Firewall (Magic Born) (22 page)

Hayes stared at the ripples in the column, the bubbles and lines that traveled through it. Lizzie raised her arms, canting them slightly to the west. Vadim. Not only because of their deep connection, Hayes thought, but because the element he’d taken most closely matched what she was working with now.

“Emotion,” he said. “Everything in the streets right now. Rage, fear, all of it. She’s drawing on all of it.” And sending it to the circle.

“How long do you think she can do this?”

Hayes shook his head. “I don’t know but we better be ready to catch her.”

Chapter Twenty-Nine

A static-filled darkness enveloped Tuyet. She floated in it, barely aware of anything. Gradually some of the static grew louder. Indistinct shouts from vaguely familiar voices. She tried to reach for that familiarity, but pain lay between her and it. A sharp, searing kind of pain that sent her retreating to the black.

On the far edge of that black was a shade of blue she knew so well, it might have been painted on the inside of her soul. It was everything warm and safe and she flew toward it.

“
Finish the simulation.
I
have to go ice my shoulder.
”

“
Are you putting me on report?
”
She regretted the words as soon as they left her lips
,
but she wanted to know.
For more reasons than the obvious.

He stopped and half-turned to look back at her
,
one hand still massaging the sore shoulder.
“
Why the hell would I do that?
”

She shrugged.
“
Get me to stop beating you in the training sessions.
”
He was mocked for it
,
she knew.

A
hint of a smile curved his mouth.
“
I’d rather you beat the hell out of me here than get the hell beaten out of you out there.
”
He left the gym.

The first glimmer of respect for him lit within her.

The blue shifted back to black. Pain drilled into her, over and over. She would have screamed if she could have. Maybe somewhere, some part of her did. In a split second’s respite she found the blue again and ran.

His arms were a cage
,
his mouth a hot brand on her neck.
She wanted to sink into him and never leave.

“
How many guards on the door?
”
His breath fanned sensitive skin.

“
Four.
”
She ran her hand up his chest
,
pressing it against his crisp tuxedo shirt to feel the muscle underneath.
“
He’s gotta be keeping the drive in there.
”

“
I’ll take the big one.
”
He grinned as he kissed her
,
too soft
,
too light.
“
You take the other three.
”
He winked as he moved away.

One more minute like this
,
just one.
She grabbed his hand and pulled him back.
“
Oh
,
honey.
But you know I like to take the big one.
”

Heat flamed between them.
He gripped her hips
,
the silk of her dress sliding across her skin an unbearable replacement for the sensual touch she craved.
“
Mrs.
Jones
,
I
do believe you’re trying to drive me crazy.
”

Then his mouth was on hers
,
forcing her lips apart with his tongue.
Not that he ever had to use force
,
but something in her responded every time he held her hand in a tight
,
possessive grip.
Every time he kissed her just a little more roughly than
“
Mr.
Jones
”
really should have.
Every time he stood too close during a briefing or training session
,
knowing he should have kept his distance.
Some might have thought he was branding her with his touch
,
but she wondered if perhaps it was the other way around.
Did the desire he couldn’t fulfill drive him to always take things a step too far?

The press of his fingers burned through the dress as he tightened his hold on her hips.
He stroked his tongue against hers and her core melted into heat and an aching want.
She returned the kiss
,
giving him everything.
Everything that she could
,
that is.

Just another minute or two.

Pain slammed her out of the memory. Tuyet had come back into herself enough to realize that’s what she was experiencing—memories. Hayes. Blue eyes and a burning desire that left them both nothing but ash.

“Tuyet!” Her name echoed through her awareness. Not Hayes though. The voice was familiar, but too far on the other side of all that pain for her to make sense of it. It was safer here, in the warm cocoon of memory.

She returned to it, letting the blue wash over her. One stolen moment after another. Heated kisses. Laughter. His hands on her skin.

“—behind a hex field! Can you—”

Tuyet shied away from the voice, female this time. Images tilted and whirled around her, mostly Hayes but sometimes others. Hayes in the sun, his hair molten gold. At night, eyes darkened by moonlight. Standing in the snow, facing her.

The gun trembled in his hand.
“
Don’t do this.
”

“
It’s done
,”
she said.
“
I
fed a virus to the computer.
Every single record about me is being erased right now.
”

“
You can come back with me right now.
We can stop the virus
,
restore everything before anyone knows.
”

“
No.
”
She’d picked the most difficult
,
remote route out of the compound
,
hoping that and the late hour would give her a good head start.
He knew her well enough to figure out how she’d get out of the base
,
but how had he discovered her absence so quickly?
Unless he’d knocked on her door in the middle of the night for reasons she didn’t want to think about too much.
Unless he’d found not only her missing
,
but the things he’d given her.

She shook her head.
None of that mattered.
Anyone else she would have fought
,
but she didn’t want to lay a hand on him in anger.
Didn’t want it to end this way.
But then
,
there was nothing to end
,
was there?
They weren’t allowed to be together
,
could never acknowledge how they felt.
If she couldn’t have him
,
there was no point to staying.
Not when she was nothing more than a pawn.
“
I
won’t go back.
”

His face crumpled
,
eyes wet with unshed tears.
“
God damn it
,
Snow.
”
He lowered the gun.
“
Please.
”

The virus was her fail-safe.
It meant there’d be no turning back
,
no matter how he looked at her.
It cut her in two
,
seeing the agony in his face.
She’d tried so hard to convince herself he wouldn’t care
,
but she knew better.
“
I
can’t keep living like this.
I’m a prisoner.
You know that.
”

“
I
know.
”
He took a step forward.
She retreated.
He halted and raised his empty hand.
“
I
know this isn’t perfect.
”

A
flash of anger brought a poisonous magic to the surface that itched in her fingertips.
“
That is an insulting understatement.
”

“
I
know
,
I
know.
”
He holstered the gun and rubbed his face.
“
I
know it’s shit but it’s all we have.
”

“
You get to resign anytime you want.
Retire with a pension.
But me?
”
She tapped her chest.
“
I
get used up until I’m dead or worthless.
Dumped in a long-term care facility like Halif and forgotten.
Dumped in an unmarked grave and forgotten.
”
The words came out strangled
,
choked with tears.
She’d never shared these thoughts
,
these emotions
,
with him or anyone else.
It was a cathartic release but she hated it
,
knowing the words hurt him too.

“
I
could never forget you.
Snow
,
please
,
don’t leave me.
”

“
We can never be together.
”
It came out half sob
,
half scream.
“
There’s nothing to walk away from—we don’t have anything.
”
If she repeated it over and over
,
how long before it was true?

He rushed at her
,
catching her arms and pulling her close.
“
I
love you.
”
He kissed her forehead
,
her cheek.
“
I
love you.
”
Took her face in his hands and pressed a soft kiss to her lips.
“
I
love you
,
baby.
”
Another kiss
,
this time raw with hunger.

Snowflakes cooled her heated skin.
The headlight of his motorcycle filled the woods with light.
A
pack on the ground at her feet was all she had.
Its contents were all she’d planned to leave with.
She should have left the dragon and the book of poetry
,
but she couldn’t stand to part with them.
They were all of him she could have.
But they weren’t enough.
Not nearly enough.

“
Come with me
,”
she whispered.
“
We’ll disappear together.
No one will ever find us.
”

He froze.
“
Tuyet
,
I—
”
He shook his head.
“
You know I can’t.
”

She did know that
,
but something had made her ask anyway.
Right then she would have given anything to go back and strangle that impulse before it led her to speak.
Gently
,
she extricated herself from his embrace.

He put a hand on his upper-left arm
,
where his unit insignia was on the uniform underneath his coat.
“
This is who I am.
I
can’t change that.
”

The back of her throat burned with unshed tears.
“
I
know.
”
She laughed
,
the sound harsh and bitter in the quiet night.
“
I
thought you were the one with the freedom to do as you pleased.
Maybe you’re even more trapped than I thought I was.
”
She picked up her pack and slid her hand under the flap.

“
Please
,
Tuyet.
We can figure this out.
”

She closed her hand around the handle of the gun.
“
Arm or leg?
”

He screwed up his face in confusion.

“
They can’t think you let me get away.
”
But she would make sure any wound was little more than cosmetic.
She didn’t want to hurt him.

Hayes swore.
“
So you’re gonna leave me
,
and shoot me?
Go to hell
,
Caron.
”

Good
,
she wanted him angry.
Better angry than sad.
She leveled the gun at him.
“
Choose.
”

“
You choose.
”
He raised his hands at his sides in frustration.
Disbelief.
Hopefully anything other than the heartbreak twisting a destructive path through her.
“
You’re not giving me any other options here—why start now?
”

He wouldn’t look for her if he hated her
,
if he believed anything between them was well and truly over.
So she froze her heart as it broke
,
made her face a mask
,
and pulled the trigger.

The bullet hit right where she aimed
,
his upper-left arm.
Hopefully it shredded the God damn insignia.
He screamed a slew of vicious curse words
,
hand clamped over the wound.
Blood seeped over his fingers.
“
Damn it
,
Tuyet!
You shot me!
”

“
Don’t look for me.
”
She replaced the gun in the pack.
“
You won’t find me.
”
She climbed onto the V10 Panther Ultrabike and hotwired the engine with a push of magic.

“
First you shoot me
,
now you steal my bike?
”
He let loose with a strangled cry and a torrent of curses.
“
Don’t leave me out here in the woods to bleed to death!
”

That wouldn’t happen and they both knew it.
He just wanted to make her feel bad.
No way could he make her feel worse.
He had his training and his phone
,
that would be all he needed.
She revved the engine but it couldn’t drown out his last words to her.

“
Say it!
Say it just once before you turn your back on me!
You fucking coward
,
say it just once!
”

If she said it
,
would he hold out hope?
Miss her
,
think about her?
She wanted him to be happy
,
to have the kind of life they couldn’t have together.
So she left the clearing and didn’t look back
,
and when she came to the highway and paused to check her route
,
she whispered the words he wanted to hear.

“
I
love you
,
Dale.
”

Pain crashed over Tuyet in long, drawn-out waves. It dissolved the memories into little more than smoke, floating away, escaping her grasp. Emptiness all around her; there was nothing to hold on to but the pain. An endless nothing, or endless pain. Tuyet slipped closer to the void. It was better than feeling all of this, better than missing Hayes with every breath. Hadn’t there been enough pain? A blast of energy cut through the black. It carried no pain, no memories, not even the promise of oblivion. Just magic. It rattled her into awareness, her head immediately screaming with voices.