Fire and Ice: Rekindled (The Fire and Ice Series Book 2) (11 page)

Chapter Sixteen

Hailey

Rousing from my sleep, I could feel the bright morning
sunlight filtering through my eyelids. I refused to open them. My mind was
foggy and I wanted to drift back into dreamland. Pulling the covers up over my
face, I snuggled deep into the pillow next to me, hoping to have Kellan's
signature scent waft over me. I slid my hand to the other side of the bed,
seeking out the warmth of his skin. The sheets next to me were cool, and the
space empty.

My eyes suddenly popped open and I sat upright as the
realization dawned on me that I was still wearing my lingerie, untouched, and
my bedroom was empty. Kellan! Oh, God, it was all coming back to me now. I'd
fallen asleep last night, and he'd never made his way back over.

I threw myself back against my pillow, wanting to curl up
into a ball and become invisible for the day. Or the rest of the week...a month
tops. Sighing deeply, I wanted to kick myself for daring to hope that Kellan
would make good on his promise to return last night. No doubt, he'd probably
gotten tied up at the bar, and I was surely only an afterthought, one he
clearly didn't intend to follow through with. He's failed me time and
again...why would I think this time would be any different?

Though I felt defeated, I realized I needed to get up and
face the day. I had work today, and Georgia was right- it would be best to just
ignore him.
Easier said than done
.

Throwing the covers off myself, I suddenly felt ashamed as I
looked over my attire. The outfit certainly looked more appealing in the glow of
the candles. Seemingly, my thigh-gap had disappeared since I’d last donned the
attire, which was a few months back when I’d tried it on in the dressing room.
I had planned to wear it for Jordan for our annivers… I frowned at the thought
of wearing the garments for someone they weren’t originally intended for.

Taking in a deep, cleansing breath, I resolved to purge the
insidious thought from my mind before I let it take me down a dark path. I
quickly slid from my bed, shed the ridiculous outfit, haphazardly grabbed for a
comfy t-shirt and yoga pants, and slid them on as I huffed out an irritable
breath.

I noted the time on the clock next to my bedside table...6:45
a.m. I'd fallen asleep fairly early and seemingly, had slept soundly, as I was
beginning to feel rejuvenated. It was early enough to get a good jog in, and
maybe that's just what I needed to clear my head. I'd always been quite
disciplined in my daily exercise routine until I'd started classes and my
schedule had become too demanding to keep up with it. But classes were over for
the summer, and the time off would give me an opportunity to jump back into my
old regimen...providing I could get my butt out of bed early enough to stick to
it; I had been working long hours lately, and felt like I could fall asleep at
the drop of a hat. No, I couldn't think that way. I needed to pick myself up
off the ground and get back in shape, if for no other reason than my own
sanity.

Running had always brought me peace and solitude, clearing
my mind, if only for an hour or so. The first step is always the hardest, and I
was declaring to myself that I'd take that first step of many steps to follow,
starting immediately- but first I needed some coffee...and a good tooth
brushing. Looking into the mirror that adorned my dresser, I groaned as I
caught a glimpse of my matted hair and smudged make-up. I would need to freshen
up a bit before I hit the pavement. I can't believe I had gotten all dolled up,
stupidly thinking Kellan had any intentions of returning last night.
Damn you Kellan Haines!

Quickly shoving my anger to the far corner of my mind, I
shuffled my feet as I trudged towards the bathroom. As I stepped into the
hallway, my eyes widened and I let out an audible gasp as I found Kellan
standing there, facing the wall, and studying the picture of Jordan and me on
our wedding day.

His eyes never wavered from the photo as he said solemnly,
"You were happy."

I was confused to see him standing in my home. My mind began
to reel with questions. Had he just gotten here? Had he come last night after
all? If so, why didn't he wake me? And why was he blankly staring at my
picture?

He appeared deep in thought and I had no idea what was going
through his mind. My curiosity quickly began to override my anger towards him
as I tentatively moved to stand beside him, turning to inspect the photo
myself. A flood of emotions washed over me as my memory slipped back in time,
recanting the joyous day the picture had been taken. Reminiscing, I replied
simply, "Yes...we were."

Kellan raised his hand to stroke the photo, snapping me out
of my self-indulging moment. His eyes glued to the picture, he stated, "
He
made you happy." He turned his
head to face me, peering deeply into my eyes as he whispered, "I couldn't
do that for you."

What was going through his mind? Where was he going with
this? I stepped fractionally closer to him, a small smile forming on my lips as
I gently linked my hand with his, saying softly, "Kellan, I
am
happy. So last night didn't go as
planned, but..."

Dropping his hand from mine, he furrowed his brow and
quickly interjected, "Don't you understand?"

My voice came out shaky as I shook my head, replying,
"No, I don't understand. I thought...I thought last night..." My
voice trailed off as we stood staring at each other in silence for what seemed
like minutes, but in reality was only a few seconds.

Sighing in frustration, Kellan broke his gaze from mine and
peered past me, over my shoulder, as if it pained him to look me in the eye.
His voice rose as he continued, "Last night was like a dream for me. But
dreams are just that...
dreams
. But
then you wake up and you're back to reality; and the reality is, I'll never be
able to make you smile like he did. I could never measure up..."

Bringing his eyes back to mine, worry etched on his face, I
knew I had to put a stop to this nonsense. With determination in my voice, I
said, "What are you talking about? Jordan's gone! It's not a competition.
I
am
happy...or at least I was ten
seconds ago- why can't you see that?"

His eyes became vacant. He was evaporating...
we
were evaporating right before my
eyes. Numbly he said, "I can only cause you pain, Hailey."

Tears welled up in my eyes and a lump formed in my throat.
This is how he coped when he got too close to the fire. He would run, he would
allow himself to become a martyr to preserve the memories of his own perceived
failures.

My throat tightened, as I pled, "Please don't do this
to us, Kellan."

Though he remained anchored to his spot in front of me, I
could feel his presence fading. With a sad expression, he implored, "Don't
make this any harder than it already is."

I resented his lack of confidence in us and it had my anger
rising as I fought back the tears that threatened to flow over onto my hot
cheeks. He needed a wake-up call, and I couldn't let my fear of losing him get
in the way of what he needed to hear.

Throwing my hands in the air, I huffed out in exasperation,
"Don't make this any
harder
? On
who? You or me?" I spun around to face away from him, running my fingers
through my knotted hair, and began pacing the hallway. "If you don't love
me, just say it..." I managed through a strangled sob.

"I never said..." Snapping my eyes to meet his, he
quickly looked away as his words trailed off. He dropped his head to stare at
the floor and ran his hand through his already mussed hair. He was resigning to
defeat. "I...I'm not the man for you," he stammered.

"
Please
Kellan,"
I begged.

As he straightened his shoulders, his gaze became cold, and
distant, as he said numbly, "We both know it's the truth." His face
remained statuesque as he continued, "Look, I have to go." Gathering
up his jacket, he quickly strode out the door, slamming it behind him as I
flinched, staring after him in shock. My hand flew to my mouth; muffling my
cries as I wept, realizing he didn't have to go...he was gone long before I
stepped into the hallway just moments ago. I had been wrong- so, so wrong. Last
night wasn't a dream...it was an illusion.

******

Hailey

Here I am...right back where I started. I should know better
by now not to expose my heart to Kellan. Maybe he's right. Maybe he's not the
man for me; maybe he can only cause me pain. Every time I put my heart on the
line for him, he treats it like a novelty; like a new puppy that you want to
cradle and can't get enough of. But when the shininess wears off, he can't deal
with the responsibility. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, and for
what? To be rejected over and over again by him?

As my sobs begin to subside, I swipe furiously at my tears,
quickly attempting to shove Kellan far out of my mind.
No, no, no!
I can't think this way. I need him...I've needed him
since the day we met. And he needs me too; he wouldn't have come back to
Chambers if he didn't. I internally wrestle with wanting to pummel him, and
feeling the need to run to him and force him to take stock of the opportunity
for us to be together.

He's lying...he's lying to himself, and me. He can't keep
destroying the future by running from the past, and what happened between us in
the past needs to be resolved if we stand any chance of having a future. I
refuse to let him just run away again. He needs to be a man and face his
insecurities once and for all. I need to call him before he disappears too far
into his own mind. I know I can turn this around for us, because I
believe
in us. I just need to make him
believe it too.

I let my hands fall to my sides as I shook them out and
rolled my neck as if I were preparing for a boxing match. I headed towards my
bedroom to retrieve my phone. Knowing Kellan, this
would
most likely turn into a fight...one I didn't plan to lose
this time.

Chapter Seventeen

Kellan

Seeing the pain I'd caused in Hailey's eyes this morning had
me wanting to jump off a bridge into oncoming traffic. I knew Georgia had left
her a message last night, and I knew Hailey hadn't listened to it yet. Whether
Georgia had called back to set the record straight was irrelevant; I knew deep
down Hailey would never forgive me. And I don't blame her; the last thing she
needs on her plate is my fucked up mess of a life, and I don't deserve her. The
break was clean, and I'm hoping it heals quickly so she can move on with her
life. If I weren't so fucking selfish, this whole disaster never would've
happened in the first place.

Right now, I need to focus on the bar. People's jobs are on
the line, not just mine. Successful bars only remain that way if they are
consistently bringing in new customers, while keeping the current customers
coming back for more. This is the express reason I hired Ashes To Ashes. They
have an amazing following, and gain new fans all the time. This is a win-win
for both of us. The last thing I want to have to contend with is Leila on a
regular basis, but I didn't hire the band to make friends, I hired them to make
money. A little twinge of excitement courses through me at the thought that
I'll actually profit money off of that bubble head, providing she's as good as
they say she is.

As far as her story and threats, I don't believe a goddamn
word of it. The kid could be a figment of her fucked up, delusional imagination
for all I know. But I don't know- nor do I care to. I wouldn't put it past
Leila to have run this game on any number of sad saps. I'll give her credit for
pulling out the sympathy card with the rehab bullshit. It may have worked for
her in the past, but I'm not buying what she's selling. I've known plenty of
women that suddenly became 'pregnant' when they were desperate. It has to be
one of the oldest scams in the book. Well fuck her, I may be an asshole, but
I'm not a goddamn idiot. What? Do I have 'Charitable Aid' written on my
forehead? Fuck no- if she's looking for a payout, she can take her lies back to
the trailer court and go door to door with that shit.

******

Hailey

I'd listened to Georgia's messages at least a dozen times.
They were contradictory to one another; the first being a furious rant about
Kellan knocking up some bimbo, and the next a feeble attempt to take back her
own words. But instead of them contorting my mind into a mess of mixed
emotions, they brought clarity to it. Every memory, every word spoken and look
exchanged, every taste, touch, and promise was tarnished like a decades old
penny, and worth even less. Once a liar, always a liar. If I had to guess, he
was probably screwing her behind my back all along. Kellan never could
understand the concept of not having your cake and eating it too. Who
knows...somewhere in his mind I'm sure he has already justified his actions
with little to no regard for anyone but himself.

Why I have perpetually let myself get ensnared into his
atrocity of a life is beyond me. But those days are over...he'll be starting a
new chapter in his life, and I'll be closing the book on the one between us.
Us...
There never was an ‘us’. He'd have
to care about someone else more than he cares about himself for that to happen,
and it ain't gonna happen. Not in this lifetime. He destroys everyone and
everything around him, and I'll be damned if I'll be his doormat ever again. I
can only hope he'll take responsibility for his...for the child. The child
doesn't deserve to be deserted because his father can't get his own shit
together. Then again, maybe the poor kid is better off without Kellan- a simple
monthly check and a yearly card on his birthday may save him from his own life
of anguish. Right now, Kellan's probably thinking this kid is the worst thing
that's ever happened to him, when in reality, I can't help but think it's most
likely the other way around.

As I'd suspected, shortly after I'd listened to Georgia's
messages, she promptly began to blow up my phone for hours. I effectively
ignored her numerous calls and texts, and to my surprise, she didn't show up at
my front door. I came into work, like any other day, and Kellan and I awkwardly
sidestepped each other throughout my entire shift, neither of us mentioning
what had happened. Georgia showed up early for her shift in hopes of getting
some time to talk to me alone. But when she'd brought the subject up, I harshly
put a stop to any further talk of the matter. Based on the brevity of our
conversation, I think I made myself perfectly clear, and she hasn't mentioned
it since.

That was four days ago, and I've spent most of my time
during my shifts keeping busy with mundane tasks when I'm not serving the
customers. Today has been no different. Kellan and I seem to be doing a pretty
good job at dancing around each other, though I'm sure the tension between us
has not gone unnoticed by the staff. It's not hard to guess what they're all
whispering about when they become silent every time I walk in on their
conversations. I'm trying not to let it get the best of me, but I just want to
yell, "Don't you people have anything better to do than gossip about my
pathetic life?"

"Um...I think that
particular
glass isn't going to get much cleaner," Georgia says sarcastically,
interrupting my thoughts.

I startle and still my hands as I peer up at her.
"Huh?" I mutter.

She arches a brow and looks down to the sink, and then back
at me before saying, "You've been washing the same glass for five minutes
now."

"Yeah...lipstick," I deadpan, making a show of
raising the glass to inspect it.

"Looks squeaky clean to me," she retorts. I say
nothing in return and simply rinse the glass and set it aside before grabbing
another.

Up until now, I've been able to keep my cool, but as the
band begins to set up their equipment on the stage, I'm feeling antsy, anxious,
and distracted. So far all I've seen are the guys in the band, and a kid that
looks fresh out high school playing around with the sound board. While the guys
in the band are sporting outfits that have them looking as if they'd jumped out
of a Harley Davidson catalogue, the young kid is dressed in skintight jeans, a
Dead Mau5 t-shirt, and a pair of classic Converse All Stars. His too long,
shaggy hair hangs in his eyes as he toys with the knobs on the soundboard,
bobbing his head to what I can only assume is a song being filtered through his
headphones. His hipster vibe is completely opposing to that of the band.

There is, of course, one band member missing, and I'm
dreading the sight of her. I've tried to come up with dozens of scenarios for
when we're face to face, which will be inevitable at some point, I'm sure. But
right now, all I can think about is avoiding the situation at all costs. At
this point, I'm considering faking a seizure.

"So what's your plan?" Georgia asks nonchalantly
as she begins to prepare her shots for the thickening crowd.

"Plan? For what?" I ask confused.

Georgia rolls her eyes. (I hate when she does that...it
makes me feel like an inept child, as if I'm an inch tall.) "Don't play
coy with me," she says directly as she flits around behind me. I peer up
at her through my lashes as she tips her chin towards the stage. Smirking, she
says, "You plan on jumping her?"

My eyes widen at her candor, and I say, "Are you
serious?"

Her devious smile falters as her expression becomes stern.
With steely resolve, she declares, "I'll shank a bitch." And her
unrelenting glare tells me she absolutely would.

I chuckle at the ridiculous notion and shake my head at her
lack of compunction, saying, "Then we'd have to hide the weapon, and it's
pretty hard to come up with an alibi with a room full of witnesses."

"Wouldn't be the first time," she quipped.

I shot her a scathing look as I said, "Gee, thanks for
bringing
that
up."

"Sorry," she said simply as her voice became laced
with guilt. "Hey," she continued as she stepped closer to me, placing
her hands on my shoulders. "Let me make it up to you."

I waved my hand between us, saying flatly, "Don't worry
about it."

Bending her head down so she was eye level with me, she
said, "No, really...I want to."

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes, more at myself than her,
because I knew she wouldn't relent until I agreed. "Fine," I stated.
"What do you have in mind?"
Please
let it be a month long trip to Fiji.

"How about we go for a mani/pedi in the morning and
then do lunch."

"Georgia, you know I have work tomorrow. I can't just
bail."

"Sure you can," she shrugged.

"And leave Joe hanging?" I shook my head
adamantly, saying, "No way. Not gonna happen."

Georgia cocked her hip and placed her hand on it, saying,
"Yeah, because I'm
so sure
he'll
be slammed tomorrow. The friggin' U.S. Open is on all day. If we're lucky we
might get a few guys in here drinking draft beer at a snail's pace."

"Good point."

"So is that a 'yes'?" she asked, her voice and
eyes hopeful.

"I suppose," I stated flatly.

Seemingly satisfied that I'd assented, she refocused her
attention back to our previous topic of conversation. "You never answered
my question."

"What question?" I feigned innocence.

"You gonna throw down tonight, or what?" she
asked, tossing a dishrag at me.

I playfully tossed it back her, replying, "You can put
your claws away, Kitty Cat."

Just then, time seemingly slowed to a crawl as the front
door creaked open, and I knew it was
her.
Not because of Georgia's mocking description of her..."
Leila
," she had trilled in a snide
voice. "More like 'Lay ya' if ya ask me." And contrary to Georgia's
explanation of her attire, she didn't look all that slutty...well maybe a
little bit if you counted the dramatic swaying of her hips and the way she
winked seductively as the majority of the men in the room swung their eyes to
gawk at her. She looked like a pinup doll, her attire retro, and her makeup and
hair flawless. She actually looked a bit familiar in a way, but I was pretty
sure I'd remember seeing a proverbial blond bombshell graced with curves in all
the right places.

She sashayed her way over to the stage, glanced over her
shoulder, and made direct eye contact with me, as her crimson stained lips
curled up into an all knowing smile. My eyes widened and my hands began to
shake, causing me to drop the glass I was holding, sending shards of shattered
glass across the floor. The sound of the breaking glass seemed to amplify in
the large space, and the noise of the crowd died down a bit as the majority of
the patrons looked in my direction.

Georgia and I immediately stooped down and began to gather
up the larger pieces of glass as she whispered, "What the hell?"

"I
know
her!"
I exclaimed.

"You
know
her?"
Georgia parroted back to me.

"Well, I don't
know
her. I mean I've seen her before," I explained.

"Where?" she questioned, her whisper becoming
louder.

"Is there a problem?" Kellan's voice cut into our
private conversation. I peered up at him as he loomed over the two of us. He
stood with his hands lazily placed inside his pockets, as he glared at me
intently.

Stammering, I said, "I...um..."

"It was my fault," Georgia cut me off. "I
wasn't watching where I was going," she defended.

I could hear Leila giggling like a teenager from across the
bar, and Kellan turned his attention towards the sound of her laughter. I
quickly glanced over to Georgia as she rolled her eyes and scrunched up her
face as if a putrid smell had just wafted our way.

Without looking back to us, he said with annoyance,
"Whatever. Just get it cleaned up before I end up in a lawsuit."

"Yeah, you might want to try to stay out of the
courtroom," Georgia ribbed. I elbowed her in the arm before Kellan snapped
his hardened gaze to her. Without saying a word, he stalked off into the crowd.

Once I was sure he was out of earshot, I whisper-yelled,
"What is
wrong
with you?"

"Oh c'mon, Hailey. Lighten up. He's a pecker
head."

"You're going to get yourself fired," I
admonished.

"Please," she quipped. "If he was gonna fire
me, he'd have done it by now." The words rolled off her tongue dismissively,
but a shadow of concern passed over her face.

"I swear...you are incorrigible."

Georgia shrugged, saying, "So, anyways, how do you know
this chick?"

Feeling his presence again, I looked up to find Kellan
leaning over the bar staring at me and Georgia as he shouted, "Hey
Joe...how many bartenders does it take to clean up a broken glass?"

Kellan's sarcasm was lost on Joe as I turned to find him
volleying his eyes between Kellan, Georgia and me with a confused look on his
face. Shrugging he answered, "I dunno...two?"

"What the fuck are you two doing back there- looking
for lost change?" Kellan barked.

Directing my attention back to Georgia, I said to her,
"I'll tell you about it tomorrow. Let's get this cleaned up before he
flips his shit."

Leila's syrupy voice suddenly cut in as she purred,
"Hey Sugar!"

As Georgia and I shot each other a knowing look, Georgia
said conspiratorially, "I can still go sharpen my claws," as she
wiggled her fingers in the air. My lips quirked up into a half smile as she
added, "Just sayin'."