First Beast (20 page)

That night, long ago on the moor, she had felt such an overpowering bond with Joshua in his primal state that it had blinded her to the truth of who he was. Then, after they had married, she had been so intent on making it work she'd pushed away all those niggling doubts, the absence of a real connection between them outside the bedroom.

Josh looked up from his cell phone and smiled. “It's from Caleb. He's going to give me the money. He's also seeking agreement from the Principals to have your marriage to him annulled. This changes everything.”

Talia only heard one thing, the rest of Joshua's words dissolving in a pool of despair.

Caleb was having their marriage annulled?

Ice spread through her limbs, a tight feeling forming around her heart. A cry threatened to escape her throat, but she swallowed it back.

“We can make a fresh start,” Joshua went on, sliding the phone back in his pocket. “I've got plans for the business. Like you said, the property market's on an upturn. I've got my eye on some dilapidated cottages over near Warleggan. I can do them up, rent them out. They'll provide us with a steady income and—”

“So you can gamble it all away?” The shock of Caleb seeking an annulment morphed into anger. “After everything you've told me, do you really think I'm interested in anything you say?”

He crouched in front of her and placed his hands on her thighs. “I'll change. I'll pay off these debts and we can start fresh. I swear I'll never gamble again. I've learned my lesson. You have to believe that.”

“It's all about you, isn't it, Josh?” She forced his hands away. “You haven't once given Caleb a thought. You haven't stopped to even think how all this has affected him. Do you think being taken hostage, being held in a cage and left to rot for months on end, and heaven only knows what else, will simply roll right off him? He lived through a nightmare, one of your making. He's got scars, not just physically. Nobody goes through an experience like that and remains unchanged by it. Not to mention that he has to face up to the reality that his own flesh and blood betrayed him.”

“I've explained to him the situation I was in. He understands that I didn't have any choice.”

She shook her head and gave a resigned sigh. “And still you lie to me.”

His head snapped back and he narrowed his eyes. “Why are you so worried about Caleb anyway? He's history. You won't have to worry about his hands on you again. Once the Principals agree to the annulment, we'll move out of the house and set ourselves up somewhere in town. It'll be just you and me again, babe. We can put all this behind us.”

Her heart squeezed at the thought of losing Caleb, but she had Joshua to deal with. “Caleb's hardly history, is he? I assume he hasn't yet transferred the money into your bank account.”

He stood abruptly. “He's agreed to give me the money. He'll transfer it soon enough.”

“I wonder. He doesn't know it was you who leaked the story to the press.”

Joshua gave an arrogant shrug, but she knew he was rattled. “There's nothing to be gained from telling him that now.”

“He deserves to know. And you need to face up to the consequences of your actions. You've put Caleb and the whole community in jeopardy. Not once did you consider what might have happened if things had turned out differently. If he hadn't come through with the money, you probably would have exposed him further.”

“It wouldn't have come to that. I intended to back off if he refused me. I was just trying it on.”

“You know, sometimes I wonder if you actually believe your own lies.” She stood and shook her head. “What you did was despicable. I only hope you can live with what you've done.”

“You're just angry.”

Joshua brushed at her hair, but she jerked her head away, unable to bear his touch.

“It seems to me you have only one choice available to you,” Talia said with ice in her tone. “Tell Caleb it was you who leaked the story.”

“If he knows that, he might change his mind about giving me the money. Don't you realize what that would mean? We wouldn't get that chance to start again.”

She gave an empty laugh. “You really think I want that chance? If so, you're even more delusional than I feared.”

When he didn't say anything, only stroked his hand across his jaw, Talia raised her chin. “You leave me no option.”

“What do you mean?”

“I intend to tell Caleb. He needs to know the truth.”

Panic lit his eyes. “You wouldn't do that. I'm your husband, you owe me.”

“You've put Caleb's life in danger, and for what? Money. Oh, believe me, Josh. I would do just about anything to make you pay for that. After all you've put him through, all you've done to him, Caleb deserves to know the continuing extent of your treachery. And there's something else. I don't owe you anything. Everything we had was based on lies and deceit. We're finished. Caleb might not pursue his demand that we divorce, but I will.”

She turned toward the house, but stopped. “If you want to try and salvage what you can from this, I recommend you make that phone call to your brother. If you come clean, there's just the slightest chance he'll still give you the money. I wouldn't, but then I'm not Caleb. I'll be checking with Caleb before I leave. If you haven't told him by then, I will. In which case, maybe I'm not the only one who should start packing.”

With legs not quite steady, she walked back into the house. Her head ached, her heart hurt. She refused to mourn the loss of the man who had lied and cheated his way into her life, but she would forever grieve the loss of the man who had simply walked out of it.

In the bedroom, she began to stuff the clothes she'd laid out into the suitcase. She wasn't sure where she would go—all she knew was that she had to be away from this place. From the memories. Everything here whispered Caleb. Reminded her of what they had shared. What they had begun to build.

It was over now. Maybe it had never really started. She had built her dreams on the memory of one magical night when she had been a naïve young girl. Maybe it was long past time to put away those childish dreams and face reality.

Even if that reality meant living without the man she loved.

Pain lashed through her, almost doubling her over. She sank onto the bed, biting back the tears that tore at her throat. She wouldn't weep. Certainly not for a life that was never meant to be hers.

Her grandmother's words came back to her. That a triangle formed the basis of Talia's future, a triangle she had to willingly accept before she would know true happiness.

Well, she'd accepted that triangle, lived it. And all she had to show for it was pain and a desolate future. For the life of her, she couldn't see how true happiness could be hers now.

Not without Caleb.

She sniffed, straightened her shoulders. And continued to pack. There was nothing to be gained from wallowing in her misery. So she packed, wondering if Joshua had made that call.

Chapter Fifteen

Caleb parked in a small hiding place several miles from the main road. It could only be reached by the dirt track he'd carved out from his regular haunts on the moor. This part of the moor was remote and generally off the radar of humans and shifters alike.

Since his own SUV was in for service, he pulled his backpack from the loan vehicle, closed the door, and looked around the largely barren scrubland. He drew in a breath, reconnecting with this most special of places, the spot that had for so long now called to his soul.

Determined not to fall deep into the mire of memories, he focused on the phone call he'd received from Joshua the previous afternoon. Despite having considered, and rejected, his brother as the source of the story leaked to the press, Caleb hadn't been entirely surprised by Joshua's revelation. Since then, all Caleb could think about was how he'd accused Talia. How he'd taken yet another opportunity to question her integrity, her loyalty to him and to his pack.

For his sins, he was now left to mourn his stupidity. The fact that he'd finally allowed his suspicious nature to drive her away. Even if Talia and Joshua decided to call it a day, Caleb knew there was no way he would ever be able to make things right between Talia and himself. How could he ever convince Talia he trusted her? Prove to her that his own blinkered vision and inflexibility had been at fault for all the accusations he had thrown at her? So determined was he to protect himself and his people, he had refused to see the truth of who she was.

Honest, loyal and loving.

He didn't deserve her, but he wanted her. Would always want her.

Now it was too late.

With his concentration shot, Caleb knew that in his current state, he was of no use to anyone, least of all his pack. His responsibilities as leader were many and varied, but he couldn't do them justice right now. Which was why he'd abandoned the office and come out to the moor. He needed to run off some of his self-directed anger, to find an equilibrium that would allow him to focus.

But he simply couldn't clear Talia from his mind. Or his heart.

Shit.
Never before had the need to run hit him like this. The need to shift into his primal state, to shake off his human form and the torment that accompanied it. But he feared he'd never be able to run fast enough, long enough, to defeat the fierce ache in his chest.

Why the fuck hadn't he just told Talia he believed her? Long before Joshua's call, he knew at gut level she would never betray him.

Except that wasn't her only problem with him. In his efforts to ensure she remained at his side, he'd bullied her, made demands. Talia had accused him of never asking her what she wanted, what her needs were. She was right. But in his defense, he'd wanted
her
, needed
her
. So damn much he wasn't prepared to give her the opportunity to say she didn't want him. He'd hoped, with time, she might come to realize they were meant to be together. That he was her true and only mate.

His strategy had backfired. Now he had no option but to give her the time and opportunity to make her own choices. Choices that wouldn't include him. After the way he'd acted, he couldn't blame her. No woman would tolerate being treated the way he'd treated her.

He'd told Joshua he would keep out of their marriage. That he would leave them alone to work out their problems. To facilitate this, Caleb planned to move out of the family home and maybe get a place on the other side of town, or even build one out here on the moor, as far away from Talia as possible. It was inevitable their paths would cross at some stage, but he could ensure those instances were few and far between. He couldn't trust himself not to touch her, not to draw her into his arms and not let her go until she realized she was meant to be his. And his alone.

But the thought of not seeing her sliced him in two, the pain so fierce it seemed to suck the life from him.

Unable to hold back the swell of memories, Caleb shook his head and began to discard his clothes. Naked, he closed his eyes and breathed deep, letting the afternoon breeze cool his heated flesh. He tried to block out all thoughts of Talia, and focus.

The familiar burn started low in his pelvis, heat rising through his torso. His limbs shook as they lengthened, the joints cracking. The pounding in his head signaled the speeding of his heartbeat, along with the intense throb of blood ripping through his veins. His jaw burned as his fangs descended.

Seconds later, in full panther form, he scented the air, scanned the landscape. Satisfied no intruder blocked his path, Caleb pawed the ground and took off.

Talia stopped the car, and reached for the ordnance survey map. She was old school, preferring to work out routes for herself rather than resort to a satellite navigation system, and on this occasion, she doubted technology would be of use anyway. She was working largely on instinct as it was.

She had no idea why she'd felt the need to come out to the moor. Perhaps it was because the end of her marriage had brought back those memories of the first night she had seen Joshua. It was like everything coming full circle. She needed closure.

She peered at the map, turning it this way and that, but had to admit she was hopelessly lost. She stepped out of the car and leaned against the hood. Glancing around, she tried to make sense of her surroundings in terms of how they related to the map. In the distance, she recognized Rough Tor and Brown Willy, the two highest points on the moor. But apart from that, she had no idea where she was.

Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply. She had grown to love the earthy smell, the light scent of the shrubbery, the easy drift of nature at its most primitive. Out here, it was easier to get things into perspective, to think and reason.

For a crazy moment, she had thought to camp out on the moor last night, hoping to still her frenzied thoughts, to ease the ache in her heart. But while the moor gave perspective, it was also so much a part of Caleb that she could almost feel his heartbeat blending with the elemental rhythm of the land.

Instead, she had stayed with Naomi. Her new friend had supported her, had let her talk into the night. Of course, she hadn't been able to tell Naomi everything, only that she couldn't remain married to Joshua any longer, and neither could she be with Caleb. Naomi hadn't given any advice, other than suggesting Talia take time to really think things through before taking any permanent action.

Right now, she had to put aside her own feelings and concentrate on unfinished business. Joshua had called her and told her he'd spoken to Caleb about the newspaper story. He'd told her that Caleb had agreed to give him the money in spite of what he'd done. She hung up on him before he could elaborate. She didn't want to know anything more about the whole sordid business. All she cared about now was somehow convincing Caleb to let her do that additional piece on him in order to protect him from further media intrusion. Despite what he'd said, she knew it was the only way to get Treat off his back. After that, she intended to leave Bodmin. For good.

She opened her eyes and glanced around once more before returning to her car.

Once inside, she turned the ignition. Nothing. She tried again with the same response.
Damn it to hell.
She reached for her phone, and slightly panicked when she found no signal.

After leaving the car, she held the phone aloft, turning it this way and that, but still there was no signal. She tried the ignition again. Still nothing.

Ten minutes later, she faced the reality that she was stuck out here alone on the moor and far from the main road. There was nothing else for it but to make her way back until she could flag down a passing car or get a signal. She grabbed the map, her bag and bottle of water and headed east.

She'd been walking for over an hour when she noticed it. The sun's rays bouncing off glass. The vehicle was mostly hidden from view, behind dense shrubbery. It stood as if abandoned, but the paintwork gleamed new and pristine.

She looked around, her pulse picking up, but there was no sign of anyone. From this spot, it was easy to see right across the moor in every direction. She was totally alone.

Walking toward the clearing, a weird kind of excitement bubbled through her. The place seemed vaguely familiar. The rocky crop, the arching foliage, the dense bush…

She froze. This was the place. The clearing she had found that night so long ago. The night she had first met Joshua.

Hit by a poignancy that caused her throat to catch, she faced up to the truth. Something about this place—its vibration, its energy—brought her up close and personal to what she had tried so long to deny. Even in this very place, the place where they had first met, her thoughts weren't for Joshua. They were for Caleb.

The deepest connection she felt was for him. Only him.

Her vision blurred by tears that refused to be denied any longer, she lowered herself to a nearby rock. She let the tears flow, her heart breaking with such desperate longing she wondered how it was possible to survive such pain.

Several minutes later, she drew in a steadying breath, and tilted her face to let the sun dry her skin. She dropped her hands behind her against the smooth stone, leaning back as the cool breeze whispered over her flesh.

Her hand brushed something rough and she jerked up. Turning, she noticed the pile of discarded clothes lying beside the rocks. She frowned at the incongruity of the bundle lying out here in the middle of nowhere, and the fact that the tie lying on top of the pile seemed familiar. Then her heart missed a beat. She'd seen that tie only yesterday…fastened around Caleb's neck.

She stood, glaring at the bundle of clothes with the caution of someone face to face with a deadly snake. What on earth were Caleb's clothes doing here?

Lost in her deliberations, it took a moment to detect the movement in her peripheral vision. She turned, and at first saw nothing. Then another movement so subtle she had to narrow her eyes to focus. The accompanying sound was faint, and she held her breath. It came again, soft padding against the hardened earth. Peering into the distance, she still saw nothing. The sound also stopped.

Without realizing it, she'd moved toward the sanctity of the dense bush, the place where she'd sheltered on that night so long ago, where she'd sought refuge from the terrors of the moor.

The afternoon sun beat down, but the breeze picked up, fluttering the surrounding branches of her hiding place. The padding sounded again, coming closer now, almost drowned out by the pounding of her heart.

Again, she held her breath. Seconds later, the huge black beast came through the clearing, stopping mere inches from where she had backed up against the bush. It stared back at her, the mesmerizing intensity of its golden eyes freezing her to the spot.

For long moments their eyes met. Clashed.

Then she felt it. And she knew.

With everything inside her. Every cell, every heartbeat, every breath. She knew.

Since she'd last seen him, the young panther had grown into a magnificent adult male, but the eyes were the same—the stance, the power. Slowly, she edged away from the bush. She felt no fear. Knew with absolute certainty that he would never hurt her.

Oh God. How could she believe that with such conviction? How could she know that the huge beast meant her no harm?

Except she did. She had never believed anything more.

With her heart thumping painfully against her ribcage, she moved toward him. He didn't move but simply fixed her with those spellbinding eyes. She stopped a few feet away, and stooped to pick up the bundle of clothes. She stroked her hand across them, before laying them at his feet and stepping back.

His black fur began to dissolve, his eyes changing color and shape, his front legs shortening as his back legs elongated. It took only seconds until Caleb stood in front of her, gloriously naked, his now dark green eyes gleaming.

“Why didn't you tell me?” Her voice hitched, her heart squeezed. “Why didn't you say it was you?”

His brows lifted. “Maybe I always hoped you'd know.”

How had she not? How could she have been so blind? “I thought Joshua had told me everything. But not about this.”

“He wanted you to believe it was him.”

Talia ached to touch him, to run her hands over his taut flesh, feel the roughness of the bristle that shadowed his jaw, to ease away the tension lines between his eyebrows. But he was shrugging into his trousers, slipping on his shirt, and she knew her touch was the last thing he wanted.

“Joshua said you were still planning to give him the money, despite that he was the one who gave that story to the press.”

He buttoned his shirt. “He said something about a fresh start. But I'd suggest you make him get help for his gambling habit. I won't bail him out again.” Before she could respond to what he'd said, he looked up and held her gaze. “You're due an apology from me.”

Talia shook her head. She didn't want an apology. She wanted his trust. But that was too tall an order for him. “Why wouldn't you think it was me who leaked that story? It was only what you'd expected from me all along.”

“I was wrong. I know that now. It's too little, too late. But I wanted you to know.” He slipped on his shoes. “You should know I'm moving out of the house. That way you can get on with your lives without any interference from me.”

She couldn't take his cold, reasonable attitude any longer. She preferred the heat, the demands, the snap of anger to this…indifference. “You're not the only one moving out.”

His head shot up, a scowl creasing his forehead. Finally. “What do you mean?”

“I asked Joshua for a divorce. I won't be with someone who lied to me the way he did, someone who put your life at risk in such a heinous way. You could so easily have been killed as a result of his actions. I don't understand why you let him get away with that, why you continue to bail him out when he gets in trouble.”