Finding Solace (23 page)

 
"Mine
was great, aside from the fact you can't answer a simple text or thirty? But
I'm not worried because clearly it works, being you were able to call me when
you needed something." I was still pissed obviously.

 
"I'm
sorry, Sadie. I went to visit Maddie and just needed some space. Not from you
so much, but from everything. Life is just getting fucking crazy and I needed
to just breathe."

 
"You
came back from a weekend road trip and needed to get away but I can't possibly
think it was because of me. Doesn't that come across as bullshit to you,
because it does to me?"

 
He stayed
quiet for a minute. Long enough to let me know I hit the nail on the head. Did
he know about Tony? You know what? It doesn’t matter if he does. I know about
tons of girls. I have never asked him once to be faithful to me. That would be
a pointless endeavor.

 
"I love
hanging out with you. You make me happy. I just needed time away is
all.
"

 
"Time away from me?"

 
"No.
Just time away."

 
"If
that’s all you’re going to give me to go on, then fine, I will leave it alone
for now. But sometime soon I would like to know what's going on with you."

 
"You
will, I promise. So anyway, how was your week?"

 
"Well,
the guys left to go home. Shawn is doing well. I went up to ‘51’ to see him on
Wednesday night. Heather and Jason are good as ever. Mike and Tony
have
been MIA all week. What else is there to tell
ya
?

 
"I
asked how your week was. Not everyone else's."

 
"Forgive
me. I worked, came home, worked again, went out,
came
home, work..."

 
"Smart ass.
I get your point. Well, my week was great.
Maddie loved the
Tweety
bird you got for her. She
told me to tell you thank you."

 
"Aw,
tell her you’re welcome from me."

 
"I
will. Are you hungry? I could buy you lunch or something for picking me
up."

 
"I
could eat. What sounds good?"

 
"A juicy burger.
What about you?"

 
"Always,
I love a good burger. So can we go to Lone State, they have a bubba burger that
is awesome?"

 
"Whatever
you want, beautiful."

 
We ate lunch
and then I drove him home. I went inside with him and still couldn't get past
all the locks it took to get through the door. When would be a good time to
say, ‘Are you going crazy?’ There really isn't one. He walked through the place
inspecting it for anything out of place. What could be out of place and who
could have gotten through the wall of locks he has on the door? Again, how do I
ask? I just stood in one spot until he was done. Then as if it was me losing my
mind he looked at me and said, "Why are you just standing there? Have a
seat. You know you are always welcome here. What is going on with you?"

 
Me?
Really?
I just walked over to the couch, sat down, grabbed
the remote and started flipping channels. Colt came over to sit down with me.
He told me about Jamie getting a new job and how he was hoping that now he
wouldn't need to send so much money. That she could start paying some of the
bills since he paid double for here and there. Maddie started gymnastics. He
showed me pictures of her in her leotard. She was so cute. She looked nothing
like her dad, but I couldn’t vouch for her mother. Colt had no pictures of
Jamie on his phone. He talked about his parents. They weren’t close. His dad
was a jackass, so as Colt grew up they grew apart. At least he still talked to
his mom every once in a while. It was getting late so I was going to just go
home but Colt asked me to stay with him.

 
"Aw
Colt, you want me to have a sleep over. You know that requires a great
breakfast, right?"

 
"Anything for you, Sadie.
I would do anything for
you."

 
"Don't
be a kiss ass now. You can save that shit for the morning when I ask for the
most kick ass breakfast you can make. It’s my favorite meal of the day by
far."

 
"Oh. I
know. Do I need to go to the store tonight or do I have what you're going to
want already here?"

 
I got up and
saw eggs, bread, bacon, sausage, vegetables, cheese, and fruit, everything that
I would like.

 
"Hey
Colt", I called from the kitchen, "Is any of this food still any good
from last week?"

 
"Yeah,
it will be fine."

 
The next
afternoon I was sicker than a dog. The food was not fine. He was laying right
there on the floor in his bathroom with me. We had food poisoning and it was
awful. While we threw up, we were there to support each other. When it came
time for the other end, we gave much needed space to each other. One bathroom
and two sick people
was
awful. Hours had gone by and
it was only getting worse. Dehydration was a serious factor at this point. I
was getting scared. Because we were not contagious, I conjured up all the energy
I had to dial Heather’s phone number. I begged her to buy the whole damn drug
store if it could make us feel better. When she finally showed up, she had
Jason in tow. They stood over us laughing to their heart's content. Somehow
they found it funny. How could this be funny? I was dying slowly and they were
laughing at me.

 
"Sadie, honey?
(Laugh) You don't have any pants on.
(Laugh) Where are your pants? (Laugh)
Or your underwear?
(Laugh)

 
Remind me to
kill her when I am not dying.

 
"I shit
my pants, okay?!" I barely got that out I was so weak. Jason and Heather
were practically hyperventilating. I hated them and wanted God to strike them
dead right there in front of me. Colt hadn't opened his eyes or said a word. I
could see he was breathing, or I really would be panicked that this was the end
for me also. I was spent. I couldn’t even lift my head to tell them to fuck
off. I needed to throw up again. I don't know how. There was nothing left
inside me. I used everything I had and all I got was halfway across Colt before
it started coming out. I was puking on my boyfriend’s (or whatever you want to
call him) head. I didn’t want to. I just couldn't move again to get any closer
to the toilet. He wasn't even moving to get away from me either. He just let
out a groan. Jason must have just caught on because I heard, "oh
shit!" And then he grabbed me and carried me to the toilet so I could
continue to get sick. The two of them eventually left and it was back to just
Colt and me. Sleep came in waves. We never left the bathroom floor. It was the
following morning when I woke up. Everything hurt. I got up and climbed into
his bed. I probably am a terrible person for leaving him on the floor, but I
just didn't care. When I woke up again, Colt was in bed next to me. I guess he
figured it out too. I fell back asleep. It was the afternoon when I finally
felt like I could get out of bed. I went and brushed my teeth first thing. Poor
Colt, now he really did need a new toothbrush. I made it out to the couch with
a bottle of water, grabbed a blanket and turned on the TV. I didn’t really care
what I watched. I was channel surfing when I came across a movie with Kate
Hudson and Jason Lee. It was her role as Penny Lane that made me love this
movie. I was half way through it when Colt crawled out onto the sofa with me.
He said he had never seen the movie. It was great reliving the first time I saw
it through his eyes. When it was over he turned to me and said, "That was
so stupid.”

 
"What?
That is one of my favorite movies of all time."

 
"Then I
feel sorry for you. That was terrible."

 
"I'm so
not speaking to you. You poison me and then hate my movie! I didn't ask for
either..."

 
"Shut
up, Sadie."

 
"What
did you just say to me?"

 
"I love
ya
but you need to just shut up! I still don't feel
good and I don't want you to yell at me right now. I can't handle it."

 
"Okay,
I'm sorry. Did you want the remote?" I handed it to him and then
laid
back down under the covers.

 
"Sadie?"

 
"Yeah?"

 
"Were
Jason and Heather here yesterday?"

 
"Yes."

 
"Did
you shit your pants?"

 
"Yes"

 
"Okay.
Just checking."

 
I wanted to
die all over again. Somebody just kill me now. I was never going to hear the
end of this, and it wasn’t even my fault. He poisoned me! I could be juvenile
and say ‘did you say you love me’ and make him answer, but I didn’t. I just
laid there and watched Step Brothers with Will Farrell.

 
We stayed on
that couch all night. Good thing his flight came in on a Monday. I would have
had to work today. How would I have explained that to my boss? Neither of us
felt up to eating dinner. So we just watched more TV until someone knocked on
the door. It was ten o’clock at night and no one called to see if he was home,
so it must be Jason or Heather coming to check on us. I got up to go with Colt
to the door when he asked me if I could just stay back. Why? But I thought it
might be one of his girls and how awkward would that be if I were standing
right there. I tried as hard as I could to hear what was being said. But the
other voice wasn't who I thought it would be, not at all actually. It was a
man. I heard something about picking up a package and then Colt said he was
sick and the guy needed to come back tomorrow. The door closed and then he was
back on the couch like that
didn't
just happen. No way
was I letting that go.

 
"Who
was that?"

 
"Just a friend."

 
"Well,
does just a friend have a name?"

 
"He
sure does. Do you want me to hook you up with him?” He was smiling. I wasn’t.

 
"Colt,
he said something about a package. What's going on and please don't lie to
me."

 
"Sadie,
I don't want to have to lie to you, but this is personal, and I don't want to
get you involved."

 
"I'm
already involved, Colt. I'm here."

 
"No,
you are here but you are not, nor will you ever be involved."

 
"You’re
scaring me. Why can't you just tell me? Is this the same reason you put all
those locks on your door?"

 
"Sadie,
I'm done talking about this. Why don't we just go back to bed? We need the
sleep after being so sick anyway."

 
"Speaking
of sick, we both need showers badly. I don't know if you remember or not but I
might have thrown up a little on your head. As far as what's going on with you,
we will be talking about this later. I'm just too tired to argue my point
tonight."

 
"You
threw up on my head! No wonder I keep smelling puke. I brushed my teeth and
still kept smelling it. That's fucking disgusting, Sadie. Why didn't you use
the toilet like everyone else?" He got up to walk to the bathroom to take
a shower. I would have joined him, but I was still trying to figure out what
was going on with him so I just shouted, "Long story. Jason will fill you
in, I'm sure."

 
I did wait
until he was out to get in. My whole body felt like it was beaten by a baseball
bat. I washed every crevice and my hair, twice. The need to feel clean consumed
me. When I got out I remembered I had no underwear, or clothes for that matter.
I went to his room and just grabbed the same boxers that were now becoming mine
and the tank I always used. Colt was already asleep when I walked in. I turned
off the light, climbed over him into his bed and covered up. Instinctively Colt
rolled to his side to grab me and pull me in to him. When his breathing rhythm
returned to a sleeping pattern and I was certain he was asleep, it was only
then that I had the guts to say, "I love you too."

CHAPTER
25

 
Summer
went by fairly quickly. Colt went back and forth between home and here twice a
month. Jason and Heather were still going strong. Mike was still Mike, being
the hard core player that he is. That fight made him a celebrity on so many
levels. Girls flock to him and he eats it up. Tony has been consumed by some
important court case that we can't know anything about. Dave and Angie broke up,
but are now back together. Shawn is even dating a girl he met at ‘51’. Her name
is Ashlee and she is a blast.