Finding the Magic (13 page)

If that made him a coward then so be it.

Cam sat at his computer with a sigh and clicked open his e-mail program, waiting while his new messages downloaded. He looked at his hands as they worked the keyboard. It was hard to believe they had been paws less than twenty minutes ago. How long did he have before they would be that way again? He had thought he had remembered what it was like to shift from his experience in his teens but he hadn’t been prepared at all. Time had dulled the memory of the pain.

He
had
remembered that the cat was very much a separate being, at least until after the
Ceangal
was completed. That hadn’t been an issue when he was a teenager, he had been quite happy to let the instincts of the lion take over. They hadn’t been so very different from his own, basic, primitive and ultimately as self-
centered
as only a teen could be. And he had been more troubled than most.

It had been a wild ride, hunting in the woods around the house, learning the scents and sounds of his territory. Experiencing the world from a completely new perspective. As a result, he hadn’t realized how difficult it would be to fight against the cat. It had taken almost every ounce of his concentration to keep it from going to Jayne. It didn’t care whether she feared it.

That only made the chase better.

Before he could consider that consequences of
that
notion, the computer chimed to let him know his mail was ready. Anticipation pushed his heart into his throat as he spied a familiar sender. Quickly he opened it and scanned the note, tears stung his eyes as he read the word “
alive
”. As promised, there were directions included for Nick’s whereabouts. The location was vaguely familiar, a few hours’ drive from here and isolated. It could be a trap. Cameron knew that but, lord, he wanted to believe it. Hope crept in despite his attempt to remain
skeptical
. He printed off the e-mail, grabbing the page and heading for the library to find a map.

As he reached the foot of the stairs Jayne stepped into his path, her determined expression changing to curiosity when she looked at his face.

“What is it?” Her gaze fell on the page in his hand. “You heard something.”

“Aye.”

He wanted to pull her into his arms, share his hope and his fears with her. Instead he brushed past her, hearing her fall into step behind him. She bombarded him with relief and hope and worry and excitement. Emotion on top of emotion until he couldn’t distinguish them. Until he couldn’t tell which were hers and which were his anymore. From the first moment they met, he had been more aware of Jayne’s emotions than her thoughts and apparently the bond had intensified the empathy. He had known that the
Ceangal
could take that direction. He just hadn’t expected the effects to be so strong yet. Doing his best to block it, he led the way into the library.

He wasn’t surprised to find the large, comfortable room already occupied. As was his custom,
Fynn
was sprawled in one of the armchairs by the fireplace reading. He glanced up as they entered and closed the paperback and laid it facedown on his leather-clad knee.

“I have a location, I need a map.”

“On the table.” Cameron had spent too long around
Fynn
to be surprised that he already had the appropriate map ready. The man sometimes just
knew
things, though he didn’t always know why. It had to be frustrating as hell but there were times when Cam suspected he enjoyed being a mysterious bastard. He was just thankful that Jayne seemed to have missed the significance. They didn’t need any more complications. The other man stood, leaving the book on the seat and turned his pale eyes on Jayne briefly. “Congratulations. I’ll get the rest of the guys. We’ll wait in your office.”

She waited silently until the door closed. “Is that a romance?” she asked incredulously and picked up
Fynn’s
book. “It
is
. The scary, quiet guy reads romances? I feel a whole lot less intimidated now.”

“I
wouldnae
,” he warned. “And please,
dinnae
mention it to him. I
havnae
got time to clean up the mess.”

“
Okaaaay
.” She put the book back on the chair. “Does everyone know what happened last night?”

He slowly opened the door to her emotions again, feeling her curiosity, her embarrassment and an undercurrent of desire.

But no fear.

Something inside him eased at the realization and he shrugged. “They can feel the difference in me. And even if they
couldnae
,
Ciaran
and Jon would have told the rest. They need to know, the
Ceangal
is unpredictable.” He lowered his eyes. “So am I when it comes to my mate, if
anythin
’ were to threaten you…it’s a weakness at the moment.”

“Cam, I need to explain about this morning.” He started to speak and she shook her head and moved to stand in front of him. “I won’t wait any longer… I wasn’t afraid of you.” He gave a short laugh, rich with disbelief. “Fine, I was, but it’s not every day you come out of the bathroom and find an enormous lion in front of you! And let me tell you, you’re a big cat! It kind of causes an immediate reaction, I had no idea what to expect. I didn’t even know if you would recognize me!” She put her hand on his chest and he felt the contact all the way to his toes, her sincerity washed through him. “I’m sorry. Apparently I’m not as open-minded as I thought I was.”

“Ah did recognize you.” Cameron’s accent thickened from the heat of her touch. “
Ah’ll
always
recognize you, no matter what form I take. So does the cat, he won’t hurt you.”

“So he is different from you?”

“He’s a part of me…but during the
Ceangal
, he gets stronger and my ability to control him is weakened. No matter what happens from here on, Jayne,
Ah’m
never
goin
’ to be the same again. Either he’ll win control—or I will—but either way, he’s always
goin
’ to be nearer the surface. If you
cannae
accept that then tell me now, before things go any further.”

“You mean before you finish what you started. You should have told me about completing the bond, Cam. You have to know I would never have let you risk your humanity like this.”

He scowled at her. “I’m going to kill those two. It’s just…after this morning…Ah wanted to give you a little more time. Ah wanted you to be able to make your decision without
worryin
’ about me.”

The need to touch her surged again as she frowned at him and this time he gave in to it. Caressing her cheek with his fingertips and cupping her face in his hand. He smoothed his thumb over the softness of her lips and she parted them to take it into her mouth, sucking gently. Cam groaned as his cock surged to life.

“Cameron, let’s go, pal!”
Ciaran’s
voice echoed down the hall.

Reluctantly, he drew away from her. “I have to go, we need to make a plan so that they can move quickly.”

“They? You’re not going with them?”

“No,
Ah’m
not
leavin
’ you here alone. Besides, we have unfinished business of our own.”

“You should go, he’s your friend. I’ll be fine.”

“Ah
will not
leave you unprotected!”

“Then let one of the others stay, Cam… If this was Megan, I know I’d want to be there to rescue her.”

“You’re right, Ah do. But Ah trust the team to get Nick out safely. Right now Ah
need
to be here with you, Jayne.”

He kissed her gently and picked up the map.

“Cam?” He stopped. “I’ve had enough time.”

Jayne watched him stride out of the room again, only this time on two legs instead of four. Lord, he was frustrating. Why did men have to make things more complicated than they were? Why couldn’t he get it into his head? She had made her decision last night and she wasn’t going to change her mind, certainly not because she got a little bit of a surprise. Maybe he just needed a little positive reinforcement. There was no reason she couldn’t continue with her plans from this morning. After all, Cam was certain to need some distraction since he was going to be stuck here with her. She didn’t think he could have eaten yet, not when she was chasing him all over the house like a bizarre reverse game of cat and mouse.

The kitchen was filled with the delicious scent of a roast cooking, though Mary was nowhere to be seen. Jayne started searching cupboards and fridge for suitable supplies. She wrinkled her nose in mingled sympathy and distaste when she came across one filled with high-protein, high-calorie meal substitutes. If that was what he had been living on, she was definitely going to make sure he never had to look at them again. No one should be subjected to that.

“Good afternoon, Jayne, pet.”

Jayne turned toward the voice, automatically hiding the can of whipped cream in her hand behind her back. “Mary, hi!”

The housekeeper smiled. “Too late, love, I already saw it and your reaction tells me everything I need to know about what you intend to do with it. That poor boy isn’t going to know what hit him. Congratulations, by the way.”

Jayne silently cursed her fair complexion as she felt her cheeks heat. It was like being caught naked by her boyfriend’s mother. Of course, it could be worse, she could actually
be
naked. “Oh lord, can’t we just pretend you have no idea what’s going on?”

“Where’s the fun in that?” She grinned and her expression turned wistful. “David,
Rianne’s
father, loved to play.”

“What happened to him?” Jayne shook her head, seeing the sadness on the other woman’s face. “I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer that.”

“
Och
, it’s fine, love, it was a long time ago… He was killed in an accident when
Rianne
was very young. I was a nurse at the time and found myself alone with a young child. I couldn’t keep up with the demands of working in a big hospital and I found I wanted to spend more time with my daughter. The job here was a godsend. I even got to work one or two days a week at the local clinic. I still do as a matter of fact, I’m going there this afternoon.” She smiled, shrugging off the memories of the past and took the can of cream. “We can do much better than that.”

She rummaged through another cupboard and handed Jayne two plastic bottles. She eyed the contents with amusement, chocolate sauce and honey. “Does Cam have a sweet tooth?”

“He certainly used to before and now he has his
Dearbh
Ceangal
, I imagine he will again.” She produced a small picnic basket from another cupboard and put a bottle of soda from the fridge inside then turned to take the roast beef from the oven.

“
Derav
Kea al
. Cameron said that the first night we arrived, what does it mean? I know the second part means bond.”

Mary quickly masked her frown and began buttering thick slices of bread for sandwiches. “I think that is something Cameron should talk to you about, dear.” She held up a hand as Jayne opened her mouth to protest. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad but it’s something he’ll talk to you about when he’s ready. Now, why don’t you take this upstairs, they shouldn’t be too much longer. His room would be best, yours is just too white.” She stopped.

Before she could utter another word, Jayne found herself ushered out of the door, picnic basket in hand.

Chapter Eleven

The sleek, muscular lines of the big cat seemed to flow from the charcoal as Jayne pictured him in her mind’s eye. It felt so good to be drawing again. Why had she stopped? It seemed impossible now that she had let herself retreat from the world the way she had. She had Cameron Murray to thank for giving her back her life. Okay, and maybe Jack and Megan a little too. If Jack hadn’t sought out Megan, Jayne would probably still be in the same little rut. Stuck in a job she hated, avoiding her boss’s groping hands. Going home at night to sit with her nose in a book while her paints gathered dust under the bed and life passed her by. It looked as if Cam and she were birds of a feather—
or cats of a fur
?—in that one. They both had their reasons for stepping away from other people. Although, admittedly, Cam’s reasons made hers look a little superficial.

Distantly, she heard doors closing and engines rumble to life as Cam’s friends left and looked around to make sure everything was ready. It was time to lay everything out in the open. Enough secrets. She had spread a plaid blanket on the thick blue-
gray
carpet in his bedroom and set out the sandwiches and drinks. Everything else she had left in the basket near at hand. Jayne set aside the sketchpad and leaned back against the foot of the oak bed. The edges of Cam’s soft cotton robe parted around her bare legs and she smiled in anticipation. She had expected him to call out for her so it was a surprise when moments later the bedroom door opened.

“Hi. How did you know I was here?”

His eyes swept over her, lingering on her legs before moving back to her face. An uncertain smile kicked up the corner of his mouth.

“I’ll always know where you are,” his eyes flicked toward the blanket and the picnic, “and I followed my nose.”

She studied him, intrigued. “Literally? You mean like a bloodhound?”