Finding Me (22 page)

His arms cross against his chest in a defensive posture, revealing the hint of a new tattoo under his bicep, in the same location as Landon’s. My eyes quickly travel to his left hand where I briefly see his version of our matching tattoos we had gotten last February in Vegas and wonder if the brunette ever asks what it means.

Silent questions and blaring accusations fill the space between us as we stare at one another.

Zeus trots over to us, the tags on his collar jangling, breaking the silence. “I can go stay with Mindi.”

“That’s your choice.”

“I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“Since when did you start giving a shit about my feelings?”

“I’ll lie and tell Kendall that Mindi asked me to stay there, and that I want to spend more time with the girls. She’ll be pissed at me, not you.”

“Go ahead, keep another secret.” His words are like ice, leaving me feeling stung.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know what it means.”

They’re giving me far too much credit. I had no idea that Max hasn’t been happy, and I have no idea what he’s alluding to. I swallow my irritations and sit up further in my chair. “I’m giving you the option. This is your house and I’m trying to—”

“I’ve moved on,” Max says, interrupting my words with malice.

My lungs expel the rest of my air and my eyes avoid him as I blink back the pain his words inflict upon me.

“Yeah, I saw.”

Zeus sighs, laying his head beside my feet. I think even he’s realizing that things are done.

“I can stay somewhere else. I just need to get more clothes.”

“You don’t have to leave, Max. This is your house and I promised Kendall that regardless of what happened, it wouldn’t affect the friendship between all of us.”

Max laughs sardonically a few times and my eyes finally turn back to him. “I don’t want to be your friend, Harper.”

I’ve never heard him call me Harper, not once. It hurts more than him telling me that he’s moved on because it somehow seems to confirm the fact.

“I don’t want you to hate me, Max.”

“This would be a lot easier if I did.”

“We started off as friends. We were good at being friends.”

“We were never friends!” His voice rises with each word.

“We were never
only
friends,” I amend. He doesn’t argue, but he doesn’t agree either.

I turn my attention to a hangnail on my right thumb and bite the inside of my cheek to prevent the monsoon of words and questions I fear knowing the answer to from even forming in my head. I don’t even want to think about them and possible answers.

“If shit gets too weird, I’ll leave.”

I hadn’t realized he was intending to stay, but I keep that to myself and move my gaze up to his face.
God, he’s handsome.
Our eyes meet, exchanging so many things that neither of us are brave enough to say, and then he abruptly stands from the table and heads back toward the house with Zeus and me watching him.

I let out a long breath and feel a warm tear trace down my cheek. I start gulping the air, working relentlessly to tire the emotions that are on the cusp of taking over.

“We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love.”

–Sigmund Freud

M
y head aches when I wake up the next morning and discover that the house is empty. Even Zeus is gone, which fills me with the same hollowness that I haven’t experienced for a few months now.

I reach for my phone and see that Kendall sent me a text.

Kendall: I TT Wes. sry I didn’t tell u. Plz don’t h8 me. :( Ill tell u ne thing u want 2 know.

The text was sent over an hour ago, and I’m sure she’s fretting because I haven’t responded.

Me: That’s okay, I preferred not knowing.

Kendall: :(

I grip my laptop bag and head outside to soak in some Vitamin D and distract my thoughts with school work.

Dr. Maxwell Fitzgerald: I MISS YOU!!!

I grin as the instant message pops up on my screen seconds after I log into the lab’s intranet.

Harper Bosse: :) I miss you too.

Dr. Maxwell Fitzgerald: How are things going?

Harper Bosse: Fine

Dr. Maxwell Fitzgerald: L-i-a-r

I hate texts and other instant messages for the reason that I can never tell if someone’s fishing, being sarcastic, or somehow knows the truth, but with Fitz, it’s likely the latter. At one time I used to think I had a pretty good poker face, but these days it seems like everyone sees through my smoke screens.

Harper Bosse: It’s already 80 out

Dr. Maxwell Fitzgerald: Have you seen your dad yet?

Harper Bosse: I will

Dr. Maxwell Fitzgerald: You know you can always talk to me, clear across the country or not. I’m always here for you. Day or night.

Harper Bosse: I do, and I appreciate it. Love you, Fitz.

Dr. Maxwell Fitzgerald: I love you too, H. I’ve got a meeting I have to attend, but I’ll bring my phone, if you need me PLEASE call.

Harper Bosse: Thanks :)

Dr. Maxwell Fitzgerald: It’s okay to rely on someone.

Harper Bosse: Go to your meeting, Fitz. I’m fine—really.

I wait for several minutes for a response that doesn’t come, hoping that I haven’t offended him.

I pull out my earbuds when a scream breaks over the music. My eyes dart to the corner of my screen to see that I’ve been working for nearly three hours. It’s just after noon so I know the others aren’t home yet.

A crash is followed by another blood curdling scream that makes me stand erect. Flight and fight instincts race through my muscles. I know Kendall’s scream, and that isn’t it, but I’m not sure who else it could be.

I timidly step forward and pull open the door. Yelling and laughing is followed by more screaming and the sight of the brunette covered in globs of red and yellow goop. Hank’s sons, Max’s nephews, the source of the giggling, dance around her. The goo still flies, along with something else that’s sticking to her.

I push the door fully open, but remain outside as I yell over their noise, “Guys, what are you doing?”

Colt jumps and turns around, revealing an economy-sized bottle of ketchup in his hands. My attention turns to Jack, who has a matching large bottle of mustard. Henniger and Levi each clutch a box of cereal, throwing it at her to add insult to injury.

“She said she wanted to play blob,” Henniger explains with a guilty smile.

“Oh yeah? Did you tell her what that entailed?” I ask, snatching the box of Lucky Charms and looking to Colt, the oldest of the four.

“It won’t hurt her, Auntie, she can wash it all off,” he states factually.

His reference sends a trickle of warmth through me, followed by a tsunami of panic, but Max’s girlfriend is too distracted to notice. I watch her carefully, still waiting for a reaction as she flings a glob of the ketchup, mustard, and Lucky Charms to the floor, accompanied by a growl that sounds angry enough to make each of the boys take a measured step back.

“You guys are fuckin’ monsters!” she screams. “I hate you! I hate you all!”

“She said the F-word!” Levi tattles.

She turns toward him and screams once again before stalking out of the room. I wait to hear the front door slam. Instead, I hear her stomp up the stairs. I take another look around at the kitchen that’s covered in fluorescent condiments and quietly sigh.

“Alright, weapons please,” I say, holding out my hands.

The bottles are nearly empty, an impressive feat considering their size. I drop them all in the sink and grab a roll of paper towels from the counter.

“Okay, here. You guys start wiping this up. I’m going to check on your victim,” I instruct, handing the paper towels to Jack.

“She’s not very nice, Auntie Ace,” Henniger says quietly, watching his foot rotate in circles on the floor.

I kneel beside him, placing my hand on his shoulder. “I think she’s just having a bad day. We all have those.”

He shakes his head vigorously. “She’s always like that!”

The news that this isn’t the first time she’s been around them makes my chest hurt. Levi’s giggles thankfully interrupt my spiraling feelings and I looked up to see Max’s girlfriend standing in the entry of the kitchen, still looking a total mess.

I stand up and step in front of Jack, who she’s focused an earth-splitting glare on. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you guys were in here. I didn’t know they were coming.”

Her lips purse and her anger-filled eyes turn to me. “I don’t need your help.”

“I…”
Is she kidding?
“I can see that,” I reply, glancing around to see nearly every surface affected by the mess.

“Fine.” She stalks to the kitchen table and lifts a large white purse that she carefully holds away from her. “You want to save the day? Great. Have fun.”

I hear her ascend the stairs again and moments later hear the water running, making me wince from her ease of knowing the house.

“See,” Henniger says in his four-year-old whisper, that isn’t much of a whisper.

I face him with a small smile and reach for his hand. “Alright, you guys start wiping down the floor. I’ll start tackling the higher surfaces.”

It takes well over an hour to get all of the stickiness and Lucky Charms debris picked up. I ultimately pull out the mop and wash the floors from the kitchen to the stairs, and then wash the stairs, leaving the path from the top step to Max’s door.

She returns as I’m putting the cleaning supplies away in the hall closet. Her hair is wet and she wears a dark green shirt with the name of a local bar across the chest, along with a tiny pair of shorts that are nearly invisible under the shirt that is clearly Max’s based upon the sheer size. She doesn’t say anything when she finds me watching her. Instead, she streams across the room and shuts the front door with more force than necessary.

After a round of popsicles, three games of soccer, four toasted cheese sandwiches, and one argument over whether I’m still their aunt, Max and Hank appear in the backyard where the boys and I are playing soccer again.

“Dad, Dad, watch what I can do!” Colt yells, picking up the soccer ball and dribbling it with his feet and knees.

“Wow! Way to go, bud!”

“You have to see Ace do it. She’s way better!” Colt’s voice is still loud with excitement.

“You’ll be there in no time,” I say, shrugging off his comment.

“Show them, Auntie, show them that move you did where you bounce it up and hit it with your head! That was so cool!” Colt continues, as the other boys start crowding around.

“Maybe another time,” I say.

Colt looks at me with a dejected frown that makes Hank laugh and reach out to ruffle his hair.

“Hey, Ace,” he greets me warmly and takes a few steps closer. I can tell by his posture that he’s going to hug me, and although I genuinely like Hank, this moment feels insanely uncomfortable. It grows when I catch Max’s cold blue eyes on me as his oldest brother wraps me in his arms.

“Hey,” I finally reply into his shoulder as I lightly squeeze my arms around his back in response.

“It’s good to see you,” he says, keeping an arm wrapped around my shoulders as we part.

I smile at him, appreciating the fact he doesn’t seem to hate me and acts undeterred by Max’s obvious unease.

“Where’s Erin?” Max asks, speaking for the first time.

The blank nameplate in my mind fills, and I wish that I was still oblivious. It was better when she didn’t have a name, like in some way that made her less permanent.

All four of the boys turn and look at me.

“Boys.” Hank’s voice is filled with warning.

“Have you ever heard of the game blob?” Jack starts, his eyes wide with hope and half-feigned innocence.