First Sight (26 page)

His eyes lit up when he saw her, and he looked at his grandparents suspiciously. He had never seen them before, and they were total strangers to him. The social worker told Sister Anne what had happened, why they were there, and she instantly looked at Timmie with deep compassion and put her arms around her. She knew what a blow this was going to be for her, to see Blake go. She would have loved to spare Timmie this agony, but there was no way to do that. Timmie was going to have to live with losing one more person she loved from her life. There was just no way out.

As Blake watched one of the nuns pack his bag, he looked suddenly worried. His eyes flew to Timmie’s, as though asking for some explanation, and she spoke to him as she would any other child, and explained to him that these were his grandparents and they had come to take him home. He shook his head no, as tears bulged in his eyes, and he flew into Timmie’s arms. It was the first time he had done that, and it made it that much harder for her. She nearly sobbed, as she held him, but she had to retain her composure for his sake. She told him he was going to go on a big airplane with them, and have a wonderful life in Chicago. Both his grandparents were crying then, and trying to talk to him, to reassure him. They saw that this was not going to be easy, and hardest of all for the child. They felt like monsters suddenly taking him from Timmie, but they wanted to take him home. The judge was probably right, Timmie knew, they looked like nice people, but she wished she were dead, as Blake clung to her and started crying. She held him tightly in her arms, loving him, and trying to comfort him as best she could this one last time.

The hideous moment finally came when he had to leave for the airport with them. He was crying loudly, and as they reached the door to St. Cecilia’s and he clung to Timmie’s hand, he suddenly turned and faced them all and shouted “No!” It was the first word he had said since he’d been there, and with that, Timmie held him close to her as they both cried, and she knelt down to look at him, trying to give him courage.

“It’s okay, Blake. It’s going to be fine. You’ll be happy there. I promise. They love you, and they’re going to be good to you. I love you too, but you have to go with them. You’ll like it.”

He said “No!” another dozen times, as he cried uncontrollably, and finally his grandfather picked him up in his arms and walked out the door, with a look of apology to Timmie. “I’m sorry,” he muttered.

“I love you, Blake,” Timmie called after him, knowing that in years to come he would no longer remember. It didn’t matter. He would have a good life, and the woman who had loved him for a few days didn’t need to be remembered. She knew that she would never forget him or the agony of this moment.

She stayed at St. Cecilia’s with Sister Anne for several hours, sobbing in her arms, and aching for the child who had almost been hers, and never would be now. The one she thought Mark had sent her. He had slipped right through her fingers and her heart as Mark had years before. Apparently it was not her destiny to be Blake’s mother, or anyone’s. She felt as though Mark had died again when she went home that night. She could remember no other pain quite as agonizing as this one. The intolerable loss of a child, whether hers or not. And just for a minute, she had loved him.

She drove home alone that night, remembering the little face, so like her own and Mark’s. She prayed for his happiness and safety, and then she prayed for her lost son, as she did sometimes. She felt as though a part of her had died that night when they carried Blake out, and he had looked back at her with those big green eyes that begged her to save him, and she couldn’t. She lay in her bed and sobbed that night until nearly morning. It was two days before she could go into the office.

The lawyer had told David and Jade what had happened, and they very wisely said nothing when they saw her. She couldn’t have borne it. Now all she had to do was live the rest of her life without him.

Chapter 11

Timmie was painfully quiet the following week in the midst of the final preparations for their trip, and she looked absolutely awful. Jade and David were worried about her, but continued to say nothing about what had happened. Sister Anne had called Jade several times to see how she was, and she wasn’t surprised that Timmie was devastated. She had opened her heart to the child totally, and digging him out again was like taking a bullet out of her soul. She was still bleeding profusely, but doing so in silence. And given her history, losing one more person in her life was a far greater blow than it would have been for most people. For the remainder of the week, until they left, she didn’t go near St. Cecilia’s. For now, she couldn’t. Sister Anne understood that.

They left for New York a week after Blake’s hearing. She was relieved to get out of town for a while. The show went well in New York, and the trip to Milan after that. They arrived in Paris on schedule, and for the first time in weeks, Timmie looked a little better. Jade and David were relieved to see it.

They were landing at Charles de Gaulle as Timmie mentioned Jean-Charles Vernier to Jade casually. She had been thinking of him on the flight. She felt silly mentioning him to Jade. Everything seemed unimportant to her now, in comparison to losing Blake. It was going to take her time to recover.

“Do you remember the doctor on the list?” Timmie asked, staring blankly out the window, as the landing gear came down.

“The one who took care of you when your appendix ruptured?” Timmie nodded. “What about him? Did he cancel? Should I take him off the list?” Jade had a thousand details to keep track of, and as usual, by the time they got to Paris, they were all stressed and exhausted, but Milan had gone well, and so had New York.

“No, he’s coming.” She hesitated for a moment, and then went on. “He’s getting divorced.” She added no further comment, and Jade stared at her.

“Are you telling me something?” Jade looked puzzled. “Do you like him?”

“He was very nice to me when I was sick. And yes, I like him. But not like that. I’m perfectly happy on my own. He’ll probably be a mess for a while anyway.” And so was she, after losing Blake. She felt like the walking wounded. She kept wondering how he was.

“That sounds to me like you like this doctor, Timmie.” Jade smiled at her, wondering how long the ice queen phase would last. Timmie was capable of holding out for a long time, and often had, convinced she would never go out with a man again. She was firmly entrenched in that point of view now. But eventually, that always changed.

“I told him we were coming to Paris today. He asked. I wonder if I’ll hear from him.” She looked at Jade cautiously as she said it, and her assistant was intrigued. There was something about the way she talked about him that was sending up flares for Jade. It was good to hear her talk about normal pursuits, rather than mourning the child.

“You might,” Jade said vaguely, and then decided to warn her. “Beware of married men, Timmie. Even if he says he’s getting divorced, it could take him years.” After her own bitter experience with her married lover, Jade was extremely sensitive on the subject, and somewhat paranoid. Timmie only nodded. She wasn’t worried about Jean-Charles. There was nothing between them anyway. And she was in no mood for romance.

“I’m not going out with him. He’s just coming to dinner,” Timmie said vaguely, deciding silently that if he called her, he might be interested. And if he didn’t call before the dinner party, he obviously wasn’t. It would be interesting to see. There had never been anything flirtatious between them during her surgery and convalescence, but she had liked talking to him. There was something about him that she trusted, and made her feel safe whenever he was near.

The plane landed on the runway then, and she didn’t mention him again. She was too busy to think about him, but the day of the show and dinner party afterward, it occurred to her that he hadn’t called. The message was clear. No interest. Oh well. It was no big deal. The good news was that she was so busy, she had also had less time to think of Blake, although her heart still ached whenever she did.

They were as crazed as ever, before and during the show, but it went off brilliantly. The press loved it, the buyers were already placing orders. And by late that afternoon, before the dinner, Timmie felt as though she’d been on her feet for years. She was exhausted but elated, as she always was after a show, and wished she could lie down for a few minutes and get some sleep. But Jade had scheduled two interviews back-to-back before dinner. Timmie barely had time to change her clothes, and then run down to the private dining room to greet her guests. The press was late as always, the buyers came in a block, two of their biggest clients had just walked in, and then right behind them, she saw Jean-Charles, waiting politely to enter. She had been talking to their biggest client, when she broke away and went to greet him. As she had seen him dressed before, when he came to visit her after dinner parties, he was wearing a well-tailored dark blue suit, he was even taller than she remembered, and his eyes were an even brighter blue. She was wearing a black cocktail dress and high heels, with her hair pulled back, and diamonds on her ears. She looked elegant and simply dressed, and the dress was shorter than she liked, but it had a youthful, sexy look that appealed to her. It was one of her own dresses from that season, and had been a big hit.

“Good evening,” the doctor said politely, but his eyes lit up when he saw her. Despite the warmth in his eyes, among the unfamiliar guests around him, he looked a little stiff.

“Thank you so much for coming,” she said with a warm smile. She was disappointed that he hadn’t called her during the week, but there was no reason why he should. And he was only a dinner guest that night, not a date.

“I hear the show was a big success,” he complimented her, and she looked surprised.

“How did you hear that?”

“One of your guests was saying it on the way in. He said it was your best one yet.” She looked pleased at his kind words, and introduced him to several guests before she left him again. He was going to have to fend for himself. She had thirty people to say hello to.

She didn’t see him again until they were ready to be seated at the table. She had no idea where Jade had seated him. She had all the most important clients and buyers seated close to her, and Jade had done the rest. She noticed him taking his place at the other end of the table, and their eyes met, just as she sat down. He smiled at her, and then went on chatting to the woman seated next to him, a buyer from a department store chain based in New York. The press were seated at either end, with the
Vogue
editors closer to her.

It was an evening of work for Timmie, and she was sorry she couldn’t talk to him, but she had to be the ambassador and spokesperson for Timmie O. She had a job to do, and she didn’t get a chance to speak to him again until he was ready to leave, and came to say good night to her.

“You were very kind to invite me,” he said warmly.

“I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to talk,” she said sincerely. “These evenings are always work for me. I hope you had a decent time.” The food and wines had been delicious, although she knew he didn’t drink much. But at least the dinner had been good, and everyone seemed pleased. The atmosphere of the room was elegant and intimate and there had been a profusion of flowers on the table, low enough so people could talk across the table. Jean-Charles mentioned how pretty the flowers were.

“I was wondering if … perhaps … When are you leaving Paris?”

“Day after tomorrow,” she said, surprised that he asked her, since she hadn’t heard from him all week.

“Would you like to have a drink tomorrow? I’m afraid I’m not free for lunch or dinner. Are you free for drinks?” he asked, looking nervous and cautious. Timmie was startled. She hadn’t expected to see him again after that night. And she was completely free the following day. They had set aside one day to wrap up. This time she had no time to spend a few days on her own in Paris, as she almost always did. They had important meetings in New York before they went back to L.A.

“I’d like that very much,” she said in answer to his invitation. It would be nice to sit and talk to him again, without a flock of people around. It had been a busy night for her. “What time?”

“Six o’clock?” he asked, and she nodded.

“The bar?” He hesitated, and she realized that he might be nervous about being seen with a woman during the awkwardness of ending his marriage. “Would you prefer my suite?” He had been there before, and it seemed more discreet for him.

“That sounds very good. I’ll see you then,” he said, shook her hand, and left.

She didn’t mention his invitation to Jade that night. They were both too tired to discuss anything except the obvious success of the party. Both Jade and David had to get up early the next morning, to make sure that everything got packed. Timmie was planning to make her final round of phone calls until noon.

It was late the afternoon of the next day, when Jade asked Timmie what she wanted to do for dinner, that Timmie mentioned that she was having a drink with Jean-Charles Vernier.

“You are?” Jade looked almost as surprised as Timmie had when he had asked her.

“Yeah,” Timmie said casually. “No biggie. It was nice of him to ask.” Jade had never seen him before the dinner the night before, and was willing to concede that he was a good-looking man. “Do you want to have dinner in my room afterward, or would you rather go out?” Timmie would have taken them if they wanted to, but both David and Jade looked wiped out. They had been working like dogs for hours, and she was tired herself after the grueling week.

“Do you mind doing room service?” Jade asked apologetically, and with a look of relief Timmie said it would be fine.

She left them then to brush her hair and put on decent shoes, and wash her face, before her drink with the doctor. She wasn’t sure why he had asked her. He obviously wasn’t interested in dating her, after not contacting her all week, and he had been very circumspect at the dinner. She was sure he was just being friendly, which was fine with her. They had enjoyed so many conversations when she was sick. She put on black pants and a black sweater, high heels, and brushed her long red hair with a bright green clip on one side. She looked elegant but sexy and casual, as the bell rang and she opened the door. He looked extremely serious for a moment when she first saw him, and then he smiled. His eyes always lit up when he did. She remembered that from four months before. He had kind, gentle, warm blue eyes. And this time he was wearing a blue shirt, blazer and slacks, and a serious dark tie. She noticed too as he walked in that his shoes were freshly shined.