First and Last (31 page)

When I walk through the front door, Mia’s smiling face is the first thing I see. I hold up the silver wings they pinned on me at the ceremony, a sense of pride washing over me. I wanted nothing more than for her to be there, but it was closed off to instructors and graduates only.

“Congratulations, babe. I’m so proud of you.” She stands on her toes and wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me. “I knew you could do it,” she says against my lips.

She’s been pushing and encouraging me the whole time. I know it hasn’t been easy on her with me gone a lot lately. Whenever I wanted to give up, it was Mia’s voice I’d hear. Of course, it always is. Even when we were kids. As she looks at me with adoration in her eyes and pride on her face, I know none of this would mean a damn thing without her. She’s my heart, my soul. My life is meaningless without her.

“So, how do you want to celebrate?” she asks, excitement all over her face.

I raise my eyebrows and look her up and down, taking in her hot body. “I can think of a few ways.”

Her eyes smolder and I know she catches the hint. She bites her lip before saying, “Let me see if the neighbor is free to babysit.” Leaning up on her toes, she whispers in my ear, “I want you to make me scream.” She turns around and walks away.

A growl sounds in the back of my throat while my dick pulses to life. Damn tease. She’ll pay dearly for that later.

Present

G
oddammit. I wish she would have said no.

But I can’t put the blame on her. This is my fault. I always have to push my boundaries and see how far I can take my body. Looking at it now, I’ve taken it too fucking far.

Why couldn’t I have been content being a firefighter back in Tennessee? I didn’t really need this. I had everything I wanted back home, but it wasn’t enough. Subconsciously I think I was fighting a ghost to prove I’m unstoppable. That my fate would never end like my dad’s. I needed that high, the added adrenaline. Now my body is completely depleted of it when I need it the most.

I ball my fists up in frustration and clench my jaw. I want to go back in time and kick my own ass. My old job had plenty of risk, so I don’t know why it was so important to chase after this. But this is one risk I never factored into the equation. I never thought I’d be in a position where I was separated from my team and relying on my beacon to save me. Before, people always knew where I was when trying to put out a building. Out here, I’m like a needle in a haystack, hoping someone pricks their finger on me and gets me the hell out of here.

I’ve always achieved whatever I set my mind to. If I want something, I get it. Mia, joining the department, becoming a smokejumper, all of it. But I think with success comes a level of invincibility. I’m always cautious on the job, but I don’t think I ever really thought this would be happening to me.

I’m a fucking dumbass.

I’ve experienced enough in life to know things don’t always go your way. When everything seems to be going good, there’s the possibility something will fuck it all up. Because that’s exactly what has happened. I’ve gone from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. From thinking life couldn’t get any better to wondering why this would happen to us. My only hope is that the low I’m in now will be followed by a high and I’ll get to see and hold my family again.

June, 21 2013

“Y
ou look gorgeous, by the way,” I tell Mia as she sits across the table from me in her simple black dress.

“Thank you,” she responds, her face lighting up with the compliment. As we’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed subtle changes in her appearance. Like the small lines around her eyes or mouth when she laughs, but she’s more stunning to me now than she was when we started dating eleven years ago.

“Are you ready to order this evening?” the server asks us.

“Yes,” I respond. We’ve been seated for about five minutes, so we’ve had time to look over the menu. “She’ll have the filet mignon, cooked medium, with a salad and seasonal vegetables. And I’ll have the same except for a loaded baked potato instead of vegetables.”

“Okay, would you guys care for any wine with your meal?”

I look at Mia. “Uh, no thanks,” she says.

“And for you, sir?” the server asks, looking up from his notepad.

“Nothing for me, thanks.” Drinking isn’t an issue for me anymore. I’ll have an occasional beer, but I don’t use it as a crutch.

“Okay, I’ll get that in for you then.” With that, he walks off, leaving us to our conversation again.

Mia checks her phone for the fifth time since we’ve been here. “She’s fine,” I reassure her.

“I know.” Her tone suggests otherwise.

“This isn’t the first time my mom has watched a baby, you know? Aubrey’s probably in bed already.” My mom flew in for the week to visit and help Mia out since my hours are normally crazy this time of year. She wasn’t really thrilled with the idea of me becoming a smokejumper. When I told her I wanted to be a firefighter, I could see the anxiety in her eyes. Despite trying to hide it, she was afraid. Hell, at first, so was I. Losing Dad changed all of us, but Mom’s never been one to hold me and my brother back from our goals. But the smokejumper thing was another story.

“Here, let me get that for you,” I tell Mom as I take the dishes from her. Dinner went better than I thought, and everyone’s reaction to our news seemed to be pretty positive. Still, I can tell something is off with Mom, like she wants to say something. “You can say it,” I tell her, breaking the silence as she goes about rearranging things on the kitchen counter.

“What?” She won’t meet my eyes, letting me know my suspicions are correct.

“I can tell you want to say something, so just say it.”

“Why, Blake? Why?” The look on her face damn near breaks me. There’s such devastation, as if I’m seeking to intentionally hurt her.

My shoulders slump forward, hating the feeling of disappointing her. “I can’t explain it; it’s just something I want to do.”

“That’s not a good explanation. There has to be more to it than that for you to uproot your family clear across the country.”

I let out a sigh. “It’s hard to explain, Mom.”

“Try. I need to understand this. I can’t see why you would want to add more risk to your job when you have a wife and baby at home waiting on you.”

I continue to rinse off the dishes to keep busy, needing something to do to refocus my energy. “I like the challenge.”

“What you do now isn’t challenging enough?” she asks incredulously.

I shake my head slightly. “No,” I say matter of factly. “These guys are the best of the best, the elite. But it’s not just about that. This provides more stability for me and my family.”

“How so? Jumping out of planes doesn’t scream stable to me.”

My mom isn’t normally such a ball buster. I’m actually shocked she’s giving me the third degree right now. “I get to be home more with my family this way. You know what the schedule is like at the department. I have to do twenty-four-hour shifts and sleep at the station. If there’s a call at the end of my shift, I have to stay over. Remember how much Dad was away?” She nods. “It won’t be that way anymore. Sure, the summers will be crazy, but the rest of the year will be cake.”

When I glance up at her, she’s staring, trying to process what I’ve said to her. “Okay, just be careful.”

“Always.”

“You’re right.” She blows out a cleansing breath with her eyes closed, bringing me back to the present. “No more checking my phone. I promise,” she says.

I smile my approval while grabbing her hand. “I know life is crazy right now, but I’m glad we’re able to spend our anniversary together.”

“Five years,” she reminisces.

“Five years since you were mine on paper, but this October makes twenty-three years since you were mine in my heart. Twenty-three years since I brought you home and had Mom make you a grilled cheese sandwich so you wouldn’t look so sad.”

A small smile forms on her face. “Seems like forever.”

“I was thinking it doesn’t seem long enough.” We stare into each other’s eyes, locked in our own bubble. “I don’t think you understand how happy you make me.” My thumb strokes the back of her hand. “I can’t imagine my life without you, and looking back, I don’t know how I survived the three years we were apart.”

“You make me happy too, Blake. I love our life and our little family.” Mia takes a sip of her water. “Speaking of family, I’ve been thinking . . .”

“Uh oh.”

“Ha ha,” she replies in a sarcastic tone. “What do you think about having another baby?” Her bottom lip goes between her teeth as she waits anxiously for my answer.

“Well, you know I’m always down for practicing.” I move my eyebrows suggestively and grin at her.

She scoffs and rolls her eyes. “Can you be serious for a second?”

“Okay, okay. All kidding aside, I wouldn’t mind having more kids. I’ll have however many you want, but I draw the line at a basketball team.” I hold my hand up and say, “Five’s my limit.”

“I’m glad you said that, because I’m pregnant,” she blurts out in a rush. My eyes widen in shock.

“Wh-what?” I shake my head slightly trying to process this. “How did this happen?”

She arches an eyebrow. “I think we both know
how
, Mr. Collins.”

Smart ass.

“I thought you were on the pill.”

“I am—or I was. I guess it didn’t work. I took a test yesterday, and it came up positive. I called the doctor and she calculated I was approximately six weeks based on my cycle, but she’ll be able to give a more definite answer when I see her next week.”

“Holy shit.” I hop up from my seat, walk around the table, and pull her up from her chair so I can wrap my arms around her tight. My face buries in her neck before peppering it with kisses. I pull back and look at her in awe. “My God, I love you.”

She smiles up at me, radiating from the inside out. “I love you too, but you’re causing a scene,” she whispers.

“Let them stare.” My breath fans against her lips before sealing them with mine once again. An older man at a table next to us clears his throat. Looking over at him, I say, “Sorry, sir, but I just found out my wife is having my baby. I couldn’t help myself.” The corners of his mouth turn up in a small smile. With a nod of his head, all is forgiven.