Firebird (The Flint Hills Novels) (27 page)

"After all you've been through and he brings her kid to live with you."

"Her name is Eliana."

"Odd name, isn't it?"

Katie Anne bristled.

"I think it's a pretty name."

"Okay, it's a tragedy, I know, but the point is, every time he looks at her he's gonna think of her mother."

"Her mother's dead."

"Yeah, and ghosts make pretty stiff competition."

Katie Anne shot her a glance, thinking she had, for once, said something perceptive.

"That woman stole him away from you. Have you forgotten that?"

"No, I haven't, but I think Eliana's needs are more important than old rivalries."

"Wow, have you ever changed your tune. I remember you used to tell me there was only one thing you wanted in life, and that was to be Ethan Brown's wife, and you'd do anything it took to get him to the altar."

"Did I say that?"

"Yes, you did."

"Well, I got him. So what's the fuss?"

"Honey, I'm just trying to say it's not going to be easy. You can't afford to have a rival now."

"I'm certainly not going to be winning any beauty contests, if that's what you're implying."

"I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, honey, I'm just being honest. Why don't you send the girl back to Paris to her dad? Where is her dad anyway? Does she even
have
a father?"

"Patti, I know you mean well, but this is upsetting me."

"Okay," Patti said, and abruptly stood up. "I'm only trying to be your friend."

"I know."

But Patti was offended now, and she picked up her purse and pulled her jean jacket from the back of the chair. Her jaw was set in a grim, hard expression that made her look coarse. Patti could be great fun, but she was a very small-minded woman, and Katie Anne wondered why it had never bothered her before today.

"Thanks for coming," Katie Anne said, but Patti was already gone, out the door.

Katie Anne let a few days go by, and then she sent Patti a message explaining that the treatments were leaving her very tired, and she was going to have to forgo the pleasure of friends' visits for a while. She didn't tell Ethan about her change of heart, and during the long weeks in the hospital she continued to keep her feelings to herself. She wanted to protect a part of her that was as delicate as new skin, and create, out of this quietude, a new person. She was seeing the world differently, and she had to form opinions and attitudes, and question everything all over again. She wore her ideas tentatively, and she had to look closely at herself to decide if this was really her, if it felt right, if it fit. She found she was abandoning old attitudes and notions, and with this realization came a troubling awareness of her own fragility.

Her parents had given her a religious education, but she'd turned away from it years ago; now she missed a higher power that she could turn to, in rage or in thanks, for despite the turmoil in her heart, she was keenly aware of having been given a twelfth-hour gift of life.

The thoughts that hovered in her mind more persistently than any other were thoughts about Eliana. Ethan didn't seem to want to talk about the child, and when she asked questions, he clammed up.

"Tell me about her room. What does it look like now? Did you take down Kobe?"

"Yeah."

"Where did you take her shopping?"

"Target, like you suggested."

"I hope you weren't stingy. You can be terribly stingy about those things."

"She didn't want a whole lot."

"Did you get her a bedspread like I said?"

"Tried to, but all the girls' stuff was pink, and she doesn't like pink."

"What did she say she wanted?"

"Couldn't get much out of her."

"I bet she'd like Lion King or 101 Dalmatians."

"What makes you say that?"

"Because Jer said she likes animals. Ask her. Look at the Disney Store online. Sit down with her and do it together."

He smiled at her. A real, warm smile. "Where's all this expertise coming from?"

"Doesn't take an expert. I didn't like pink, either."

"You do now."

"Yeah. The girly-girl in me finally won out."

She returned his smile the best she could.

"Are you getting her to school on time?"

"Yep."

"Where does she go for lunch?"

"She walks over to Nell's."

"Why don't you take her out sometime? Go pick her up and take her to lunch. She'd like that."

"I don't think she feels very comfortable around me anymore."

"Well, you broke her mother's heart."

Ethan noticed there wasn't a trace of malice in her voice.

Chapter 28

Nevertheless, Ethan's mistrust ran deep; Katie Anne's deception festered in the back of his mind, and he suspected her of cunning and deviousness at every turn. He and Jer spent many evenings arguing the matter, but nothing could be said to change his mind. Jer continued to hold out that Katie Anne's tragic experience had brought about a radical change of attitude; his belief was also shared by Katie Anne's parents, who sensed that a vague distance had settled between them and their child. She had always confided openly to them, particularly her father, but now she kept to herself. They knew very little of the workings of her mind and heart, and it troubled them.

In late June, after two months of rehabilitation, she was released from the hospital. Her parents wanted her to stay with them, knowing that Ethan would be working during the days, and she would be alone, with Eliana to care for. But Katie Anne wanted to go home, and home was Ethan. She would manage fine.

* * *

She was quiet in the truck that day as they drove the long straight stretch of interstate. Ethan had thrown up his intellectual smokescreen and was carrying on about an editorial he'd read that morning in the
New York Times
; this was how he responded to awkward moments, using words like bludgeons to silence the emotions, and after a while Katie Anne simply said, "Ethan, let's just have a bit of quiet, can we?" Then she turned to the window and gazed silently at the prairie.

Everything looked very fresh and new to her; all the outdoors struck her with a marvelous clarity and luminosity. And even Ethan was forced to acknowledge that her silence was rooted in serenity rather than awkwardness—the way her hands lay quietly in her lap, how she turned her head slowly in response to his questions. Before today he had thought it was the pain that made her move like this, but now he thought otherwise.

"I'll just sit on the steps for a while," she said as he helped her out of the truck. She walked with a cane, and she lowered herself gently onto the top step. Traveler came around the house and raced up to greet her. He wagged and wiggled and licked her hands, and she smiled and scratched him behind the ears and under his chin.

"Hey, you recognize me, don't you? Smart dog. Smarter than all these bozos around here."

Ethan remembered the only other moment he had ever seen her pet the dog: the night when he had left her.

"Where's Eliana?" she asked, looking up at him.

Her face had healed well; there was still a discoloration of the skin on one side, and her hair was growing back unevenly. She wore a black scarf around her head to cover her missing ear. Ethan noticed with a sudden pang of pity that she was wearing just a touch of color on her lips and cheeks, and he remembered how she always used to labor so attentively over her makeup, agonizing over the color of her lipstick or eye shadow.

She turned away, suddenly self-conscious under his gaze. She had been able to cope well in the hospital, surrounded by nurses and doctors who had only known her like this, but her heart sank whenever Ethan looked at her.

"I'm not too easy on the eyes, am I?"

"It's not that," he lied. "It's Traveler. You never took to him before."

"Yeah, well, that was my loss, wasn't it, fella," she said to the dog. Stroking him, she found a burr on his stomach, and she rolled him over on his back and began working it out of his fur. The dog laid there patiently, trusting.

"Where's Eliana?" she asked again as she tossed the burr into the yard.

"I don't know where she is. Jer's truck's here. Maybe they're in the stables."

She pulled herself up with the help of the porch railing and steadied herself with the cane. "I'll go take a look."

She met Jer coming out of the stables. A big grin broke out on his face when he saw her and he spread his arms wide.

"Hey, girl," he said.

"Hi, friend."

"Can I hug you?"

"Have you ever known me to refuse a hug?"

He folded his arms gently around her and she laid her head on his chest.

"Oh, Jer, you feel so good," she whispered as she slipped her arms around him. Ethan hadn't shown her this much affection in months, and with a sudden chill she knew it would be a long time before he would touch her again.

"You look great," Jer said. "Real smart with that scarf on your head."

"Where is she?"

"Eliana?"

"Yeah."

"She's out there brushin' down Big Mike. We just came in from a ride."

"Did she know I was coming home today?"

"Yeah."

"What'd she say?"

"Nothin'. The kid's not much of a talker. At least not anymore."

* * *

At the entrance to the stables, Katie Anne closed her eyes and breathed in the sharp odor of animal, straw and leather. She walked through the stables talking to her horses, one by one, stroking their heads and velvety muzzles. Big Mike was tied up at the end of the corridor, and she found Eliana spreading fresh hay in his stall. She had never spoken to the child before this moment.

"Ethan says you've been helping him muck out the stalls."

Eliana didn't look up. "Yeah," she said.

"Not much fun, is it?"

"I like it," Eliana replied. She kept her eyes down.

"Then you're a good horsewoman."

When the child didn't reply, she said, "I'm Katie Anne. But you can call me Annie."

There was something about the way she said it that made Eliana pause and turn. She was leaning on a cane, and although her voice was gentle and young, she seemed somehow very old.

"I know," Eliana replied.

"I'm glad you're all right. I was worried about you," she said. Eliana found it a little odd that this strange woman should be worried about her, but she said nothing. She picked up a bucket of manure and lugged it to the big wheelbarrow outdoors, then finished spreading the fresh straw very evenly. When the stall was neat and clean she brought in the horse and stood on a stool to remove his halter.

"You really love that little guy, don't you?" Katie Anne said.

"More than anyone in the world. Him and Traveler."

"Two very worthy creatures."

Eliana closed the stall door and carried the halter to the front of the barn and stood on her tiptoes to hang it up with the rest of the tack, and she called back to Katie Anne from the door.

"I'm going to the house now."

"You go on. I think I'll stay out here for a while," Katie Anne replied.

"Okay."

"Ethan's grilling steaks tonight."

"Is Jer still here?"

"Yeah. He's staying the night. He said he's the only one who knows how to make breakfast the way you like it."

Eliana didn't know what else to say, so she turned and walked back to the house. To her surprise, she'd felt at ease in the woman's presence, and her face wasn't all that bad. Not what she'd expected. What Eliana particularly liked was that the woman hadn't tried to be overly friendly or ask her a lot of boring questions. She just seemed to want to be there with the horses. Eliana thought that was okay, and she skipped all the way back to the house.