so wonderful to her these days, but she didn’t say that to Sister Anne. And she hadn’t talked to Jean-Charles in three days. Her cell phone didn’t work in the mountains, and in some ways it was a relief. She didn’t know what to say to him anymore. And she was tired of lying to him about the baby. They had four weeks left before their date at the Eiffel Tower, and she was beginning to doubt that he would make it, although his wife’s chemo treatments were almost finished. But Timmie had begun to wonder if he’d ever get out. He was still so entrenched in his old life. Hope was beginning to wane, or maybe she was just bracing herself for disappointment, if he didn’t show up. He might not. She knew that if she’d asked, Jade would have assured her that he wouldn’t. And she was beginning to believe her.

She hadn’t seen him in four months, which meant that she was four months pregnant. It didn’t show, because no one suspected it was there. But if anyone had known, they would have noticed her gently protruding stomach. And she felt as though her bottom had doubled in size, although it really hadn’t. She had just that week felt what she thought was the first flutter of movement, although she told herself it was her imagination. It had been as gentle as butterfly wings whispering past her heart, and she cried the first time she felt it. She wished she could have shared it with Jean-Charles when he called five minutes later and asked why she was crying. She had told him she’d been reading a sad book, and had long since sent him a copy of
An Affair to Remember
, which he said his wife and daughters had loved. She wasn’t quite as thrilled to hear that piece of news as he had hoped. Sometimes even he didn’t get the point, as much as he loved her, and as sweet as he still was.

Sister Anne was watching Timmie cautiously, as she licked her fingers, after eating the last of the marshmallows. She had a healthy appetite these days, and indulged herself more than she had in the past.

“Would I be totally out of line if I asked you a question?” Sister Anne asked her in a soft voice, as Timmie smiled.

“Never. You can ask me anything you want.” She assumed that the nun who ran St. Cecilia’s was about to ask her for more money for their budget, maybe so they could take more vacations like the one they’d all just enjoyed so much. “Fire away.”

“I watched you after you were swimming today. And I’m no expert about these things, by any means.” She smiled. “But it seems to me that I saw … a small bump … I could be wrong … but I was wondering if …” She had suddenly remembered Timmie’s fainting spell the previous month. And had come up with her own suspicions, which were accurate, of course. “Is it possible that God has given you a gift?” she asked, and Timmie smiled. It was a nice way to look at it and she was touched. She hadn’t wanted to tell anyone yet, but she knew Sister Anne would keep it to herself, if she chose to take her into her confidence. She trusted her completely. And eventually, everyone would see it anyway, but hopefully not for a while.

Timmie looked into the fire, and then into the old nun’s eyes. All she saw was love there and support for her. Her eyes brimmed with tears as she nodded, and Sister Anne put her arms around her and told her how happy she was. Particularly since she knew Timmie had lost a son, and been so disappointed over Blake.

“You’re not shocked?” Timmie asked in surprise.

“No, I’m not. I think you’re very lucky. That’s the only thing I’ve missed in the religious life, not having a child of my own. If I had it to do over again, maybe I’d do that, but I’ve had so many children over the years”—she smiled at Timmie—“that it doesn’t really matter. But if I were you, I would be so grateful for this baby, and celebrate every moment of its life.” The way she said it made Timmie cry. She told her then about Jean-Charles, about meeting him and falling in love with him, their plans and dreams, and his wife’s cancer, and that they were supposed to meet in a few weeks at the Eiffel Tower. She assured her, as Jean-Charles had her, that his marriage had been long dead when she came on the scene. She would never have stolen a man out of a viable marriage. His decision to divorce had been his own, before their relationship began. And now the decision to delay leaving his wife was his as well.

“You know, Timmie, I don’t know this man. But from everything you’re telling me, I have confidence in him. He’s just done the right thing for his wife and children. He sounds like a good man. I don’t think he’ll let you down.”

“I wish I were as sure,” Timmie said sadly. She had begun to have so many doubts in recent weeks. Four months without him had been an eternity, and she just couldn’t see him walking away from his family now. “I never believed in love at first sight until I met him,” she said with a sigh.

“I think it happens,” the nun said wisely. “It never did to me.” She laughed. “But I’ve heard plenty of stories where it did, and even if it was a little bumpy at first, it all worked out. I think this will too.”

“Will you pray for us?” Timmie asked her. It was the first time Timmie had asked anyone to pray for her in years, since she was a child. But she had faith in Sister Anne’s prayers. Timmie felt sure that she had the ear of God.

“Of course I will. And for the baby.” She looked serious for a moment then. “I take it you haven’t told him about the baby?” Timmie shook her head.

“I want him to walk out of there because he wants to and loves me. I don’t want to pull him out with obligation and guilt. He just did the right thing for his wife. I don’t want him just doing ‘the right thing’ for me. I want him to come back because he loves me.”

“I’m sure he does,” Sister Anne said quietly, “but it might be nice for him to know about the baby. It’s his baby too, after all.”

“I’ll tell him when I see him at the Eiffel Tower. I didn’t want to put pressure on him while he was going through all this. And if he doesn’t show up, then he doesn’t need to know. The last thing I want is to be a burden to him. I love him. I’m not going to force him to be with me, because I’m having his child. And I can always tell him about it later, after it’s born. But I want things clear between us first. By September, I won’t have to tell him anyway. I don’t think I’m going to be able to hide it for much longer. He’ll see it for himself … if he shows up.”

“He will,” Sister Anne said with a smile. Like David, she seemed to have no doubt. Timmie wasn’t sure what she believed anymore. She ricocheted constantly between fear and love. She had managed to get through the past four months on trust. But it was finally starting to run out. Maybe Sister Anne’s prayers would help. And it would all be fine if he showed up at the Eiffel Tower on September 1. “You’ll have to call me from Paris,” Sister Anne said happily, seemingly with no doubt at all that it would turn out right. “Or you can both come to visit when you get back. It’s going to be so exciting to have a baby when you come to visit,” she said, and Timmie smiled. It seemed so unreal to her, and talking to Sister Anne about it had given it some reality finally. And then she remembered what the nun had said about the example she had set for the kids.