Finding Peace (Finding Series, Book 3) (16 page)

“You should stay a while, Roman,” Luke suggested though he could tell by the tension in the man’s frame that he was already mentally out the door.

“I have some business back home,” Roman said quietly.

“Is there anything you want me to tell him?” Luke asked.

Roman studied Gray for a long time before finally saying, “Tell him thanks for the nightlight.”

***

Gray hurt all over but it was a dull, hollow pain that was hidden just under a cloud of something warm and pleasant. Part of him wanted to just keep his eyes closed and enjoy the curious sensation but then images began flashing in his mind and he couldn’t tell if they were real or some terrible nightmare. He jerked upright but didn’t make it very far because a warm hand settled on his shoulder and held him down.

“Gray, it’s okay. You’re safe.”

He’d know that voice anywhere. Gray managed to pry his eyes open, though it took him several tries. But when he tried to speak, no sound came out. A straw was pressed against his lips and he took a few swallows of water that cooled his parched throat. As he drank, his eyes shifted to his right and a sigh of relief went through him when he saw that Luke appeared to be unharmed.

“He shot you,” Gray managed to croak.

“The bullet just grazed me…again,” Luke said and when he sat down in the chair that was sitting next to the bed, he pulled up his sleeve and showed Gray a bandage covering his bicep. Relief went through Gray but then another memory assaulted him.

“Ripley…oh God, Luke, she jumped through the window…”

“She’s okay, Gray. Jax got her to Dane in time. She needed surgery and a transfusion but Dane says she’ll make it.”

“What happened to Shaw? How…How did you know he was at the cabin?”

Gray automatically pulled his hand free as Luke’s fingers covered his, because along with all the terrible memories of Shaw’s assault came the painful words that had sent him running back to the cabin. Luke’s words.

Luke’s face fell at Gray’s withdrawal but he said, “A paparazzo that was hiding out in the trees across the road from your cabin called 911 when he heard the gunshots. He had a high powered lens on his camera so he was able to get some pictures of us together a couple days ago.”

“That’s how Shaw found you,” Gray breathed.

“Dane saw the picture on the Internet and called Jax. We were getting ready to come out to the cabin when the 911 call came in about shots fired at your place. Jax questioned the reporter afterwards. He said your agent, Sid, was the one who told him where you were, Gray,” Luke said softly. “Sid admitted that he got the information from the lawyer who handled the trust you used to buy the property. I guess they were friends.”

“Any publicity is good publicity,” Gray murmured. “Probably Sid’s way of trying to force me into making a statement about Cavelli.”

“Fucker nearly cost you your life,” Luke growled.

Under any other circumstance, Luke’s protectiveness would have caused a warm shiver to run up his spine but now it just frustrated him. “How did you get Shaw?”

“Jax used a high powered rifle to distract the guy guarding the back door. The sound drew him out enough for Rhys to take him out and that distracted Shaw enough for me to get to him. He’s dead.”

Gray nodded and he hated the rush of relief that went through him knowing Luke was free now. Free to go back to the life he loved.

“Your lawyer showed up at the police station a couple hours ago. Said he was my lawyer, actually.”

Gray turned on his side so he wouldn’t have to face Luke anymore because whatever drug was coursing through his blood was doing nothing to ease the ache in his heart. “I’m really tired, Luke. Thanks for stopping by.”

Gray heard movement behind him and his whole body drew tight as he sensed Luke leaning over him. Lips ghosted across his forehead and then stopped by his ear. “Don’t think this is goodbye, Gray, because I’m not going anywhere.”

Chapter Eleven

Three weeks. Three fucking weeks.

That was how long it had taken Luke to clear up the shitstorm that had rained down on him when word got out of Shaw’s actions overseas and at home. But it hadn’t even started there. It had started after what should have been a simple run to the cafeteria to get a cup of coffee while Gray was asleep. By the time he’d gotten back to Gray’s room, a burly security guard had been waiting by the door and a grim looking Rhys had informed him that Gray had said he didn’t want to see him anymore. He’d fought it of course but no amount of calling Gray’s name had changed anything and he hadn’t been willing to hurt Rhys just to get past him. So he’d finally allowed Rhys to escort him from the hospital where his foster brother had dropped another load of bad news on him – until the mess with Barnes’ murder was cleared up, Luke was technically under arrest. And while Rhys hadn’t gone so far as to cuff him, he had taken him back to the station where two MPs had been waiting for him to escort him back to Fort Benning. Rhys, as well as the lawyer Gray had hired for him, had followed and Luke was actually grateful for the attorney’s presence because he’d been too overcome with anguish to care about the legal crap going on around him. While Gray’s attorney had worked to secure his freedom, Luke had been trying to figure out how to get Gray back.

Three weeks later and he wasn’t much closer to his goal. He’d managed to convince Dane to give him Gray’s address in California after he discovered that Gray had left Montana a couple days after he’d been discharged from the hospital. He hadn’t bothered trying to call Gray because he knew Gray would tell him to go to hell, and the things he needed to say couldn’t be done over the phone. And although he hadn’t seen or spoken to Gray in person, he had seen his former lover in all his glory as he became exactly what he he’d been so afraid of – a role model.

The first interview had been on some type of nightly entertainment show about a week after Shaw’s assault. Luke had taken in every detail of Gray’s still bruised face and he’d listened as Gray had glossed over his injuries and the details of what had happened that day. And before the reporter could ask her next question, Gray had stunned her and likely the entire audience with his announcement that he had been battling cancer. The reporter had recovered quickly to ask endless and increasingly personal questions and Gray had answered every single one openly and honestly and as the interview drew to a close, he’d looked straight at the camera and sent a message directly to the audience asking them not to wait to go to the doctor if they found anything suspicious. He’d also encouraged anyone battling the disease to find a support system among their family and friends so they would have the strength they needed to become a survivor instead of a statistic. More interviews and articles had followed as Gray became the face of surviving testicular cancer and if the new label bothered him at all, he never showed it.

But it was what Luke hadn’t seen that had him buying a one-way ticket to L.A. instead of driving and then paying a cab driver an exorbitant fee to get him out of the crowded city and on the way to the posh beachside community of Malibu. All the words coming out of Gray’s mouth had been the right ones but there’d been nothing in his eyes. When he’d told the reporter he was excited to be working with the studio on the final version of the script for the first film in his series, there’d been no excitement in his golden eyes. The wide smile that accompanied the reporter’s congratulations on his latest book making the bestseller list a month before its release date was too wide. And when asked about the mysterious man Gray had been with at his cabin, Gray couldn’t mask the pain in his eyes even as he coyly dodged the question.

Finding Gray’s house was surprisingly easy because there were at least half a dozen reporters standing at the edge of the driveway. Luke was glad there wasn’t any kind of security gate to get through and he ignored the reporters calling out to him when he got out of the cab. He’d packed light for the trip so he didn’t need to spend any time digging luggage from the cab’s trunk. But it was an odd feeling to have cameras and flashes going off behind him as he made his way up the walkway of the very modern looking white house. His anxiety was at boiling point and it seemed to take forever for the door to open. But nothing could have prepared him for his first sight of Gray.

It wasn’t that there was anything outwardly wrong with Gray’s physical appearance - in fact, he actually looked healthier than Luke had ever seen him. His beautiful blond hair was almost back to the length it had been that terrible day when he’d watched Gray shave the first of it off and his skin no longer looked pale or sallow. And while he was still a little underweight, his body had started to fill out enough that his clothes fit normally again. But what Luke was seeing was only a shell of a man. There was no spark in his dull eyes and even upon seeing Luke, his expression barely changed.

“Hi,” was all Luke managed to come up with as his hungry eyes raked over Gray. Gray didn’t say anything but he did open the door wider and Luke took that as the only invitation he was going to get. As soon as he was inside, Ripley came up to greet him. The dog’s movements were slow and she had a slight limp but her tail was wagging and she whined excitedly as she pressed her nose into Luke’s hand.

“She looks good,” Luke murmured as he got on the smooth white floor and let Ripley crawl all over him. He used the time to take in the inside of Gray’s house and was overwhelmed by how beautiful it was…and expensive looking. Huge glass windows made up the entire rear, giving him an unfettered view of the beach and ocean. The living room boasted a massive fireplace and had several pieces of leather furniture positioned in a way that guests could talk to each other while still enjoying the view. A marble staircase led to the second floor and off to the side of the house he could see an indoor swimming pool.

“What are you doing here, Luke?” Gray asked tiredly as he began walking up the stairs. Luke gently extricated himself from Ripley and climbed to his feet. The big dog trotted into the living room and curled up in a plush dog bed by the fireplace.

Luke followed Gray upstairs to what he could only assume was the master bedroom. The king sized bed actually looked small in the large room, and the far wall was another set of windows. But there was also a walk out porch with a hot tub. What stood out to Luke though, were the stacked boxes stuffed into each corner of the room.

“Are you moving?” Luke asked as Gray disappeared into the closet. He returned a moment later with a large suitcase which he put on the bed and opened.

“I’m going back to the cabin.”

“Are you selling this place?”

Gray merely nodded.

“What about your career? The movies?”

“I can write from anywhere,” Gray murmured as he went back to the closet and reemerged with an armful of clothes.

“And the movies?”

“I told the studio I wasn’t interested in being involved in the creative process. They can cast whoever they want – my only obligation is to do some promotion work when each film is released.”

“So that fucker Cavelli is going to get the part even after the shit he pulled?”

Gray finally seemed to wake up from whatever haze he was in and all the emotion that had been missing from his features during all his interviews came flooding back at once. “Damn it, Luke, what the hell do you want from me?”

At the naked pain in Gray’s voice, Luke cursed himself for getting off track and he tried reaching for Gray. But Gray shrugged him off and took several steps back.

“I didn’t mean those things I said at the police station,” Luke said softly.

Gray surprised him by saying, “I know.”

Hope flared to life in Luke’s chest and he closed the distance between them but Gray held out his hand to stop him and his whole body appeared to curl in on itself like it was trying to protect itself from Luke’s touch. The sight had bile rising up in Luke’s throat. “Gray…” he whispered in confusion.

“I know you said those things to drive me away. I get that,” Gray said hoarsely. “But they’re in my head now – they’re all I fucking hear,” his face crumpled and tears began falling from his eyes.

Luke stepped back as shockwaves went through him. God, what the hell had he done? He hadn’t just wounded Gray – he’d fucking torn him apart. Horror slammed into him as he realized that while Gray had recovered from the brutal beating Shaw had inflicted on him, he was still hemorrhaging from the wounds that Luke’s cruel, careless words had left behind.

“Gray, tell me how to fix this,” he pleaded desperately.

Gray just shook his head and wiped at his face with his sleeve. “Can’t,” was all he said.

Cold settled into Luke’s chest and he began to feel lightheaded so he sat down on Gray’s bed. “I thought…I thought I was doing the right thing. I really did, Gray,” he whispered as he looked up to search out the other man’s eyes. But Gray’s head was turned away and Luke knew his presence was only hurting him more. He’d lost him. He’d fucking lost Gray…and all because he’d been too scared to let the only person besides Rhys who ever truly loved him all the way in.

Luke forced himself to stand even though his legs felt like they were going to give out any minute. “Um, your brother stopped by the hospital…he wanted me to tell you ‘thanks for the nightlight.’ I hope you know what that means because he didn’t stick around long enough to explain.”

Luke turned to go but stopped when he heard Gray say, “It was the first night he came to live with us. He came into my room crying because he was afraid his mom wouldn’t be able to find him from heaven. I gave him my nightlight and told him it would help her find her way so she could watch over him.”

Another wave of agony tore through Luke as he said, “Don’t let him push you away, Gray.”

With those words, Luke’s voice finally broke and he barely managed to whisper, “I love you, Gray” before he hurried from the room, tears flooding his vision. He thought he heard his name being called but he didn’t have the courage to turn around and find out in case it wasn’t true, so he rushed down the stairs and yanked the door open. Something hit him from behind, forcing the door shut and Luke lost it as he felt Gray’s solid body pressed up against his back. Sobs racked his body as gentle hands turned him around and he went willing into Gray’s arms when they wrapped around him.

***

Relief flooded Gray’s entire system as Luke clung to him. In the split second he’d watched Luke leave his room, Gray had relived every moment they’d had together and while the hurt from Luke’s words in the police station was still there, the joy and peace Luke had brought him were stronger and he knew that letting Luke go wasn’t an option.

“Gray, I love you so much,” Luke whispered against his neck. Gray could feel hot tears soaking through his shirt but he wasn’t a hundred percent sure they were just Luke’s. “I never wanted to hurt you…”

“I know, baby,” Gray murmured against Luke’s ear before pressing a gentle kiss to his head. “We’ll figure it out. Just…just don’t leave me again, okay?”

He thought he heard Luke whisper “never” against his neck but he wasn’t sure. When Luke’s sobs slowed, Gray linked their hands and led him back up the stairs. He pushed the suitcase to the floor, sat Luke down on the bed and worked his shoes off. Gray crawled over Luke and lay down on the bed, holding his hand out. Luke took it instantly, settling down next to him, putting his head on Gray’s chest. The arms that wrapped around Gray were like steel bands but Gray didn’t protest the tight hold – he relished in it.

They lay like that for a while and Gray didn’t even realize they’d fallen asleep until he woke up and saw that it was dark outside. Luke stirred against him and when his lax grip tightened, Gray knew he was awake.

“What happened in Georgia?” he asked.

“Lots of legal shit and red tape and then endless debriefings. I lost track after a while because it seemed like all I was doing was answering the same questions over and over.”

“They dropped the charges?”

Luke nodded. “I should have listened to you, Gray. About the lawyer, about asking Rhys and Jax for help – all of it.”

“It all worked out,” Gray murmured.

He was surprised when Luke suddenly shifted his weight so that he was hovering over him. “Don’t do that,” Luke said softly. “Don’t let me off like it was nothing.” Luke’s fingers came up to trace the scar on his face.

“I wanted you to trust me,” Gray finally admitted. “I wanted to give you what you gave me.”

“You did,” Luke whispered and then he was reaching across Gray to turn the light on the nightstand on. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a wad of folded up pages. “I had to fill out a ton of forms for the hearings, my discharge papers, the debriefings…but I didn’t actually notice what I’d been doing until I filled out the paperwork for the storage place where I left my stuff after I moved it out of base housing.”

Luke flattened out all the papers and handed them to Gray. Gray wasn’t sure what he was looking for and was about to ask when he finally saw it. His name. It was written in the
Next of Kin/Emergency Contact
section. He sucked in a breath when he flipped to the next page and saw the same thing. Every single page had his name on it instead of the fake name Luke had used for the mother who didn’t exist.

“I finally have someone who cares if I come home or not,” Luke whispered against his lips.