Finding Our Forever: (A Defining Moments Novel) (12 page)

As her shaking subsides, I set her back on the seat beside me and cup her face in my hands. I wait for her eyes to connect with mine before I press my lips to hers. Her eyes close and mine follow. When her hands thread into my hair and she deepens the kiss, I know she’s coming out of whatever zoned-out realm she was in.

After pulling back from me, she presses her forehead to mine but doesn’t open her eyes. “Thank you,” she whispers.

I pull her to me and once again we sit in silence, just holding onto each other. I feel her breathing even out, becoming normal again, and I can’t help but wonder how this day could progress from this.

After a few more minutes, Sara pulls back from me and shocks me when she says, “Well, you ready to feed me?”

I don’t even attempt to hide the smile that spreads across my face. “Of course, beautiful. Let’s go eat.”

OVER THE NEXT FEW
weeks, I don’t see Ben much. He’s been spending a lot of time on campus, I guess. Who knows? He’s still moody and snaps at me more than he needs to. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he just blows me off and leaves. One thing I’ve noticed is that most nights he isn’t sleeping at our place. Makes me wonder if he is seeing someone.

Destry came home last week. In an effort to spend more time at home with my brothers, I’d invited Sara over for dinner instead of taking her out. She’d insisted, since Destry had just gotten home, I should be spending time with him, and so she’d volunteered to cook for us. Now, our mom is a chef, so we’re pretty spoiled when it comes to eating home-cooked meals. But the sheer fact that she managed to make a dish have zero taste was beyond my comprehension. I mean, it was just a simple mushroom and asparagus pasta dish. She even had a recipe sitting beside her when she made it. It literally had no flavor. Even Sara was adding lots of salt and pepper to her plate in an effort to make it edible. No one complained and we all ate it, but by the end of the evening, Sara’s cooking had become the butt of many jokes. She took it all in stride and just rolled her eyes at us. Any woman who could put up with me and my brothers picking at her was a keeper. The thought was unsettling.

Destry really hasn’t done much since he arrived, other than hang out with his friends and some girl he met. He has an appointment this week with his advisor at UC to get his schedule straight for next semester. Then he’s going back to Boise until later in the summer.

Sara and I have fallen into a pattern. I go to school four days a week, and she works three on four off, four on three off. Fortunately, we’ve been lucky to have a couple of the same days off and have spent them doing fun things. With only two weeks left until I need to hunker down and start studying for finals, I want to spend as much time with her as we can squeeze in. The week before and the week of finals I’m usually buried.

I really enjoy spending time with her even though we’ve stepped back from the intense make-out sessions. Things were moving at light speed and neither of us are ready for that. Are we crazy attracted to each other? Absolutely, but she isn’t ready to take this thing between us to the next level relationship-wise, and seriously, she sort of scares me. I’ve always enjoyed dating but haven’t ever wanted something serious. Sara makes me feel things I’m not sure I’m ready for. She makes me want more of her. She’s addictive.

Today I’m taking her to the amusement park for some fun. That hadn’t been the original plan, but when I called her this morning to see if she wanted to go out, she seemed a little down, and I’m a little concerned. She doesn’t talk about her work much, but I can tell when she’s had a hard day. She thinks she plays it off well, but she doesn’t. I can read her emotions by her facial expressions the moment I see her. I know her job is hard and I can’t imagine having to watch people in their darkest hours on a daily basis. I mean, seeing people die is just a side effect of her job. I swear nurses must be some of the strongest people on the planet.

Making my way up to her house, I hear Diesel’s loud bark before my foot even hits the porch. I’m growing to love this big slobber box. He really is a huge teddy bear.

The front door is already open, in anticipation of my arrival I assume, and I can see Diesel inside the screen door, dancing around. He missed me and it makes me smile.

I knock quickly and then open the screen door just in time to brace myself for Diesel. He jumps up on me, knocking me back a step or two before I wrap my arms around him and wrestle him to the floor.

“I’m here, Sara,” I holler into the open space.

I hear the most beautiful laugh ever but can’t see her because I’m still on the ground with Diesel basically lying on me.

“I love it when my boys get along,” she chuckles out, but I hear the catch in her voice as she realizes what she’s saying.
My boys.
She quickly clears her throat and disappears back down the hall.

After I give Diesel the attention he craves, I plop down on the couch and wait for Sara to finish getting ready. She’s never ready when I get here, and I’ve just accepted that I’ll sit for at least fifteen minutes. It gives me time to bond with Diesel anyway.

When she returns to the living room, she shakes her head as she sees us sprawled out on the couch. “I’m pretty sure you like my dog more than me, Elijah Harper,” she barks, trying to sound mad, which she’s not pulling off very well.

“He gets me,” I tell her with a grin.

She laughs as she struts toward me. “Come on, dog whisperer. Let’s go.”

I pat Diesel on the head and stand to follow her out. I reach for her hand just as she raises it to brush a stray piece of hair out of her face. That seemed totally deliberate, but I let it go. She seems a little off today.

I open the door for her to climb into my truck and she doesn’t wait for me to help her; she grabs the interior handle and hoists herself up without looking back. Okay, now it’s getting weird. I always help her into my truck.

When I get in the driver side and shift my eyes to her, she’s looking at her hands and fiddling with her nails. She’s nervous about something, and the longer this goes on without her telling me, the angrier I’ll get. It’s my inner asshole. I hate avoidance. Switching the radio off, I turn to her.

“What’s going on, Sara? You might as well tell me now because I know something is up.”

I watch as her chest rises with the deep breath she takes in before releasing it slowly and turning to face me.

“I hadn’t planned on telling you until after our date, because I really do want to have a good time tonight, but since you’re so smart and can apparently read me like a book, I guess now is as good a time as any,” she replies. She takes another deep breath and looks back down at her hands before continuing. “I was accepted into a PA school in Arizona.”

At first, I’m not sure what she means. I mean, we’ve discussed that her dream has always been to become a nurse and that she usually sets new goals for herself once she’s met the previous ones, but she hasn’t mentioned even applying to a PA school. I’m stunned to say the least.

I sit back in my seat and lean my head back against the headrest. I don’t know how to respond to this news. How do I feel about her leaving? What do I say? Is what is happening between us just a fling? I mean, are we even really
in
a relationship? We’ve not even discussed that. Hell, I don’t even know if she’s seeing other people.

“Please say something, Eli,” she says urgently, but doesn’t look up when I swing my head back toward her.

“I don’t really know what to say. I didn’t even know you were interested in doing this, and now all of a sudden I’m finding out your moving hundreds and hundreds of miles away,” I confess. “I just don’t know.”

“Are you mad?” she asks, her voice sounding strained.

“I’m not mad, but truthfully, I don’t know how to feel about any of this. I mean, we’ve never even really discussed what’s going on between us. I enjoy spending time with you and you seem to enjoy it too, so does that mean we’re in a relationship? Do I even have a right to be upset that you’re moving away?”

“I didn’t say I was going. I wanted to talk to you, Ramzi, and my parents about it before I make my decision,” she replies with a little bit of irritation.

I grab her hand and give it a light squeeze. “I think the best thing for us to do right now is to find a place to sit and talk.” She nods before pulling her hand back and placing it in her lap.

I start the truck and pull away from the curb. The ride to the coffee shop is completely quiet, which surprises me because Sara always messes with the radio. She hasn’t turned it on since I switched it off when we got in the truck.

The moment we have our order, we make our way to the little booth in the back that will give us some privacy.

“So I guess the first thing we need to figure out is what’s going on between us,” I start. She doesn’t look up from her cup, which she’s peeling paper off. Reaching over, I grab her hand and pull it away from its busy work. “Sara, look at me,” I tell her gently. When her eyes meet mine, I can see the confusion mixed with sadness.

“Look, Eli, I really like you, but I need to make this decision based on whether it’s what is best for me. This is a huge opportunity for me, and I’m afraid if I turn it down, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. But I do like you, and I’m afraid to even bring up how this will affect our relationship… if it even is a relationship.” Her face is stoic, and I’m pretty damn proud of her for being so completely honest with me. I see her determination and it reminds me of my mom. Her strength and her drive to better herself. I know in my heart that I could build something lasting with Sara, but she’s right. If she doesn’t take this opportunity, she’ll always wonder the “what ifs.” I don’t want to be the reason she doesn’t reach her goals.

Stretching my hand out against hers, our fingers link together and I pull them to my lips, pressing a kiss to the back of her hand. She lets out an audible breath, closing her eyes and relaxing her hand into mine.

“You need to take this shot,” I agree. “If your dream is to be a PA, don’t let anything or anyone stand in your way.” She looks up at my face and I watch as her expression lightens a little.

“But what are
we
going to do about us? Is there even an ‘us’?” she murmurs, once again looking down at our joined hands.

“Well, if you do take this, when will you have to leave?” I ask her, smiling so she sees that I’m not upset about this conversation. I won’t let her give this up.

She seems a bit surprised by my question but replies quickly. “They want me there next semester, which would be fall semester. I’d have to leave here in August.”

That’s a few months away. That gives us more time than I thought to spend together.

“Okay. So we’ll get to spend the summer together. We’ll have fun, and then in the fall, you’ll leave for Arizona and I’ll start the second half of my junior year at UC. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

She smiles at me genuinely before getting up from the table, walking over, and plopping herself into my lap.

“I approve of that idea, Mr. Harper,” she tells me just before pressing her lips to mine. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I pull her tight against me and deepen the kiss. She’s so responsive to me, and it makes me think about how amazing it would be to have her in my bed.

She pulls back and presses her forehead to mine. “So does this mean that we’re in a relationship? The ‘we only make out with each other’ kind of relationship?” she asks, sounding a little bit more sassy.

“Baby, I haven’t been able to even look at another woman since the moment I laid eyes on you in the hospital,” I reply before kissing her again. “I think that if we’re going to spend the summer together before you leave, it should be casual and fun, but I also don’t want to share you with anyone else. Call me a one-woman kind of guy.” The moment the words leave my mouth, I chuckle. I’ve never been a “one-woman kind of guy” before. Ever.

“Why are you laughing?” she asks with a smile.

“Truthfully, I’ve never been in an official relationship before, so I guess you’ll technically be my first real girlfriend,” I tell her, wiggling my eyebrows up and down. She giggles before climbing off my lap and taking her seat again.

“Well, since that’s over with, why don’t we go do whatever it was you had planned before all of this.”

I pick up my coffee and grab her hand, and we start toward the exit just as her phone rings. I watch as she looks at her phone before hitting decline.

“Who was that?” I ask her curiously.

“Don’t know. I don’t answer unknown numbers. I figure if it’s important, they’ll leave a message,” she replies. As I hoist her into my truck, the phone alerts with a voice mail.

“Apparently it was important,” I laugh out and she just shakes her head.

Walking around the front of the truck, I watch her face as she messes with the phone and brings it to her ear.

Hoisting myself up into the cab, I look over at her and see her face is pulled tight in anger. When she hangs up, I wait for her to explain, but she looks lost in thought.