First Kiss: The Ghost Bird Series: #10 (The Academy Ghost Bird Series) (47 page)

The boys left after a while, leaving the girls to chat with each other, asking questions about their experiences at the camp so far.

Lake, Carla and I stood back, listening and smiling at each other. It seemed to be working. The girls were taking responsibility for the younger girls, becoming little leaders themselves.

Taylor appeared beside us as we were headed to the beach picnic area for lunch, watching as the girls continued excitedly talking among themselves.

“This was the best idea,” she told us quietly.

“Getting them to talk to other girls?” Lake asked.

“Showing them others needed help, just like they needed you,” she said. She winked at us. “When you stop thinking of yourself and focus on helping other people, suddenly your whole outlook changes. You’re more positive and confident. You have to be when you’re being looked at as a leader.”

Taylor’s team joined us and we all ate lunch together, listening to their stories about their history, their jobs, even how they’d picked their team.

After lunch, we headed out to a field where we met with Silas, who had brought his Wiffle ball set, as had a few others. We didn’t play actual games, though; Silas pitched to whoever had the bat and other people tried to catch balls that got hit out into the field.

“This is almost better than softball,” one of the girls from our camp said, smiling and obviously having fun. This opened her up, and she talked animatedly about her own softball team at home.

We were still playing around when Taylor’s team showed up again and we were handed white T-shirts and were told to put them on over our clothes.

April handed out condiment squeeze bottles filled with different colors.

“Paint your friends,” Taylor said.

“This is one of my favorites,” April said as she stood back, shaking one of the bottles.

There was an eruption of giggles as the girls painted each other’s T-shirts. At first, we signed names, but it was hard to do on shirts. So we stuck with initials and tried different variations of flowers and butterflies and smilies. Anything much harder and it became a mess.

It felt like I was initialing hundreds of shirts, and created little doodles on each: butterflies, moon and stars, swirls, smilie faces. All in pink. My hands were aching after all the squeezing.

Lake, Carla, and I spent the entire day with the girls, having fun and doing activities that Kota had called team building the night before, but since we were always mixed up with other teams, including the younger girls, it expanded the feeling of the team to more than the original group.

The teenaged boys joined us at dinner. We all still wore our painted shirts that had dried and while we ate, the boys tried to read all the signatures and identify all the doodles.

I noticed that as we mingled with the younger teams, our group seemed to repeat what we had been repeating to them all day long: Good job. You’re doing great. Keep it up.

It was working.

We helped clean up from dinner and once it got dark, and we played games like Ghost in the Graveyard, which was sort of like hide and seek.

We made s’mores around campfires as we talked and told stories.

As it got later in the night, the girls kept asking if we needed to go back to the tents. We told them no and that we weren’t done yet.

They were excited, but also eyeballed any grownup we passed as if they were going to tell us to go to bed.

We waited until about eleven before we had them follow us to the beach.

The beach was filled with other Academy members, old and young, all sitting in folding chairs.

There was a section just for our team.

It was New Year’s Eve. I hadn’t even realized until we’d talked about it the night before. This was one activity I didn’t have to plan. It was happening and we simply sat and waited.

When the time came, we didn’t even realize it until the first firework shot out over the ocean waves. Someone hooted, everyone cheered.

The fireworks lit up the sky.

Lake leaned into me from her chair beside me. “I think we did it,” she said, and she nodded toward the other girls.

I peeked at them, and they were excited, looking up at the sky, and occasionally reaching out to hold hands with the younger ones. They were so engaged with them, they completely ignored us.

I smiled, admiring our handiwork when Victor caught my eye, sitting in front of me. He winked once, waited until Lake sitting next to me wasn’t paying attention. He kissed his finger and quickly brought it to my lips.

I smiled. A quiet New Year’s kiss. It was perfect.

AN UNCOMFORTABLE HEART

W
hen the fireworks ended, we helped put chairs into a truck that would take them away in the morning.

Someone mentioned it was our last night, and I was surprised. We were just in time and I hadn’t realized it. For some reason, I assumed we’d stay through the weekend instead of going back on Friday. Maybe the adults would have to go back to work and needed to get home.

I’d gotten so familiar with the campgrounds, and while it had been stressful, it had also been fun. I was on a high, proud that I’d helped the younger girls see that there was more to the Academy than ‘us versus them.'

I’d started to believe it, too. Everyone was so nice, so helpful and understanding. It was so different from school, where everyone kept to their own friends, never mingling with others. It was like a dream world, where everyone was amazing and supportive and I had become part of it.

As the girl team trailed back to our camp, I followed them, not meaning to separate myself. Just exhausted.

But when we got back, we had one more thing to do. We loaded everyone into cars with their bathroom kits and brought them all to the better latrine.

Lake and I did hobo baths, without taking off our clothes. “I’m not that dirty,” she said to the others. “And I’m so tired.” She kept her eyes down the whole time.

I, too, was focused on getting in and out quickly. Something about being in the bathrooms with the other girls sent a shiver up my spine. I blamed the showers, even with the strange echo they made. Once more than one shower was on, I became overwhelmed. I took in quick breaths as I brushed my teeth as fast as I could.

I told myself I’d be home soon. I wouldn’t have to worry about showers anymore.

However, it wasn’t just the showers. Like Lake, I kept my head down, focused on the sink. I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t look at the other girls, thinking at any moment one of them might undress around me.

Why did it bug me that much? It hadn’t occurred to me until that moment. I understood Lake’s reasons, but what were mine?

The other girls didn’t seem to mind and were all chatting as they got ready for bed. They didn’t ask Lake and I questions.

When we returned to the tent, everyone was still talking, buzzing about the day they’d had.

“This was the best,” one of the girls said.

“We don’t have to go home tomorrow, do we?” one of them asked.

“I still feel like I don’t know much,” another said. “I think I need to stay and learn more.”

I didn’t know what to expect tomorrow, either. There were more early activities, but when I checked the map, the paper said there was clean up scheduled in the late afternoon.

This was it. There might be an exit interview tomorrow. Was I ready? My heart was beating wildly as we got ready for bed. Now that the girls seemed happy, I had my own issues to worry about.

The girls continued to giggle and chatter. Carla and Lake, as well as Taylor’s team, joined in. No one seemed to care how late it was.

“Okay everyone,” Carla said. “This might be our last night. Let’s group hug.”

I’d been smiling absently while thinking and then froze. My eyes started to widen and my body stiffened. I glanced at the other girls, who didn’t hesitate.

While the others had started to get up, I remained on my cot, holding tight.

I held my breath to prevent the feeling of panic sweeping over me.

I watched the girls who collected in the middle with Carla. Even Lake joined in. Arms wrapped around other girls, mostly around the neck, but some wrapped arms around waists. They closed in tight, pressing themselves against each other in a large circle.

In their rush to huddle together, no one noticed I was still sitting on my cot, hunching down, making myself small.

I hoped they wouldn’t miss me, unsure I could hold myself together if they did.

Yet as I watched them together, I looked for signs that they were uncomfortable like I was. Why didn’t anyone look as terrified as I felt?

“Sang?” Carla called, with her sweet, happy smile. “Come on. You, too.”

I swallowed thickly, plastering a smile on my face and trying to smother a shiver.
Just stand and hold still
, I told myself.
Just don’t move like last time.

The others called my name and waved me in. I felt their expectations weighing around me. I smothered a grunt, got up and hoped to get it over with quickly.

I walked toward them with my arms tight against my sides.

“Girls, Sang can’t get it,” Carla giggled. The others laughed and opened their arms.

I swallowed a few times to keep back the trembling and the desire to run. I steeled my nerves, letting them pull me in. I closed my eyes.

Don’t think of them. Think of the guys. Of anything else…

Arms encircled my waist, my shoulders. I felt hands on my wrists, trying to pat at me as if whoever it was couldn’t reach me. My breasts met up with someone else’s while someone’s chest was at my back. I was surrounded, and I felt like I was drowning. My knees trembled, and all I wanted to do was sink down.

Why did it feel like the shower? Like I wanted to faint? My stomach twisted. Bile rose in my throat.

And then it happened. My vision blurred with tears, and suddenly, I wasn’t seeing any of them.

I saw my stepmother.

She was yelling at me and held me in place while she poured vinegar and lemon down my throat.

I saw Muriel. Wrestling with me, trying to jab me with a needle.

I saw Jade. Touching me in places I didn’t want her to.

My heart was in my throat and tears poured down my face. Panic and confusion whirled around in my brain.

The guys had hugged me before. I enjoyed their touches. Why was it now that I couldn’t bear another moment of this? No matter how hard I bit my tongue, I couldn’t stop the horrible feeling.

I cried. I couldn’t hide it.

How stupid I was. I couldn’t take a shower. I couldn’t be hugged by girls.

I was a mess. And now I was humiliated

Carla laughed. “Aw,” she said, tears welling in her eyes as she cried, too. “I’ll miss you, too. But we can still stay in contact.”

I swallowed, as hard as I could, and forced myself to smile and pretend that was what it was.

Some of the other girls cried and broke away. I covered my face now that I had the opportunity. Lake left her hand on my shoulder and I waved her off. She wasn’t bad, but my skin still felt like it was crawling, and I wanted to rake at it with my fingernails. I felt dirty and disgusting, ashamed. “I’ll be okay,” I breathed through my tears, covering my face to hide my feelings. “Don’t worry. I’m just sleepy.”

“Let’s get to bed,” Carla said. “We’ve got all morning to exchange information.”

“And don’t worry about teams,” Taylor said. “No matter what, if you’ve made it this far, you’ll be put in a group somewhere.”

I sucked in fresh air, dropping heavily on my cot and lying down. Lights went out.

My lungs burned with needing to cry more, but I held back, saving the others from my misery.

I turned toward the wall.

My mouth was open.

I was silent, but I was screaming on the inside, shaking and crying. I couldn’t stop myself. The horrifying memories came flooding back to me. I knew. I couldn’t help it but I knew.

I couldn’t ever join a girl team.

SECRETS REVEALED

I
stared up at the ceiling of the tent, willing time to fly by. I wanted it to be morning already. I needed to find the boys.

How could I tell anyone about this?

I thought if I could stare at the tent fabric hard enough, my tears would eventually dry up. But the more tired I got, the harder it was to swallow them back.

I was going to fail Academy entry. I was fooling myself thinking I could make it work. If I tried to join the Academy, they might ask if I could work with other girls.

And I’d have to tell them why I couldn’t. The real truth. It could never happen.

I couldn’t. I was messed up. They wouldn’t want someone like me. Someone who couldn’t take a shower, and who couldn’t get a hug from girls without crying.

Fear washed over me. I was sure Mrs. Rose would show up in the morning, and she would tell me if I wanted in, I had to stay with Carla and the younger girls. She’d smile at me and said I had done a good job.

And then she’d see how much of a mess I was.

There was no way I could do it. Maybe the guys saving me had been a bad thing. Not that I wanted to think so, but now I was so used to them, that imagining going through this with anyone else was unbearable. They had broken down walls with me no one else would be able to get through. They could hug me. They could be around me in the bathroom.

I wanted them. I wanted to feel their strong arms around me and their assurances. I wanted to go back weeks ago when Dr. Green said I wasn’t ready, agree with him, and insist on not coming to the camp. I’d take it all back.

We’d been worried about nothing.

The Academy wouldn’t want a broken girl. They needed strong ones who could stand up against bad people.

Time passed, and when sleep wouldn’t come, I listened. Steady breathing from sleeping girls filled the air.

I rose, as silently as I could, with my heart pounding in my ears. I had no idea where I was going. All I knew was I needed out.