Fireman Dad (14 page)

“I
come bearing gifts.” Liz breezed through the door of the fire station and set a platter of brownies on the coffee table, pausing to dump her purse on the end of the couch.

Jacob shut the door behind her. “Thanks, Liz. What did we do to deserve this?” She didn’t owe the fire department anything, that was for sure. Jacob pushed away the familiar negativity that would only turn his good day black. He wanted to bask in the positive memories of Marissa at his house last night, not dwell on the things he couldn’t change.

Although, really, at this point they were all one and the same.

Steve sat upright from his sprawled position on the couch and plucked a piece of baked chocolate from the tray. “Did Jacob ever tell you the last woman who brought him brownies at work—”

Jacob silenced Steve with a swift kick to his shin.

“Ow.” Brownie crumbs sprayed as Steve rubbed the offending spot on his leg. He winked at Liz. “You make one measly joke around here and—”

“We’ll be outside,” Jacob interrupted. “Try to save
me at least one brownie.” He steered Liz outside to the bay, where the freshly washed trucks were parked, unwilling for Liz to hear the dish on his former dates and even more unwilling for Steve to hear whatever it was Liz came to say. Because as sweet as his sister-in-law was, she had a motive that had nothing to do with the full bellies of her local fire crew.

“Spill it.” Jacob crossed his arms over his chest and waited.

“Spill what? I had the urge to bake last night, that’s all. I’m on my way to work at Your Special Day and thought I’d drop some treats here first.” Liz gestured to her car parked in the driveway outside the open bay door. “I have a pan in the backseat for Marissa to take home to Owen.”

“So you just happened to come here, on your way to see Marissa, and have no ulterior motives?” Jacob steadied his gaze on Liz, and sure enough, she started shifting under the scrutiny.

She huffed. “Fine, have it your way. You know I can’t lie.”

“And my brother is extra appreciative of that.” Jacob chuckled. “So what gives?”

“I’m worried about you both.” All traces of humor fled from Liz’s eyes, replaced with a heavy veil of concern. “Marissa is good for you, and you’re good for her. I know I said I’d back off the matchmaking but this is more serious than that. You guys need each other.”

“And you think the fact that we’re not together is my fault?” Jacob jabbed his chest, frustration jetting up his spine. “Why don’t you give this speech to Marissa?”

“I plan to.” Liz crossed her arms and stared up at Jacob. “After I’m done with you.”

“I’m trying, Liz. What more do you want from me?
What more does Marissa want from me?” Jacob threw his arms out to the sides. “Because obviously my flowers, compliments and cookie bouquets aren’t enough. I thought last night after the festival volunteer meeting that we’d had a moment, a connection. But apparently—”

“You did.” Liz’s quiet confirmation jolted Jacob into silence. “When she came to pick up Owen, it was all over her face. But she was upset. I think she’s fighting her feelings for you.”

“Then why are you picking on me? I’m not hiding mine.”

“Because you need to try harder.”

“Well, I’m afraid my wallet can’t stand many more attempts at ‘courtship,’ as you called it.” Jacob snorted. A brisk wind blew through the open bay door and cooled his rising temper. He rubbed his temples with both fingers and exhaled a stress-laden breath. “What would you suggest if you were in my shoes? I’m running out of options. I can’t push her too far.”

The breeze ruffled the ends of Liz’s curly hair, pulled back out of her face with a clip. “I don’t think you have all the pieces of the puzzle.”

“Then enlighten me, please.” Jacob leaned back against the fender of one of the trucks.

Liz hesitated, her fingers nervously twirling the wedding ring on her left hand. The rotating diamond flashed in the sun streaming through the doors, and Jacob was once again reminded of his responsibilities to his family. After Ryan was let go, Liz had offered to pawn her ring for grocery money. If not for Jacob stepping in, she might have done it despite Ryan’s protests. Some of Jacob’s frustration melted away as he studied Liz. She meant well—she always did. She just had control freak tendencies that were often displayed in the
most inconvenient ways—like toward his love life. But at this point, he was so desperate he’d do anything to win Marissa’s heart and affection—even involving the infamous matchmaker.

“If she hasn’t given you the pieces, I’m not sure it’s my place to do so.”

Jacob let out an exaggerated gasp. “You? Keep a secret?”

“It’s not a secret,” Liz protested. “Just not my information to share.”

“You can’t tell me I’m missing something and not tell me what.” Jacob shoved his hands in his pants pockets. “Come on, Liz. This is important.”

The toe of her boot tapped incessantly against the concrete floor and he waited.
Tap, tap, tap.
She opened her mouth, then closed it.
Tap, tap, tap.
Her wedding ring twirled faster, until Jacob’s curiosity built to the bursting point. “Liz!”

“Marissa’s late husband was a fireman. He died in the line of duty.” The words blurted from her lips but that was all Jacob heard as the rest of the station sounds evaporated into a deafening silence. Blood pulsed in his ears, giving him the sensation of being underwater. Fireman … fireman … fireman … The word echoed in his brain, until he closed his eyes in a useless effort to drown it out. He’d just thought Marissa’s dad was his obstacle. Now he was up against a late husband and an entire marriage of memories.

Any hope he had of convincing Marissa to give him a chance disappeared into the afternoon shadows now filling the bay.

“Thanks again for the brownies.” Marisa took a big bite and wiped her hands on her pants, glad she’d worn
work jeans to the office today. She checked her fingers for chocolate stains before flipping through the pages of the planner opened on her lap. “They were just the pick-me-up I needed after scheduling those two anniversary parties.”

Liz perched on the edge of Marissa’s desk and tapped the planner with her finger. “How will you manage pulling those off with the festival, too?”

“These clients were very clear on what they wanted, so it’s not a lot of creative work. I can still focus on the festival, and after Saturday, I can move my attention to the new parties.” Marissa finished her brownie and shrugged. “I can’t turn away the money right now. I’ve already lost a little on this because of the discount—” She stopped abruptly and heat flooded her neck.

“I know you’re sacrificing your time you could be spending on other events to do the festival.” Liz offered a grateful smile. “I can’t tell you how much that means to us.”

Marissa brushed off Liz’s gratitude with a wave of her hand. “Don’t think twice about it. Here, you can help me file if it makes you feel better.” She grinned and handed Liz half the stack of invoices that needed to be stored in the filing cabinet.

Liz took the pile and began to sort it. “Olivia can’t stop talking about the festival. She’s really looking forward to the chalk boxes the artist is drawing up.”

“I’m hoping those will be a big hit,” Marissa agreed. “Although Owen will probably be determined to draw a fire truck in his.” She sighed, not willing to delve into that unsavory topic yet again. Owen kept talking about Jacob at home—and in the car, and at church, and pretty much at every other waking moment. Which was only fair since Jacob was invading her thoughts almost as
often. She forced a smile—and a change of subject. “So how did Ryan’s interview go last week?”

“He hasn’t heard yet, but he’s hopeful.” Liz thumbed through the stack in her lap. “It was a little weird being at the station, to be honest.”

Marissa raised her eyebrows, pausing in her attempt to alphabetize the stack in her lap. “The station?”

“I took brownies to the guys at work before I came here.” Liz lifted her shoulders in a shrug and exhaled. “It’d be hard to just suddenly stop baking and caring for those guys, you know? They’re like family—were. Are.” Her lips twisted into a humorless smile. “It’s complicated now.”

“I wouldn’t know.” The bitterness in her own voice startled Marissa, and she hoped Liz wouldn’t notice. She quickly yanked open the A–D file drawer and pushed an invoice into the proper slot. Yet she could feel Liz’s heavy gaze on her back.

“You weren’t involved with Kevin’s department?” Surprise filtered through Liz’s voice. “I thought that was one of the best parts of being a fireman’s wife—getting to visit them at work, take the kids to see Daddy, bring snacks.”

“I was pregnant and then raising a baby practically alone in another part of the state, so it was a little difficult to do anything extra. Kevin never had family, either.” Marissa hesitated. “He didn’t really want me to get involved, anyway. Said the guys would just check me out.”

Liz chuckled. “Well, you can’t fault a man for protecting his wife.”

“Something like that.” More like Kevin just preferred keeping his professional and personal lives completely separate—a fact that became more obvious when he
began choosing work over his family and never letting the two mesh. “Anyway, I guess that was a good thing after the way everything ended. I didn’t get attached and was able to move on without even more grief.”

“I can only imagine.”

“You really miss it, don’t you?” Marissa studied her compassionate, generous friend with new eyes. “You were more involved in Ryan’s career than I realized.”

“I think even more than I realized myself.” Liz laughed. She shoved a file folder into the cabinet and shut the drawer with a solid click. “But sometimes the joys of life are a risk. Friendships, working relation-ships … romantic relationships.”

Marissa gripped her stack of papers with tense knuckles. Liz’s overly nonchalant voice would have been a dead giveaway, even if her words weren’t. “You’re not going to win any subtlety contests, you know.”

“Listen, Marissa, I think you and Jacob are the ideal match.” Liz’s no-nonsense yet encouraging tone tamped the defensiveness rising in Marissa’s chest. “I know you have a bad history with firemen, honey, but I didn’t say that about risks being worth it for nothing. It’s true.”

“You think I’m being overly cautious.”

“Maybe. But I haven’t walked in your shoes.” Liz peered over the edge of the desk at Marissa’s white sneakers. “Actually, they look pretty comfortable.”

Marissa snorted. “I get what you’re saying. But if I’m not ready, I’m not ready.”

“Just don’t listen to yourself say that for longer than it’s true.”

She frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I’m guessing that’s been your mantra for a while.” Liz filed the last of her invoices and shrugged. “Maybe you should try convincing yourself you are ready.”

“Maybe I could say I’m ready about dating.” Marissa nibbled on her lower lip. “But not a fireman again.”
Never again.
For some reason, though, the typical rush of emotion didn’t accompany the thought. Had she become numb to the idea?

Or was it beginning to take root?

No!
Marissa slammed the last file drawer closed. She couldn’t even think that. Liz didn’t understand the danger. No one did. Like Liz said, they hadn’t walked in her shoes. They didn’t know how badly her fears ached, how deep the pain ran.

“So you’re saying if Jacob had another job, you’d date him?” Liz crossed her arms over her chest and leveled her gaze on Marissa.

“Maybe.” The answer felt like a lie, since a resounding
yes
was aching to burst from her heart.

“Every job has danger to it. You can get hurt crossing the street, Marissa. We can’t control everything—or really, anything. But a fireman is not guaranteed to get hurt. Look at your dad. He’s enjoyed a full career and is near retirement.”

Not the best example. Marissa closed her eyes against the headache forming in her skull and sighed. “I hear you, I do. But it’s not just about the danger. It’s the entire lifestyle. You saw that Jacob had to leave right in the middle of Olivia’s party. If a fire doesn’t kill him physically, that pager will destroy everything else.” Like family. Marriage. Commitments. Marissa swallowed the lump rising in her throat and opened her eyes to find Liz’s sympathetic gaze riveted on her. “Thanks for being a good friend. But this isn’t an easy fix.”

“I don’t mean to push. I just want you and my brother-in-law to be happy—whether that’s together, or separately.” Liz handed Marissa the plate of brownies and
grinned. “I think we’ve burned off sufficient emotional calories. Take the big one.”

No kidding. Marissa grabbed the brownie and took a big bite, not even caring about the crumbs that dropped onto her planner. At this point, chocolate stains would be the least of her problems.

It was a good thing they hadn’t got called out in the past two hours, because Liz’s words still rang so heavy in Jacob’s brain he could think of nothing else. He stirred the beef stew simmering on the stove in the station kitchen, grateful it was his night to cook and not Steve’s. He could hide in the kitchen and breathe in the savory fumes of the soup until his head cleared. No wonder Marissa carried such reservations about starting a relationship with him. Not only was her father an obvious factor in her hesitations, but she was a widow because of the fire department.

Because of his job.

The hopelessness that had ridden on his shoulders ever since Liz’s declaration seemed to suddenly weigh heavier than ever before. Jacob set the wooden spoon on the counter and sighed. Talk about an impasse. Now he wasn’t just facing the threat of ticking off the chief by falling for his daughter—he was facing the giant obstacle of convincing Marissa that the career he loved wouldn’t leave her alone again.

And that was a promise he wasn’t qualified to make.

Jacob wasn’t oblivious to the perils of his job, but he didn’t dwell on them, either. He was highly trained and certified, and beyond that, his life was in God’s hands. Obviously Marissa hadn’t come to terms with that yet since her own brush with tragedy. Although he supposed the emotions involved were quite different once a child
was in the picture. He thought of Owen’s sweet smile and messy hair. He wanted to be there 24-7—for Owen and Marissa both. He wanted to be the boy’s hero every day and not just because of his career.