Finding My Way (4 page)

I get to work on
re-programming the client database to include some new fields that Julia has
requested.

***

I am so engrossed in
my work that I don’t even look at the time or even notice Pete until he taps me
on my shoulder.

“Hard
at it mate?”

“Oh hey Pete,” I turn
to face him.

“So, you coming to
lunch today?” he asks.

I glance at my
watch.  “Huh I had no idea that it was lunch time already.  Where we
headed today?”  I ask as I stand and grab my wallet and phone.

“I was just
gonna
get a sandwich from the deli today.  That ok?”

“Sure,” I answer as
we start walking down the corridor.

After we get our food
we take our seats at the café.  Pete proceeds to brag about his daughter
Grace and how she was in bed singing the new Taylor Swift song instead of going
to sleep last night.  He really is in love with that four year old. 
I’ve not met her but he has an adorable picture of her on his desk.  I
can’t help but laugh when he starts singing out of tune that ‘we are never ever
ever
getting back together’ and I can imagine how
cute his daughter would be, singing about something she doesn’t even
understand.  And I just know that the song will be in my head for the rest
of the day now.

“Jazz is thinking
maybe we should enrol her in singing lessons.  That kid can actually hold
a tune!  She doesn’t get that from me, but Jazz’s family is quite
musical.”  He smiles with pride.

Jazz (Jasmine) is
Pete’s wife.  I haven’t met her either but again I’ve seen her photo on
Pete’s desk and the way that he talks about both Jazz and Grace I feel like I
kind of know them both already.  I hope that when I reach Pete’s age that
I’m as happy as he is.  Although he
is
only thirty-one; I’m not
sure that I’ll be able to get all that he has in the space of only six years.

I don’t know many
guys my age that are as ready as I am to settle down.  But I am
,
I can’t help it.  There is nothing I would like more
than to get out of the house that I share with Max and Kevin.  We have
been sharing since we were in university together.  They may be happy to
spend the next decade living like we currently do, but I’m not.  I want to
meet the right girl, get married, buy a house of my own, and start a
family.  I know, I sound like a girl, but it’s what I want.  I can’t
wait to have what Pete has.

As I chew on my
chicken and salad sandwich I mull over my current situation.  Max is
getting worse to live with.  He’s like a drug addict the way he acts about
his stupid computer games.  He can’t drag himself from his dual screens
long enough to hold a normal conversation.  He lives like a pig, always
losing stuff, never cleaning up after
himself
and
don’t even get me started on the state of his room.  Huh, I sound like my
mum!

Max wasn’t always
like this; we used to actually have fun when we were at
uni.
 
He was never a party animal, preferring to study than go out, but he had a
wicked sense of humour and was always good for a laugh.

My other housemate,
Kevin was the one to introduce Max to the world of gaming.  But then Kevin
kicked the habit and only plays occasionally now.  The three of us have
been friends for about six years now, since we all started
uni
together.  We shared a couple of computer programming classes.

About a year after we
met we got the house together in Carnegie.  It’s Kevin’s uncle’s
investment property.  He had just bought it at the time and was looking
for reliable tenants.  I’m sure if he saw the state of the place at the
moment he wouldn’t be thinking we were such great tenants anymore.  Max
has totally taken over the lounge room now that he can barely get in his own
bedroom with all the junk in there.

Kevin on the other
hand is not a slob.  He isn’t home that much anymore, though.  I
think mainly because he can’t stand to live with Max now either.  I
honestly don’t know where Kevin spends his
time,
all I
know is that I don’t see him much.  So lately when I get home I just hang
out in my own room.  Lucky if I get a grunt from Max as I pass him. 
It’s really not the best situation to be in anymore.

As we walk back to
the office Paul says how much he is looking forward to getting home
tonight.  It just makes me realise how much I’m not looking forward to it.

“I think I’ll be
looking for a new place to live soon.  My roommate is giving me the
shits.”

“Yeah?
 
Well if you need any help with that Jazz’s brother Shaun is a real estate
agent.  He helped us out when we were buying our place.  Remind me to
give you one of his business cards.  He can help you with rentals or if
you want to buy.”

"Okay cool.”

***

I hear the gunfire
before I even place my key in the lock.

“Hey Max!”  I
call out as I enter the hallway and poke my head in the lounge of our house.

“
Mmmph
,”
is his only response.

“Could you turn it
down a bit mate?”  I ask him and am not surprised at all that I get no
reply.  I walk up behind him and repeat my request.  Still nothing,
so I reach over and turn the knob on his speaker down myself.

“Sorry,” he says as
he barely turns his head from the computer screen.  Deep in battle for the
claiming rights on some virtual land no doubt.  Best leave him be, it’s
not like he really notices my presence anyway.  I’ve noticed lately he has
given up shaving too, even that requires too much effort.

I pass Kevin’s room
on the way to mine but he’s not there, as usual.  I dump my satchel on the
bed in my room and go to the kitchen.  Grabbing the rissoles I bought
yesterday from the fridge, I hunt through the cupboards and settle on some
potatoes and a can of peas and carrots.  While I busy myself peeling the
potatoes I contemplate my next move.  I need to speak to Kevin, see if we
can do an intervention or something.  Max is becoming so unbearable.

The potatoes are
boiling and the rissoles sizzling when Kevin eventually walks in.

“Seth,” he says with
a nod grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.

“Hey
Kev
, you want some tea?  I probably have enough
here.”  We used to eat together nearly every night, the three of us. 
We took it in turns to cook or sometimes did it together.  Lately I have
just been buying my own groceries and cooking for myself.

“
Nah,
thanks though.  I’m heading out.”

“How’s it
going?”  I asked.  But what I really wanted to ask is where the hell
are you going, every night?

“Yeah
not bad man.
 
You?”

“Not good. 
It’s
Max man I dunno if I can handle it much more!”

“What’s that?” he
looks at me quizzically then takes a swig of his water.

“All he does is play
on those
friggin
’ computers.  He’s practically
catatonic.  He has a pile of dirty dishes and rubbish all over the
lounge.  It’s turning into a junkyard like his room.  I try to watch
TV in my room or read or even sleep but it’s so bloody loud all the time. 
We’ve
gotta
do something.”

“Like what?” 
Kevin asks, but it feels like it’s only out of politeness.  I honestly
don’t think he cares at all.  I drain my potatoes at the sink and start
mashing them with a little milk and butter, turning my back on Kevin.

“I
dunno,
an intervention or something.  Cut off his supply?”  I turn back to
find that Kevin is inching his way towards the back door.

“Can we talk about
this later?  I’ve really
gotta
go.”  He
says and promptly turns around, pushes the door open and exits, before I can
even respond.

I take my frustration
out with the masher on the potatoes and then dish up my dinner.  What is
Kevin’s problem?  It’s like he doesn’t care at all.  And where the
hell does he keep going?

I take a seat at the
table and eat my dinner for one. 
Again.
 
And that’s when it hits me. 

Fuck I’m lonely.

Bang. 
Footsteps.
 
Another bang.
 
What the hell?
  I slowly open my eyes but I don’t recognise where I
am.  It’s still dark but there must be a street light out the window
because I can just make out that this is not my bedroom.  Think. 
Where
am I?
  I try to move but my arm is stuck.  A small moan comes
from beside me.  Shit!  I fell asleep in Kelly’s bed.  That was
not the plan.

I slowly drag my arm
out from under her.  I sit up and push my legs out from beneath the
covers.  My feet find a pile of clothes on the floor.  My eyes are
starting to focus and I can just make out which clothes are mine.  I find
my phone in the pocket of my pants, pressing the button to light up the screen
I find that has just past 4am.  Phew!  Not late for work.

I quickly get dressed
and softly shut the bedroom door behind me, while Kelly remains fast
asleep.  I sneak out the front door then walk the couple of blocks back
home.  I sure am grateful to whoever was making that racket at
Kelly’s.  They woke me up in time for work.  Plus I don’t want Kelly
getting the wrong idea.  We’ve hooked up a couple of times now, but if I
had of stayed the whole night it could mean something else entirely.  For
her, that is.  Not me, I don’t do the relationship thing.  I made
that clear to her but still, you know what girls can be like, reading too much
into things.

Man, I am kicking
myself for not getting more sleep.  What time did I stop drinking?  I
wasn’t even going out last
night,
I was still too
wrecked from the night before, until Dan called around and begged me.  He
has the hots for Kelly’s friend, Jo, and the girls wanted to meet up at a pub
in the city.  Dan can be quite persuasive and being a Sunday arvo I didn’t
see too much harm in it.  We left my place at about 3pm and I figured I’d
be
back
home early.  But one drink led to another
and we ended up having dinner.  Kelly and Jo are cool chicks to hang with
and the four of us were having a great time.

Then more drinks led
to even more drinks.  And after a few drinks with Kelly things generally
end up in the same way.  She gets frisky and me being a guy and all… who
am I to deny her?  I mean she’s hot and damn good in the sack.  I
vaguely remember catching a taxi to Kelly’s place, leaving Dan and Jo in the
cab, to go where?  I don’t know, probably Dan’s house.

I head straight for
the shower when I get home, as it is too early for work but there’s not enough
time for a decent nap.  I make myself a coffee.  Deciding I am kind
of hungry I make some toast too.  Then sit and twiddle my thumbs for a bit
before making another coffee and then heading off to work.  I’m still
feeling the effects of all the alcohol I consumed, so I am grateful that I
don’t have to drive to work.  I walk a couple of blocks to the train
station and open the kiosk early.  I set up the racks of newspapers and
fill the register with cash from the safe.  I have been working here for
nearly three months now and I am on autopilot as the first customers of the day
approach.

A couple of hours in
and I feel like I am dead on my feet.  I really should not have stayed up
so late last night.  I wish I could just go back to bed.  Or even
better back to Kelly’s bed.  I can’t help but smirk at the thought of what
that girl could do with her mouth, much rather
do
that
,
than work.  Yeah all in all I would say it was a successful night. 
But I am paying for it now.  Too much alcohol and a 4am wake up call, yep,
I really do need to slow down on the ‘school night’ partying.  Also I
should cool it with Kelly, if things continue in this way I just know I will
never be rid of her.

Whoa and that guy
needs to slow down on the garlic!  I hand the customer in front of me his
change and am glad to be rid of him.  I look up to serve the next customer
and I am pleased to see this one.  Yeah she is lovely, I see her most
days.  In fact I saw her on my first day and I have noticed her ever
since.  She always looks so sad and I often wonder about her.  She is
so young and attractive, yet looks so miserable it is a shame, wasted talent.

Looking at her I
notice she is altered today, though.  I have seen her plenty, but I have
never seen her like this, she is carrying herself differently today,
straighter, taller somehow.
 
Then she
does something I have never seen her do before.  She smiles.  She
smiles and I am momentarily lost. She looks so unlike her normal self, more
like an angel, a goddess.  She smiles and it is the most glorious smile I
think I have ever seen.  I can’t look away, she is astounding.

She buys her ticket
and I hand her the change, but I find it impossible to look away.  It’s
like she has had a personality change over the weekend, she smiles with her
whole face, eyes bright.  I don’t think I have ever seen anything like it,
it’s intoxicating.  I give her a wink and she blushes which only enhances
her features, her pink cheeks bringing out her gloriously green eyes.  She
walks away and my eyes automatically follow her.

“Ahem.”  And
there is the next smelly customer.  So I’m forced to tear my eyes away
from her and then the day drags on.
 
This
being a main train line to the city it is constantly busy on weekdays.  I
work four mornings and one afternoon a week.  It’s not too bad. 
Short days, reasonable money, I get by.  Best part of the job today is,
being that I finish at 12, I can go back home to bed.