Finding Refuge (17 page)

Light flooded through him, a chill shivering down his spine.
Correction. Melody never did this to him. The way Andri affected him was like
that rusty proverb about lightning only striking once. What were the chances
he’d ever feel like this again? He’d be an utter fool to let her slip away.

Travis pulled into the parking lot at the Holt Construction
offices, somehow refreshed and far more ready to face the day than when he’d
climbed into the truck.

Chapter Ten

By the following Saturday, Andri was tired to the bone, and
if she hadn’t promised Rachel a girls night, she’d collapse and sleep for
twelve hours. She’d worked at GlobalTech for all of five days, but they were
viciously long days. The company was under a very tight schedule to coordinate
the switch from Los Angeles to Salt Lake City, turning L.A. into a satellite
office while company headquarters moved.

She’d aced her interview and been hired on Monday, only to
find herself dropped in the deep end of the pool on Tuesday morning when she
realized just how much work lay ahead. Granted, she put most of the pressure on
herself, but she wanted the systems done right, rush to finish notwithstanding.
Garbage in meant garbage out, so if she didn’t want greater headaches later,
she’d make sure everything was as perfect as possible from the ground up,
hardware and software.

As a result, her job took over her life. She worked nearly
every waking hour and she hadn’t seen Travis since Tuesday morning. She missed
him with an intensity that scared her if she thought about it too much, so she
purposely didn’t. But every time a text from him hit her phone, it was like she
drew a breath for the first time that day.

She met Rachel at a new sushi bar downtown near City Creek.
She gave her friend a hug before taking her seat. “It feels like ages since
I’ve seen you.”

Rachel grinned, flipping her russet hair over her shoulder.
“Time flies when you’re busy. Or getting lucky.”

“Ugh, just busy right now.”

Once they ordered a few rolls and Rachel’s beloved mackerel
nigiri, Rachel leaned forward. “Catch me up. What’s been going on since you
started work?”

“Very little, besides work. Travis and I text and sometimes
call, but he’s as busy as I am at the moment.”

“I heard that big shopping center project is falling apart.”

Andri nodded. “Yeah, he’s really scrambling on it. One of
the partners pulled out, but construction is already underway. He has guys that
need to be paid and he’s worried about the funding collapsing. Neither of us
has any time for the other at the moment.”

“Well, okay, that sucks…but, things are good, right? You two
are working out?”

Andri shrugged, ignoring the twinge, hoping it wouldn’t
awaken the ache she suffered every night she spent away from him. “We’re good.
I miss him, though. It sounds like he misses me.”

“He does. I saw him yesterday. He looks terrible.”

She winced at the thought of Travis suffering. “That doesn’t
make me feel better.”

Rachel ordered a couple more rolls when the waitress stopped
by, then said, “I can’t tell you how proud I am of myself that I finally got
you two together. I knew you’d be good for each other. Someday when you have
kids, I can tell them all about how I made sure Mommy and Daddy met.”

Andri fumbled her chopsticks. Where had that come from?
“Hey, hold on now. You’re getting a little ahead of us, don’t you think?”

Rachel swallowed a piece of the firecracker roll. “You can’t
tell me you haven’t thought about it.”

In truth, she hadn’t, not on such a scale, but now that she
did, the possibility burst to life in her head and she realized just how easily
she could see herself with him. Married. A couple of little dark-haired
children running around…and then the darker side. Travis missing out on events
with his children because his brother was a mess and needed his help that
instant. Travis lashing out as he bowed under the weight of his brother’s
issues on top of his own family’s needs, Andri left to hurt for him but
completely unable to relieve him of his burden.

She shivered. “I don’t see it getting that far, Rach. I
mean, we’re great friends, and I really love what we have right now. But unless
he can get his need to fix Danny under control…I can’t do that again. It was
bad enough watching my dad try to fix my mother. I can’t go through that with
Travis.”

“Travis has always assumed too much of everything that
happens is either his fault or his responsibility to fix.” A shadow crossed
Rachel’s face and she fell silent for a moment. “Danny will change, Andri. I
truly believe that. It won’t happen quickly, but it will happen.”

“I hope you’re right, for both of their sakes.” And for her
own. Because there was no way she was going to sacrifice her own wellbeing for
the long term, and she knew full well that Travis would all too easily
sacrifice his.

****

A text hit Travis’s phone as he drove on Sunday evening, and
when the next light turned red, he glanced at it.

Andri:
Remember, this too shall pass. Miss you.

He smiled, the warmth that filled him every time he heard
from her like the sun welcoming the world from an overly long winter. He missed
her like crazy. She was always hovering in the back of his mind, though at
night she took center stage in his dreams. The fiery glint in her dark eyes,
the sweetness of her mouth, the awareness of her body pressed against his…

He sighed heavily, gripping the steering wheel a little tighter.
He’d ruin it. He always failed. The litany turned circles around his thoughts,
like engraving on a ring of doom. Jacob, Mother, his marriage, Dan—

No. He shook his head, refusing to add Danny to that list of
disasters. He hadn’t lost him yet, and he refused to let it happen. And,
dammit, he wouldn’t add Andri to that list, either.

He wanted her. She’d lifted him, pulled him far enough out
of his life’s deluge that he could breathe. Part of him screamed warnings. How
could he leave himself open to her? Melody had broken his heart. Andri would
surely crush his soul. Though he’d just as certainly destroy her first. It was
just the way crap worked in his life.

Travis had tried finding a way to shove the idea of Andri
into a small box in his head. He’d considered that he should push her back
before it was too late for both of them. Count her as a friend, someone fun to
be with, someone whose body he thoroughly enjoyed, someone he could talk to.
Nothing more.

Aw, who the hell was he kidding? Travis surrendered. He’d
wrestled himself and lost, unable to find a way to replace his inner armor
without her getting caught inside with him.

No matter how busy he was, thoughts of her always thrummed
beneath the surface of whatever other subject occupied him at the moment. The
feel of her warm, delicate skin under his fingers simmered in his head when he
called his father’s physician to make an appointment, Dad arguing every step of
the way.

Not that the appointment mattered. Dad had gone home sick
again on Thursday, leaving him to juggle the Aspen Terrace center debacle on
his own. Damn, he couldn’t even get Dad to the urgent care clinic a mile down
the street. He could be such a stubborn old mule sometimes, and Travis failed
to find a way to budge him.

He drove to the company offices, promising himself he’d only
be there long enough to grab the contracts he’d forgotten when he left a few
hours before. Then it was all about Andri. She didn’t know he was coming over,
but he didn’t think she’d mind if he showed up on her doorstep.

He parked, surprised to see his brother’s motorcycle there.
Why would he be in the office at this time on a Sunday? He let himself in and
found Danny by Peggy’s desk. A pinprick of concern poked him in the chest.
“What are you doing here, Dan?”

His brother looked him square in the eyes. “Nothing much,
I’ve been working on the plans for that new community center at the apartment
complex in Herriman. I still feel like I’m playing catch-up half the time.”

“Ok, good.” Travis couldn’t shake the feeling that something
was up. Danny was setting off his radar. Now to figure out why. “You still
seeing Misty?”

“Oh, hell, no. I haven’t seen her since that day you came
and got me. She was bad news.”

“I thought that was her appeal.”

He shrugged, dropping his gaze to the floor. “It was. I’m
trying to improve my choices.”

“Good. Glad to hear it.” Travis stepped away, caught motion
in his peripheral vision: Dan sliding his hand into his pocket. A box behind
him on the desk drew his eye. The petty cash box. A sick feeling poured through
Travis, dark and slimy.

“Dan. Explain that to me.”

“Explain what?”

Travis walked over, reached behind him for the box, opened
it. It was nearly empty. They always kept two thousand dollars on hand, in case
of emergencies, having to pay out a sub quickly, whatever. Anger boiled the
fetid stew inside him. “Are you kidding me? I haven’t caught you stealing since
you were a teenager.”

His brother’s gaze was impassive. “It’s not what you think,
Travis.”

Travis gritted his teeth, willing himself to hold his
temper. “Empty your pockets, Daniel.”

Danny sighed heavily and pulled the cash out of his pocket,
opened his hand. Travis took it, counted it. “What exactly are you planning on
doing with fifteen hundred bucks?”

His brother rolled his eyes. “I don’t have to answer to
you.”

“You’re going to have to. Or should I just call the cops?”

Danny’s eyes narrowed. “You know, Travis, last I checked,
this was a family business. If Dad didn’t want me near the petty cash, he
wouldn’t have shown me where the key is kept.”

What was his father thinking? “Dad wouldn’t do that.”

“Yes, he would. He did.”

First, Dad essentially told him to lay off his brother. Now
he’d given Danny the keys to the kingdom? “He’s a fool to think he can trust
you.”

Danny’s cocky smile warred with the anger darkening his
gaze. “I knew you felt that way. Why do you think you know so much more than he
does?”

No, this was not going to be about him. This was a Danny
issue. “I’m not saying that, I’m just saying that he wants so much to believe
in you that he doesn’t see you for who and what you are!”

“Ohhh, I see. You know what I am and no one else does, is
that it?”

He scrubbed a hand through his hair, determined to calm
down. “Dan, you’re my brother and I love you. But you’re not in a good place.”

Danny laughed, but there was no mirth in the harsh sound.
“How the fuck would you know?”

Travis flung out a hand toward the box. “Because you’re in
here stealing from petty cash!”

“God, will you listen to yourself? You have no idea where my
head is at right now. You take it upon yourself to be in charge and try to save
me, but when was the last time you spent any time with me?” Danny pushed away
from the desk, paced a few steps away and then turned back sharply, his finger
striking Travis in the chest. “I’m trying to get myself squared away, to figure
out who I am. I don’t even know, so how the fuck could you know? Oh, wait,
that’s right, you know better than everyone else. You don’t have to really take
the time to find out, because you just know.”

The attack left Travis confused. “When have you asked me to
spend time with you?”

“I finally stopped, oh, about a year ago, because I got
tired of you saying no. And that’s a two-way-street. When have you
ever
asked me to spend time with you? You’re a
self-centered prick, Travis.”

Travis held his ground, but inside, his gut grew tighter,
churning in nauseating twists. He hated the feeling of being wrong.
Failure.

Danny’s temper appeared to have blown itself out when he
turned away, then settled on the end of the desk. “Fine, you want an
invitation?” he said softly. “Here’s one. I’m heading out to a party for my
friend, Mara, to say goodbye before she moves to New York for school.”

The tension in Travis’s chest made him snap. “Yeah, a party
with your friends is a great place for a recovering addict.”

Danny chuckled, almost under his breath. “God, you won’t let
it rest for five seconds, will you? Different group of friends, not that I
should have to explain it. These are the people who matter, who’ve stuck by me.
Sione Taufua will be there, and he just finished redoing the bathrooms in my
townhouse. I owe him money.” He pointed at the pile of cash. “Soon as the bank
opens tomorrow, I can pull out the cash and return it to the box, like a good
boy.”

Travis wanted to trust him, but he just couldn’t. He’d been
lied to so many times. “So where does an invitation fit into all this?”

“Come with me. Come to the party, meet my friends. Maybe if
you actually spend some time with me, you’ll stop seeing my problems and start
seeing me.”

Could he be wrong? Could he be so wrapped up in his
brother’s bouts with addiction that he’d missed him as a person? His heart
ached, torn between wanting to go with his brother, keep him safe if the party
turned crazy, and the blazing need to see Andri. Damn, he missed her so much
even his teeth ached. This fight had wound down, and his craving for Andri
ramped up by the minute. “Take the money, Dan. Go have fun.”

Dan actually looked a little crestfallen. “You’re not
coming?”

“I’m not really up for a party. But I want you to promise me
that you’ll be sober.”

“You could play designated driver.”

He frowned. “No, Dan. If you’re going to get drunk, you
shouldn’t go at all.”

Danny shook his head, a half-smile on his lips. “And here we
are, back where we started. Just once I’d like you to be my brother rather than
my fucking keeper.”