Finger Lickin' Dead (9 page)

“Exactly! So Tommie set him straight on that one. There was no way she was going to have some man coming in and messing with her kitchen. Anyway, so I was remembering the way he was and looking at all his obsessive-compulsive neatness. All the perfection. All the alphabetizing of the spice cabinet. And suddenly, the devil got into me. I yanked at his desk drawers, threw papers out, willy-nilly. I took his throw rugs and crumpled them up—I knew
that
would drive him up the wall.”

Lulu beamed her admiration at Evelyn. “Good for you! I’m glad you didn’t let him get you down.” She was hoping this tale was going to end with Evelyn’s little fit of vandalism and not end up taking a detour down the winding trail of murder.

“My favorite part? Since he’s such a foodie, I figured I’d ruin whatever he had in that fridge of his. So I pulled out his soy sauce bottle and shook it over everything in his fridge! His mayo, salads, mustards, even in his milk and cheeses. It was
so
funny.”

Flo said, “What made you finally put on the brakes? I’d think that once you got started vandalizing somebody’s house that it would be hard to stop.”

Evelyn got this misty look on her face. “Girls, it was actually my experience with Alpha Delta Pi that stopped me. They had all this leadership training at the University of Alabama. And I thought about that.” She choked up for a second and put a hand to her throat. “They always said to be strong. They wanted us to be strong women
always
and to never lower ourselves to be common. I thought I was borderline on ‘common,’ so I stopped sloshing the food around. I’d
made
my point.

“But I did have one other thing to do. I decided to change his answering machine message and make it just as snarky as all his restaurant reviews. So I got on there and said, “Adam can’t come to the phone right now. He’s busy writing nasty reviews for the paper under his Eppie Currian pen name. Got a restaurant? Want to send some hate mail? Here’s Adam’s address. . . .” Evelyn still looked pleased with herself.

Lulu said, “Well, honey, that was right ingenious of you. But did you have to get your revenge on the very day the man was murdered?”

“I don’t know anything about that. Well, I did know he was murdered, because after I left his condo I went down to the river for a few minutes to catch my breath. You wouldn’t believe how much energy goes into trashing someone’s property. A
lot
. So I went down to the river and sat on the bench down there. Until something red caught my eye. And you can imagine what
that
was.” Evelyn fidgeted for a minute. “Damn, I want a cigarette. Gave those things up years ago, but I still crave them like crazy.”

“The only thing I feel bad about is your girls finding that body, Lulu. I should have just called the cops right then. Only thing is that I’m going to be suspect number one. I was clearly upset with him. I left evidence of my visit all over the place—answering machine included. I didn’t want to be at the scene of the crime, too, you know? I just had no idea those little girls would find his body.”

Evelyn leaned back in the chair and rested her head on the headrest. “Nancy, do you think you could pull out that chardonnay I know you have in the lounge fridge? I think we need just a splash of it . . . don’t we, ladies?”

Lulu craned her head to look for a clock.

“Now, now, Lulu! Just go with the flow. It’s five o’clock somewhere,” said Evelyn.

The chardonnay was very cold, just the way Lulu liked it. This had been some kind of day. She’d had no clue when she’d woken up that morning that she’d end up sitting in a luxurious chaise getting a pedicure and sipping chardonnay in the middle of the day. It was a very decadent feeling. And she was surprised to find she liked it.

“The thing is”—Lulu still felt a little self-conscious discussing the murder in front of the manicurists, although they did seem very nice—“is that I was hoping to get some clues as to who might have done this. Here I am, once again, really close to a murder investigation.
I
just want to make sure Ben has nothing to do with this.”

“Ben!” Flo gave a gravelly laugh. “What on earth would Ben have to do with this murder, Lulu?”

“Nothing, I hope. But Coco saw him arguing with Adam yesterday morning while she was on her way to school. So there’s that. And he sure was steamed about that ugly review Adam gave him. He’s been stewing over that since he found out.”

Evelyn nodded, thoughtfully. “For a man like Ben, though, cooking is really an art form. He’s devoted his life basically to become an expert at cooking barbeque and all the fixings. He’s just not going to take kindly to somebody slamming his abilities in a public forum like a newspaper.”

Lulu sighed. “That’s what worries me. He
was
that upset. He just seemed to take it really personally.”

“Well, I can relieve your mind right there, Lulu. You just stop your worrying. Because I know who killed Adam Cawthorn and it sure wasn’t Ben.”

“Who was it?” Lulu gripped the armrests and pushed herself up so she could see Evelyn better.

“It was Big Jack Bratcher. No, don’t look at me like that, Flo! I can promise you that it was. Because when I was in there messing with Adam’s answering machine, I heard an old message in his voice mail. It was Big Jack pleading with Adam to meet him somewhere so he could talk to him about the money.”

“The money?” said Flo. “What money? What’s Big Jack been doing?”

“See,” said Evelyn, “this is where I’m wondering if Adam wasn’t being a little shady. I mean, we already know he was greedy and that he was a liar and a cheat. It’s not too far down that road to becoming either a con man or a blackmailer.”

“You’re thinking,” said Lulu, “that Adam was maybe blackmailing Big Jack over something. Something bad that he knew about him? Considering that Big Jack has invested a ton of money and time into his campaign, I’m pretty sure he’d pay about anything to keep from losing the election.”

“That’s right. We already know that Adam wasn’t exactly squeaky-clean. He was basically robbing me of my money while cheating on me with girls. He was greedy and not really scrupulous about where the money came from. Sounds like he’d make a great blackmailer to me.”

The door to the nail salon suddenly flew open and Peggy Sue was there, a little out of breath with a rosy glow on her plump cheeks. “Tommie said y’all were over here. Why didn’t you call me up! You know Chic Clique is my favorite place in this world, besides the Krispy Kreme doughnut shop. I was worried I wasn’t going to be able to catch up with you before you left.” She turned to one of the manicurists. “Hi, Helen! Can you paint me with my usual Ruby Slipper nail color? Makes me feel like Dorothy!” She plopped down in one of the vacant chaises and an attendant quickly turned on the jets on the foot bath.

While Peggy Sue was still giving some last-minute directions to Helen about her manicure and pedicure, Evelyn looked meaningfully at Lulu and Flo and made a hushing motion. No surprises there, thought Lulu wryly. Peggy Sue was the biggest blabber this side of the Mississippi. There was a good reason why Evelyn would trust the staff at Chic Clique before Peggy Sue.

“Now, girls, this is living! Well, it is as soon as I get a dab of that wine. Helen, can I have a little? Yum!” Peggy Sue sighed contentedly, leaning back in her chair and holding her wineglass aloft. “To us! And to Evelyn for having the good sense to break up with a murderer.”

“No, no, Peggy Sue,” said Flo with a little irritation. “
Adam
wasn’t a murderer. He was
murdered
.”

“Whatever,” said Peggy Sue in a bored voice. “Lulu!”

Lulu jumped a little.

“I wanted to let you know that I’m going to set Derrick up. I’ve got the perfect girl for him to go out with.
Perfect
. It’s my granddaughter.”

Derrick was Sara’s seventeen-year-old nephew. Sara’s sister and Derrick’s dad had split up, then her sister had up and taken off with another man. She’d asked Sara to take Derrick for her, which Sara had done, for the boy’s sake—but then later because he’d become a real member of the family.

Lulu wasn’t sure about Derrick dating one of Peggy Sue’s granddaughters. He was so
quiet
and serious. He just didn’t seem like a good fit for anybody that might be closely related to Peggy Sue. “Well . . .”

“Now, don’t be that way! Why . . . do you think she’s too young for him? Remember, these are my
step
-granddaughters. And Peaches is almost eighteen.”

Flo leaned forward in her seat. “Peaches?”

“That’s what we call her. But it’s not her Christian name. That’d just be silly. Can you imagine being in God’s holy sanctuary with the minister in his robes and the baby all dolled up in an heirloom gown and having the minister baptize you as Peaches? No, her Christian name is . . . well, I’ll be hornswoggled. I can’t remember it!”

Lulu said slowly, “I’ll be sure to mention it to Derrick, Peggy Sue. But you know, he’s just so darned
shy
. . . .” And Lulu wasn’t sure what he’d think about going out with a girl named Peaches. In Chicago, he was probably used to girls named Crystal and Rhianna.

“And that’s the beauty of it! Peaches doesn’t have a drop of shyness in her entire body. And since she’s new to town and doesn’t know many people, she’s dying to go out and have some fun. So she’s already planning to call him up and issue a special invitation to see that new romantic comedy and have a coffee afterward. It’s perfect!”

Poor Derrick, thought Lulu. She could only imagine breaking the news to him. He hadn’t dated anyone since he’d gotten to Memphis, but Lulu had a feeling that he was probably the kind of guy who liked to find and ask out his own dates.

 

 

Peggy Sue was still getting beautified when the rest of the ladies were done. “At least we got to say hi,” said Lulu to Peggy Sue as they walked out.

“Sorry, but I’ve got to get out of here and enjoy some of those ribs that Flo and Lulu brought to my house. Tommie might eat them all if I don’t.”

“Party poopers,” sang out Peggy Sue. “Don’t forget to tell Derrick what I said, Lulu. Let him know that Peaches will be giving him a call sometime this week!”

Lulu winced but smiled.

As they left, Evelyn said, “Let’s go beard the lion in his den. I bet I know just where Big Jack is right now. We can pop right over to the country club and get a Coca-Cola and see him. That’s his big hangout, you know. He loves to cut up with all the good old boys at the club. Besides, I want to get the story straight. You and I know that the police are going to end up at my house soon. And I’m not sure I can get the same amount of pampering in the Memphis jail as I just got at the Chic Clique Spa.”

Lulu followed Evelyn’s Cadillac over to the club. On the way over, they dropped Flo back off by her house. She had to plan a wedding that night and didn’t have any time to go running after Big Jack Bratcher.

The country club, thought Lulu, belonged on a
Gone with the Wind
set. It was white and sprawling, with a manicured lawn; a verandah with huge columns; and an immaculate, expansive golf course spotted with retired executives wearing poorly matched outfits.

As Lulu recalled, Evelyn spent a lot of time at the club herself. She’d told Lulu that she spent much of the summer there sunning by the pool, playing tennis with rotating partners on Thursdays, and happily ordering froufrou cocktails there on Friday evenings. Must be nice, Lulu thought a little wistfully as she followed Evelyn in the big, wooden doors.

“Big Jack will be running his mouth in the lounge. I see him there
all
the time,” said Evelyn confidently. Sure enough, as soon as they got to the lounge, Lulu could make out Big Jack through the dim lighting, laughing loudly at another man’s joke and slapping him on the back. When he saw Evelyn, he left the bar and walked right over. “Why, Evelyn Wade! What a pleasant surprise to see you here today.”

His lips twisted with humor and Evelyn said, “Oh, cut it out, Big Jack. You know good and well that I’m over here almost every day. Are you busy shooting the bull? I was wondering if you could spare a few minutes to talk to Lulu and me.”

Big Jack was named as much for his presence as his size. He was definitely a big man, but his aura was even bigger. He couldn’t hush his booming, rafter-shaking voice if you told him to.

“Well, now, that sounds pretty serious! But seeing how the request is coming from one of my top campaign donors, I just don’t see how I can possibly refuse,” said Big Jack.

“Let me get you ladies a drink. We just can’t face a serious conversation without a little liquid encouragement.”

Lulu said to Evelyn, “This is a whole different world for me. Spa treatments in the morning and wine and mixed drinks before it’s even one o’clock in the afternoon!”

“Oh, honey, this is nothing. This is just some casual imbibing with friends. You should see Big Jack and me when we really get going. We have such a good time, Lulu. Of course, I do think he’s a ruthless killer, but that kind of goes with the political territory.”

“Are we going to be able to talk to him privately, Evelyn? Somehow the country club just doesn’t seem like the ideal location for a heart-to-heart talk.”

“Are you kidding? This place has a million nooks and crannies. Beaucoup conversation areas with leather chairs, Oriental rugs, fireplaces with big oak mantels, and heavy drapes. The staff are like ghosts and they scatter if they ever see someone having a heart-to-heart discussion. No, this is the perfect place to be. If we talked to Big Jack at home, then we’d have to deal with his wife, Lisa.”

Big Jack came back with their drinks and motioned them down a long hallway covered with thick carpeting that had a fleur-de-lis pattern. The halls were lined with large portraits of past club presidents—they all looked to Lulu like serious, paunchy, bald men in suits. “Let’s go to the solarium,” he said. “There won’t be a soul in there today. Plus, those birds put up such a racket that nobody can hear a word over them anyway.”