First Sight (32 page)

“I don’t want to lose you either,” he said gently, coming to put his arms around her, as he pulled her slowly back to their bed. “And of course I will come to California. I will not be able to live for long without you.” He had a dramatic bent to him, which she was discovering was the flip side of his immense love for her, and she liked it.

And then she turned to him with an unexpected question, as she lay in his arms. “When are you moving out of your apartment?”

He looked upset when she asked him. He hated to think of that now. This was the only life he wanted. His past life no longer existed. It had been dead for years, and the ashes of it had gently dispersed as his bond to Timmie grew stronger. She was not taking him away from anyone, she was welcoming him into her arms, soul, and life, just as she had into her body, with overwhelming love and gentle passion.

“I told you before. In June. I told my children I would stay until the end of the school year. I hope we will sell the apartment by then. But if not, I will move out over the summer.” It seemed a long time to Timmie, but she had only just arrived in his life, and didn’t feel right pressing him about it. She wanted to be fair … but if he didn’t move … if Jade was right, or he prolonged it for years … what then? “Please don’t look so worried,” he said, pulling her tightly into his arms to reassure her.

“I am,” she said honestly, “it scares me.” She had held nothing back from him, no part of herself. She had left herself wide open to be wounded, if for some reason he chose not to join her on the journey of a lifetime. What frightened her, as it always did, was the prospect of being abandoned on the shore, terrified and alone. “What if you never leave her?” She looked panicked.

“We left each other years ago,” he said simply and honestly. It was, in his view, a correct assessment of the situation. “I am there for my daughters, not for her. It is a promise I made them,” he said solemnly. “I owe that to my children.” And what would he owe her? She knew she could not compete with the love he had for his children, nor did she want to. She didn’t want to tear him apart, or pull him away. She wanted him to willingly come with her.

“What if your daughters beg you not to leave in June? What if …” The agonies of the unknown always plagued her. The past had always been so much worse than she expected, and never better. It was always hard for her to believe that the future would be different.

“Then we’ll deal with it then,” he said calmly, which did not entirely reassure her. He was not saying that he would leave no matter what. He was leaving the door open, to see what came later. She would have much preferred a firm promise, a vow sworn in blood, but she knew that now she had to trust him. She had cast her lot with his, for better or worse, whatever happened. “I love you. I am not going to hurt you or abandon you.” He knew her history, he had seen her raw terror the night of her appendectomy. He was mindful of her fears, and willing to reassure her. “I love you. I need you now, just as you do me. I am not going to walk away from you, Timmie. I promise.”

She sighed at the comfort of his words, as she lay with her back against his chest. He was pressed tightly against her with his arms around her, and she felt safe and protected. “I hope not.” She turned to kiss him, and although the time was growing short, they made love for a last time, and then afterward sat in the bathtub together as they had many times that weekend, talking and laughing and teasing, and enjoying their last moments together.

When the time came, it was nearly impossible for Timmie to tear herself from their room. She wanted to stay there, lock the door, and cling to him forever. She didn’t want to leave him, or fly thousands of miles from him, while he flew just as far in the opposite direction. He saw all the agony of what she felt in her eyes as he held her.

“We will be together again soon. I promise.” She loved the way he reassured her, and everything about him made her believe him. She had never thought herself capable of trusting anyone again, and yet she trusted him now. Completely. She just prayed she was right to do so. But in any case, she had no choice. For better or worse, she was his now. And with the grace of God, he was hers.

They rode to the airport in her limousine, and he took her to the terminal for her flight. Hers was leaving first, and he had to leave her at the security checkpoint. They were barely able to leave each other, and she looked devastated as she stood at the other side of the security lines, waving at him as he watched her. He felt as though he were watching a small child he loved being taken away. All he wanted was to cross the lines and take her in his arms again to reassure her. And as soon as she vanished from sight, he felt bereft himself.

He called her on her cell phone as she walked to the gate.

“I miss you too much,” he said miserably. “Perhaps we must run away together.”

“Okay,” she said, smiling. She was so happy to hear him. “When do you want to go?”

“Now.” He was smiling too, as he got out of the car at the international terminal, to catch his flight to Paris.

“Thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life,” she said softly.

“You made my dreams come true,” he said gently, as moved as she was. And then he laughed. “And you have certainly reinspired my lost youth.” They hadn’t stopped making love day and night, and both had claimed they had never before experienced anything like it. They were a red-hot dazzling combination. Like fire on dynamite. Each time they touched it was an explosion. “I’ll call you as soon as I arrive,” he promised. She knew he would. Jean-Charles was a man who kept his promises, which she loved about him. She hated to think of him going home to the apartment he still shared with his wife, but even that worried her less now than it had at the beginning. He just needed time to work it out, and live up to the agreement he had made with his children. She believed him. And a passion like theirs couldn’t be resisted. She had a feeling now that it would all work out in the end.

She boarded the plane and took her seat in first class. Thinking of him, and the wonders they had shared for four days, she closed her eyes, and slept all the way back to L.A.

When she got home, she couldn’t stay awake long enough to call him. She had to stay up till midnight, in order to call him in his office in the morning. She was sound asleep long before that, and then awake at five
A.M.
It was sad waking up without him, and the days in New York already seemed like a distant dream. It was two o’clock in the afternoon for him when she called him at five
A.M.
in L.A. He was just coming back from lunch, and was delighted when he heard Timmie’s sleepy voice in his ear.

“I miss you,” she said sadly, and he smiled the moment she said it.

“So do I. I was awake all night looking for you. I want to come and see you soon. I feel like an addict without his drug.” He sounded as miserable as she was.

“Me too,” she said happily. She loved knowing that he missed her, and hadn’t simply returned to his normal life, without a backward glance, after spending four days with her. For her, their days in New York had changed her life, hopefully forever, and it felt wonderful to know that he was experiencing exactly the same thing.

“I will come to California soon,” he promised, and then had to see patients. He promised to call her at the end of his workday, which would be late in the morning for her. She thought of going back to sleep after talking to him, but couldn’t. She tossed and turned, thinking about him, and the nights they’d shared, and then she lay on her back and smiled, remembering everything he’d said to her then, and on the phone. She finally got up and got dressed at six, and was in her office at seven-thirty. She often went in early when she had jet lag or couldn’t sleep. It was a wonderful time of day to get things done. New York and Europe were already up and at full speed.

She had already done a stack of work when Jade came in at eight-thirty. She was happy to see Timmie again, not particularly surprised to see her at work, and asked her how her weekend in New York had been.

“Fantastic!” Timmie said instantly, with a broad grin. She gave herself away with the dreamy look in her eye, and the abundance of happiness that was seeping through her pores. Jade narrowed her eyes and frowned at her. She knew Timmie too well to think that she could look like that after a weekend of museums and shopping on her own. Timmie rapidly looked away, shuffling through papers on her desk, but Jade had already guessed what must have happened in New York, and more than likely whom she had been with.

“I smell a rat,” she said suspiciously, as Timmie chuckled.

“I hope not,” Timmie said, trying to look innocent with little success. “Maybe it’s our new perfume.”

“Don’t give me that,” Jade said, resting on twelve years of hard work and friendship. She often allowed herself to say things to Timmie that others wouldn’t have. And Timmie was always a good sport about it. Today was no different. “You spent the weekend with the French doctor, didn’t you?” she accused her with a knowing look, and Timmie nodded. She was excited about what was happening, and proud to be his woman. They had to be discreet for a while, but here at least she could let her joy and excitement show.

“As a matter of fact, I did,” Timmie said, looking like the cat that had swallowed the canary. In truth, she looked more like the lioness that had devoured a bald eagle. Happiness radiated from her so powerfully that she could have lit up the entire room.

“I hope you didn’t sleep with him,” Jade said sternly. “You said you wouldn’t do that until he moves out of his family’s apartment in June.”

“Absolutely,” Timmie lied through her teeth, and looked at her assistant with a thoroughly innocent grin. She knew exactly what she had said, but suddenly everything was different. She was madly in love with him, and there was no way she could have resisted him for all four days, given what they both felt. She was happy they had done exactly what they did. She had never in her entire life spent such a passionate weekend, and whatever dire fate Jade was predicting for her, at Jean-Charles’s hands, it was impossible to believe now that he wouldn’t do exactly what he had said he would in June. There wasn’t a shadow of a doubt in Timmie’s mind that he would move out. What had happened to Jade was sad, but very different. Timmie was no longer worried about him, and she didn’t want to have to defend him or their passionate affair to Jade or anyone else.

“Why is it that I don’t believe you?” Jade said, vibrating with suspicion. “You look too good. You look disgustingly happy. You’re more beautiful than ever. You absolutely exude an aura of a woman who spent a whole weekend in bed with her lover. I think you’re lying to me, Timmie.” And then in a worried tone, she added, “I just hope you’re not lying to yourself, or that he’s being dishonest with you.”

“I don’t think he is,” Timmie said calmly. “I think he’s an honest man who’ll do what he says, when he said he would. I think he’s just concerned about his children.”

“Then you did sleep with him!” Jade accused her. Timmie felt like a naughty teenager who was being accused of “going all the way” with her boyfriend. The thought of it made her laugh out loud just as David walked in.

“What’s going on here? What am I missing?”

“Not a thing,” Timmie reassured him with a grin. “Jade is making some very unfair accusations.” It amused her no end. And she felt totally sure of Jean-Charles, no matter how traumatic Jade’s previous experience had been.

“She spent the weekend with the French doctor,” Jade filled him in while Timmie smiled benevolently at them both. She enjoyed the good-humored bantering relationship the three of them shared. And when necessary, both of her assistants knew when to back off. Timmie hadn’t reached that point as Jade grilled her about her weekend. It was all in good fun, and well meant, born of their concern and love for her.

“So that’s what you stayed to do in New York,” David said with a look of admiration and interest. “Good for you. I hope you had fun!” he said generously. He liked everything he’d heard about the French doctor, and wasn’t nearly as worried about him as Jade.

“A little too much fun, if you ask me,” Jade commented, as Timmie picked up the phone. It was time to get to work.

Jade mentioned it to David again over lunch that afternoon, as they made the usual trade of potato chips for pickles. “I’m worried about her,” she said honestly. “That’s exactly what happened to me. First, you think everything is fabulous and you’re the luckiest woman in the world. You’ve never been so in love in your life, and then these guys start killing you by inches. They cancel dates, they back out of dinners, they have to change plans for vacations. The weekends they promised you don’t happen because they have to be at home with their kids. Their wives get sick, their children get hysterical. You spend holidays alone. They keep you in the closet. And eventually, you don’t have a goddamned thing except a lot of broken hopes and dreams. They’re still living at home ten years later with their wives and kids. And if you hang around long enough, it’s too late for you to have your own kids. I don’t want that to happen to her. Not that she wants kids at her age. I just don’t want her to get her heart broken over him.”

“None of us do,” David said seriously. “But that’s what happened to you. That’s not necessarily what’s going to happen to her. He seems like a good guy. He’s a doctor and a responsible person. He didn’t know she was going to come along so soon. I think it’s reasonable for him to honor the commitments he made before they fell in love.”

“That’s what I thought too. It’s not about commitments, it’s about fear. Bottom line, in the end, they’re too damn scared and cowardly to leave, so they never do.”

“I hope that won’t be true,” he said calmly. “I think we need to just support her and see where this goes. He may do everything he’s promised her he would. I hope he does. We don’t have any reason to disbelieve him yet. Let’s give the guy a chance.”

“I hope he does what he said he would too. But I wouldn’t bet money on it. I’ve heard too many stories like mine from other women. That’s why it’s not a good idea to go out with married men.”