Finding Refuge (11 page)

Terrence turned, his smile a little wistful. “It looks like
you found what you needed.”

“Yeah, thanks.” Travis watched him approach, his palms
brushing various plants as he exited the overgrown craziness that his mother
had let take over a good third of the yard. He’d never really understood
Mother’s unruly garden, but it was their property. If Dad didn’t care, then she
could do whatever she wanted with it.

He gave his dad a hug. “How are you feeling, now that you’ve
had a couple of days off?”

“Oh, I’m fine,” Terrence said, and some of Travis’s tension
unwound. “The congestion in my chest cleared right up. I think I finally shook
that cold this time. Come on, I’ll walk you out.”

Travis’s relief over his dad’s improved health put him in a
better mood. One that took a nosedive half an hour later when he walked back
into the office and saw the distinct disapproval on his office manager’s face
as she hung up the phone. “What’s going on, Peggy?”

“I’ve rescheduled three of Daniel’s appointments today, and
the one I just got off the phone with was very unhappy about the change.”

Not again.
His gut knotted. “Did
you talk to him?”

She slipped her glasses off and cleaned the lenses on the
end of her purple blouse. “Yes.”

“High?”

“Maybe. Definitely hung over.”

Travis muttered a curse under his breath, but Peggy caught
it anyway. She shook her head. “I know, hon, I know.”

He left the plans he’d retrieved at Peggy’s desk for the sub
who’d need them in the morning. He spent the next few hours wrapping up the
rest of the day’s duties in a cold funk. What was it going to take to fix
Danny? If someone would just give him something concrete he could do to clean
up his brother once and for all, he’d sacrifice everything he had to make it
happen.

At five-thirty, a calendar reminder beeped from his phone.
Damn. He was supposed to see a play with Andri tonight. He was less than
pleasant company, too tired and frustrated to enjoy any kind of activity. He
thought about cancelling, but he didn’t want to let her down. He washed up
quickly and put on a fresh shirt before heading off to pick her up.  

****

Andri leaned against the porch railing at Rachel’s house,
waiting for Travis to take her to a play. She grinned when he pulled into the
driveway and got out of his truck, looking yummy in a gray shirt and black
pants. A little zing of electricity pinged around inside her, until his tired
smile and shadowed eyes grabbed her attention. His day had obviously worn him
out.
Aww, poor guy.

He took her hand as she joined him at the bottom of the
steps. “Long day at the office?” she asked.

He shrugged. “Nah, I’ve had worse.” He walked her around to
the truck’s passenger door and opened it for her.

She paused and squeezed his hand. “Travis, we don’t have to
go if you’re tired.”

Travis smiled at her, and it looked genuine. “I know.”

He was thoroughly pleasant, conversing with her on the drive
to the playhouse. But she’d seen him physically tired before, and there was
more to his underlying mood than a simple lack of sleep or hours of hard work.
Something was definitely off with him. His gaze was walled off more than usual,
and his step seemed heavier up the steps to the theater.

When the play proved to be bland and boring, she suggested
they leave at intermission. The relief in his expression was undeniable. On the
drive back to the house, she wanted to ask him what was wrong, but he gave no
indication that he was willing to discuss what weighed on him.

Travis accepted her invitation to come in for a while once
they returned to Rachel’s house. He turned on the game system while she retrieved
iced tea, but whatever distracted him kept him from driving his souped up game
car well enough to beat her. That was a first. Racing games were not her strong
point.

Finally, he set the controller on the coffee table and
groaned, running a hand over his face with a grimace. “I’m sorry, Andri. I’m
lousy company. I should call it a night.”

Andri gently rubbed his shoulder. “Hey, we all have our off
days. What’s going on?”

“It’s been one of those roller-coaster days, but it took a
bad drop toward the end.”

“Is your dad still sick?”

He turned toward her. “No, he’s feeling great for a change.”
He reached over and smoothed a stray lock of hair over her shoulder with the
rest, his touch sending warmth curling down her torso. “Danny missed work
today. Peggy said he sounded hung over, but I couldn’t confirm for myself
because he didn’t answer my calls.”

His brother would have been her next guess for the source of
his mood. “That’s not good.”

He sighed. “No, it isn’t.”

Part of her cried out a warning in the back of her mind that
she was about to step into butting-in territory, but she ignored it and dove
into the thing she’d thought about since observing the way he and his brother
interacted. “Travis, have you ever talked to anyone about Danny?”

“Of course, when he’s gone into rehab, I’ve been there for
the initial visit.”

“No, that’s not what I mean.” She knew she had to put this
delicately. “Have you talked to someone about him, for yourself? About the
strain his addiction puts on you.”

His brow furrowed, confusion in his eyes. “Why would I? I
mean, yeah, obviously there is some stress in dealing with all of his crap. But
he’s my brother. He’s worth it.”

“Of course he’s worth it, Travis, that’s not what I’m
saying.” She sighed, knowing she’d gone too far to back up now. “Do you
recognize that shouldering the weight of his problems is unhealthy for you? I
know you’re giving it everything you have, trying to help him and heal him,
but…you can’t force him to be fixed. You can’t save him from himself.”

His gaze darkened and he released her hand. “Danny needs my
help. He can’t do it on his own.”

She saw the storm coming, the defensiveness building in his
eyes, but she’d come this far. Might as well finish. He needed to hear it, even
if he hated her for it. “Ultimately he’ll make his own choices, and if he
decides not to help himself, and you don’t get out of the way, you’ll end up a
casualty of his choices.”

Travis sat up, his gaze frosting into a cool glare. “You
know, it’s easy to be an armchair quarterback, Andri, but you don’t have
any
idea what it’s like to be in my shoes. I’ve been taking
care of my brother for a long time now. I know what needs to be done. You
don’t.” His voice was tight, controlled.

She clamped down on the fight rising inside her, resisting
the urge to give in to her mother’s way of holding a discussion. Screaming
wouldn’t help. At this point, she doubted he’d listen if she tried to explain
her position, that she did know what it was like. She knew the path he was
headed down, a path that would disappear in front of him and drop him off the
edge of a cliff. But now was clearly not the time to press him. She raised her
hands in surrender. “Okay. I’m only trying to help.”

He sighed heavily and rubbed his face with one hand. “I
know. But I don’t need your advice. It would be best if we didn’t talk about
this subject anymore.” He glanced at his phone, checking the time. “I’d better
go.”

Andri walked him to the door, her heart heavy. He didn’t
look back as he left. She closed the door behind him and leaned against it.
That hadn’t gone well. She took a slow, deep breath, trying to release both her
frustration and the sting Travis had needled into her skin with his words. She
didn’t blame him for lashing out. The man was doing everything in his power to save
someone he loved. Of course he had reacted with anger and defensiveness when
told he was doing it wrong.

Travis wore responsibility like a second skin. He’d never
let his brother fall, even if Danny was determined to hit rock bottom. It
probably went against everything in Travis to let someone else crash without
trying to stop them.

If his need to protect outweighed the instinct for survival,
he’d easily be sucked into the riptide. She’d certainly learned that lesson the
hard way, and it killed her to see Travis on a collision course with the same
harsh schooling. No matter how much his scent and his touch made her insides do
funny flips, Travis was her friend, and Andri couldn’t let a friend suffer if
there was anything at all she could do to help. She hoped she could somehow
help Travis learn the lesson looming before him before it blew into him and
left him in pieces.

****

Travis worked harder than he ever had over the next several
days, dividing his time between the office and assisting crews, driving both
brain and body until he collapsed into an exhausted sleep at the end of the
day. Heavy sleep kept dreams, whether of his brother or Andri, at bay.

The hard work didn’t help him with thoughts of Andri during
the day. Little things provided a stream of reminders. A breeze would kick up
on the job, and he’d see her in his mind, all cute and windblown from fishing.
One afternoon, he pulled cash out of his wallet and a receipt from the last
time they had lunch together fell out, making him think about how much she’d
loved the butter chicken at that Indian place.

They were just friends, and at the moment she wasn’t on his
happy list, so why the hell was it so hard to stop thinking about her?

He put in a token appearance at his parents’ house when his
mother held a dinner party for friends newly returned from a three-year work
contract in Japan. Though the fine lines tightening around Mother’s mouth spoke
her disapproval, she at least didn’t verbally chide him for arriving dateless
and leaving far too early.

He watched Danny’s schedule like a hawk, checking on him in
the evenings to make sure everything was going okay. He caught himself thinking
about Andri, wondering how the job hunt was going, or when she’d get her
apartment keys for sure and be ready to move. He’d promised to help her move,
and he’d be there, no matter what. But the frustration with her flippant advice
to leave his brother to his own devices still simmered in his chest.

It should be better this way, leaving her friendship behind.
He’d searched for something about her that would kill his attraction, and he’d
found it. It didn’t really help, though. There should have been some relief
when he walked away from her. Instead, he had twinges of guilt over hurting her
and bursts of desire tugging at him when she crossed his thoughts. Shouldn’t he
have stopped thinking about her by now?

Travis walked into the office early the next Tuesday and
found Rachel pacing in front of his desk. “Hi.”

She rounded on him. “You’re such an ass.”

He hated it when Rachel went on the rampage. “What did I
do?”

Rachel planted her feet, hands on her hips, and pinned him
with a dark look he knew all too well. Ah. She talked to Andri. “Rach, don’t
give me that look.”

“I racked my brains to see if there was some reason that you
might deserve a nugget of my excellent advice. About the only thing I came up
with is that I don’t recall paying you back for that time at the park the
summer after sixth grade when Joe Carlton poured a bucket of sand on my head
and you tossed him in the nearest dumpster. So to pay off that debt, listen up.
Andri is sweet and genuine and thoughtful and she doesn’t usually stick her
nose in other people’s business. When someone like that offers you advice,
maybe you should ask why.”

Frustration surged inside him. Naturally Rachel would defend
her friend, but he’d known Rachel far longer. Shouldn’t she be on his side? “I
know why. She was trying to help.”

“Yeah, she was.” Rachel stepped forward, nearly nose to nose
with him, and poked him in the chest to punctuate her words. “Ask. Her. Why.”

A sick feeling bloomed in his gut. He’d missed something
important, or she wouldn’t be busting his balls like this. “Talk to me, Rach.”

She flipped him the bird and stalked out of his office.
She’d clearly given him all the help she intended to, and with the anger
vibrating through her frame, it was probably more help than he deserved.

Damn it all. He utterly despised the embarrassment and
regret that followed letting his temper get the best of him. And now he needed
to apologize to Andri. He’d obviously wronged her, and his honor would hold his
feet to the fire until he made things right.

He dreaded facing Andri again, when his attraction hadn’t
faded enough. Hell, it hadn’t faded at all. He’d spotted a woman walking down
the street as he drove yesterday. The only similarity was her long, wavy brown
hair, but he thought about how thick and silky Andri’s hair was, and he thought
about kissing her in his truck, and that little whimper of hers and in no time
flat, he was suffering a raging hard-on.  

He dropped into the chair behind his desk and drew a deep
breath to settle the pounding of his heart. He wiped his damp palms on his
pants. He missed her so much, on so many levels. Her company. Her friendship.
She was fun to spend time with, and fun had been seriously lacking in his life
since he walked out on her.

Dammit, he wanted to spend time with her, kiss her, make
love to her— Whoa, he had to back down from that one. That brought him to his
sense of reason. He didn’t want to get hurt. He didn’t want to hurt her. But,
of course, he had already, hadn’t he?

He had to see her again and try to make things right. If he
didn’t apologize, he’d never hear the end of it from Rachel. There were other
electricians, but few lifelong friends. Rachel asked very little of him over
the years, but she had asked this. He refused to let down his sister from
another mother.

Unfortunately, work conspired against him, and he didn’t get
the chance to so much as think about apologizing again until two days later,
when a text he’d asked Ian to send hit his phone.