Finding Me (The Bad Boy Series) (22 page)

As the words left my lips, I felt the sting of tears. I had never admitted out loud that my relationship with Angel wasn’t based on love. It was based on a lie. Based on lies from both of us. It wasn’t love; it was a way of becoming someone else, for both of us.

Everybody is running from something…

Chapter Twenty-Three

Logan

 
She doesn’t love him.
Thank fucking god. I inwardly sighed with relief, but I could still feel myself breaking. Low all but dragged me out of my apartment, telling me that Tate needed to speak with me urgently. I panicked, thinking something was going on with Neva. I didn’t fight her, I just hopped into the truck and drove Low and me to her dorm. Little did I know something was going on with Neva, she just didn’t know anything about it.

The need to touch her right now was overpowering. I wanted to be close to her, to touch her, feel her. But I couldn’t open myself up like that again, I couldn’t have her run from me anymore. My heart can’t take it. I wouldn’t do it.

“Where do we go from here, Neva?” I asked, a question she not so long ago had asked me.

I expected silence, or a simple “I don’t know.” But that’s not what tumbles from her delicate lips.

“Anywhere you want,” she whispered.

My heart jumped as the words took hold of me. I closed my eyes. I didn’t think I can do this.

When I opened my eyes, Neva was no longer sitting on her bed. She was sitting on Low’s, inches away from my face. I froze, waiting and wondering what the hell she's doing.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Logan,” she whispered, her breath caressing the skin on my cheek.

She doesn’t want to hurt me? Too late. Yet I still love her. I still needed her. I needed to love her.

“You already have,” I told her on a shaky breath.

Her proximity made me quiver. I felt her as if she had just bitten my skin, everywhere. I needed to get a hold on myself before I lost my damn control.

“I don’t want to hurt you. Not anymore,” she said.

I was losing my resolve, I could feel it disappearing with every fucking second she's close to me. Could I really trust her with what's left with my heart? I wanted her. I needed her. But can I trust her to keep it and try and make it whole again?

Then her hands  cupped my face, making me feel, making me see. Resolve? What resolve? It’s gone. It’s like I never had it. The pain I felt for the past couple of months was soothed, just by her touch, just by her words, and I am completely her prisoner.

“Please, I can’t hurt you anymore, Logan.” She stared right into my eyes.

My hands shook, but I desperately wanted, needed, to touch her, to feel her. I slowly brushed my right hand across the soft skin of her right cheekbone. I’m done for; all I can think about is kissing her, taking her, claiming what always has been mine.

“Then don’t,” I said, before pulling her towards me and taking her like I should have all those months ago.

Our lips crashed together hard, but I wanted to go slow with her. I needed to feel this, I needed her to feel this. To understand ... this. I needed her to know she held my heart in her hands right now, and I didn’t want her to break it any further.

I slow my assault, running my tongue across her bottom lip, asking for entry. She moaned and I took advantage, meshing my tongue with hers. She still tasted like vanilla. I groaned as she gives as good as she gets, the strong and measured strokes of her soft tongue against mine. God, I have missed her so much.

Suddenly, she pulled away, and I start to panic. Not again. But when I looked into her eyes, I didn’t see a frightened Neva. I saw the woman I would do anything for, even if it meant getting hurt along the way.

“Why do you love me, Logan?” she whispered. “After everything I've done, why do you still love me?”

Why do I love her? Is she kidding? I paused for a minute, trying to find the right words to reassure her and help her understand exactly why I not only loved her, but needed her desperately.

“Have you ever been down to the beach, and gotten that overwhelming feeling where you just have to put your feet into the water? Just to feel it against your skin?” I asked, raising my brow in question.

She paused, as if thinking about the question. Seconds later, she nodded.

“That is why I love you. You’re like the sea. A temptation. An overwhelming feeling that pulls me in, just to feel you against my skin. No matter how many times I walk along that beach, it still pulls me in, I have to have it against my skin. It’s a temptation I cannot and will not hold back from. You are my sea, and I am addicted to drowning in you. When I fell in love with you, I went in feet first and I never want to come back up for air.”

I waited. Watching as tears formed in her eyes, biting into her bottom lip with her teeth to keep it from quivering. She couldn’t grasp it. I have to show her.

I slowly took her hands in mine and stood up from the bed. My eyes searched the room for something, anything for me to show her. Then I saw the mirror. I walked backwards and pulled her with me, hoping she'd follow. She did.

I stopped just in front of the mirror and turned around, pulling her in front of me; I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, down her arms, leaving my hands on her waist, and rested my head on her shoulder while I held her close
.
 

"Take a good look, Neva," I whispered into her ear. "I want you to see what I see. I want you to see exactly why I fell in love with you, and why I will never, ever stop. Can't stop."

Her delicious chocolate brown eyes stared right into mine through the mirror, her lips parted slightly on a gasp. My front is to her back as we gaze into the full length mirror in front of us.

“This.” I trailed my fingers over the curve of her waist towards the very edge of her hidden-from-sight right breast. “This curve right here, makes my heart pound.”

I watched her as she took in every movement with fascination. Her eyes widened as my fingers started their journey up towards her throat, her neck.

“Jesus, and this?” I lightly pressed my lips against her soft silken skin, right underneath her ear. “This, could quench any dehydrated man of his thirst.”

I suddenly noticed her skin was covered with goosebumps. I knew I had her attention now.

My fingers started, slowly, to trail up toward her temple. I lingered, waiting for the soft gasp I knew would escape those gorgeous lips. I lazily drew a circle against her temple, knowing it would drive her crazy. She gasped. There it was.

“But here?” I whispered into her ear. “I fell in love with your mind, before I even thought about falling in love with your body.”

I felt her knees buckle from my words. I quickly curled my left arm around her tiny waist, and continued with my exploration. My fingers slowly took in the contours of the beautiful skin on her cheek, before sliding down slowly to her full lips.

“Christ, these …” I paused, running my index finger across her bottom lip, “can make my knees give out with just a whisper.”

A moan escaped her mouth, and her head leaned back against my shoulder. I was practically holding her up just by her waist. I pulled her even closer, no doubt she could feel me against the back of her thigh.

“But what I love the most?”  I slowly rained kisses along the skin of her delicate neck. “Is with a kiss, you can completely turn my world upside down, and inside out.”

I moaned as her unique scent filled my senses. She smells like the sea, always like the sea. My fingers caressed the back of her neck before sliding into her soft brown locks. Gripping tightly, I turned her face towards mine. I needed to see her. I needed her to understand exactly what I am about to do.

“I want to kiss you so bad,” I whispered, staring straight into her half-mast eyes.

I was waiting for her to come to her senses and push me away. I was waiting for her to order me out of the room and to never speak to her again. I held my breath, waiting for her to answer. Seconds rolled by. My heart pounded against my chest and my head spun from the lack of oxygen I deliberately starved from my body.

“Then kiss me,” she whispered breathlessly.

I sucked in the air my body so desperately needed. My eyes roamed her face before my mind finally registers what she said.

“Then kiss me.” 

So, I did.

Our lips met, and my world turned completely on its head. I run my tongue slowly across her plump bottom lip, silently begging for entry into her mouth. She softly moaned against my mouth, and I swear I felt it rip right through my body and straight to my crotch. Jesus.

Her lips parted and I took her mouth hungrily. I was like a god damn man starved and she's my last meal. Our tongues danced together, slow and sure, like we have never been apart. The sensations of her have addicted me: tasting of sweet vanilla, yet the smell of a fresh ocean breeze. Jesus.

I’m suddenly aware of her hands against my skin. Her hands are so warm, they engulf my entire body in flames. She explored my abs with her right hand, while her left trailed patterns at the bottom of my back. I groan as her hand travels higher and scrapes against one of my nipples. Shit.

I missed her touch so severely, and was desperate to pinch myself to see if this was real. She was in my arms, kissing me. I’m in heaven. I felt her moan against my lips as I tightened my hold around her waist. Then I moaned as she pulled my bottom lip between her teeth. Oh fuck me sideways. I was so hard I thought I might pass out from the lack of blood flow to the rest of my body.

“Fuck. I have missed you, so much,” I whispered.

She pulled me even closer to her body. Our bodies were lined up against each other, from our chests to the very tips of our toes. Suddenly, I was even more desperate than before. I needed to be inside her. I need her.

“Oh god, Logan,” she moaned as my hand traveled to her ass and squeezed tightly.

“I know, baby.”

And suddenly I can't be close enough, nowhere near close enough. She has too many clothes on. I need her bare. Reluctantly I pulled away from the heat of her mouth and her soft lips. I need her to be with me on this.

“Neva, I need you to understand exactly what I'm about to do.”

Her eyes were still lowered with passion, highlighting her beauty further. Jesus, it hurt to look at her. My hands moved from around her waist and ass, up to her neck. I cupped the soft skin of her face and stared into those never ending chocolate eyes. Waiting for her to stare back at me.

“Neva, I need you with me, baby,” I said on a shaky breath. “No more running. Please, don’t run from me.”

Her eyes widened in surprise and locked onto mine. Fuck, she is gorgeous.

“I don’t think I could ever run from you, Logan,” she said in a sure voice.

I believed her. Her eyes never wavered as the words fall from her mouth. I was completely hooked, lined and completely fucking sunk.

“I love you,” I whispered.

I moved in closer, ready to take her lips once again, when out of nowhere she completely floored me.

“I love you too.”

I think I had stopped breathing.

I stood there like an idiot. Her lips were inches away from mine, so close I can feel her breath caress my lips. But too stunned to move. My brain can't think of a logical thing to say, and when I open my mouth, I said possibly the most idiotic thing I could think of.

"Sorry, run that by me again?"

She laughed quietly, as if what I just heard finally fall from her lips didn’t even happen. My head was dizzy and I'm  sure I was about to fall on my ass. Then she opened those beautiful lips one more time.

“I love you too, Logan.”

My. Fucking. God.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Neva

             
I watched as a slow smile crept across Logan’s face as he took in what I just said. I love him; there's no doubt in my mind about my love for him. I just hoped I don’t take him into the pits of hell with me.

             
“Logan?” I whispered.

             
He hadn’t said anything since I told him that I loved him. He was completely still, staring at me. But, when my eyes flickered to his, I'm just as immobile as he is. He's staring right at me. No, not at me. Through me, seeing through all the layers of pain, of hurt of guilt. He was seeing through everything and finally seeing me.

             
“He has been here,” he said, shaking himself out of the long stare.

             
“Who has been here?” I asked, confused.

             
He stepped towards me, pulled me flush to his body again. My skin engulfs in goosebumps from his warm touch: reacting to him, needing him, loving only him. He bends down and traced his tongue slowly across my lips. I moaned.

             
“He has been here,” he whispered, before moving slowly down to the collar of my shirt. “He has been here too.” He licked around the collar and engulfed my body in heat.