Finding the Dream (For the Love of Music #1.5) (17 page)

“Hello?” she answered.

“Hey, little sis. I finally got a place where I could check email. You and Donovan have filled up my inbox.” Hanson’s voice crackled with the connection. “You said it was of dire importance. What’s up?”

She knew she had to get it out fast, and hoped she hadn’t gone too far in talking to her brother before talking to Van. “Christian Meyer from Kincaid was at Donovan’s concert last night in Portland, and he’s been given the opportunity to tour with Christian Meyer and Lita James, but you have to come home. Someone needs to run the store.”

“Sierra,” Donovan tugged at her coat. “What are you doing?”

She didn’t look. “Hanson?”

“Um… Donovan asked you to do this?”

“He…” She finally stole a quick glance toward a wide-eyed Donovan. Crap. She didn’t know that look. “He had no idea I contacted you. I don’t think he’d ask, but Hanson, you’ve been gone for months. Please.”

“I was going to head home in a couple weeks anyway. I can cut that a little early, I guess. Isn’t this stuff planned out a little more—”

The phone went dead. “Dammit!” Sierra yelled.

“Sierra…” Donovan put a hand on her arm. “It’s fine. He has a life to live. It’s fine. I don’t need to do the music thing.”

She spun to face him. “He’s coming home.”

Donovan swallowed. “Are you serious?”

“I’m serious.”

“So…” he started. “So, this is a real possibility?”

It wasn’t just a possibility. It was going to happen. The guy who had finally noticed her was about to go on the road with famous rock stars, and she’d be staying behind. Just when she got him, she was going to lose him again. But still… It was worth it.

Sierra threw her arms around him. “You’re going Donovan, and I can’t wait to hear all about it.”

Twenty

Donovan gripped the steering wheel more tightly as they stopped in front of Sierra’s parents’ house.

They’d had a week since his concert in Portland, and the idea that he’d be going on tour still hadn’t sunk in. Not after making plane reservations with the help of Chris’ assistant. Not after signing a million contracts. Weighing on him even bigger than the tour was finally being in the open with Sierra.

He let out a slow breath.

“You’re seriously worried, aren’t you?” she asked.

He tried to gather his thoughts together, but her small hands touched his cheek and skimmed next to his hairline. “Yep.”

“You care too much what they think.”

Donovan shook his head. “You’ve never been in my shoes, See.”

She nodded.

“Hey!” A voice called from the porch and Sierra’s hand dropped.

Hanson. Fully bearded and scruffy like he always was when he came home from an adventure.

“If you feel like you have to tell someone, talk to Hanson and maybe he’ll have ideas for Dad,” Sierra offered.

“That was the plan.” Donovan climbed out of the car. “Good to see you man!”

Hanson grabbed him in a hug and slapped his back a few times. “I can’t thank you enough for watching over everything for me.”

“And you’re about to return the favor so Donovan can go get famous.” Sierra poked her brother’s side before smashing him in a hug.

There was no mistaking them for anything but brother and sister, even when Hanson let his beard get a little long, like now.

“Why don’t you and I grab a car and go get dinner,” Hanson offered to Donovan.

He gave Sierra one more look, but he couldn’t read her.

“You two have fun!” She waved before jogging for the front door.

She paused just before opening the door and gave Donovan a subtle nod.

So.

It was okay to talk now.

He just had to figure out how to bring it up.

“There you are!” Sierra’s mom smiled wide as Sierra leaned against the counter on the kitchen.

“We made it.” She rested her elbows on the counter, a little dizzy after her sprint up the stairs. Or maybe from holding her breath while she gave Donovan the okay to talk to her brother. “Hanson looks like the scruffy wilderness man, as always.”

“We both know it doesn't last long after he comes home.” Her mother rolled her eyes before setting a glass of water in front of Sierra. “How are the book outlines coming?”

Sierra held her breath. “I hit send in the hopes that she’ll like at least one of my ideas. It stresses me out too much to think about it.”

Her mom took a seat across from her daughter in the kitchen stool she’d sat in since Sierra could remember.

“Where’s Dad?”

“In his office. He’s finishing up some scheduling or something, and then he’ll be out. I’ve been saving your mail. It’s gathering dust over there.” Her mom pointed and Sierra picked up the over-stuffed envelope crammed with her mail.

“I’m gonna do my online checks,” Sierra said as she moved for her room.

She flopped on the bed, and pulled out her laptop. Sadly, she really should fly through her snail mail first. One after another, she opened credit card offers, and university offers…

She dropped another opened piece of junk mail into the pile. Her recycle stack was getting ridiculous. Maybe she should give her mom a –
for sure don’t keep or forward this mail
– list.

Two wedding invites from friends she barely knew… A letter from her doctor… She ripped open the top. It’s couldn’t be that she owed them money. And then she froze. Her heart thumping in her chest. She was three weeks late for her birth control shot? At the time they sent this? That could not be right. Could not. She didn’t miss her birth control shots. Ever.
Ever
, ever.
And this letter had gone out weeks ago.

Oh, shit. When was her last period? They were almost microscopic while she was on the shot, but when…?

She stood up, shoving the letter back into the envelope with shaky hands, trying to do math in a head that spun so fast the room tilted.

What now? What did one even do in this situation?

Take a test
…

But she felt okay. She didn’t
feel
pregnant.

Shoving the letter in her pocket and heading for the living room, she forced her face into a smile. “I need to grab a few file folders at Target,” she lied. “I’ll be right back.”

Her mom opened her mouth to answer, but Sierra was too afraid her mother would ask to come so she bolted for the front door and ran to her car. Her head felt both too heavy and too light at the same time.

This could not be happening. Not now. Not like this.

Sierra clutched her phone to her ear, wishing Lindsey were there with her. “Can I just say that taking a pregnancy test in the Target bathroom sucks?”

Teasing seemed like the best way to make this all feel less real. Taking the test was a precaution. That’s all. She felt fine. She was fine.

“And now everyone in the bathroom knows you’re doing it.” Lindsey let out a nervous laugh.

“That’s fine. As long as it’s not my brother or my parents, I’m good.” She leaned against the stall door willing the stripe to stay a stripe instead of turning into a big fat plus sign.

It was one night of unprotected sex.
One
.

“I’m gonna throw up.” Sierra clutched her stomach. So much for
trying to tease her way out of panic.

“Don’t forget to breathe.”

She sucked in a breath and stared. And squinted. And stared.

She could actually watch the pee climb up the white fabric stuff inside the test, and lit up loud and clear in a big pink plus sign.

Pregnant.

“What the hell am I going to do?” Sierra said, forgetting she was in the Target bathroom or that she was on the phone.

“Positive?” Lindsey asked quietly.

Sierra blew the hair off her face. “Yeah…” And she was stunned but not terrified. Worried but not freaking out. She was…numb. “I’m not sure it’s sunk in yet.”

“Okay…
Okay… Okay…” Lindsey was in thinking mode. “This is just what I think, obviously, but I wouldn’t tell anyone yet. I’d just… Just sit on this information until you figure out what to do. Or at least until the reality of it has sunk in.”

Sierra just nodded, still clutching the test in her hand.

“You call me if you start to hyperventilate or whatever. Okay?”

“Okay.” She hit end on the call and stared at the test.

She didn’t know what she was going to do about anything, but she did know that her life had just changed. In a very big way.

Twenty-one

“You’re being weird,” Hanson said as his brows twitched down.

“Just nervous.” Donovan rubbed his hands on his thighs. Again.

“Right. Joining the massive machine of American consumerism to make a buck.” Hanson chuckled, but Donovan knew it was only half a joke. It was also half what Hanson thought.

“There’s this kind of crazy thing I wanted to talk to you about,” Donovan started but his throat was already closing up. Being nervous about the tour was a totally different kind of nerves, and ones that were much easier to deal with. There were actually two big things to talk about.

“Oh, right. You kept emailing,” Hanson said. “It took me a while to get to a phone, and then I had this urgent note from Sierra, so I called her. And then I was so close to coming home, I figured it could wait.”

“Yeah, about Sierra—” Donovan’s phone rang making him jump.

BLOCKED

Huh.

“Hello?” he answered.

“Donovan Holmes?” a woman asked.

“You… Yep. This is him.”

“Oh, good. Please hold for Lita James.”

Lita James?

Holy.
What
?

“What’s that face?” Hanson asked.

“I’m on hold for Lita James,” Donovan whispered.

How was he in a position to be talking on the phone with
Lita James?

“
The
Lita James?” Hanson asked.

“Yes.” Donovan smirked. “One of the mass contributors to American consumerism.”

“Shit man…” Hanson rubbed hand over his head. “Your tour just got real. Holy shit.”

“Donovan?”

A ball leapt into his throat, and he coughed once. “Yep.”

“Oh, good. Hope you didn’t have to hold for too long.” Her voice was a woman’s low voice—unmistakably Lita James.

“No, No, I’m good.”

“This is Lita, and I just wanted to see if you could come to California sooner than what Max and Miranda had set up?” she asked.

What wouldn’t he do for Lita James? Or Christian Meyer? Hanson tapped his shoulder and Donovan tilted the phone so he could hear.

“I can probably swing that, yeah,” he said.

Hanson had pulled into the parking lot, and just stared at Donovan.

“So Chris and Griff are really into making our sound casual, and while I appreciate that about your albums, I thought… Maybe… Dammit.” She paused for a moment. “I don’t want to sound like a bitch, but I just really don’t know how to say this.”

Donovan’s heart dropped. She was going to kick him off the tour, or—

“Your lyrics are brilliant. Your albums are rough. I think we should clean them up a bit before we all leave. Are you okay with that? Chris has a studio in his house and a great guestroom you can use. I live just up the beach, not that you need me for this. Anyway, we can do all of that from here.”

Hanson’s eyes practically bugged out of his head. “Say yes, moron.”

“Of course. That sounds really great,” Donovan said.

He heard Lita let out a rush of breath. “Okay. Good. I wanted to call you myself, but that was probably stupid. Griffin is much better with people. And probably so is Max.”

“No, you’re great. This is great. Whatever… Whatever is great.”

She let out a light laugh. “Okay. Miranda will be in touch with you shortly to get your airplane reservations changed or whatever.”

“Thanks. I’m… Thanks again for having me along.”

“Your sound fits, and Max is worried Chris is going to go AWOL over a woman. So I think I should be thanking you.”

“Uh…”

“We’re keeping that between us,” she said.

“Yeah. Of course.” Donovan finally pulled in a long breath. “Thank you again. I’m looking forward to meeting you.”

“You too.” And the line went dead.

“Holy shit!” Hanson laughed the kind of unbelievable laugh that Donovan would had he not still been in shock. “Lita James. You’re going to like be hanging out with these people. Who the hell knew?” Hanson asked.

He’d be leaving earlier.

Maybe it wouldn’t be such a big deal to wait to tell her family. He’d be gone, and then when he came home with more money and more ways to provide for her, he could tell her brother and dad what he was feeling.

And then the realization that he’d have to leave sooner hit him. He was going to have to leave Sierra sooner.

He wasn’t ready to be away from her—not with everything so new.

But they’d be fine.

They had to be.

Hanson slugged his shoulder. “Holy shit, man. Just… holy shit.”

Yeah. That.

Donovan held open the door for Hanson who held three boxes of pizza.

“We’re back!” Hanson yelled.

The whole routine was so familiar.

A million times he and Hanson had gone out for pizza and brought it back for the family. Or what felt like a million. It’s that his whole world had changed in ten years.

His steps slowed on the stairs up to the living room, dining room and kitchen. He didn’t want this thing hanging between him and Hanson while he was gone. Hanson might watch out for Sierra more or differently, or…

Or maybe he’d just cause a mess to leave her with. He didn’t want that either.

They reached the top of the stairs and Sierra was there, eyes wide, staring at her phone. Her shoulders looked stiff, and her face was pulled into a frown.

“There they are!” Clark grinned and helped Hanson set the pizza boxes down.

Sierra’s eyes caught Donovan’s and his chest tightened. Something was up.

“You okay?” he mouthed.

She shook her head.

She wasn’t okay. Now what did he do?

He tilted his head toward the back porch and Sierra’s stiff body headed out the back door. Donovan started to follow but forced himself to pause in front of the fridge to grab a soda before heading outside—anything to make it look like they weren’t sneaking off together.

The family was still getting plates and napkins, so hopefully he and Sierra would have a few minutes. But the back door was a windowed door. There were windows from the kitchen onto the back porch. Privacy was pretty much out.

“Hey,” he whispered. “What’s up?”

She turned to face him, her eyes pooling with liquid.

Everything in him tensed. “Sierra?”

He reached for a hand, but hers were stuffed in her jacket pockets. “I’m… I’m…”

His hands were starting to shake and his breath echoed in his ears. “What’s up?”

She rubbed her forehead and let out a quivering breath. “Lindsey said I should just keep it to myself, but then you came up the stairs. And it’s
you
, and I can’t keep this from you. Not when…”

Her eyes finally met his again.

“I’m totally freaking out right now.” He touched her arm, and she immediately leaned into him, pressing her face into his chest. He glanced behind him at the windows. No one.
Yet
.

“There’s these shots…” She paused. “Anyway. I get these shots. And my doctor always sends me a reminder, so I know when to go in, and I… I got my last one too long ago. Like…
way
too long ago.”

“You’re sick?” he asked, his mind sifting through all the things he knew about Sierra trying to figure out what was wrong. “What kind of shots? How do I not know this?”

He felt her almost laugh against him, and he finally didn’t care who from the house saw because she’d asked him. She’d come to him. He slid his arms around her waist, wishing that action didn’t come with guilt.

“I’m not sick, Van. They’re my birth control shots.”

His body tingled before it went completely numb. He held his breath. She stepped back, wrapping her arms around her middle.

Why had she moved away? Why didn’t she want or need him then?

He just stared, waiting for the rest of what he already knew was going to leave her mouth.

“I went to Target. Took two tests. They both say I’m pregnant.”

The screen door from the house slapped shut, and Donovan jumped.

“Why the fuck would you be telling
Donovan
this?” Hanson frowned.

Donovan froze.

All Sierra could think was how she’d messed up. She walked around a stunned-looking Donovan and stopped in front of her brother. “Please, just…”

Donovan stepped next to her and stopped. “Hanson, I was going to tell you, but Lita called, and then I—”

“I can’t believe you had sex with my sister!” Hanson yelled. “I mean… What the very fuck? Aren’t you supposed to like…ask or something? Or…”

And Sierra’d forgotten her shot.
She’d
been the one to beg Donovan not to say anything.
She’d
very reluctantly agreed to let Donovan tell her brother, and he hadn’t gotten a chance before this. And now her brother was mad at Van.

“Wait, Hanson.” She pushed on her brother’s chest. “I’m a grown up. You do
not
get to decide who I’m with. You just don’t! Of course he doesn’t have to ask.
It isn’t
up to you!
”

“This isn’t between us,” he spat.

“Then you’re being stupid!” she yelled. “Because you don’t get mad at your friend just because your sister happened to fall for that friend!”

And then every ounce of strength that Sierra had found in and around her monumental stupidity disappeared with the look of shock, anger, and disappointment on her father’s face.

Her parents stood in the doorway, and Donovan let his eyes fall closed for a moment, his jaw clenched.

This was not what happened to girls like her. She’d missed one doctor’s appointment, and seduced one guy, and forgotten everything her father had begged her to remember.

Now she’d turned Donovan’s life upside down, and…

“Look, I’d really like a chance to talk,” Donovan stared in an oddly calm voice. “If you’d just—”

Clark ground his jaw. “I think we have a few things to discuss with our daughter.”

She felt Donovan’s hand slip into hers and her sadness and frustration leaked in tears down her face at the relief of him next to her.

“With all due respect—” Donovan started.

“All due respect?” Her father’s voice ricocheted through the backyard. “With all
due respect
, I asked you to watch out for her, to make sure this
exact
kind of thing didn’t happen!”

“Stop talking about me like I’m not a person!” Sierra yelled. “It was
my
idea!
I’m
the one who forgot to go in and get her shot. Not Donovan.
I’m
the one who kissed him first.
I asked for it
!”

Donovan squeezed her hand. “We were both there,” he said quietly.

What a mess. She wanted to just fast forward until they were in the car. Alone. Together. So they could talk.

Actually. She was an adult. She could do just that. Sierra released Donovan’s hand, but he didn’t let go. She walked forward and he came with her.
He came with her.
She was falling for him so fast.

“I’m sorry you’re disappointed, Dad,” she said more quietly as she stepped around him.

Hot tears slipped down her face.

Donovan paused just before following her inside the house. He turned to face her family who stood like dumbfounded puppets on the porch. Angry ones. “I’d really like a chance to talk to you. All of you.”

Sierra relaxed her hand again, but Donovan kept his fingers intertwined with hers.

“I’m… I’m sorry, but if Sierra wants to go… I don’t want her to be alone. More than that.” He paused. “I want to be with her.”

Sierra held her breath for anyone in her family to take the first step. To make any kind of move toward Donovan. To talk with him the way he so obviously wanted to talk with all of them.

“Way to support, family!” she yelled before moving for the front door.

“Sierra,” Donovan whispered, but she needed out. Home. To think. Talk. She just wanted Donovan’s arms around her, telling her they’d be okay. She wanted to put her arms around him to tell
him
they’d be okay. She wanted to believe they’d be okay.

“Just get me out of here. Now.”

“Okay.”

“Van!” Hanson called from the porch and Donovan paused next to the car. It felt as if his insides were being pulled apart with how he’d let everyone down. Of course the screw-up they’d let stay at their house would do this. Of
course
.

Hanson still wore the same disappointed frown, and bile crawled up Donovan’s throat. He never wanted to make his friend feel bad, or Clark, or…