Finding Our Forever: (A Defining Moments Novel) (5 page)

“Ben, listen to my voice. You need to calm down. Take a deep breath. Let it out slow. He’s gone. You need to get yourself under control so we can go to the hospital and see Mom,” I whisper into his ear as he continues to struggle under my weight. I’m not letting him up until he chills out.

He struggles for a second more before his entire body goes limp under me. I slide to the side of him but don’t let my hold on him go.

After a few minutes, his body starts to shake and I know he’s trying to let go of that anger. I hear the door shut quietly, and when I look to the where Destry and Cord were just a minute ago, the space is empty, and I know they’ve left to give Ben time to pull himself together.

I loosen my hold on him and move away from him slowly, still holding his arms gently in case he decides to make a break for it. I’m in absolute shock. I’ve never seen Ben lose it like that. I thought he was going to kill our dad.

“Get the fuck off me, Eli,” he bites out.

“Promise me you aren’t going to go murder our dad, and I’ll let you go,” I respond before he starts swatting at my hands.

“I hate him. How have I not seen what a piece of shit he is?” he mumbles to himself, not expecting an answer. He rights himself and then stands, pushing me away. I can see the confusion and anger written all over his face.

“Let’s go!” he basically screams at me. “I need to see her. I need to know she’s okay, Eli.” I watch as tears roll down his red face. He’s losing it.

I nod. “Okay, Ben, let’s go.” I wrap my arms around him and pull him into a bone-crushing hug. He doesn’t return the hug, but he doesn’t fight it either. I’ve never seen him so broken and it makes me hate our dad a little more.

WE MAKE OUR WAY
through the corridors of the hospital, making a beeline for Mom’s room. Cord stops us before we go in to make sure we’re all calm and collected. On the way over, we discussed not upsetting her and keeping our own emotions in check as much as possible.

When we enter her room, her eyes are open. She smiles and lets out a small squeak when she sees us, and I feel as if an elephant removed itself from my chest.

I watch as Cord strolls over and kisses her forehead before whispering something to her and then moving over to the side. All three of us rush to her.

“Cord made Dad tell us the truth about what happened. We’re sorry, Mama,” I choke out.

She pulls back and looks at my face. “Stop right there. First of all, do not apologize for your father,” she tells us in the strongest voice I’ve heard come out of her in ages. “Was the news a shock? Yes. Did it contribute to the accident? Maybe. Am I pissed at him? Absolutely. Actually, I’d like to cut his nuts off. I understand you guys are mad at him, and you have every right to be. I’m not going to stick up for him and tell you to forgive him. That’s your decision. Just remember he is the only dad you’ll ever have.”

I pull back from her and look at her face, which seems calm and natural.

“Mom, he cheated on you for years. How can you be so calm about this?” I ask.

“Baby, I mourned the death of our marriage a long time ago. Yes, I was shocked to learn of his infidelity, but it doesn’t change anything about my life now. I’m still moving on with my life, and happily too.”

I look over at Destry and smile, knowing she’s going to be just fine. She’s way stronger than any of us have given her credit for.

When I swing my eyes to Ben, his face is stoic. He still hasn’t said anything. I watch as he strides to her, kisses her cheek, and turns and leaves. He’s trying to hold it together, and I know he doesn’t want to break down in front of her. She’s been through enough. The moment the door closes behind him, I turn my attention back to Mama, who is looking directly at me with worry. I nod, knowing she wants me to go after him, and I do.

By the time I get to the nurses’ station, I can see down the long corridor and watch as the elevator doors shut with just a glimpse of Ben’s red face as they close. I pick up my pace, wanting to catch him before he gets out of the hospital.

I press the button and wait for the car to return to me. It feels like hours, but I’m sure it’s only a minute or two. Ben isn’t emotional and never has been. For him to be on this ledge by himself scares me. I need to get to him.

The elevator pings just as the doors start to slide open, and I crash into a tiny little body trying to get out as fast as I’m trying to get in.

Sara.

“I’M SO SORRY,”
she stammers before she even looks up. She’s trying to pick up all the stuff she dropped, and I’m amazed she was carrying all of that.

When her eyes meet mine, I almost lose my breath. What in the hell is wrong with me? I’m acting like a chick. It’s then I realize I’m standing there staring at her while she picks up all the stuff I knocked out of her arms. I haven’t even apologized for plowing into her.

I bend down and start helping her gather all of her things. Clothes, shoes, hairspray, toothbrush, a makeup bag, and at the bottom of the heap, a destroyed grocery store plastic bag. She lets out a huff when she sees the bag is torn down the middle.

“Shit,” she mumbles under the breath.

“I’m sorry I almost ran you over.” I add a smile in for good measure. “I’ll help you get this stuff to wherever you’re running too.” I start to pile some of the clothing into my arms, but when I hear her laughing, I stop and find her looking at my hand with a smirk on her face. When her eyes lift to mine, one eyebrow raises in question. I look down at to see I’m holding a pair of white lace panties, and the matching bra is already on the pile in my arms.

I stand, adding the panties to the clothes in my arms, and shrug as if it doesn’t faze me. She smiles and it’s a punch to my gut. Good Lord, I want to kiss those lips.

“You don’t have to do that, Eli. I can get it,” she tells me, reaching toward me to take my stack.

“No way. I’m helping,” I assure her. “What’s with all the clothes and stuff? You moving in?”

She chuckles before replying, “No, I just finished up at the gym and I still need to shower and change for my shift that starts in fifteen minutes, so I need to hurry.” We start down the hall and I just follow her lead because I have no idea where we’re going. When we get to a room marked “Employees Only,” she rushes through the door with a quick, “I’ll drop this stuff in my locker and be right back for the rest,” and then she’s gone. A few seconds later, she runs back out, grabs everything in my arms, and turns to go back in, but I touch her shoulder before she gets through the door.

“Sara, I was wondering if you’d like to have dinner with me sometime,” I stammer out. She looks back over her shoulder, a small smile on her face, and nods.

“I’d love that, but I’m so far behind schedule right now. Can we talk about this later?” she blurts out and continues through the door, not waiting for a reply.

I can’t help the big, stupid smile that breaks out on my face. She may not have given me her number so we could finalize things, but she didn’t turn me down. I turn to go, and the memory of Ben leaving hits me hard.

Shit.

I bolt for the elevators and am lucky enough to catch one without waiting. When I get outside, I see the brake lights of Ben’s truck as he rips out of the parking lot. I pull my phone from my pocket and hit his contact.

Ring.

Ring.

“What do you want, Eli?” he groans into the phone, as if I’m the most irritating person on the planet.

“Are you going home? Want me to grab us a pizza?” I ask him, acting as though we’re just having a normal conversation. If I make a big deal out of it, he’ll blow me off and disappear. It’s what he does when he’s upset. I don’t know where he goes and he never tells me, but wherever it is, it isn’t any of our usual hangouts. Swinging myself up into my truck, I start it but wait for his response.

“Sure. I’ll meet you back at the apartment in a bit. I have something I need to do before I go home.” His voice sounds deflated and he hangs up without another word. This right here is just another reason that I can’t stand my dad. Once again, he’s causing someone I love pain.

I mean, I’ve always known in my heart that our dad had zero desire to have the responsibility of raising a bunch of crazy boys, but he did always want us to be his best friends. He left the raising to Mom and tried like hell to be the “cool dad.” I don’t know why Ben never saw through his bullshit, but I have a feeling this whole thing has helped open his eyes to the man our dad really is. I’m a little concerned about how Ben will handle it though.

Just as I’m about to pull out of the parking lot, my phone rings and Destry’s face lights up my screen.

“Shit, Dez. I’m sorry. Are you ready or are you still visiting with Mama?”

“I’m ready. Are you still here? Where’s Ben?”

“I’m in the parking lot. I’ll pull up out front,” I reply, ignoring the Ben question. We’ll chat when he gets in the truck.

I flip around and head back toward the front of the hospital, pulling up just as Destry comes out. He jumps in and immediately asks again, “Where’s Ben?”

“He said he had something to do and would meet us back at the apartment. We’re gonna grab a pizza and head over. Did you need to do anything else before we go home?”

“Nah, I’m good. Just worried about Ben. I knew he’d take this the hardest the moment Dad told us what was going on. I think you and I have always seen through Dad’s bullshit, but Ben has always looked up to him, and I think this might be harder for him.”

“I know,” I reply hoarsely.

The rest of the drive is quiet and Ben still isn’t home when we get there.

Dez and I watch a little TV and shoot the shit about how things are going in Boise for him. He talks about football a little but more about his friends and how he’ll miss them when he moves home. I think he initially decided to go to Boise because he wanted to get the hell out of here. Football has never been his passion; he played because Dad wanted him too.

When I ask him details about when exactly he is moving back home, he tries to change the subject. I know he’s avoiding, so I push him a little. Seems he has a friend that needs his help and asked him to stay in Boise through the summer. Since he took a condensed class load this semester, he gets out of school a few weeks before everyone else. According to him, his plan is to come home for a couple weeks to visit and get all of his UC stuff in order for next semester, and then he’ll return to Boise to help out his friend through the summer. He was going to call Mom and tell her this coming weekend, but with her accident, he says he hasn’t decided when to tell her. He swears me to secrecy before changing the subject. It’s his deal. He can tell Mom when he’s ready.

By the time Ben comes home, I’m concerned and the pizza is cold. When he comes through the door, I can tell he’s been drinking and I lose my shit.

“Goddamn it, Ben! You better not have been driving!” I bark at him.

“Shut your cakehole, Eli. I took a cab. We’ll go get my truck tomorrow,” he mumbles as he pushes past me and toward his room.

“Where the hell did you go that served you? We’re only twenty, Ben!” I stop talking when his door slams shut. That went well.

Taking a deep breath, I start toward Ben’s room, but Dez stops me. “Let him be for now, Eli. He’s drunk and you don’t want to have any serious conversations with him tonight.”

We sit silently watching TV for a little longer before I’m exhausted and ready for bed. I tell Dez good night and head to my room. Just as I finish brushing my teeth, my phone pings with an incoming text.

Unknown: You still awake?

Me: Depends. Who is this?

Unknown: Sara.

Me: Then, yes, I’m still awake. ;)

Sara: Such a flirt. I’m on break, so I figured I’d text you and see when you wanted to get together.

I can’t help the stupid grin that breaks out on my face. Boom. This girl has the hots for me.

Me: When’s your next evening off? My schedule is kind of screwy right now with Mom being in the hospital and us not knowing when she’ll come home. I’ll need to be around for that.