Finding Trust (Finding Series, Book 2) (8 page)

“Do you have any idea what I’m going to do to you if this goes any further?” he whispered coldly. “No pretty words, no loving kisses. There won’t be anything sweet about what will happen. And it sure as shit won’t change what happens tomorrow. Is that what you want?”

“I’ll take whatever part of you I can get,” Dane whispered softly.

Heat slammed into Jax and he backed Dane up and then spun him around and shoved him face down onto the bed. He wasn’t gentle when he yanked Dane’s pants and underwear down. It took him only seconds to search out the lube in his nightstand drawer and he dribbled some onto Dane’s quivering hole. He worked the lube into Dane’s body with one finger, then rolled a condom down his length. Dane’s body was shaking but Jax forced himself to ignore it, his anger still too raw. He put some lube on his dick and then pressed it up against Dane’s ass. He leaned over the other man and said, “Last chance to stop this.”

Dane remained stubbornly mute and Jax reared back and began pushing inside him. Dane groaned as his body fought the intrusion but Jax was relentless. Dane cried out as his body gave up the fight and Jax sank all the way inside of him. Jax closed his eyes in pleasure as Dane’s heat engulfed him and the pressure on his cock intensified. His hands sought out Dane’s hips as he pulled out nearly all the way before shoving back in to the root. Dane grunted beneath him but didn’t protest. Jax slammed into him a few more times and still Dane didn’t say anything. Jax’s anger began to fade as he realized what Dane had said was true – he
would
take any part that Jax gave him, even if it meant there was no pleasure in it for him. Jax pulled out of Dane.

“Don’t stop, Jax. Please!” Dane said as he looked over his shoulder, his pretty brown eyes full of desperation.

Jax reached down and rolled Dane onto his back and then lowered his body down onto him and kissed him. Dane instantly opened and let Jax in and Jax took his time exploring Dane’s mouth before releasing him and saying, “Why are you doing this?”

Dane’s hand came up to stroke over the back of Jax’s neck. “I needed a little more of you before you left,” he admitted before pulling Jax down for another lingering kiss.

“What about Gray?” Jax asked.

“It was just dinner, Jax. That’s it.”

“He made you laugh.”

“You make me feel,” Dane whispered.

The admission had Jax plundering Dane’s mouth and he reveled in the feel of Dane’s palms running along his back and down to cup his ass. He let Dane rub their cocks together before the need took over and he sat up, stripped the remaining clothes off of Dane and urged him to move towards the middle of the bed. Jax pushed Dane’s legs up and apart and pressed his cock against his hole once more. He let his eyes connect with Dane’s as he eased forward and when they were finally joined, Jax leaned down and kissed Dane as he slowly began thrusting in and out of him.

***

The pleasure of feeling Jax sliding gently in and out of him was so much more than Dane had expected after the rough start. He’d known that he’d pushed Jax too far and had been honest when he’d said he would take whatever he could get. He’d fully expected things to be over by now with him back in his own room nursing a sore ass after a quick, rough fuck. It still would have been better than watching Jax walk away from him tomorrow without having known the feel of the other man deep inside his body. So he had gladly taken what Jax had offered and had ignored the discomfort that came with the minimal preparation. Jax’s first thrusts had bordered on pain, but then the pleasure had begun to override the burn and he’d started to welcome the harsh pummeling. And then Jax had stopped and Dane was sure it was over – that Jax had found the perfect punishment. Drive him to the edge and leave him hanging.

Dane should have known better that even in his fury, Jax would never truly hurt him. And what they were doing now was exactly what Jax had threatened it wouldn’t be – loving and sweet. Because even as Jax’s rhythm increased, his kisses were gentle and soft and when he finally stopped kissing Dane’s mouth it was only so that he could press kisses to Dane’s neck instead. Jax’s hands went under Dane’s back and curled up around his shoulders so that every part of their bodies were touching as Jax powered in and out of him.

“You’re so beautiful, Dane. So fucking perfect,” Jax whispered in his ear. Dane wanted to cry at the pretty words Jax had also sworn wouldn’t happen.

Dane felt his body begin to tingle in anticipation of what was coming and he wrapped his arms around Jax’s back, wishing he could hold the end off for just a little longer.

“Come, baby,” Jax whispered against his lips.

Dane shook his head, too overcome with emotion to try to explain why he wasn’t ready.

“We have all night, Dane. I want you to come with me,” Jax said as he thrust his tongue into Dane’s mouth. Dane felt a hand close around his cock and he knew the added pressure would end him. His body drew tight as Jax kept up the unrelenting pace and then Jax shifted just enough to brush his prostate. The orgasm hit him hard and went on and on as Jax continued to strike the same spot inside him over and over. Hot liquid coated his stomach and Jax pulled free of his mouth long enough to shout his name as his cock began pulsing inside of Dane.

Jax continued to pump in and out of him as their orgasms eased and then Jax let all his weight press onto Dane. Dane felt Jax’s lips trailing kisses along his collarbone and up his neck and in the instant before Jax covered his mouth with his own, Dane knew he’d made a terrible mistake in thinking that it would somehow be easier to let Jax go after this.

***

“Isaac, no!”

“Dane, wake up!” Jax sad as Dane flailed against him.

“Isaac, please! Stay with me, Isaac. Don’t close your eyes!”

“Dane!” Jax shouted as he covered Dane’s body with his. Tears were streaming down Dane’s face. “Baby, please, wake up for me,” Jax urged as he grabbed Dane’s flailing arms and held them gently on the bed. Dane’s eyes suddenly flew open and he struggled in Jax’s hold.

“It’s me, Dane. It’s Jax,” he said quickly as he eased some of his weight off of Dane. Dane instantly relaxed beneath him and Jax helped him sit up so he could catch his breath. He ran his hand up and down Dane’s back until the harsh breaths slowed.

“Sorry,” Dane muttered as he wiped at his wet face with his hands.

“It’s okay,” Jax said as he continued to stroke Dane’s back. “You want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” Dane said.

“Do they happen a lot?” Jax asked as he eased them back down and pulled Dane onto his chest.

Dane nodded. “Most nights since the shooting,” he admitted. “Before that maybe a couple times a week.”

“Was Isaac your husband?” Jax asked as he gently touched the wedding band Dane continued to wear.

Another nod.

“What happened to him, Dane?”

Dane was silent for a long time, then the hand on Jax’s side gripped him hard as if Dane was looking for something to keep him in the moment.

“He was murdered.”

Jax forced himself to remain relaxed. He let his fingers trail through Dane’s hair, adding just enough pressure to ease some of the tension in Dane’s wound up body. “Tell me,” he urged.

Dane sighed and then the fingers biting into his side eased. “Isaac was a lot like you. Impossibly beautiful, strong, hard-headed. I met him when I treated a K-9 officer that had been shot protecting his handler.”

“Isaac was a police officer?”

Dane nodded against his chest. “SWAT actually. We hit if off right away but I was reluctant to pursue anything because he was ten years younger than me and I didn’t have a very good track record when it came to relationships. But Isaac was the type of guy who got whatever he wanted and for some reason he wanted me,” Dane said on a constricted laugh.

“We got married a few years ago and he started talking about having a family. He wanted lots of kids but I wasn’t so sure since my childhood hadn’t been that great. I guess I was afraid I might end up like my father.”

Jax wanted to interject, but kept his mouth shut so that Dane would continue.

“We found a surrogate and decided to use both our sperm to fertilize the donated eggs. That way either one of us could end up being the biological father.”

Dane fell silent again and Jax waited him out. The story clearly didn’t have a happy ending and he suspected the in between might not be all great either.

“The surrogate miscarried twice. The stress was hard on us but we were overjoyed when the third pregnancy looked like it would go to term. But something in Isaac started to change as the due date grew closer. Maybe I did too, I don’t know. We stopped talking like we used to and he spent more and more time working. I thought he was just freaking out about being a parent so I tried to let it go. But even after Emma was born he struggled with the stress of having a baby to take care of. We both did.”

Dane’s grip on him tightened again and Jax settled his hand on his back. “Tell me,” he urged.

“About a month after Emma was born he admitted that he’d been cheating on me for months.”

Jax closed his eyes as he imagined the pain and betrayal Dane must have felt.

“He didn’t know exactly how many men there’d been but he swore he only loved me. I threw him out and told him I never wanted to see him again.”

Jax felt Dane’s tears against his skin and he wished in that instant that he hadn’t made Dane do this.

“I ignored his calls for a few weeks. When I finally did talk to him I told him I was going to file for divorce but that we would share custody of Emma. He begged me to meet him at this diner we used to go to every week when we were dating and I agreed. He kept telling me how much he loved me and how sorry he was. I told him it was too late, gave him his options for being a part of Emma’s life after the divorce and left. I was at my car when I heard the first gunshot.”

Dane buried his face in Jax’s chest as he began to cry. “He was coming after me when he heard a man screaming at his wife. Isaac tried to intervene and the man shot him in the chest. Then he shot his wife and then himself. I tried to stop the bleeding but it was too late. He told me he was sorry and then he said he loved me and then he was gone. I didn’t even get a chance to forgive him!”

Jax dragged Dane further up his body and held him as the other man sobbed. “I’m sorry,” he whispered against Dane’s ear as he held him tight. He just kept repeating the words over and over until Dane quieted and eventually fell asleep in his arms.

***

Jax packed up the rest of his clothes and took one last look at the empty bed before leaving the room. He wasn’t sure at what point Dane had left this morning but waking up alone had been a good reminder that what had happened between them had been a one-time thing and his life would finally get back to normal today. He was certain the knot of pain in his chest would ease the second he hit the highway and would be a distant memory by the time he reached Seattle.

Jax glanced in Emma’s room as he passed and saw that it was empty. He’d ended up sleeping in longer than he usually did since he’d stayed awake long after Dane had finally fallen back asleep. He also suspected Dane had been extra quiet in sneaking out of his bed so there wouldn’t be that awkward moment where Dane would have to tell him it had been fun and then wish him a safe journey home.

“Should we go visit Kirby today?” Jax heard Dane say. He rounded the kitchen and stopped short at the sight of Dane sitting in front of Emma’s high chair. Every time he reached out to pretend to tickle his daughter, a big smile split her tiny mouth and she’d laugh before Dane even touched her. Jax leaned against the doorframe and realized it would be these moments he’d miss the most.

Dane must have sensed his presence because he glanced over his shoulder and quickly stood. Heat flooded his cheeks and Jax wasn’t sure if it was because the man was embarrassed to be caught playing silly games with his daughter or because he was thinking about the things they’d done together last night.

“Morning,” Dane said as he began cleaning up the breakfast he’d been feeding Emma.

“Morning.” Jax glanced at his watch. “Rhys should be here soon so I’ll head out once he gets here. I’m just gonna go pack up my car,” he said. Packing up his car really only consisted of putting his bag in the trunk but he wasn’t about to extend the awkward moment between him and Dane by waiting in the house.

“He’s not coming,” he heard Dane say as he opened the side door. He stilled and looked up.

“What?”

“Rhys isn’t coming. I called and told him not to,” Dane said, his voice slightly higher than normal.

“Why did you do that?” Jax asked in irritation. Was Dane really going to choose this moment to be stubborn? When he literally had his foot out the door?

Dane suddenly turned around and began rinsing out the dishes in the sink. “Because I don’t want him here - I want you here. I know it’s selfish of me to ask since you have a life to get back to, but I’m not ready to let you go yet. But if you stay, stay because you want to and not because you feel obligated-”

Jax didn’t give Dane a chance to finish because he’d already been moving when Dane admitted he wasn’t ready to let him go. He cut off Dane’s final words when he spun him around and kissed him hard. Dane’s wet hands pressed against his shirt and then wrapped around his neck as Dane kissed him back. Jax reminded himself that Emma was in the room so bending Dane over the kitchen table wasn’t an option. He pressed Dane back against the sink and let their tongues duel playfully. Only the sound of the doorbell kept him from sliding his hands down to the other man’s ass like he wanted.