Finding North (9 page)

Samantha
nodded.

“
Do you know what her
father did?” John asked. “Her adoring father Benjamin, the one who
mentored her, stood by her, and trained her in spy craft? Do you
know what he did when he saw his eldest daughter sitting in that
doorway?”

“
No,” Samantha
said.

“
Of course, you don’t,”
John’s voice was bitter and hard. “Because her brilliant father did
his
job
. He
assessed the team as dead and went inside the vault to get
intel.
His job
.
He sired her, trained her, spent thousands of hours with her all
over the world, and he did his
job
— no more, no less. His child lay in her own
blood with her best friend’s head in her lap, and the great
Benjamin followed protocol.”

Joey let out a scream at
John’s intensity.

“
You’re right,” John
cuddled his son until Joey settled back to sleep. “No need to be
upset about what’s done.”

Knowing he was telling her
something important, Samantha watched his face.

“
You know what Raz did?”
John asked. Samantha shook her head. “He brought her home to me. He
didn’t have to. He wasn’t supposed to. Instead of being a spy
automaton, rather than following the rules, he bent down and kissed
her. If he hadn’t done that? She would not be here now. She’d be
dead. Period.”

Not sure what to say,
Samantha licked her lips.

“
So tomorrow, my lovely
wife will leave our home, our children, our life, and go to New
York to pretend to be someone else’s wife,” John nodded. “And I’m
glad it’s Raz. You know why?”

“
No,” Samantha
said.

“
Because I know that, no
matter what happens, no matter what the stakes, he will bring her
home to me,” John said. “You should be glad, too. Because Alex will
never leave him, never just do her
job
, while he lies dying. She will
bring him home.”

Samantha swallowed
hard.

“
They will fight for each
other because they love each other,” John said. “Because they are
family. My family. In the end, that’s all that matters to
me.”

“
You must hate Ben,”
Samantha said.

“
No,” John said. “There
was an official review. The
agency
determined that he did exactly what he was
supposed to do. Raz was to be written up, disciplined for not
following protocol, but your father stepped in and threatened to
take the whole mess to a Senate committee. They didn’t want
that.

“
So, no, I’m not angry. I
can’t ask for more from Ben. But I don’t want to trust my wife to
someone who’s going to only do what they’re supposed to do. I want
her partner to fight for her and to bring her home to me. Even if
she’s barely alive, I’ll take the chance of her surviving over the
sure knowledge that she would be dead if it were up to
Ben.”

“
But what if it happens?
What will you do?”

“
I can’t live my life in
‘what ifs,’” John said. “The moment I do, I miss the amazing beauty
of my life, as it is, right now.”

He nodded to Joey, who
yawned. Unwilling to let it go so easily, Samantha turned the
laptop back to her and flipped through the images again.

“
Aren’t you being made a
fool of?” Samantha asked.

“
I have a surgical nurse.
You’ve met her. Trish?” John asked, and Samantha nodded. “Her job
is to be my right hand, my assistant. She keeps me on track with
surgeries and, to a certain extent, my life. She’s lovely. She’s
not breathtakingly beautiful like you are, but she’s lovely, kind,
funny, and friendly. I spend more time with her and my surgical
team than I do with Alex. Her husband struggles with me because
Trish and I spend so much time together. Is Trish making a fool of
her husband? Am I making a fool of Alex by working with
Trish?”

“
That’s just work,”
Samantha said. “It’s not . . .”

“
What does Raz say about
Alex?” John asked.

“
He says she’s family.”
Samantha swallowed hard. “He loves
her
.”

“
And the
trips?”

“
He says that’s work,
but . . .” Realizing what she’d said, Samantha
clamped her mouth closed.

“
Look at yourself,” John
said. “You’re a beautiful woman. Look at me, I’m quite a catch, if
I say so myself. We can have a dozen lovers, and they’d never know
about it.”

“
Why don’t you?” Samantha
said, with defiance in her voice.

“
Because that’s not what I
want,” John said. “I want Alex. I want this life. What do you
want?”

“
But he loves
her.”

“
I’m saying that’s
better,” John said. “Because he’ll fight for her, and she’ll fight
for him. And then, when their job is done, they’ll come home. To
us.”

Samantha’s eyes filled
with tears. John gave her a soft smile. She held her arms out for
Joey, and he gave the baby to her. She walked around the shared
living space cuddling and talking to Joey. When she neared the
table again, she paused at the images.

“
We have a luxury that
most families don’t have,” John said.

“
What’s that?” Samantha
asked.

“
Alex has arranged a
high-enough security clearance for each of us. We know generally
where they’re going and what they’re doing,” John said. “Most
families don’t know a thing. Why not take advantage of
it?”

“
What do you mean?”
Samantha asked.

“
Go talk to him,” John
said. “I know you want to.”

“
But . . .”

“
He’s in the carriage
house,” John said.

Samantha nodded. She
started to walk into the kitchen when John said, “Joey?”

She came right back. John
stood to greet her, and she hugged him. He took his son from
her.

“
Thanks,” Samantha said.
“You’re the only one who’s made any sense.”

“
I’ve had to live with
it,” John said. “It’s one downside to a pretty amazing deal. Before
you ask, it’s been well worth it. Even before Raz saved her life,
it has always been well worth it.”

Samantha
nodded.

“
Go on, then,” John
said.

Samantha smiled and left.
John’s words ran through her mind as she walked down the garden
path to the carriage house. She said a silent prayer for courage
and knocked on the door. It took a moment, but Raz opened the door.
He was wearing a white apron, and his hands were wet.

“
Samantha!” Raz smiled. He
took a step out of the carriage house and partially closed the
door.

“
I wanted to talk,”
Samantha said. “Before you go.”

“
I’m sorry,” Raz said. “I
wish I’d known that. I would have . . .”

“
Wait a minute,” Samantha
scowled. “You’re dressed for a date. And an apron.
And . . .”

Indignant, Samantha’s
mouth dropped open.

“
You have a woman here?
Tonight?” Samantha’s voice rose with anger. “After you said you
wanted to work on us, you’re romancing someone else?”

“
Sami,
I . . .”

“
Who is it?” Samantha
said.

Completely out of
character, Samantha reached behind him and opened the door. Like
Alex, Max, and Colin, she’d trained in martial arts since she was a
child. She slipped around him with ease. Moving into his home, she
saw Alex and John’s daughter Máire, tied into a wooden highchair on
the edge of his kitchen area. The baby flapped her arms in greeting
to Samantha.

“
We were making
mini-cupcakes,” Raz said. He gave her a wry smile and went to the
oven. “I was just about to take them out of the oven.”

Samantha gawked at
him.

“
If you grab an apron, you
can help frost them,” Raz said.

“
This is your night with
Máire,” Samantha said.

The twins had so many
parents who wanted to spend time with them, that Alex, with the
help of her assistant Sergeant Dusty, had created a schedule. The
twins spent time alone with each of their parents at least once a
week. Alex wanted to make sure they had a chance to soak up every
bit of love. Of course, it only worked because the twins didn’t
mind spending some time apart.

“
Actually, it’s Wyatt’s
night,” Raz said. “We traded so that I could spend time with Máire
before I go.”

“
I don’t want to intrude
on your time,” Samantha said.

“
You’re welcome to
intrude,” Raz said. “We were going to eat a cupcake and head home.
Her mama wants her to sleep at home tonight. Plus, as you can see,
Máire is tuckered out from a big day with her
grandmother.”

As if she understood what
Raz had said, Máire squealed and laughed. Samantha spotted the
frosting on the stove.

“
Chocolate ganache?”
Samantha asked.

“
Grab an apron,” Raz
pointed to the closet. He turned to Máire and asked, “Are we ready
for cupcakes?”

He smacked his lips, and
Máire imitated him. He smiled.

“
I’ll take that as a
‘yes,’” Raz said. He put on his oven mitts and went to the oven.
“There’s wine . . .”

He looked up to see
Samantha getting a bottle of wine from his cabinet. Their eyes
caught for a moment, and she smiled.

“
I’m glad you’re here,” he
said.

“
It’s been a long road,”
Samantha said. “I’m glad I’m here, too.”

He winked and bent down to
take the cupcakes out of the oven. Appreciating the view, she
smiled.

FFFFFF

Sunday evening

May 15 — 11:11 p.m.
MDT

Alex shifted from under
John’s arm, and he opened his eyes.

“
What is it?” he
asked.

“
I can’t sleep,” she said.
“I’m just awake.”

His long fingers stroked
the side of her face. He kissed her cheek.

“
What is it?” he asked
again.

“
Everything,” she said.
“Nothing. Go back to sleep.”

He chuckled.

“
What’s funny?” she
asked.

“
You,” he said.

He reached over to turn on
the lamp on his bedside table. He sat up with his back against the
headboard.

“
Why am I funny?”
Indignant, she sat up. “I’m not trying to be funny.”

He patted his lap. When
she didn’t put her head on his lap, he grabbed her shoulder and
pulled. Her head fell onto his lap.

“
What’s going on?” John
asked.

“
I . . .”
Alex started.

“
You don’t want to go,”
John said.

“
I don’t want to go,” Alex
said.

“
I don’t want you to go,”
John said. “Joey and Máire don’t want you to go. But go you
will.”

Alex didn’t say
anything.

“
What happened this
morning?” John asked.

“
What do you mean?” Alex
asked.

“
In the pool,” John said.
“I could see it in your eyes when you came home. I wanted to talk
to you then, but your mother arrived, and you needed meds, and it
was a party and work and . . .”

He stroked her
military-shorn hair, and Alex snuggled into his lap.

“
What happened?” His voice
was low and intimate. She looked up at him.

“
I’m not sure,” Alex said.
“That’s the problem. I don’t know if I fell asleep or passed out
or . . .”

Alex swallowed
hard.

“
I was feeling sorry for
myself,” Alex said. “And hating the lap-swimming man.”

She sighed. He was so
silent that she looked up to see if he was asleep. He gave her a
soft smile.

“
What . . .” he started.

“
I hit my hand on the
wall,” Alex raised the offending hand. There was a scrape across
her knuckles. “And I hit my head. One-two. Scrape, bam, and then I
was falling to the bottom of the pool.”

John’s fingers found the
bump on her head from the wall. He lightly stroked the
injury.

“
I tried to breathe,” Alex
said. She put her hand to her throat. “But my
throat . . . The surface seemed like it was too far,
just way too far to go. I . . .”

“
Sounds horrible,” he
said.

“
Like waterboarding,” Alex
said.

John sucked in a quick
breath. She looked at him.

“
S.E.R.E.,” John
said.

“
Only worse,
because . . .” Alex said.

“
Because?” John
asked.

“
There was no hope of
surviving,” Alex said. “With waterboarding, you always think that
somehow, some way, you’ll survive. You negotiate with yourself: ‘If
only I endure long enough . . .’ ‘Surely I can make
it through this to see my family one more time. Just to look at
them one more time . . .’ Or ‘maybe I’ll figure out
what they want, and they’ll stop. Of course, they’ll stop. What is
it that they want?’ You always think you’ll survive. Always. Your
mind can’t tolerate any other thought. If you give up, you’ll
surely die. But this morning . . .”