Finding The Way Back To Love (Lakeside Porches 3) (18 page)

Laura waved it away. “There are so many ways I can use my skills and creativity as a mom.” Her voice caught. She covered her mouth as tears fell from her gentle brown eyes. “I can’t believe this is really happening.” She pleaded with Gwen, “Please, please, don’t change your mind about the baby.” Laura buried her face in a fistful of tissues.

“Of course not, Laura. I am thrilled to have everything agreed and formalized. Legally decided,” she added for emphasis.

Laura’s shoulders shook with silent sobs.

Gwen slipped from her chair and knelt at Laura’s side. “Laura, this is your baby—yours and Helmud’s.” She touched her hand to her own belly. “I’ll have my own.”
God, let it be true
.

Laura suddenly turned accusing eyes on Gwen. “I just can’t imagine how you can let go of this child.” Laura’s eyebrows pinched together, her tone harsh with judgment. “It’s inconceivable to me.”

Gwen gasped and struggled to put her professional face in place. Then stopped.
No, I’m not here as a therapist. I’m here as a woman, and this is a deeply personal conversation.
No mask.

A movement caught her eye, and she nodded to Ben as he set down their meals. The distraction gave her a moment to pray.
Help me do this with dignity and grace
.

“Laura, knowing how long you and Helmud have tried to have a child, I can see why you question my decision. As Haley’s aunt, I know she is a long way from being able to parent this baby, and Rick’s education is too important to sacrifice. I gave a lot of thought to stepping in as the baby’s mother, but my head knew it was absolutely the wrong thing, and—”

“But your heart, Gwen.” Laura forced her fist against the table. Her growl was that of a mama bear protecting its child. “What did your heart want?”

Gwen’s heart raced at the attack. Tears slipped from her eyes, and her voice shook when she answered, “When I finally had the courage to listen to my heart, I knew that what I wanted, first and foremost, was a good man to be my life partner.” She heard the ring of truth in her own words, and her voice grew stronger. “I sincerely hope children will come into that marriage—our own children or ones that he brings to the union or both.” She sat back on her heels. “All in good time for me, but your time is now, Laura. This little boy is meant to be your baby. I am convinced of that.” She squeezed Laura’s hand.

Laura’s fist relaxed.

Thank God. I couldn’t take any more
.

Gwen slipped back into her chair and took a big swallow of iced tea. A phrase rang in her head, one she heard around the rooms of AA.
Be true to yourself
. For the first time since Haley’s arrival and Peter’s appearance in her life, she knew in her gut, her heart, and her soul that she was on the right path.

Ben came unbidden to the table, topped off Gwen’s drink, set a mango iced tea by Laura’s plate, and moved smoothly to his next table.

Gwen studied the salad in front of her. She counted four different kinds of tiny lettuce, three colors of miniature tomato, and three varieties of berry.
I wish Haley could paint this colorful salad for me.
She prayed for her stomach to relax and enjoy the beautiful meal.

When Laura finished with her tissues, she spied the cold drink by her steaming plate of food. “Perfect. Did I order this?”

“Must have,” Gwen said and picked up her own fork. “Let me know how you like the trout.”

“What’s the final verdict on Helmud?” Gwen asked Rick. They sat on her lakeside porch, with the windows open to the evening breeze off the lake.

“He’s a solid guy. Like I said before, he’s funny and smart. Good head for finance. He and Justin really got into it. Way over my head. He’ll be a good dad.”

“I can’t believe anything is way over your head,” she said with a chuckle. “You’re the most brilliant person I’ve ever met, Rick.”

“I’ve got my own little niche. Everyone does.” He smiled softly. “Like Haley’s botanical art. And your psychotherapy.” His eyebrows pinched together. “I don’t know about Laura, though. What’s up with her?”

“Laura was scared to death I’d change my mind and pull the plug on the adoption.”

“You weren’t going to, right, even if you legally could?” Rick asked.

“Correct.”

“Will she be a good mom?”

“Yes. No doubt in my mind. Besides being totally invested in raising this baby, she’s imagining how her work skills will contribute to PTA and play groups and all the community stuff she’ll be involved in as a mom. And she has the nursery planned to the ultimate detail, so it will evolve as the baby grows. Do you think your son will like a fish-and-boats theme?”

“It was my dream as a kid.” Rick’s voice caught. “I know he’ll love it.”

“Still okay with giving him up for adoption?”

“Still sure it’s the right thing. And I know for sure they’re the right parents. They’re naming him Karl Erich Hahn. Haley and I both like it. Did you know my name is not Richard, it’s Eric?”

Gwen exhaled a burst of joy. “I had no idea, Rick. Did the Hahns know?”

“No, and we didn’t tell them.” His tears spilled over. “We just let it be a sign that this is the right thing for everyone.” He reached for Gwen’s hand, and they sat quietly, with the breeze playing around their faces.

“I’ll be up early and spend a little time with Haley before I go back to Albany.”

“You know you’re welcome here anytime, Rick.”

“Thanks.” He stood. “You okay here alone?”

“Very much okay. Sleep well.”

She waited for Rick’s door to close upstairs before digging out her cell phone. Peter answered on the second ring.

“Hey, I was hoping you’d call,” he said. “Hold on.”

Gwen waited until he killed the volume on a football game. “It went just fine.”

“You’re exhausted.”

“I am, and peaceful. How are you?”

“Annoyed at Syracuse for fumbling the ball.”

“You always know how to lighten me up.” Gwen laughed softly and rested her head against the high back of the rattan chair. “Who are they playing?”

“Boston College, but I’m all yours,” he told her. She heard a click and a
swoosh
. “Just opening the door to my porch. You know, I can see your place from here.”

“I’m waving from my porch.”

“You’re sitting in the dark?”

“I am. Haley crashed the minute they got home, and I didn’t even see her.”

“Rick’s a good man.”

“Yeah, he is. He’s done really well with this whole mess, and I know it’s been hard for him. Peter, thank you so much for helping him.”

“No problem.”

“You are going to be great dad, you know.”

“You think so?” His tone was wistful.

“I do.” Her eyelids drooped. “Will you take it personally if I fall asleep in the next twenty seconds?”

“I want you to spend those twenty seconds walking up the stairs to your bed.”

“Excellent idea.”

“Sleep well, pretty lady. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Gwen awoke to rain pounding the windows. She turned off the alarm and fell back to sleep without intending to. When she jolted awake again, she heard Rick’s car rattle and splash up her steep road. “Eight o’clock,” she grumbled at the clock. “Guess I needed it.”

After a quick shower, she dressed in soft navy sweats and thick socks, and padded downstairs. She found Haley on the porch staring through rain-streaked windows at the lake. “Morning, sweetie.”

Haley jumped. “Hi, you missed Rick.” She raised her cheek for Gwen’s kiss.

“He and I had a good talk out here last night. He said you crashed in the car on the way home.”

“I was toast. I slept, like, ten hours.”

Gwen brushed a wayward strand of hair from Haley’s cheek. “You okay?”

“Yes.” She stood and stretched and rubbed her belly with a smile. “Sad that Rick had to leave, but happy that I can be with my little guy for at least another month, and I don’t have to worry anymore about what happens after he’s born.” She gave her aunt an impulsive hug. “Thank you.”

“I love you, sweetie.” Gwen enjoyed the warm hug for a moment. “Want breakfast?” At Haley’s answering nod, she headed to the kitchen.

Close on her heals, Haley advised, “That coffee’s old. I’ll make a new pot for us.”

“Music to my ears.”

“And you need to tell me all about Laura. Rick said you said she’s okay, but I need to hear it from you.”

While Gwen toasted oatmeal bread and fixed mushroom omelets, Haley brewed coffee and set out butter and two kinds of jam—blackberry for herself and marmalade for Gwen. She set the island for two and, once Gwen had artfully arranged the toast around each omelet, carried their plates from the counter.

“So why did Laura want to meet with you privately?” Haley broached as she slid onto her stool.

“Laura has been through hell for years trying to have a baby,” Gwen said. “She is so fiercely determined to be this baby’s mother”—she pointed her fork at Haley’s big, round belly—“that she was not going to leave any loose ends. Meaning, she had to be convinced I was not going to rush in at the last minute and claim the baby as my own. Which I’m not. It was a tough discussion, but I respect her mama-bear instincts, and I’m convinced she’ll be a great mom to your little guy.”

“How did you find all that out?”

Gwen’s eyebrows nearly met above her nose. “It was a strange conversation,” she admitted and forced a chuckle. “She had me in tears.”

“What?” Haley squawked.

“Yeah, she couldn’t imagine how I, a thirty-two-year-old widow, with no children, could step aside and let the baby go to a stranger.”

Haley’s toast had stopped halfway to her mouth. Blackberry jam dripped on her placemat.

Gwen set down her fork and picked up her coffee mug with both hands. Elbows on the island, she told Haley, “You know, usually when I have a difficult conversation, I’m acting as a therapist and I wear my professional face and my”—she shifted a bit on the stool—“my armor. Laura stripped all that away so she could see what was in my heart. I’ve never had anyone do that.” She took a big drink of coffee. “It showed me that, being in touch with my heart, on a deep level, is okay, even if there is pain there.”

Gwen smiled into Haley’s big, chocolate eyes. “I grew from that attack, as a woman and as a therapist. And I firmly believe Laura Hahn was meant to be your baby’s mom.”

“Do you want to be a mother, Gwen?”

“Yes, but first I need to find a man to share my life. Then make a healthy marriage together. And then make a baby with him.”

Haley used her spoon to scrape the jam from her placemat. “Good thing I grabbed the navy placemats this morning.”

“We need to get serious about this beautiful breakfast, before it gets cold,” Gwen said. “Maybe today we can pick the room for your art studio and, later, head to Rochester for art supplies.”

“I’m in.”

Chapter 9

As she slipped into the chair across from Gianessa in the café of the Bright New Day Spa in suburban Rochester, it was on Gwen’s tongue to say,
Are you all right?
She knew her friend well enough to know a question like that would meet with resistance.

Instead, she asked, “How do you like all this pampering?”

Gianessa’s face was pale and pinched, but she responded with a bright smile. “There’s nothing like a good facial and a shoulder-and-neck massage to ease the stresses of pregnancy.”

Gwen swallowed her glass of water in three gulps. Gianessa toyed with her glass. Gwen reached across the table. “Seriously, I can see you’re in pain. I think we should leave and see your doctor on the way home.”

Under Gwen’s sharp-eyed gaze, Gianessa admitted, “There is a pain that I haven’t felt before, but I don’t think it’s labor.”

God, help us
. Gwen made her voice stern. “Call your doctor right now. The no-cell-phone policy does not pertain to emergencies.”

“Surely it can wait.”

“Surely I will call 911, if you don’t call your doctor right now.”

Gianessa hesitated five seconds, fished out her phone from the pocket of her robe, and speed-dialed Dr. Bowes. After the first hello, she clutched her belly through the two-minute conversation. Tears brimmed and spilled over.

Gwen did not wait for the conversation to finish. She called for an ambulance, signaled the hostess, and arranged for their locker contents to be brought to them.

As soon as Gianessa finished with her doctor, Gwen asked her, “When is Justin’s plane due to land in Rochester?”

“A few minutes after noon.”

Gianessa dropped her phone on the table and covered her face with her hands. “I cannot lose these babies, Gwen.”

“You won’t. We are on our way to the hospital which is just twenty minutes away.”

The spa owner materialized, followed by an attendant carrying clothes, purses, and sandals. Satisfied that all the customers in the café were female, Gwen loosened her robe and dressed at the table. She used Gianessa’s phone to speed-dial Justin. The call went to voicemail, and she told him to meet them at the hospital.

Emergency medical personnel rushed in with a gurney and assisted Gianessa. Gwen was not allowed to ride in the ambulance, so she tore out to her car with Gianessa’s things and stayed on their tail at heart-pounding speed all the way to the Clifton Springs Emergency Room.

Dr. Bowes had prepared the staff for their arrival. A nurse accompanied Gwen, who held Gianessa’s hand as the gurney raced down the hallway to the surgical wing. On the way, while Gianessa moaned, “Find Justin,” and pleaded, “Save my babies,” the nurse calmly explained that the fibroid in the wall of Gianessa’s uterus was the suspected problem. The babies were in distress but far enough along, so a Caesarean section was the most likely course of action. At five or six weeks short of full-term, their chances were very good.

“Do I have your consent, Mrs. Cushman?”

Gianessa nodded and sobbed.

The nurse looked Gwen in the eye.

“Mrs. Cushman nodded her consent for the C section.”

“Is Mr. Cushman here?”

“Not yet. I am their friend, Dr. Gwen Forrester.”

“We need you to stay until the husband arrives.”

“Of course I will.”
What aren’t they saying?
Gwen breathed through her panic.
God help me
.

In the cubicle that served as a staging area, a nurse inserted a needle into a vein in Gianessa’s arm, attached a tangle of tubing, and hung a plastic pouch from the IV rack. Gwen stroked Gianessa’s hair and watched intently as the nurse fiddled with the tubing until the pouch dripped steadily.

An anesthesiologist introduced himself and explained, “The cocktail I’ll be administering is carefully formulated for the health of the babies and your comfort, Mrs. Cushman.”

“I wish you hadn’t said ‘cocktail,’” Gianessa said with a sorry excuse for a laugh.

“Why’s that, Mrs. Cushman?”

“I’m four years clean and sober, and I’m scared to death of relapsing on Oxycotin or anything else.”

“Does Dr. Bowes know this?”

“Yes.”

“Then you have nothing to worry about. She will take care of you every step of the way.”

“Including this step?” Gianessa asked sharply.

He rocked back on his heels. “The mix of drugs I have for you are those she specified for you, yes.”

“Thank you. I’m ready now.” She gave him one of her dazzling smiles, and he blushed.

Gwen kissed her forehead and said, “You and the babies will be fine. I’ll be waiting right outside with Justin.”

Gianessa gripped Gwen’s hand like a lifeline as the anesthesiologist introduced his potent mix to her IV line.

“It’s all going to be fine,” Gwen soothed.

Monitors beeped. Attendants checked off items on their clipboards.

Gianessa’s eyes softened and her tension ebbed as the drugs took hold. Her grip on Gwen’s hand eased and let go.

“Step away, ma’am,” the nurse ordered.

Gwen backed against the cubicle wall as the team rushed the gurney carrying Gianessa down the hall and through the doors into the surgical suite. With a shuddering exhale, Gwen collapsed onto a rolling stool and shook uncontrollably.

An aide arrived with juice and a blanket. “Adrenaline,” she told Gwen in a cheerful voice. “It gets me the same way every time.”

“It’s warm,” Gwen said about the blanket as she wrapped it around herself. “Thank you.”

“Our ambulance guys said they couldn’t shake you. That must have been some wild ride.”

Gwen laughed and cried at the same time.

“Honey, you just let it all out.” She rubbed Gwen’s back. “I’ll help you to the waiting room as soon as you’re able to stand.”

“Will my friend be all right?”

“Of course she will. Dr. Bowes is the best. They’ll do just fine in there.”

Cocooned in her blanket in the surgical waiting room, Gwen sipped sweet, hot tea and stared out at the trees. Green leaves danced in the sunshine and songbirds flitted among the branches. The moment it rang, she snatched up her cell phone. “Justin?”

“No, it’s Peter. What’s wrong? Where are you?”

Gwen recounted her harrowing experience. “I’m alone right now. Justin will be here soon. I hope.” She checked the clock on the wall and said a prayer for all the other people before her who had anxiously consulted the same clock. “It’s been twenty minutes since she went into surgery.”

“What can I do? Do you want me to come there?”

“Thanks, no. I hope Justin wasn’t delayed. He’s flying in from New York City, and, unless he has picked up my message, he has no idea what is happening.”

“What’s his flight number?”

Gwen told him, and a few second later he told her, “They landed on time half an hour ago. He must be on his way to the hospital.”

Gwen exhaled with audible relief. “How’s
your
day going, Officer?”

“Better than yours,” he said, his tone bright. “I called to tell you I’m on my way to practice with the Sneaks.”

“Tony’s basketball team? How cool is that?”

“I got the word as I left for work last night.”

“That is such good news. I’m so glad you called.”

With a loud laugh, he added, “We’ve got the best team name for all of the security and police teams. ‘Sneaks,’ like snoops and sneakers, get it?”

“I love it.” Gwen grinned. “You sound like a little kid, you’re so excited. What are the other team names?”

“There are the Gumshoes, the Sleuths, the Spies, the Secret Service—you get the idea. Hey, did I tell you Bree’s coming Monday for a couple of days?”

“About six times,” she teased. “Things are going your way, Peter.”

“And we’re still on for canoeing this Saturday? You pick where we’re going this time.”

“We are on for Saturday. I’m excited.”

Justin pushed through the door to the waiting room, turned accusing eyes on Gwen and demanded, “What happened? Why is she in surgery?”

Gwen chalked up his anger to fear. She told him everything she knew. “It’s been forty minutes. We should hear soon. You need to breathe, Justin. Sit with me over here by the window.” She motioned him to the other armchair in her corner.

He yanked at his tie and tossed his briefcase on the floor. “Why wasn’t I here? If anything happens . . .” He sat heavily.

Gwen reassured him, “Dr. Bowes gave you the okay to travel this week. As far as anyone knew, Gianessa had another 5 or 6 weeks. And you’re here now.”

His anger deflated, and he looked every one of his forty-six years.

Gwen scooted to the edge of her chair and reached for his hand.

Though his grip was strong, the agony in his voice tore at Gwen’s heart. “Was the spa a mistake, Gwen?”

She’d wondered the same thing and had concluded, “No. It actually put us closer to Clifton Springs. And the spa is organized to serve pregnant women and others with health issues, with EMTs two doors away. They immediately got her into an ambulance with her insurance card and other ID. No question, no fuss.”

“Remind me to make a donation.”

“Okay.” Gwen smiled.

They jumped to their feet when the door from the surgical area burst open.

“Justin,” Dr. Bowes greeted him. “Your wife and babies will be very glad to see you.”

“They’re all right?”

“The babies were in distress, but they are fine now. We did a C-section. Boy and girl are both healthy and beautiful. Right now, we need to talk about your wife.”

Justin paled and swayed.

Gwen put a steadying hand on his arm.

“As I suspected,” the doctor continued, “the fibroid in the wall of her uterus that we’ve been watching was the culprit. She has lost a great deal of blood. We have tried to control the situation, but now I need your consent to remove the uterus.”

Justin’s mouth opened, but no words came out.

Gwen’s stomach did a dive, and she was glad she hadn’t eaten lunch.

“The consequence, of course,” the doctor explained, “is that your wife will be unable to have more children. If we don’t do the hysterectomy, even if we are able to control the bleeding and she eventually conceived, it would be a very, very high-risk pregnancy. Much higher risk than this one.”

“I—I didn’t know,” Justin stammered.

“No, of course she didn’t tell you the extent of our concern. But she did follow my orders carefully the past few weeks.” She fixed Justin with a stern eye. “I love babies, Justin, but my advice in this case is for you and Gianessa to accept the safe course of action and cherish the two beautiful, healthy babies that you have.”

“Where the safe course of action is to remove the uterus?” he clarified for himself.

Dr. Bowes nodded.

“You have my consent,” he choked out.

As Dr. Bowes left them, he bowed his head and squeezed his eyes shut. A sob shook his shoulders.

Gwen reached for him, and he leaned on her. “It’s the right thing to do, Justin.”
Thank God I didn’t have to make the decision for them.

“She will
hate
this,” he hissed.

“Probably. But she will love the babies and love you. And she will heal faster.”

He nodded. “I want her well, Gwen. I want my family well.”

“And they will be,” she told him. She kept her arms around him until his breathing eased.

The elevator disgorged Joel and Manda, and Gwen greeted them with a tired but happy smile. “Congratulations. I just saw your new Cushman cousins. They are the most precious babies ever born.”

Joel drew her into a hug. “Gwen, thank you for getting her here.”

“Have you talked to Gianessa since the surgery?” Manda asked.

Gwen shook her head. “Justin was called into recovery a minute ago by a smiling nurse, and I made my exit. He’ll be glad the reinforcements have arrived.”

“He’s all right?”

“He is. I’ll let him explain.”

Joel picked up on her cautionary tone. He narrowed his eyes.

Gwen kissed his cheek and confided, “It will be all right, but he had to make a hard decision, and he’s shaky. Good that you’re here.”

“You’re heading home?” Manda asked, her gaze shifting uneasily from Gwen to Joel.

“Yes, sweetie.” She hugged Manda tight and kissed her temple. “I need to check on another very pregnant person. But, first, is there any way I can help you two?”

Joel nodded. “Please let Phil know the good news. And can you swing by their new house? The movers should be finishing now, and they expected Justin before this.” He fished a key out of his pocket. “Front door. Check all the sliders to be sure it’s locked up tight. I’ll keep calling the groundskeeper until I get him.”

“And can you call Gianessa’s sponsor Carol, too, and Sara?” Manda added.

“I’ll do that. Give Gianessa my love.”

Her first call, though, as she exited the hospital, was to Haley who screamed with joy and relief at the news.

“And I was jealous of you two, thinking you were still at the spa.”

“I wish. Listen, sweetie, I have some errands to take care of, but I needed to know you’re okay.”

“Of course I’m okay. No worries.”

“I’ll be home as soon as I can. Let’s have a girls-only night. How does that sound?”